"Maybe this is it"

[This]

I've read books/watched videos about "ego death" and "consciousness" and "awareness" and "enlightenment" and "liberation" and "nonduality" and started to have ideas what it could be what it was i was looking for.

I tried meditation and self inquiry and pointing at my face with my finger and trying to see who was looking at it and now it seems like i was just making muscles tense and making up a story about it called "finding nonduality" or "if i do this maybe i'll awaken" or whatever. I also did mushrooms and lots of weed and looking back at it now, i believed that being high = awakening. hahahahahaha

Before this obsession started, those words would sound to me like some angel healing crystal nonsense. Now they are back to sounding like nonsense.

Good luck with your endevours!