Living Through Compassion

[ajasatya]

first, i feel like introducing myself.

i come from a rich family. they taught me that life could not be appreciated because there's no time for such thing.

when i was very young i was sexually abused so i grew up ill. i developed peyronie's disease. everyday up to 2015, this disease caused me extreme suffering in many levels from physical to psychological.

i became an alcoholic and i met my ex-girlfriend. we started to date and she showed me marijuana. then i was drinking and smoking a lot.

in march 2015 we broke up after 1 year and 3 months of relationship. i experienced an even deeper suffering, which made me collapse.

i started researching about true happiness and this lead me to leaving my parents' house. i quit smoking and drinking. feeling totally free, i started to experience a lot of things. many yoga classes, reiki initiations, i became vegetarian, i forced myself into starvation situations, i started to walk on the streets to see the world from below, i became a member of sukyo mahikari, i started practicing zen, i joined a group called nacion pachamama, which gave me this spiritual name "iago iriarte".

i decided to read about the life of the historical buddha, which made me laugh a LOT.

in july 2015 i started to study about death very deeply.

in september 2015 i went through a surgery to fix my penis. for 2 months i wasn't allowed to have an erection otherwise i could break the stitches. this experience taught me to achieve celibate. in this period i went very deep into the dharma and zen. i started to drop a lot of dogma and beliefs i had acquired on my journey.

i started to listen deeply to a lot of people and this experience showed me how immersed in suffering almost everyone is. this made me realize how rare was the experience i was living. i was growing compassion in my heart. listening to people and hugging them became my passion.

i quit my job and went back to my parents.

i started to go to retreats to expand my consciousness.

i met leo's youtube channel. with his help i could have legit no-self experiences.

i found nirvana, a life without craving, attachments and uncontrolled desires.

i entered a master in computer science and left my parents' house again. now i'm living in an urban ashram.

i added "arhatha" to my spiritual name, which is the combination of two sanskrit terms: arhat and "atha", which means "right now".

i met an yogini. she takes part in ayahuasca ceremonies, which i'm gonna join soon. we're living a happy long term relationship.

i started a zen sangha called "zen passo a passo" (zen step by step) and my girlfriend is part of it. the sangha is growing quickly!

Edited October 4, 2016 by iago iriarte arhatha

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 3th

• healthy meals
• happiness sharing
• yogasanas
• meditation
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• ashram duties
• actualized.org contributions

woke up in my girlfriend's bedroom and we shared some intimacy. after that we had a breakfast full of smiles and deep eye contact. she went to university and i came back home on my bike. when i arrived i saw my muslim friend waiting for me. he had just arrived too. he did not tell me that he was coming over. what a surprise! he wanted to see the place i live in. we had a pleasant talk about buddhism and islam. then he left and i watched leo's low quality vs high quality consciousness video. then i contacted the daissen-ji zen center from florianópolis to confirm my presence on the sesshin they're organizing, which will happen in november.

lunch time! we had a happy meal with everyone from the ashram then i came back to study some more of leo's content and participate on the forum until the yoga teacher came. the yoga class was excellent and then i took a bath for my monday zazen with the daissen-ji sangha.

after zazen i went to eat açaí with another practitioner. he's a physicist and we talked about the dharma and science. then i came back home on my bike and started to clean the meditation hall, as i do every monday and wednesday.

i started to create portuguese subtitles for the last leo's video and i plan to keep up with this work. then i came here to start this self-actualization journal.

Edited October 4, 2016 by iago iriarte arhatha

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 4th

• healthy meals
• happiness sharing
• bike rides
• university career investment
• meditation
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• family contact
• actualized.org contributions

there was a master class about pattern recognition. i think most people are not understanding very well what we discuss during classes. and the content of the classes are becoming harder and harder.

today i felt a deep connection with the teachings of jesus. as someone who had his own direct mystic experience for sure, i was wondering if he actually taught his followers to have the direct experience their own. then i had a long meditation in which i felt my mind melt down. it feels amazing when it happens. then i went to my girlfriend's to watch part of the movie before sunrise. pretty amazing movie! after watching the first 50 minutes of the movie, we ate banana with mango. i felt a huge wave of love for her. such a beautiful person full of love and kindness.

then i went to listen to a swami called yamunacarya maharaj. he came to fortaleza to teach the krishna devotees about yamas, niyamas and bhakti yoga. i enjoy it very much listening to such a wise person sharing light about the practice of love. i also enjoy watching people listen to practical spiritual teachings so they can improve the quality of their lives. i also felt very grateful for being a person who's extinguished my passions (vanity, narcissism, pride, greed, craving, inappropriate sexuality etc), who's attained nirvana. such a liberation lasts until the last breath.

i went to my parents. i talked a lot with my mother. i wish they learn how to love people other than relatives and do more in life than just accumulating more stuff on their apartment. they have forgotten how to smile...

now i am creating more pt-br subtitle lines for the video low quality vs high quality consciousness as i write this. good evening!

Edited October 5, 2016 by iago iriarte arhatha

[JKG]

Your life seems very inspiring. Keep going

[ajasatya]

13 minutes ago, quantum said:

Your life seems very inspiring. Keep going

so is yours! i really like your passion about conscious freedom through body movement.

[adithyaunlimited]

Wow such an inspiration!! 

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 5th

• healthy meals
• happiness sharing
• zen passo a passo maturation
• actualized.org contributions
• yogasanas
• meditation
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• ashram duties
• profound happiness insight

today i sent an e-mail confirming my presence on the zen retreat that will happen in november, then i prepared the material for today's zen passo a passo zazen session. the theme was full expression and we read the second chapter of this book.

more subtitles in pt-br for leo's video! the entire video will take a while! but translating it is quite an experience because i get to study it in more details and learn more. today i worked really hard at it.

the yoga teacher did not come, so i prepared an special yoga class for myself. i only worked things that are insanely hard and painful for me. the lower portion of my spine is too dense and its shape is wrong, preventing me from performing many asanas properly. i want to fix it.

the zen passo a passo encounter went well. the sangha is progressing together and it's extremely satisfying.

after that i had a deep conversation with my girlfriend about full awareness and the truth. then i accompanied her to her home. when i came back to the ashram, i cleaned the meditation hall and came to my bedroom.

here i just had a very honest feeling of gratitude. i don't have a car. i'm not a genius. i do not own my own place to sleep. my bike is very simple. i have 10 sets of clothes. my smartphone is very simple and i barely use it. my computer is 6 years old. i'm not handsome. my state of peace doesn't depend on faith. i don't drink. i don't smoke. i don't watch porn, nor do i masturbate. and yet, it feels like i'm the happiest person in this world!

Edited October 6, 2016 by iago iriarte arhatha

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 7th

• healthy meals
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• insights
• university career investment
• yogasanas
• meditation
• happiness sharing

on the bus to the university i had an insight about the function of a spiritual name. my birth name is arthur and my spiritual name is iago. most people, after receiving a spiritual name either start to develop an aversion for the birth name or continue attached to it. i introduce myself as iago but some people still call me arthur. some people ask me which one i prefer and i tell them to pick one of them. as a result, i found out that having a spiritual name and not developing attachment nor aversion to it can be a strong vehicle to dismantle ego-identities

master class was pretty good. we're learning some ninja tricks about the gaussian. its funny because the professor is italian, the class is spoken in english and we're brazilian.

on my way back home i had an insight about the pathless path. after a certain point, we have to quit following masters. when we finally understand the importance of the direct experience, it becomes the only thing that matters and we have to learn our way to induce our own direct experience.

i paid the zen retreat fee! i'm in! it's going to be fun

the yoga class was wonderful. the teacher conduced us through asanas that are perfect for me. it hurts but the changes in my body are visible. i can feel the healing process and it motivates me.

after the yoga class, a guy started to ask me about zen and enlightenment. he has so many beliefs and it's very confusing for him. i taught zazen to him then i tried to give him an idea of what enlightenment really is. he was very grateful but he's still lost in confusion. it didn't feel like it was really his moment for a sincere ego seeking trip.

after that, i started to play with paper airplanes and soap bubbles with two persons who live here in the ashram. we had an amazing time hahaha!

being part of the actualized.org community makes me even happier!

Edited October 7, 2016 by iago iriarte arhatha

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 7th and 8th

• meditation
• happiness sharing
• bike rides
• actualized.org contributions
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• healthy meals
• deep talks

after working quite a lot on leo's vid subtitles, i spent these days with my girlfriend. she's simply amazing and i'm so grateful for having such a person walking by my side.

Edited October 9, 2016 by iago iriarte arhatha

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 9th

• healthy meals
• happiness sharing
• bike rides
• meditation
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• deep talks
• compassive listening
• actualized.org contributions

today i gave a free yoga class to a woman. she's on her 50's and we've been doing this for a while. she has 3 herniated discs but she feels MUCH better now. her flexibility and muscle strength are increasing and she's becoming younger. her eyes shine! after the yoga class i also taught her the practice of zazen. we practiced together. she said that it was hard but she also acknowledged the fact that zazen is what she needs.

then i headed to meet a friend of mine. we ate açaí while he was talking about some bad stuff that was happening to him and his parents. i just listened to him. there's nothing much to do in these kinds of situation. i just listened with all my body. in the end he said that he wanted to practice meditation and i invited him to the daissen-ji sangha, which meet on mondays.

then i came back home and invited the ashram residents to a free-style meditation in the darkness. there's no form to grasp. just sit and observe whatever happens. i could feel from bliss to agony. pretty interesting!

i watched leo's new video and i was amazed by his extensive accuracy. incredible video!

then we went to a free choro concert near by. it was AMAZING! the musicians were so good. my perception of reality went kinda crazy but it felt good. i love the impersonal and meaningless taste of reality.

i continued the actualized.org subtitle work. it's going to be a long run!

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 10th

• healthy meals
• actualized.org contributions
• compassive listening
• happiness sharing
• yogasanas
• meditation
• ashram duties

my girlfriend gave me a fright while i was creating subtitles to leo's video. i was so focused! haha
we talked about her mystical experiences from yesterday (sunday). she said that she was filled with love and i could see it in her eyes.
she also said that she feels ready to experience complete celibate (no sex, no porn, no masturbation). as someone who's experienced it myself, i was very happy for her. it's a life changing experience!

she could practice yoga with me, which made even happier. she's recovering from a lesion in her knee, and being able to practice yoga again is really something!

after that, i went to the daissen ji sangha to practice zazen. i was happy that my friend from yesterday was there. he was able to sit for the whole session. i think he'll be able to keep going once a week!

back at home, i cleaned the meditation hall and then started to write today's journal.

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 11th

• healthy meals
• university career investment
• happiness sharing
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• meditation
• yogasanas
• deep talks

master classes are really really good. i'm enjoying this master degree.

meditation was so deep. lasted for 1 hour but i think i could have gone for longer. the yoga teacher arrived and i had to stop.

these yoga classes are really changing my body structure. fixing old patterns, healing my lower back. as i advance, my body feels younger.

going to my parents for a visit with my girlfriend!

[Gabriel Antonio]

I can feel peace through your words. It kind of reminds me of the feeling I get when I read Thich Nhat Hanh 

 

[ajasatya]

@Gabriel Antonio we're welcome!

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 12th

• healthy meals
• happiness sharing
• deep talks
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• yogasanas
• music
• dancing
• meditation
• zen passo a passo time investment
• ashram duties

spent the entire day with my girlfriend.

when we woke up, we went straight to a very deep talk about reality and consciousness. then we had a great lunch.

we finished the matrix trilogy today and then we came to the ashram where i live (we were at my parents').

while i was practicing yogasanas, she was learning how to sing this song. she's an amazing singer. her voice is so sweet.

after my hatha yoga practice, i picked up the guitar and we sang nina oliveira together. and after that we danced kizomba. i'm kinda teaching her how to dance kizomba. she's loving it!

then we meditated together in the zen passo a passo program.

after that, while she cooked a delicious meal, i cleaned the meditation hall. then we had dinner!

she's sleeping now. such an angel <3

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 13th

• healthy meals
• university career time investment
• happiness sharing
• meditation
• yogasanas
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation

i had the same insight again about happiness. happiness cannot depend on anything external. i caught myself depending on external factors, which was making me suffer a little bit. then i meditated on letting that go then i was fine.

i realized how important my yoga practice is once more.

i went to see people from nacion pachamama. we meditated together. we sand mantras. i played the guitar and we sang kundalini yoga mantras. everyone loved it. it was amazing!

then i went to eat açaí alone. such a liberating solitude. i really enjoyed that.

back at home i meditated a little more before writing this journal then sleeping.

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 14th

• healthy meals
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• university career time investment
• meditation
• bike rides
• deep talks

today was a special day because the celibacy mixed with a daily meditation practice brought up some suffering which i could not identify at first. after talking to my girlfriend (with PLENTY LOVE), we found out that it was some supressed memories/emotions from my past due to sexual illnesses. the suffering came up in form of anxiety and went away a relief followed by tears.

yoga + meditation + celibacy + healthy meals = very fast healing process. but it's not easy. it's painful!

after that we went to eat vegetarian pizza made with whole grain mass. we had a great time here. now i'm at her home writing this journal from her computer. big day.

Edited October 15, 2016 by iago iriarte arhatha

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 15th

• happiness sharing
• healthy meals
• meditation
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• bike rides
• deep talks
• music

woke up at my girlfriend's. we had an awesome breakfast before heading to a place to fix her musical keyboard. while hers is being fixed, she will be using mine.

we had an amazing time planning our future. we consider living 6 months in india to go through an original yoga teacher training course. then we want to come back to brazil and live in my homeland: cariri. we want to build an yoga center there.

after leaving her keyboard on the yamaha's authorized workshop, we headed to a friend's place to rehearse a musical presentation we're promoting tomorrow; an yoga event for people to relax! it's gonna be amazing. we're going to play mantras. my girlfriend will sing and i'll be taking part as percussionist playing a derbak. then we had lunch here. food was AMAZING.

we went to visit my aunt and it was pretty cool. we talked a lot. my girlfriend had to leave in the middle of the conversation due to an appointment.

then i came back home, picked up my bike and went to see the town. i found some people doing pole dance and i asked to participate. they taught me the basics and it went very well. they were impressed then i said "i practice yoga" and they were like "aaaaaah, that's why!".

back at home, i wrote down this poem:

while there are connections with thoughts like "but what they think of me?";

while there is dependence on faith or fear without proper understanding;

while there is fear or lack of commitment to access and heal my wounds, resulting in resistance above the vulnerability;

while i see myself unable to accept people the way they are;

while my happiness requires something beyond the little amount of food i need, a shelter to sleep, a rest when my body is sick, a job to keep the three previous points and sincerity in the relationships with the people around me;

i will prefer to die aware of all my ignorance, but with the certainty that i went as deep in this life as possible at every moment.

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 16th

• healthy meals
• happiness sharing
• bike rides
• meditation
• self-inquiry & dharma contemplation
• deep talks
• music

after waking up, i went to marisol's (the 54 y/o woman with serious spine problems) home give her the yoga class and practice zazen. she's recovering very well. we're already working on trikonasana and the results are visible. she lent me the book tao of physics, which i'm quite anxious to finally read.

another text that i want to read is the patanjali's yogasutras. i read it 1 year ago but now my comprehension of non-duality is WAY more mature. it's going to be a completely different adventure.

i decided to quit translating leo's video. it's way too long and it's too hard to do it alone. it was consuming too much time.

i had lunch with my girlfriend then we headed to the espaço clara luz for the kundalini yoga event that we were organizing. we conduced meditations and sang/played some mantras. the place was quite crowded and everyone loved it. beautiful full moon event!

then we came to her home to have dinner. after dinner we went very deep in a conversation about non-duality. somehow i used honey as a metaphor to indicate Unity. well, it was pretty fun.

now we gotta sleep.

[ajasatya]

2016, oct 17th

• healthy meals
• happiness sharing
• reading
• contemplative walking
• yogasanas
• meditation
• ashram duties

woke up at my girlfriend's. we had a very happy breakfast and then she went to university and i came back home.

i started reading the tao of physics. it's being amazing. very rich book!

i went out to take a walk towards the beach. i sat there for like 30 minutes just hearing the sound of the waves and feeling the wind on my skin. that felt GREAT.

then i came back home for the yoga class. today we performed some asanas that are painful to me. but i do my best. progress is slow but it's solid.

after yoga, i took a shower and went to the daissen-ji sangha for the zazen practice. it was quite crowded! it's beautiful when there's a lot of people, even though they suffer a lot it's important for them to get in touch with all their suffering without being able to run away from it. the reading was quite dense but it was profound.

now i'm here on the computer writing this journal. i still have to clean the meditation hall, which i'm going to do right now!