How to get over Missing Someone (My Method = Knowledge + Awareness)

[Origins]

Firstly, let me preface this by saying  that I'm not trying to "get over someone" (in the sense that they never existed) as this can often inappropriately be paired with "getting over missing someone", quite the contrary in my personal life at present, its my belief that someone can truly hold a close space inside your heart in the absence of missing, rather in my individual case here, I have that feeling of "missing" and I've fortunately diagnosed the root cause of it so I'm sharing my findings to be of aid as they have essentially successfully transmuted my state.

Feel free to share any further theories, contemplations, methods and concerns yourself to share what you believe may be of aid to someone else here where my own course of action doesn't resolve the phenomenon.

Secondly, in general I don't think we should aim to "get over anyone" per se anyhow, the goal for me at least should be integration. For we and they are all a part of the universe that we need to map accurately in order to traverse reality effectively, by "getting over them" as if they never existed, you're blocking out wisdom that would otherwise extend your life purpose on this planet as well as all like actions and relationships that corresponded therein.

Thirdly, I do not think "missing someone" is necessary evidence to justify the continuation of a relationship, our human history after-all has well documented millions of relationships that ought to never have existed under ideal contextualisations of compatibilities. "Missing' needs to be understood in two senses, the biological and the parental, not through the lens of the personal relationship however, the latter being the mistake that most people including myself make. See the missing itself and associating it with extra meaning to the credibility of the relationship is just a projective device. By making this automatic association, we misjudge the relationship between the phenomenon, in this case the "missing", and its relationship to the origins of its manifestation in reality, in this case it having evolutionary biological roots as well as parental roots regarding repeating the responses you had as a small child while calling for your parents, for most of us, our mother. Evolutionarily, "missing", keeps the tribe together (at a minimum), from the perspective of our upbringing, "missing" is more or less a feeding response, in this case, an emotional feeding response. "Missing" is analogous to the desire to be touched by our caregivers, which is the same association that's being created between the person that generated oxytocin (for lack of a better way of explaining it) in your mind through repeated interactions and then their absence creating the phenomenon of "missing". By understanding this association and connecting it with the fact that analogously its literally just you in a cot crying until someone answers you, rather than evidence of your relationship having some kind of virtue towards the future, you'll be much more effective at contextualising your experiences. And I mean that quite deeply, to the level you're successful here you will indeed begin to self sooth and become very comfortable and at ease with how life is manifesting itself for you in the present moment in the context of the "missing" previously bringing discomfort. Thus, in the awareness of the above, sit in being, sit with the feelings and whatever arises. Resonate with it and this knowledge you now have at your disposal with a kind of knowingness and without too much headiness (to balance: sink as much as you can into awareness and (awareness of) the body) until you've been illuminated enough.

Fourthly, in light of "missing' not really bringing any credibility to the relationship other than successfully describing the repeated release of oxytocin likely over any number of days to months, there is of course the question of what does bring credibility and therefore what justifies the continuation of said relationship after the space that created the original experience and sensation of missing has subsided. My view is that said merging to be done truly, should be a direct consequence of having a shared consciousness space with reality (so its even deeper than just shared values, though inclusive thereof), along with many other compatibilities that should arise, one most importantly being potential future life directions and their capacity to physically overlap, a complete lack of the latter and you'll never meet and a complete overlap and well they've probably at least at one point sat right beside you. Being predominantly online in the 21st century there are many distinctions to be made on the various kinds in which our consciousness spaces can overlap, the physical being the most visceral albeit still being just one of many of that creates an environment for said consciousness spaces to be created by individuals. 

Here's to building relationships that work based on sound wisdom and intelligence as opposed to merely, albeit sometimes a nice complementary pair from the lens of having sentimental value, missing someone. This same diagnosis can be performed in the context of many other potentially difficulties features within an emotional relationship, from jealousy to judgement. That is, the capacity to identify the false associations in the presence of being self aware of projection and rectifying it within the space of accurate knowledge and being-ness will largely render you free from many more evolutionary relationship chains than you otherwise thought possible, allowing you to keep the best parts awake in a relationship, from true care to true love, while allowing other aspects to intelligently remain silent where further integration or utilisation in reality does not serve to be a good counterpoint.

Seek relationships based on truth (where truth is defined as the absence of falsity and your process there the identification and removal of falseness - the characteristics as well of said relationship having the qualities of (1) purity (2) simplicity (3) beauty), a mere feeling, albeit beautiful in a way, can have falseness if its locked in a cage of either impurity and/or too much complexity.

All the best in your own relationships, with the entirety of existence.

Edited February 4, 2021 by Origins

[Preety_India]

I'll make some notes. 

 

[Origins]

@Preety_India “Missing” is also analogous to literally any feeling as well especially feelings we experience in relationships, more so even if you have any attachment style other than a secure attachment style, otherwise what I wished I could have added is the simple visualisation of walking up to yourself as a baby in a crib (or any more effective situational variable), picking up, holding them and soothing them, reassuring them relative to the feelings experienced in the situation. This is an especially effective visualisation I’ve found with emotions around attachment styles, overtime it’s one of many things we could do to change our subconscious modelling about our automatic responses to relationship situations and emotions.

For example if our partner is away, we might not only experience feelings of missing but also different fears, say from fear of abandonment to unworthiness be used for whatever reason that’s the meaning we ascribed to when our caregivers were away from us which in turn modelled our belief patterns which such a visualisation would change the feedback loop of). I want guarantee that all my ideas work for everyone though but at the very least I’m glad you’ve got some ideas turning.

Theres that important adage that was a very big game changer for me years ago, “Cells that fire together, wire together”, electrochemically thus mind to body, thoughts to emotions. It’s about repetition + emotion on the right signals that impacts the way we respond to situations overtime, which in the context of attachment styles that I know you’ve spoken about, we can move towards a more secure attachment style more and more overtime the more we understand our own behaviour and what we can do to slowly more and more move to a more secure attachment style, making it easier for us to feel safer around vulnerability and connection.

Edited February 24, 2021 by Origins

[Preety_India]

@Origins I'm in the middle of writing something. I'll get back to you. 

 

[Origins]

@Preety_India no pressure and no big deal.

Surfing all of the creative adaptations I've uncovered there right now that I may write about another time.

Just a monkey that figured out how to make fire ? over here.