Aftermath of doing Leo’s Exercise on Psychedelics

[Frankie10]

Hey guys,

 

I just wanted to give a brief account of my experience doing Leo’s ‘Exercise for realizing you are God’ on 2g of dried Mushrooms (McKennaii probably).

So after the come-up and blissfully enjoying the energy in my body, the enhanced visuals, and nonetheless realtively clear thinking patterns (about the importance of play and ‘joy of being’ rather than always doing, among others), I decided to do what I had planned, namely doing the exercise for the second time, but this time on psychedelics. 

The first time, I had a heightened awareness and calmess, but this time this was amplified by 5-10. It was super easy to drop all the layers of beliefs, like the non-existence of the Earth, the cosmos, me as a hunan being, biology, etc, well, because they were simply not to be found within my direct experience. 

So looking at my hand, swirrling with patterns, laying on a beautiful soft blanket, and a light directed right onto it, I was quite amazed at the beauty and elegance of it. I was also super calm and curious, really in a state of not-knowing. But at the same time, when Leo dropped things like ‘you have been sitting here FOREVER’ or ‘Others do not exist’, I could only laugh out loud in disbelief and thought something along the lines of ‘that can’t be true, that must be a joke’. But also deep down, I kind of suspected it to be true (but probably also due to the material I’ve read and watched on that topic, so I have to drop that too next time). 

Eitherway, I was in this state of presence and clarity, paired with disbelief and some resistance to those aspects. And I did not break through. I was just glad in a way when it was over, but still something had shifted in my consciousness. Getting up, I thought ‘Do I create all of this? How can that be possible?’, and going down and talking to my mom just still seemed so real, as if it cannot possibly be a dream. 

A bit later, I was hit with a weird feeling of despair, loss, meaninglessness, which mainly manifested in my stomach. 2 days later, this is still going on, although a bit less, as I am kind of forgetting/letting go of these thruths.

I think this is also because I did not break through and it is still only on the mental level; and I also exected an ego reaction after a spiritual practice like this, but it’s still uncomfortable and I kind of lost inspiration for worldy matters (aka life purpose, beauty, relationships, etc.), as it all feels kind of meaningless (which is true) and like being stuck between two worlds.

Eitherway, I think it was a step in the right direction, and I would probably feel different If I’d had an awakening experience, and not just heightened consciousness. How do you guys usually deal with the emotional labour of this work? And how do you move forward?

 

Anyway, that’s my experience, I’m certainly keeping up with the practice and slowly diving deeper with psychedelics, but I’m probably not ready yet to see the deeper aspects of awakening, so my focus lies on the no-self experience (which, again, was pretty obvious during my trip, but not fully realized). All the best to you all❤️

 

[BipolarGrowth]

Good work. Don’t worry too much about not experiencing what you want, you little devil you ? I do it all the time too though as does practically everyone else. 
 

There is really no tactic to handling the emotional labor other than just kind of getting used to it. This is best done through meditation, practicing presence, and going through difficult trips. You also are getting this opportunity every time you experience what you label as a bad or undesirable emotional experience. 
 

Move forward by continuing practice. 
 

Here are a couple videos of me describing a couple of my God Consciousness experiences. It might help you to hear descriptions of the experience from others. 
 

Manic Stories Ep.  #1 - Becoming God (Awakening to God Consciousness)

13 Tabs of LSD - Mapping Consciousness #2

Btw, you’re using a technique for God Realization to try to experience no-self. These things are quite related but there are some differences in some ways of understanding the two. If your goal is to start at no-self because you think it’s less intense, which it kind of is, you might be served better by looking up no-self specific content. 
 

Imo, realizing that your human identity is a fabrication of the human mind is easier to accept than realizing that you’re all there is and God itself eternally no matter what experience you as God create for yourself. You can see this is the case, as far as how easy acceptance of these realizations are is concerned, by asking people either literally or in your imagination if they can accept that their mind creates the distinction between me and other and if they can accept they are all that exists and are God then comparing the responses. It’s easier typically for people to accept that their identity is a mental fabrication than it is for them to accept that they are the greatest thing that will ever exist. I think no-self is typically a necessary realization to come before full God Consciousness/Realization is experienced.  

[Frankie10]

Thanks a lot guys, super helpful.