Self Worth And The Concept Of Value

[10001110101]

I feel like i have low self worth. And to raise this, i need to be satisfied and accept myself. See myself as worthy, or good.

So i work hard on my issues and sometimes i DO feel good, and proud. But then i see other people doing harm or just not treating themselves or others with respect, and i feel superior. I've been treated as inferior in the past and i don't want a position of superiority over another. "We are all equal" And i'm no better than the next person. So i have the same value as this harmful person. If there is no value, then are we all worthless?

I understand i am PERCEIVING this person as 'bad'. Is judgement the problem? I judge myself very harshly usually. When i lessen self judgement, i feel better. I feel good. But isn't calling myself good and worthy a judgement in itself? I am a good person. For that to be true, there must be bad persons. But no one is all good or all bad, we all fall somewhere between good and bad on this value spectrum.

I understand value is a human construct and it's not real, but how do i reconcile that with real life where my well being is very much based on how much or little value i create (how much money i earn)?

Also the fact that i exercise, eat well, meditate, generally take good care of myself- Doesnt this mean i love myself? If i'm willing to try this hard to feel better, i must care about myself on some level. Usually when i look in the mirror, i see a person lacking. And when i affirm "i love myself" or "i accept myself", i just think about how badly i view myself.

I feel like i'm caught in a loop of hard work, judgement and disapproval.  Can anyone help me untie this thinking?

[Self-Mastery]

7 hours ago, 10001110101 said:

So i work hard on my issues and sometimes i DO feel good, and proud. But then i see other people doing harm or just not treating themselves or others with respect, and i feel superior. I've been treated as inferior in the past and i don't want a position of superiority over another. "We are all equal" And i'm no better than the next person. So i have the same value as this harmful person. If there is no value, then are we all worthless?

 

Every human being worth is zero. However, this is not easy to grasp, so I suggest you do not confuse yourself with this concept yet.

7 hours ago, 10001110101 said:

I understand i am PERCEIVING this person as 'bad'. Is judgement the problem? I judge myself very harshly usually. When i lessen self judgement, i feel better. I feel good. But isn't calling myself good and worthy a judgement in itself? I am a good person. For that to be true, there must be bad persons. But no one is all good or all bad, we all fall somewhere between good and bad on this value spectrum.

 

Yes this judgment is bad. This is because we feel a sense of NOBILITY. We say to ourselves "look I'm a noble person, I do this and that while others are living a shitty life etc". We cannot never compare two human beings-NEVER. We are very complex creatures and we have grown up in quite different family, let alone genetics etc. We are not here to judge and compete with each other. Get rid of the whole notion of good and bad. This is what we created in our mind. Accept people as they are. You are not here to change people. They live their life the way they like. Do you think you should teach them how they should live their life?

7 hours ago, 10001110101 said:

I understand value is a human construct and it's not real, but how do i reconcile that with real life where my well being is very much based on how much or little value i create (how much money i earn)?

 Yes, value is a human construct. You think you should label people as good and bad, otherwise, you cannot live. This is not true. In fact, as soon as you let go of this labeling process and accept people as they are, you feel much better. I suggest to read "Loving what is" by Katie Byron. You realize that our motivation system is very neurotic. You realize that you can love people exactly as they are and take the best course of action. Actually, as soon as you accept people as they are, you live better and make much better decisions.

 

7 hours ago, 10001110101 said:

Also the fact that i exercise, eat well, meditate, generally take good care of myself- Doesnt this mean i love myself? If i'm willing to try this hard to feel better, i must care about myself on some level. Usually when i look in the mirror, i see a person lacking. And when i affirm "i love myself" or "i accept myself", i just think about how badly i view myself.

I feel like i'm caught in a loop of hard work, judgement and disapproval.  Can anyone help me untie this thinking?

  Make sure about what value in your life. Focus on your life purpose rather than labeling people as good and bad. Let go of judgment completely. If it is hard for you to let go of judgment, you can still judge people, but watch yourself when you are judging. After sometimes, you realize how meaningless this judging process is.

Leo has many videos, check them out. Good luck

 

Edited October 5, 2016 by Seyed

[Capethaz]

@10001110101 Meditate a lot and have time for self-reflection. With time this issue will disappear.

[10001110101]

8 hours ago, Seyed said:

 

Every human being worth is zero. However, this is not easy to grasp, so I suggest you do not confuse yourself with this concept yet.

 

Yes this judgment is bad. This is because we feel a sense of NOBILITY. We say to ourselves "look I'm a noble person, I do this and that while others are living a shitty life etc". We cannot never compare two human beings-NEVER. We are very complex creatures and we have grown up in quite different family, let alone genetics etc. We are not here to judge and compete with each other. Get rid of the whole notion of good and bad. This is what we created in our mind. Accept people as they are. You are not here to change people. They live their life the way they like. Do you think you should teach them how they should live their life?

 Yes, value is a human construct. You think you should label people as good and bad, otherwise, you cannot live. This is not true. In fact, as soon as you let go of this labeling process and accept people as they are, you feel much better. I suggest to read "Loving what is" by Katie Byron. You realize that our motivation system is very neurotic. You realize that you can love people exactly as they are and take the best course of action. Actually, as soon as you accept people as they are, you live better and make much better decisions.

 

  Make sure about what value in your life. Focus on your life purpose rather than labeling people as good and bad. Let go of judgment completely. If it is hard for you to let go of judgment, you can still judge people, but watch yourself when you are judging. After sometimes, you realize how meaningless this judging process is.

Leo has many videos, check them out. Good luck

 

Thank you Seyed. I didn't even realize I thought this way. Not everyone is on the same mission as me. And that's fine. I definitely don't think I'm in any position to each anyone how to live! I'm going to check out Katie Byron now, and I'll watch Leo's judgement video tomorrow.

[10001110101]

@Capethaz Thank you

[Jonas]

@10001110101 Yeah, calling yourself good and worthy is a judgment. The problem is that if you think you're good, there's always the possibility that you (or others) can be bad. One can't exist without the other. We're all just human beings, neither good nor bad. Things are what they are and if you can accept them, you can feel good. 

Feeling good is normal, but most people find reasons to feel bad. You don't need to feel bad to do something and be active. You have this drive that will make you do whatever is necessary without any emotional effort. You'll just do it and feel good doing it, no matter what it is. The problem is that people want a reason for doing things and there isn't one the human mind can grasp. Everyone is just doing something for no understandable reason, but they feel the need to come up with a reason even though there isn't one. If you stop needing reasons and explanations you can live your life in a happy and peaceful way. Just do whatever feels right. 

It's good that you take care of yourself, but if you do it because you think that you're not good enough, that's not love. Love would be accepting yourself no matter what you do. Love would be accepting that you spend all your time watching TV eating junk food. 

Edited October 6, 2016 by Jonas

[10001110101]

@jonas i appreciate your response. thank you. I'm sure its understandable that i struggle with the concept of no good and no bad. Any recommended reading/or watching?

I definitely think i am motivated by negative things like shame and fear. So much that i'm not familiar with this default internal drive to do whatever is necessary without any emotional effort. My black and white thinking leads me to believe that if i don't constantly whip and force myself to complete tasks, they simply won't be done. My idea of going easy on myself is laying in bed all day. When asked what i would do if money was a non issue, i would like to lay on the couch and just do nothing. Maybe thats just because i resist most things i do and i'm tired. I'm sure if given the chance to spend the rest of my life laying down, i eventually would get up and do something. This must be that mysterious motivation you speak of. Can i get to that without spending time getting all the sleeping out of my system?

I guess i doubt that i will automatically do what needs to be done to live a peaceful and fulfilling life. When i think about just doing whatever feels right, i want to quit my job and smoke pot. This seems pretty harmful. Like if i let go of this negative motivation, my life will fall to pieces, i will be poor and addicted to drugs.

Yes, i do all of my self care because i think i am in dire need of improvement. To know that it's not out of love is helpful. At least i'm not confused, and can work on self acceptance. Can i whip and force myself to love me? That would be great. Something tells me this is impossible.