Need Some Advice

[Joel3102]

I used to meditate 20 minutes a day very consistently with no troubles.  However after delving more into enlightenment and non duality I did some strong determination sitting. I think I unlocked a part of my brain or a subconscious trauma, not really sure. I've been experiencing some of the Dark Night phenomena and having nihilistic feelings because I've realised the impermanence of everything and made contact with The Void. I am excited by enlightenment and want to keep pursuing it, however now I'm having extremely bad reactions to meditation, quite fast. Within 5-10 minutes of meditation the increased awareness starts tripping me out and my palms get sweaty ect and I have to stop. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and hard place. I've gone past my old egoic driven self, but there is strong resistance to the inner work needed to produce greater levels of equanimity, and I need to still be able to function in the real world. Anybody have any advice how I could proceed? Start light and work my way up? 

PS: I am not ready for 5-Meo.

[Prabhaker]

23 minutes ago, Joel3102 said:

I think I unlocked a part of my brain or a subconscious trauma, not really sure. I've been experiencing some of the Dark Night phenomena and having nihilistic feelings because I've realised the impermanence of everything and made contact with The Void. I am excited by enlightenment and want to keep pursuing it, however now I'm having extremely bad reactions to meditation, quite fast. Within 5-10 minutes of meditation the increased awareness starts tripping me out and my palms get sweaty ect and I have to stop. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and hard place.

 First give the emotions a chance to come totally up into the conscious. Right now you are repressing them in the unconscious. Then you get involved in your day-to-day work and you force them back again. That is not the way to get rid of them.

Let them come out; live them, suffer them. It will be difficult and tedious but immensely rewarding. Once you have lived them, suffered them and accepted them – that this is you, that you have not made yourself in this way so you need not condemn yourself, that this is the way you have found yourself…. Once they are lived consciously, without any repression, you will be surprised that they are disappearing on their own. Their force on you is becoming less; their grip on your neck is no longer that tight. And when they are going away there may be a time when you can start watching.

Once everything comes into the conscious mind it disperses, and when only the shadow is there, that is the time to become aware. Right now it will create insanity ; then it will create enlightenment.