My Husband Praise Other Women All The Time

[isabellc]

Very often my husband talks to me about other women's bodies, good looks and outfits. Women who go to our gym (and I know them) or he follows on Instagram and Tumblr. Usually about how fit they are or became since they started working out, how much heavy weight they can lift, how fast they jog, how nicely they dress. He doesn't compare them with me or doesn't seem to want to make me jealous, he just seems to be impressed with their good looks: their six pack abs, workout abilities and nice taste in clothing. I am pretty fit, we go to the gym and jog together and he seems to like the way I dress. However, I don't understand why he "needs" to comment on the body and looks of other women to me. If I see a guy on the gym, street, internet or magazine that I find good looking I keep the opinion to myself, I really don't see why should I say anything to him. After watching Leo's video about jealousy, I find that I might be jealous of the comments and started to use the technique of praising them as well as opposed to say nothing and be angry. Like "yes, her body is amazing!", "yes, she looks beautiful in this dress!". But I'm not totally convinced. Should I let him talk and I work on what seems to be me being jealous and insecure or should I say how I feel so he won't talk anymore? I really don't understand what's the point of him doing that, sometimes is so annoying and effusive that I find disrespectful. But maybe this is me being jealous...

[Ayla]

@isabellc

Ask him !

Might be his way of motivating you or the opposite. Tell him how you feel without making it about him or the other women. 

[ajasatya]

@isabellc you have to be extremely sincere every time. tell him everything. tell him about your feelings. tell him about the reason you're married with him. always keeping eye contact. this is very practical and pragmatic. find all the sincerity inside you. it might hurt a lot but it will make you stronger. you may spot your own lies and it would make you feel bad. but it is necessary.

go deep. deeeeep. have a profound life. try to get in touch with the truth inside you everyday. every moment.

[Havana]

@isabellc I would be more careful with that one. Don't only test yourself for jealousy. I think your question, why has to comment on that is very valid! Because the expression, the communication itself, can be seen as an attempt to influence. Or to manipulate. Why else would someone say this?

Don't try to bend yourself to these attempts - all that will happen is losing yourself to please someone else!

So, questioning this motivation of his is a valid approach. And more valid: why do you wanna bend? His utterance makes you compare. No matter what the intention is.

So, its two fold:

- why does he do this?

- why do you care?

Is it an intentional pressing of buttons of yours or just some in thoughtful loud thinking? 

If you tend to say it is the first, you might want to ask yourself why you are in a relationship where you have the feeling you have to make it fit for the other one.

hope this helps 

(Ps: my first post, so please bear with me

[Havana]

@iago iriarte arhatha @Ayla 

great advice. But if he is a narcissist/manipulator, honesty will only give him more knowledge about how to manipulate her...