Feeling awkward and strange after a date

[kras]

Just a little backstory, i met i girl on Tinder and we clicked with each other pretty qukcily. I took her instagram and we kept our conversation there.

We texted alot everyday for 5 days, it was very good sign that she was texting me first most of the times. 

I asked her out and ofcourse she accpeted.

Yestarday we went on a date with my car (because of the lockdown there is nowhere esle to go in my country), bought hot drinks and parked my car on a private location with a nice view. 

We talked like 30 - 40 minutes she didnt shut her mouth almost all of the time, and then the perfect moment happened, she shut up and leaned on the the passanger seat towards me. We both hold eye contact for a seccond and i smoothly leaned towards to kiss her. 

And here is the strange and weird part, as i became very close to her she stared me and just freezed, like a death person, no reactions at all. (she didnt freaked out though, just freez)

So i backed off because if i had kissed her it  would have been like kissing a statue. When i backed off she kept staring at me and i tried again, but the same not reaction from her, i felt very cringy and awkward.

I just said sorry i am in a mood and she said i am not. I kept talking about other stuff just to go out off that strange situation. As i was taking her home i was just saying to myself that there is no way to see this girl again after this weird date (just part of it).

After i got home, she texted me. We texted for 40 mintutes and i got to bed.

The point here is that she keep texting me after that weird situation that happend, when i think about it i just feel so embarassed.

 

Edited January 27, 2021 by kras

[Preety_India]

You'll need to work on reading cues and singles. 

You can't just start leaning to kiss when the other person doesn't even seem to be in the mood. 

If my boyfriend was busy and I kissed him, he would be annoyed. 

Plus you did this on a first date 

Your let your instincts cloud your cognition, not a good judgement especially when first impressions are extremely important. 

If I met a guy on the first date and he couldn't read my signals or facial expressions and couldn't read my emotions, I'd be disappointed by his lack of intuitive response. 

Social cues are important. Sometimes a person is upset and if you keep on joking, it can come across as lacking in tact and sensitivity. 

Try to read facial expressions, get a grasp of the general mood, make intuitive responses, try to be a good listener and observer, try to stay on the same page, you need to create a harmony and a flow where both of you sync together with your responses and moods. 

Use tact. Don't let emotions and instincts cloud judgement. 

Also use good communication. Try to get to know beforehand if that person would be ready, for example say something sexual like "I love your lips" or something related to kissing, her response will tell you if she is really in the mood or not. 

If she is cold about it, then you know she isn't ready for it. 

It will surely get awkward if you aren't able to build sync and harmony. 

This also applies to a job setting. If my boss is in a neutral or angry mood and if I keep making jokes, he would give me awkward looks. 

 

[flowboy]

You didn't ask any question so I don't know if you want a response or not.

It would be good for the girl if you told her what weirded you out. She probably has no idea. It's like when someone has bad breath: it's awkward, but they should know, so they can change it.

 

Apart from that: the freeze reaction and how it seems to not register in her awareness give me a suspicion that she has been sexually abused. Or at least started being coerced into being sexually active way before she was ready, perhaps dating an older boyfriend when she was 13. But who knows. Maybe she's just awkward.

Edited January 27, 2021 by flowboy

[kras]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

You'll need to work on reading cues and singles. 

You can't just start leaning to kiss when the other person doesn't even seem to be in the mood. 

If my boyfriend was busy and I kissed him, he would be annoyed. 

Plus you did this on a first date 

Your let your instincts cloud your cognition, not a good judgement especially when first impressions are extremely important. 

If I met a guy on the first date and he couldn't read my signals or facial expressions and couldn't read my emotions, I'd be disappointed by his lack of intuitive response. 

Social cues are important. Sometimes a person is upset and if you keep on joking, it can come across as lacking in tact and sensitivity. 

Try to read facial expressions, get a grasp of the general mood, make intuitive responses, try to be a good listener and observer, try to stay on the same page, you need to create a harmony and a flow where both of you sync together with your responses and moods. 

Use tact. Don't let emotions and instincts cloud judgement. 

Also use good communication. Try to get to know beforehand if that person would be ready, for example say something sexual like "I love your lips" or something related to kissing, her response will tell you if she is really in the mood or not. 

If she is cold about it, then you know she isn't ready for it. 

It will surely get awkward if you aren't able to build sync and harmony. 

This also applies to a job setting. If my boss is in a neutral or angry mood and if I keep making jokes, he would give me awkward looks. 

 

I wouldnt go for a kiss if i thought she is not ready. 

[Preety_India]

Just now, kras said:

I wouldnt go for a kiss if i thought she is not ready. 

In that case, I think it's just a bad date. 

If you are still interested, go ahead if you see chemistry.

If I were in your place, I'd give up and not pursue again because it's not a good sign 

All of my first dates that turned into relationships went perfectly fine and happy. In fact more than happy. 

The ones that didn't turn into relationships were awkward exchanges like your experience. 

So you get the idea. 

[kras]

In my experiance when i girl is going to reject you kiss she just back off a little or turn her cheek. 

She just freezed, even a freezing is some sort of a sign, it wasnt even a freez, just nothing. 

When i reacreat the situiation in my mind i just feel so ashamed. 

Edited January 27, 2021 by kras

[Preety_India]

@kras is she happy about the date on general? 

Like flowboy mentioned it's probably a good idea for you to talk to her about it and get to know how she felt. 

Open communication is a must. 

Definitely bring this up with her. 

 

[kras]

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@kras is she happy about the date on general? 

Like flowboy mentioned it's probably a good idea for you to talk to her about it and get to know how she felt. 

Open communication is a must. 

Definitely bring this up with her. 

 

Yeah i think she seemed very happy  after we texted when i got home.  As i said she texted me and texted for like 40 minutes.

If she dont text me today i will but what do you think how to approach that situation delicateltly?

Edited January 27, 2021 by kras

[Preety_India]

Just now, kras said:

Yeah i think she seemed very happy  after we texted when i got home.  As i said she texted me and texted for like 40 minutes.

If she dont text me today i will but what do you think how to approach that situation?

If she doesn't text you today, that's a very bad sign. 

Because in the beginning in my view (telling from my experiences), a girl is super duper excited if she is truly happy with a guy and is just waiting to talk to him again 

It's like butterflies in the tummy. 

She is on cloud 9 that she is going to be talking to a guy she absolutely enjoyed to be with. 

[flowboy]

With honesty. "I wanted to kiss you in the car, but I couldn't, because your face froze completely and it freaked me out. What's up with that?"

 

 

By the way, why do you feel embarrassed? That indicates that a deeper issue got triggered in you as well. Can you shed some light on that?

[Preety_India]

Just now, flowboy said:

With honesty. "I wanted to kiss you in the car, but I couldn't, because your face froze completely and it freaked me out. What's up with that?"

 

 

By the way, why do you feel embarrassed? That indicates that a deeper issue got triggered in you as well. Can you shed some light on that?

Good question. 

Yea I have the same question for you @kras

[kras]

Idk. It might something with that i always beat myself up when i mess up something, eventhough i dont think that i messed up in that situation.

But usualy the things my mind says are "Why did you do that?'' ''You are failure!''

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, kras said:

Idk. It might something with that i always beat myself up when i mess up something, eventhough i dont think that i messed up in that situation.

But usualy the things my mind says are "Why did you do that?'' ''You are failure!''

The first thought in your mind should be 

" I'M NOT A FAILURE. AND I'LL NEVER THINK I'M A FAILURE. I'M COMPLETELY FINE THE WAY I AM AND I WILL ONLY GET BETTER. "

Please work on this everyday. 

 

[kras]

Thanks for the comments.

I will not necessarily pursue her further however i would really want to know what happend.

I will update what she will say about it.

[Leo Gura]

@kras Dude, she clearly wants to fuck you, she's just shy and uncomfortable. You are the man! It is your job to make her feel comfortable.

This situation could have been avoided with proper kino escalation. Google kino escalation ladder and follow it next time. You need to get her comfortable with your touch from the first second you meet up with her, otherwise things will get uncomfortable. You also need to charm her with humor, music, etc. And don't give up after one rejected kiss. Just butter her up some more and try the kiss again in 5 minutes.

Also, you need to bounce her around to multiple locations. The more locations the better. Don't close at the same location you meet and date.

[Chew211]

I concur with Leo's advice above. 

The first time I kissed the girl I'm seeing now she gave me the cheek. But then continued on as if I hadn't kissed her. I ended up fucking her that night. Funny enough, I was confident about sex happening by the way she rejected me. 

 

Three weeks before that, when I went for the kiss with someone else, she distanced herself, and said something like "I think we have different things on our minds". 

 

Learn to differentiate real rejections from fake ones. And you only improve your discernment by pushing things as far as you can. Push too far, and you'll end up in trouble though. 

Push too little, then you'll never reach your potential.

[kras]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@kras Dude, she clearly wants to fuck you, she's just shy and uncomfortable. You are the man! It is your job to make her feel comfortable.

This situation could have been avoided with proper kino escalation. Google kino escalation ladder and follow it next time. You need to get her comfortable with your touch from the first second you meet up with her, otherwise things will get uncomfortable. You also need to charm her with humor, music, etc. And don't give up after one rejected kiss. Just butter her up some more and try the kiss again in 5 minutes.

Also, you need to bounce her around to multiple locations. The more locations the better. Don't close at the same location you meet and date.

In terms of dating i know all the theory, my experiance is not very extensive though.

I performed all of the things you said on a good level. She wasnt shy, i felt that she was masculine type of a girl. 

 

[Hello from Russia]

Who really cares, man, we all have weird moments sometimes. You can own it up, do everything in a different manner, and then have this moment as a fun little story both of you can remember and laugh about. Humour and laughter destroy awkwardness, man, it is such a powerful tool to have for moments like this. It's just a matter of perceiving things lightly and still going with the flow that you own.

So, some solution to this could be to still smile deeply, battering her up and generating this warm feeling between you and still confidently, pleasurefully going for that kiss. Because you like this person, right? And she likes you, it seems like. It's then the matter of logistical nature to shum this statue stuff off with humor and laugher and still go for the kiss and maybe something more close later. You should be alright, man, just add some playfulness to the equation and everything will go smoothly

Edited January 27, 2021 by Hello from Russia

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, kras said:

In terms of dating i know all the theory, my experiance is not very extensive though.

I performed all of the things you said on a good level. She wasnt shy, i felt that she was masculine type of a girl.

Well, if that's true, the ultimate rule in game is this: not everything will make sense. Sometimes a girl is just acting dumb and deserves no further analysis. Don't take too much bullshit from girls. If they are acting weird, move on to the next who will appreciate what you got to offer.

Your attitude should be like this: if this girl is not excited to be in my presence, she doesn't deserve what I got.

Not everything in game is your fault. Have standards. One of my standards is that the girl should be excited about being with me.

[kras]

I really have to stop trying to get a girl from social media and start interacting with real people outside..