First Date field report

[joeyi99]

I recently met a girl off Tinder and we went on two dates. Below is my first date with her after deep reflection:

Overall all the date went accordingly to plan logistically. I picked up my business partner Tesla and texted her when I'd be there. She took the bus and arrived 10 minutes before me at a trail near where she lived. As I was driving, I felt slightly rushed and worried I would be late but I got a grip and remained calmer than I my would have been if this occurred a few years prior. The thoughts of what to say as to why I would be 10 minutes later crossed my mind. Nonetheless, in the end that didn't matter and I overthought it. I arrive and see her sitting under the gazebo and park the car. I get a good glimpse of her as I am approaching and the thought flashes across my mind that I may not be that into her physically. As I greet her, the thought vanishes as I realize I overreacted and she looks like her pictures. I don't go for the hug and tell her the situation with the car and I explained I had to get the car via my business partner. She doesn't seem to bat and eye. I can immediately tell she is not one of those overly expressive types of girls and more soft spoken. Not shy per say but just introverted to some sense. We proceed down the quarry trail with a good amount of accompanying trail goers. I match her vibe and soft tone as we walk. She briefly mentioners her lecture she told me before and have a few exchanges. I was kinda stuck off as she didn't ask me any of the typical small talk questions and I ask her briefly on where she's from and we talk about her ethnic background. She is continuing  the conversation and not like there is any awkward silences at all. But I can tell she is not fully at ease more in a nervous in meeting a new person kinda way. Not overly noticeable but I pick up on it. At this point I'm not going into 21 question mode as most guys would. I make joking remarks and keeping it light and conversational. In comparison to my last date before her, I was more relaxed and myself. I was getting very conscious if I was matching her tone too much. I ask her early on about her former tinder experiences and she tells me some funny ones that seem like more of a thing to tell 1 hr or 2 into the date vs 10 mins in.

 

We continue to walk around the quarry trails and the scenery was quite nice but chilly of course. I mention to her about my past with jobs, school etc and a little about what I'm doing now. She actually wants to be a teacher and we joke about the grindy 9-5 life. Through out the whole date one of the things that kinda thru me off was that she didn't seem overly energetic. But I came to realize that was just her personality. And energetic is not the correct term, it's hard to explain. I believe it was a little nervousness and timid. But like I said it was natural and fluid thru out so nothing awkward. We then sit down and I start to feel pretty cold at this point. She opens up a bit with explaining how she gets worried - I can't remember what we were talking about to bring that up. She said sorry If I'm oversharing. I ask if she was worried today and she said a bit before coming bc of meeting someone new. The vibe was still light not too heavy at this point. There was a point where we make eye contact and she says sorry and looks away and said I gave her a funny look. At that moment I was taken back and just wanted to make strong eye contact. I don't know if I really did make a look and it kinda fucked with my head a bit. I just said oh no I like to make eye contact and she said I don't half chuckle kinda of way. That passed and we continued conversing but defiantly took me by surprise. I think she thought I was judging her at some points when that was of course not what I was going for.

 

Both of us are very cold at this point and I say lets warm up in the car. She immediately complies in relive lol She puts on her mask in the car and we start to warm up. We continue talking about her career and other short stories she shares. Its going pretty decent but I felt like this bit of pressure in the air of like what are we going to do next like as if are we gonna sexualize things and I don't feel as present in the conversation at this point. I then show her around the Tesla control features and we fool around a bit with it. I can tell at this point she is sitting back and wants me to lead. I felt kinda stuck on what to do as I felt we were in this limbo in the interaction. She then mentions that her roommates may be mad that she is in my car as she texts then back. But she agreed to go to the supercharger to charge the Telsa. Right before we depart we both go thru the options of if I should drive her back or go to the charger. She then blurts out "I'm having a good time, its not like Im trying to leave you no" My reply was kinda off I say Ok idk but I felt off. Like I said I think she thought I was judging her with my strong eye contact and listening vibe.

 

I then start to drive and she says I hope you're a good driver as she was in a car accident with a prior tinder date. I reply confidently "I'm a fantastic driver as i whip the Tesla. As we are driving I ask her what she is looking for and she says idk immediately as if she didn't really didn't know what to say. Then asks me the same - I say the truth in a very no bullshit and non apologetic way: someone I get along with and open to where it goes. I don't want expectations.

 

She agrees with me in a kinda way where someone ones to win your approval. As I then drop her off she bring up we can go charge the car next week as she will have more time I think I cant remember exactly. She immediately gets out of the car as in a hurry and have brief a goodbye. I ask her schedule and I say lets go something next weekend - she agrees. We cant really hug as Im sitting on the other side of course so I did feel off. I thought it would be weird to get out of the car and g around to hug her so I didn't . Idk if that was the right move

 

I then depart and talk to my business partner for 2 mins before heading back to his place. I feel like damn I had a date and more experience and felt proud of myself. That quickly passes and I start feeling pretty melancholic and feel like something else was triggered inside me. I then have thoughts if I blew this date and what common recurring mistakes do I keep making that made me upset. Not so much if I loose this girl but more than just we don't have chemistry more in the sense what is wrong with who I am not that is sabotaging my dating life and from the date going better. I have felt like this in my pickup journey before and didn't allow myself to beat myself up too bad. I then thought back to what if there is something I am doing fundamentally that is killing the spark in these interactions. 

Ultimately I get a grip of myself and we snapchat each other the next day and set up another date

Stay turned for part 2  ....

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, joeyi99 said:

I then start to drive and she says I hope you're a good driver as she was in a car accident with a prior tinder date. I reply confidently "I'm a fantastic driver as i whip the Tesla.

Don't qualify yourself or seek to impress. Rather deflect her trap by saying something like, "When I crash, it will be all passenger side, Don't worry, your death will be quick and relatively painless."

Do not fall for a girl's trap where she tries to get you to sell yourself to her. You are the prize, not her.

Quote

As we are driving I ask her what she is looking for and she says idk immediately as if she didn't really didn't know what to say. Then asks me the same - I say the truth in a very no bullshit and non apologetic way: someone I get along with and open to where it goes. I don't want expectations.

Don't do these serious talks on dates. This is awful.

Instead ask her something like, "What weapon would you select in a zombie apocalypse?"

"If you were an animal, what animal would you be?"

"What is your favorite part of your body?"

Quote

She agrees with me in a kinda way where someone ones to win your approval. As I then drop her off she bring up we can go charge the car next week as she will have more time I think I cant remember exactly. She immediately gets out of the car as in a hurry and have brief a goodbye. I ask her schedule and I say lets go something next weekend - she agrees. We cant really hug as Im sitting on the other side of course so I did feel off. I thought it would be weird to get out of the car and g around to hug her so I didn't .

WTF is this??! Get out of that car and get your hands all over her body and kiss her.

- - - - -

Overall you are too serious. Be more playful and fun and illogical and nonsensical and emotional. Turn on some dumb music in the car and sing and dance with her. Tell her stories. Be dumb, in a clever way

[Preety_India]

Also there's more description about the Tesla than the girl. 

That kinda cracked me up. 

I'll call it a Tesla date, humorously of course. 

 

[joeyi99]

@Leo Gura Really appreciate the feedback. Lots of experience I still need to gain. Things get pretty interesting after our second date lol, I'll post about it shortly 

Edited January 31, 2021 by joeyi99

[ColeMC01]

I really enjoyed reading this, it is very very similar to how i would act in your situation. Leo's advice is really good even very difficult to implement if you are not that kind of personality. Overall i find your story and behavior extremely relatable haha.

Would love to hear the updates of your journey.

 

[Bando]

Very good, these are the types of posts we should see from other guys who want to get better with women, there's way to many guys on here who complain about not getting any tail but sit at home beating off to there computer screen expecting shit to happen

[Bando]

Never read to much into a firsts dates, especially if she agrees to see you agin, the general rule of thumb is this:

Bounce locations, start of at a small coffee shop or if your strapped on cash, someplace you guys can sit and talk, then seed the the next location by saying "x place is really nice at this time" and then move locations. I ideally like to aim for three locations before I try to pull to my house primarily using the first location to screen mood, vibe, if we connect ect.

Never go into deep shit, you want your first meeting to be light, talk about random stuff, its ok to bounce around, conversations are not supposed to be linear, let her fill in any awkward silences, don't be in a rush to speak all the time. Don't talk about politics, past relationships, or any "triggering" topics just because you're guaranteed a conversation it brings a weird platonic vibe to the date.

Look to escalate, Very early on you want her to understand you're a sexual man, (without being a creep) and not some guy whose gonna wait for her to make up her mind of sleeping with you. Be authentic and raw, don't tip toe around answers or qualify too much to her, tease and be fucking relaxed. Dont be afraid to touch or guide her as you guys are walking around but if it feels "awkward" don't do it you'll just look like a tool.

Close, Close, Close, Unless you feel a deep connection with the girl don't let 3 dates go by without some heavy sexual investment. Ideally by the third date you want her to come over to your place or at least be able to bring her to a private area where you guys can have fun. Never forget that you should be seducing your girl, not just talking to talk.

[Jacob Morres]

This makes me want to go on some dates  thanks for sharing 

[Hardkill]

On 1/31/2021 at 4:48 AM, Leo Gura said:

Don't qualify yourself or seek to impress. Rather deflect her trap by saying something like, "When I crash, it will be all passenger side, Don't worry, your death will be quick and relatively painless."

Yeah, that's what good dating coaches and pickup artists say to do.

On 1/31/2021 at 4:48 AM, Leo Gura said:

Don't do these serious talks on dates. This is awful.

Instead ask her something like, "What weapon would you select in a zombie apocalypse?"

"If you were an animal, what animal would you be?"

"What is your favorite part of your body?"

I agree that you don't want to have a lot of serious talks. I also think that those kind of questions you suggested for him to ask a girl are good too. In fact, this is a common mistake women make too on their first few dates with a guy. In fact, I don't like it when women ask me that.

 

However, one thing that guys gotta be careful with is making too many jokes. Otherwise, she won't take you seriously enough, which means that she may not respect you enough. Women are turned on by men whom they hold much respect for. Also, if you are joking around too much, then you could come off as trying too hard with either trying to make her laugh like the class clown or to impress her. 

On 1/31/2021 at 4:48 AM, Leo Gura said:

WTF is this??! Get out of that car and get your hands all over her body and kiss her.

Yes, sexual escalation including using kino on women is crucial for sexually stimulating them. 

 

On 1/31/2021 at 4:48 AM, Leo Gura said:

Overall you are too serious. Be more playful and fun and illogical and nonsensical and emotional. Turn on some dumb music in the car and sing and dance with her. Tell her stories. Be dumb, in a clever way

So, in terms of being more illogical, nonsensical, and emotional, or dumb what if during a conversation you're having with a girl you randomly say something to her like "Okay, serious question......You know that pornstar James Deen?" or "What do you think about the huge asses on women like Kim and Khloe Kardashian or Kylie Jenner or Nicki Minaj?" 

Edited February 3, 2021 by Hardkill