Dissatisfaction With Life

[rush]

Hey guys,

Would really appreciate some help on this topic.

I feel as if their are many rules in place by which I have to live by in order to be fulfilled, for e.g achieving grades, getting the job, having a certain number of close friends..etc but I fail to live up to these. How can you change your "rules" if you can't change external circumstances for whatever reason ? 

[FindingPeace]

10 hours ago, rush said:

How can you change your "rules"

Stop living by 'rules'. Who makes them? Who decides how it 'should' or 'shouldn't' be?

You've already seen the problem with living to a rigid framework:

10 hours ago, rush said:

if you can't change external circumstances for whatever reason ? 

Reality doesn't care what the 'rules' are. So trying to live by them will only lead to constant dissatisfaction. Instead of following rules, follow desires instead. Authentic desires. Not things that you 'think' you want based on some external influence. Things that come from you.

People argue that to live in a certain structured society you need to live by certain rules. Maybe so, if you fear being cast as a mis-fit. Sometimes, playing along to the rules of society can be done whilst keeping your more authenitc desires in mind until you can go after them.

Ultimately, stop trying to live up to the rules and expectations of everyone else. You don't live your life for them, you live it for you.

[rush]

@FindingPeace Thanks for the response, how can you tell authentic desire from desire which you think is authentic ? Dont you think theirs a fine line between the two ? 

[Jonas]

@rush I always recommend starting with self-observation. As often as possible, take a break and ask yourself the following questions: What am I doing (right at this moment)? Why am I doing it? Who am I doing it for? How do I feel about doing this? How did I feel when I started doing it?

You don't even need to stop doing what you're doing. Just take a step back mentally and observe. 

Just asking these questions usually will create positive change in your behaviour and emotions. 

[rush]

@John Flores Yeap, it's a bit of a weird situation because, even though logically it makes sense that the egoic desire won't provide long term happiness, deep down, we don't really believe that and will still pursue the desire. This causes suffering if your always chasing something your struggling to acquire. 

[rush]

@Jonas @Jonasiv tried self observation in the past, however I feel as if the old thought patterns and core beliefs always seem to resurface anyway in the future. 

[Jonas]

@rush Of course they do. It takes a while. I've been practicing constantly for over a year, and sometimes the issues still come back. But instead of every day, it's maybe once a month and I have a much better understanding of why they come back, so I can learn from it every time. 

It takes time and persistence to change a behaviour or thought that has you've been carrying with yourself for your whole life. 

And one more important thing. When you observe yourself, don't judge. Don't try to push the thoughts away. Be welcoming instead. Treat those thoughts as friends who have come to tell you something very important. You don't have to agree with them, but you also shouldn't send them away just because they have different opinions. 

[mgi0077]

I think this could help. Watch it. 

 

[rush]

@Jonas yeah I will try self observation as a practice. Do you think this can just become part of a daily meditation habbit or would you see self observation as something different to meditation ?

[rush]

@mgi0077 @mgi0077interesting video.. detachment definitely is the key to peace 

[ajasatya]

On 04/10/2016 at 8:12 PM, rush said:

Hey guys,

Would really appreciate some help on this topic.

I feel as if their are many rules in place by which I have to live by in order to be fulfilled, for e.g achieving grades, getting the job, having a certain number of close friends..etc but I fail to live up to these. How can you change your "rules" if you can't change external circumstances for whatever reason ? 

i was in the same situation as you are right now.

finding a zen center and starting yoga classes was my salvation.

[Jonas]

@rush you can do it during meditation, but I was thinking about doing it in your daily life as often as you remember doing it. Just let your life happen without interference and you won't be bothered by anything that might happen to you. It's a form of non-attachment. You learn to not be attached to your actions. After you've practiced this for a while, you can start taking action from that non-attached place.