Letting go of the need to prove oneself

[StarStruck]

It is so hard. Where does it come from?

[BlackMaze]

What do you mean exactly? To prove to someone else that you are 'worthy'? 

If you mean that i believe that it's similar to the need of some people to be always right. You want to be right because if you are not your ego is attacked. In the same way you want to boost that ego by proving that you are worthy. You want people to look at you with admiration or respect or whatever. Your ego needs validation from people. You need to see your ego from a distance and everytime this happens, this need arises you need to catch it. Sure it can offer you some motivation but you need to recognize it for what it is. 

Wanting to grow in whatever way is natural and optimally you should do the right things to grow without depending on others to cheer you up and without stopping if they do the opposite but You know that you are doing the right things. 

[StarStruck]

25 minutes ago, BlackMaze said:

What do you mean exactly? To prove to someone else that you are 'worthy'? 

If you mean that i believe that it's similar to the need of some people to be always right. You want to be right because if you are not your ego is attacked. In the same way you want to boost that ego by proving that you are worthy. You want people to look at you with admiration or respect or whatever. Your ego needs validation from people. You need to see your ego from a distance and everytime this happens, this need arises you need to catch it. Sure it can offer you some motivation but you need to recognize it for what it is. 

Wanting to grow in whatever way is natural and optimally you should do the right things to grow without depending on others to cheer you up and without stopping if they do the opposite but You know that you are doing the right things. 

Sorry, I wasn't clear. I meant in the sense of learning something new, and then constantly thinking, how could I explain this to people in my environment. There is this sense of need for validation.

[BlackMaze]

Then i think the reason for that is that you are unsure if the thing you are going to pursue is worth it or not. Don't look if others understand you or not. You can ask for advice or talk with people to find out what they think and look at it from different perspectives but in the end you are the one that must decide if you are going to do something or not. Hear what others have to say but also think it through alone and in the end make the decision alone not based on what other people think about it but because you know better and decided to take this route. 

You don't need to rely on validation. Maybe you can see something that others don't see or understand. If you are right maybe the validation will come long term or maybe not. 

Edited January 28, 2021 by BlackMaze

[Preety_India]

It comes from Insecurity. 

Tell yourself that you are free from validation and the need to be judged by others. 

You're your own harshest critic. 

Stop judging yourself. Spare yourself the suffering. 

You're too attached to the idea of validation. 

Stop validating yourself and stop validating others as well. 

The devil lies within.. 

Watch this Leo video. 

 

[StarStruck]

9 minutes ago, BlackMaze said:

Then i think the reason for that is that you are unsure if the thing you are going to pursue is worth it or not. Don't look if others understand you or not. You can ask for advice or talk with people to find out what they think and look at it from different perspectives but in the end you are the one that must decide if you are going to do something or not. Hear what others have to say but also think it through alone and in the end make the decision alone not based on what other people think about it but because you know better and decided to take this route. 

You don't need to rely on validation. Maybe you can see something that others don't see or understand. If you are right maybe the validation will come long term or maybe not. 

Thanks. I think you are right. There can only be 1 mayor general on the battlefield. I think I ask other people advice who are "on my team", but I give them too much authority and stake in the decision making. Sometimes I even care about the opinions of people who are not even close to me, which is a whole other topic.

9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

It comes from Insecurity. 

Tell yourself that you are free from validation and the need to be judged by others. 

You're your own harshest critic. 

Stop judging yourself. Spare yourself the suffering. 

You're too attached to the idea of validation. 

Stop validating yourself and stop validating others as well. 

The devil lies within.. 

Watch this Leo video. 

 

That is true. I'm working on my superego and inner critic. This inner critic is so subtle that I don't even notice it although I'm poring a lot of energy into with therapy and so on.

[Yamak9889]

@StarStruck lol why u wanna prove urself? what do u gain once you proved that you're right. A slight boost in ego? okay, then what? hahaha it's not worth it. 

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, Yamak9889 said:

@StarStruck lol why u wanna prove urself? what do u gain once you proved that you're right. A slight boost in ego? okay, then what? hahaha it's not worth it. 

I feel worthy.

[Yamak9889]

@StarStruck Then u still got a long way to go brother. Outside U doesn't make you whole. Only inside U does.