5-MeO trips. When does it get easier? My last insane trip so far

[Javfly33]

I am not sure how much I can surrender to the truth. And I don't know if it this can get even more deeper.

What I just experienced was absolutely insane.

There was some minutes where I was gone and I was in bliss. But then the peak was gone and I started seriously contemplating what has happened while still on the effects of the substance.

I started having a conversation with myself as God. Seeing that I am all that exists and I am alone in my creation. This created me existencial terror and I started wondering how God bears this knowledge. I actually asked him

God started showing me that he can bear being God by not having self-referential thoughts, in other words: being in non duality...which for God is actually creating a human and a universe and forgetting itself in that.  

A funny way to look at this dream is to picture it as a way for God to forget itself and ironically being in non duality!

Lol.

Seems fundamentally suffering comes from being in duality = having self referential / thoughts that create space between you and the thought.

I asked him about the "do others exist?" question that my ego always has. And of course "do others exist?" Is a question that only make sense if I believe myself as real. So maybe I should stop making that question since I am not real.

I will probably take a longer break to the next trip because I don't know how much I can bear of this. 

Edited January 31, 2021 by Javfly33

[Thought Art]

 Personally love it, but I can see how it is scary for people. Trust your intuition, sounds like going slow is a good idea.

[Leo Gura]

53 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

I am not sure how much I can surrender to the truth.

Totally

Quote

And I don't know if it this can get even more deeper.

Oh, it gets deeper

Quote

I asked him about the "do others exist?" question that my ego always has.

And here is God telling you: No. You are it

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

 Personally love it, but I can see how it is scary for people. Trust your intuition, sounds like going slow is a good idea.

??

 

56 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Totally

 

Do you think it's a matter of dose or a matter of more trips and contemplation?

 I don't have a problem with incrementing the dose.

The problem is 2 times I've peaked it feels like I'm dying and I am never sure if I am having a increased heart rate because of psychological reaction OR because I'm actually overdosing . Two times It happened I always thought initially that i have fucked up with the scale and I'm overdosing. Of course afterwards it seems it was only a mental reaction but idk . Up to 30mg plugged supposedly is safe if you don't have heart conditions right?

Edited January 31, 2021 by Javfly33

[allislove]

@Javfly33

Time for daily 1 hour meditation ?

If you clearly seen that you are God, now time to let go the conditioned thought patterns and be lovingly.

[Thought Art]

@Javfly33 In my experience bigger isn't always better.

 

Edited January 31, 2021 by Thought Art

[Javfly33]

@allislove Yeah I need to contemplate how I create suffering with constant self referential thoughts.

By the way, so funny when you say "if you clearly seen that you are God" like it's nothing hahaha this changes everything man!!!!

@Thought Art Ok, thx. I think what I am asking is, is there something as a breakthrough or there are just states of conciseness or awareness. I am starting to believe there is not an end. You just can become more and more conscious of everything. 

[allislove]

@Javfly33

You don't need to think more about it. Relax, deep breath, it's about unlearning, unknowing, subtracting, letting go. Experiences may be radically shocking if you're trying to conceptualize it. Self realization doesn't change anything, but everything is different.

I remember working with 5-MeO, it helped so much with boosting the quality of meditation practice, an amazing substance.