How to dig for childhood trauma?

[EternalDream]

Hello guys

This post rather belongs to personal development and not to self actualization.
A big topic in personal development is emotional stability and mastery. For me, this also is one of the most important things in life. And to become and stay emotionally stable it is important to resolve childhood trauma. For that, one must find them.

Maybe this may sound a little weird, but I don't think I have some of those. I consider myself a very lucky person in terms of environment in which I grew up and innate emotional stability. I don't remember any serious psychologically damaging experiences and my childhood and youth (currently at the age of 20). The mentally most difficult things were being the smallest boy in class, stuttering and a crush who didn't love me back in my teenage years. But even those things were never a big problem.
At the age of 17, for months I was able to control myself with relative ease to not get upset. My motivation was that getting upset felt really shitty, independently of the trigger of the emotion. And almost nobody in my family or circle of friend could relate to me. Maybe this is because of my genetics or something, but I see myself really as very emotionally stable, much more than anybody around me. Am I deluding myself?

I don't want some hidden shadows to catch up with me. How can I dig deep for some unresolved childhood problems? Shamanic breathing? Psychedelics? Contemplating?
Thanks for your tips and much love :3

[Yoshy]

Inner child work ( look into Teal Swan ) , shadow work , therapy , introspection . 

Some people will suggest to change your state of conciousness but I personnaly would not take psychedelics if Im not sure Im healed , I hate bad trips ... 

Leo's forgivness video is also great if can remember a specific event/person hurting you . 

Edited January 29, 2021 by Yoshy

[DIDego]

@EternalDream If it possible you dont have encounter any struggles that matters to be able get prepared for various situations, i would say that you have to build up knowledge and experience somehow to get atleast some perspectives that can be found from hard times, to be able thrive in life and have allround experience.

Martial arts, maybe a door to be able to come in contact with some of hidden emotions that can occur during training and therefor able to work with, fears and action e.ct and various people that  maybe can give perspectives from certain areas of life you today only see on tv.

Watch out for trap yourself, one day in life then getting older, realize you have avoid living it fully.

 

[Matt23]

Internal Family Systems therapy (deals with sub-personalities and the conflicts and hurt that can come about there).  I see it like a person is made up of many sub-personalities, and they interact with each other just like other relationships; each one has their own issues, strengths, desires, etc., and conflicts with other sub-personalities.  These then show up in your life and real relationships.

I'd also suggest becoming more aware of your bodily sensations and emotions for signs of triggers, and perhaps pushing yourself into new and challenging situations in order to dig up some "stuff" you've yet to discover. 

Also, a fish in water doesn't recognize it's in water.  Meaning, you may not see how much trauma or negativity you're holding since you're use to it and, relative to those around you, it doesn't seem that bad.  So maybe working on the issues you think of as "small" or "normal" as well, since there may be lots there but you just don't see it since, relative to others, it doesn't seem that bad, but could still be holding you back a lot from further development.

[Preety_India]

You need to do shadow work. 

 

[Sempiternity]

Look at direct experience. When does thoughts, trauma, the past, memories, ect occur? They all occur Now. However unbelievable it may seem, there can ever only be Now. Now is instantaneous simultaneous destruction and creation. So your past doesn't exist. The past can't exist, as any thought or memory can only ever happen Now. All there is is the stories you tell yourself Now. And you have a choice in the stories you tell. Truth is the stories you tell yourself, no matter the story. So tell yourself stories that serve you, and don't tell the stories that don't. Create your past stories to be beautiful. And stop telling the stories of trauma. The more you tell yourself the beautiful stories, the more you will accept them as your Truth. 

[EternalDream]

18 hours ago, Yoshy said:

Inner child work ( look into Teal Swan ) , shadow work , therapy , introspection . 

Some people will suggest to change your state of conciousness but I personnaly would not take psychedelics if Im not sure Im healed , I hate bad trips ... 

Leo's forgivness video is also great if can remember a specific event/person hurting you . 

Alright, thanks you for your answer psychedelics really sound interesting, I consider working with them as well. But of course, safety first (physical and psychological).

17 hours ago, DIDego said:

@EternalDream If it possible you dont have encounter any struggles that matters to be able get prepared for various situations, i would say that you have to build up knowledge and experience somehow to get atleast some perspectives that can be found from hard times, to be able thrive in life and have allround experience.

Martial arts, maybe a door to be able to come in contact with some of hidden emotions that can occur during training and therefor able to work with, fears and action e.ct and various people that  maybe can give perspectives from certain areas of life you today only see on tv.

Watch out for trap yourself, one day in life then getting older, realize you have avoid living it fully.

 

Yeah, I also thought about putting myself into extra challenges. Thanks for your advice

11 hours ago, Matt23 said:

Internal Family Systems therapy (deals with sub-personalities and the conflicts and hurt that can come about there).  I see it like a person is made up of many sub-personalities, and they interact with each other just like other relationships; each one has their own issues, strengths, desires, etc., and conflicts with other sub-personalities.  These then show up in your life and real relationships.

I'd also suggest becoming more aware of your bodily sensations and emotions for signs of triggers, and perhaps pushing yourself into new and challenging situations in order to dig up some "stuff" you've yet to discover. 

Also, a fish in water doesn't recognize it's in water.  Meaning, you may not see how much trauma or negativity you're holding since you're use to it and, relative to those around you, it doesn't seem that bad.  So maybe working on the issues you think of as "small" or "normal" as well, since there may be lots there but you just don't see it since, relative to others, it doesn't seem that bad, but could still be holding you back a lot from further development.

I am already keeping an emotional diary, so that will definitely help me. So far I didn't think much about minor problems, thanks for sharing that perspective also, nice analogy.

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

You need to do shadow work. 

 

I've heard about it and will look up on that, thank you =)

10 hours ago, Sempiternity said:

Look at direct experience. When does thoughts, trauma, the past, memories, ect occur? They all occur Now. However unbelievable it may seem, there can ever only be Now. Now is instantaneous simultaneous destruction and creation. So your past doesn't exist. The past can't exist, as any thought or memory can only ever happen Now. All there is is the stories you tell yourself Now. And you have a choice in the stories you tell. Truth is the stories you tell yourself, no matter the story. So tell yourself stories that serve you, and don't tell the stories that don't. Create your past stories to be beautiful. And stop telling the stories of trauma. The more you tell yourself the beautiful stories, the more you will accept them as your Truth. 

I've already read "The Power Of Now", I get what you mean. But I wouldn't rule out that unconscious memories and feelings can impact my thinking and behaving in an rather unfortunate way. That's why I wanna bring them to daylight.
I myself don't know wether it's so easy to live after that philosophy or not.


But thanks to all of you for your answers =)
much love

[mandyjw]

Don't dig. Go for your dreams, and focus on what inspires you most. Often when we do blockages come up and we may want to avoid them. Don't avoid, but keep going for what inspires you, seeing the world through eyes of love. When you're ready to look it head on you will, with eyes of love. That's how huge misunderstandings about ourselves are seen and let go of. We never solve problems by seeking them out because they never were "our" problems. 

Edited January 30, 2021 by mandyjw

[Forestluv]

@EternalDream What is most effective, depends on the person. Some people respond well to psychedelics, other respond well to therapy and breathwork. Or a combination. 

Whichever route, I would suggest including some type of facilitator or community (to some extent). Solo work is great, yet there is also value in facilitators and community. For example, there are free facilitated breathwork groups online. It is a great way to uncover and release repressed/suppressed emotions and trauma. And it carries very little risk. 

[mandyjw]

1 minute ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

But is this then our inspiration?

The entire story of your life was born out of inspiration, you are sheer inspiration. So when you align with inspiration no matter in what form it seems to come,  the misunderstandings you had or traumas are seen from the author's point of view, which is inspiration.

JK Rowling was inspired to impose Voldemort on Harry Potter. There is no Harry Potter. You are your own author. There is no authority. No imposition. 

[IAmReallyImportant]

I suppose you mean my life story born out of inspiration. Didn't had such an experience. However inspiration feels more true than other stuff.

For me Inspiration is like a carrot in front of the donkey. You will not get it but it drives you. Sometimes I think you don't have any control. Life could be brutally force you to be in situations no matter how inspired one is or how engaged the person is. This is what I have learned so far. Sometimes it is nearly impossible for people to see the truth because they have much baggage, pressure, problems. 

Edited January 30, 2021 by IAmReallyImportant

[Matt23]

4 hours ago, Forestluv said:

there are free facilitated breathwork groups online

@Forestluv Any chance you could cite some here?  Cheers.

[Forestluv]

18 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

@Forestluv Any chance you could cite some here?  Cheers.

Angell Deer, Shamanic Breathing 7-9pm Saturdays NYC time (limited free spots, donations accepted)  https://www.thesanctuaryheal.com/about-angell-deer

Breath Church (not religious), various styles and facilitators, every night 6-7pm (I like Sun-Thurs best). https://breathchurch.carrd.co/

Alchemy of breath. Various styles. Sundays 9:30 and 17:00 GMT.  https://alchemyofbreath.com/breathwork-webinar/

The Breathing Space meets Tues, Thurs, Fri. I've done it with Lisa on Thursdays. https://www.makesomebreathingspace.com/online-breathing-spaces-1

[Matt23]

Cheers

 

[EternalDream]

On 30.1.2021 at 5:48 PM, Forestluv said:

@EternalDream What is most effective, depends on the person. Some people respond well to psychedelics, other respond well to therapy and breathwork. Or a combination. 

Whichever route, I would suggest including some type of facilitator or community (to some extent). Solo work is great, yet there is also value in facilitators and community. For example, there are free facilitated breathwork groups online. It is a great way to uncover and release repressed/suppressed emotions and trauma. And it carries very little risk. 

That sounds like a good idea. Preferably I would take my own circle of friends as that community, but I don't know if they take personal development so seriously (even though we talk about it). I'll see how good it works.

On 30.1.2021 at 8:08 PM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

 

I tried shamanic breathing once for 30 minutes. My whole body tingled and i got cramps in my hands and feet. But I'll try it again!

[Matt23]

2 hours ago, EternalDream said:

My whole body tingled and i got cramps in my hands and feet.

Tingling is normal.  I would say the cramping could be normal too, but I dunno.  If it's really severe and super painful, I'd listen to your body.  All I know is that the tingling is a common side-effect, including muscles contractions (like your hands crimpling up), and is harmless as far as I'm aware.  It goes away in m experiences.

Edited January 31, 2021 by Matt23

[Blackbeat]

On 31/01/2021 at 6:08 AM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

 

You gotten so much cooler ever since you became a WoJak, hooooow? hoooow?

[Nahm]

When suffering is already here there is no need to look elsewhere. Look at the suffering. Nothing is hidden. Emotional mastery is not in a past. More ice does not make water. 

[EternalDream]

@Matt23 yeah it also got away in my case, but it was so strange. I literally could not move them for like 5 mins after the end of the 30 mins.

 

@Nahm The thing is I don't even feel pain about my past. I just assume that there has to be something hidden beneath the surface of my soul.
Maybe I'm searching after bad experiences to train my emotional mastery. But I guess I can only do that in Actuality.

[StarStruck]

Multiple approaches is adviced:

Start with schematherapy.

Then CBT.

Gestalttherapy.

Then EMDR to finish off.