Questioning sexual attraction

[eggopm3]

It was suggested that I make this into a new thread so here it is. Just gonna quote what I said in the other thread:

1 hour ago, eggopm3 said:

How about a "Questioning sexual attraction" thread? That would be more interesting. Like isn't it kind of absurd to find one sex attractive and not the other? Feels practically arbitrary. It's bizarre when you think about it. Like why can I look at an "ideal" female form vs an "ideal" male form, and the former seems to hack my brain and instill in me a type of altered state, while the latter just doesn't seem like a big deal? Like there's nothing inherent about a woman that makes her objectively any more attractive than a man. Like what makes boobs so special? nothing really. yet nonetheless they have a stimulating quality to most men.

when it comes to the sexes of other species we generally have (I hope) zero aesthetic preferences between the males and females. Yet within our own species our relative minds go haywire over such an arbitrary difference. It's something we all just take completely for granted most of the time but it's pretty weird when you think about it.

[Loving Radiance]

Why question it when you can feel it?

[Gesundheit]

To me, it's all Pavlovian conditioning.

There is the raw physical sensation/energy, and then there is the imagination. The way attraction works is that the two get lumped together unconsciously, and that results in a feeling of horniness.

Similar to the feeling of hunger; there is the raw physical sensation, and there is the imagination of which foods are better, healthier, and more delicious.

Attraction is created & maintained rather unconsciously by linking certain images/appearances to that raw energy.

Why certain appearances and not some others? I would say part of it is inherited, and part of it is learned during early childhood, and part of it is learned from experience and exposure to different perspectives. And of course, survival plays a role in this too. We are biased towards certain appearances (physical or non-physical) based on what we subconsciously perceive as best for our survival.

To deconstruct all that is to unlink the physical sensation and separate it from thoughts. Apparently, it requires a lot of awareness to pull that off, but nevertheless it seems doable. I get windows of higher awareness every now and then, but then I experience backlashes. It's a work-in-progress kind of thing.

[Oliver Saavedra]

@Gesundheit Totally agree, sex and attraction its a physical-emotional-mental experience.

To question it requires to see your paradigms of what sex meants to you physically, emotionally and mentally. 

In this forum we can barely get into it mentally for its just text. 

My story: i was addicted to porn since 12, unconsciously i trained my body to ejaculate to images, thoughts and fantasy in order to numb emotions. Thus growing up thats what sex meant to me, making me only attracted to pornstar-looking women and giving me weak erections and quick ejaculations. Sex was boring and numbing. 

The past years i've been questioning physically, emotionally and mentally what i want sex to be. Physically meant re-wiring my brain and body and dick. Emotionally meant understanding my conflicting feelings about it and release what i was numbing down. Mentally meant re-framing how i percieve and understand my sexuality.

Right now its all about connection, more about the process of it than the outcum, about loving my partner and feeling her fully, more about touching-smelling-talking-hearing than merely visual stimuli. 

And even though i notice my conditioning wanting me to check-out hot girls, what attracts me the most, what makes heart beat, my eyes shine, my dick hard, and my mind fantasize the most, its my girl. 

Questioning is an integral spiritual practice. 

Edited January 31, 2021 by Oliver Saavedra