TOTAL Trauma, burnout, depression, break up, no life purpose. Help needed

[OBEler]

Hello,

I already asked a lot for my (ex)/ girlfriend. She needs serious help. I did many things, all were helpful but just a little. A little background to her:

• she is 27 years old
• she has a lot of trauma in her:
  • was heavy bullied in school (over 200 people) for 2 years
  • she was raped one time 
  • she moved to foreign country after school and it was hard rude living time at the beginning
  • she lost last year her grandfather, grandmother and her cat
• she plays professional trumpet since 5 years old. But an chronic arm injury (doctors say it is all right, maybe psychic) which began 2 years ago and holds until now forced her to stop playing trumpet. Also in these time 2 years ago a professor told her about the hard life of a orchestra player which was her dream. her dream is now broken and she lost the love to play trumpet. And with it her life purpose. This is very hard for her because playing trumpet was the only reason to live otherwise she already would be dead because of her traumatic past.
• Actual her biggest problem: she is in her last semester and she dont know if she can finish her study because she has lost the motivation to finish it. Because the only reason she began to study music was to be better in trumpet to play later in orchestra

Now what we already did to heal her from all these baggage

• she went to so many doctors, psychologist and so on. No one could help but we look further here
• Meditation (10 minutes a day, not more. helped a bit)
• a little yoga
• holosync music (helped a little)
• massage (emotional therapy massage). Helped a lot first times
• Psychedelics
  • 2 times AL-LAD. Biggest healing first, but after some weeks nothing was left. 
  • 1 time MDMA. This was 1 month ago. she now has bad dreams and some panic attacks. which was before mdma also. But now a little stronger. Dont know if it healed a bit. It is too early to say so.

Can you give some useful tips how to help her with any of these issues (trauma, arm injury, lost of motivation, life purpose)? Or how she could finish her study at least (she has anxiety to go to university because of her old traumas)

 

Edited January 26, 2021 by OBEler

[Barbara]

Very sweet of you to help her that much.

Mind if I ask if she's doing all these things for you or she genuinely wants to get better?

[peanutspathtotruth]

@OBEler You're a champ for openly asking help and being open about all this. I hate to ask this but: how much of these things came from her intrinsic wish to work on herself, and how much came from you? This leads to the question: is she actively looking into herself without outside "force"? Guidance is beautiful, but we can't help someone if they don't really understand that they are responsible for their own healing. I'm genuinely asking, I'm not implying anything - I don't know your situation obviously. I ask because I have seen such a dynamic not working out for myself or friends trying to help others. 

This out of the way: is she reading books about shadow work, trauma, and healing? I feel like understanding, and a connection with the subconscious are the most important thing. Something has to "click". And also, having that life purpose is so important. Inspiration could be what she needs, like positive stories of successful, healthy, balanced musicians. Documentaries, movies etc. Maybe that gives her the spark. 

I think art is one of the most powerful ways of healing oneself. I wish her all the strength and love she can take to keep going! 

You probably know that already, and I mean that in the kindest way: please don't burden yourself with (too much) responsibility for someone else. You're doing your best - anything else is out of your control. 

??

Edited January 26, 2021 by peanutspathtotruth

[OBEler]

Yes She wants help. She seeks it on her own. She also Do a lot of contemplation with herself. She has her own healing collection with stones. And Do other things like journaling. 

She asked for the psychedelica, I never wanted to give her. 

When something helps her a little She is very thankful 

@peanutspathtotruth so yes She really wants help. Thanks for the advices, Motivation is some big issue for her right now. She already know all music Films I think

 

Edited January 27, 2021 by OBEler

[Barbara]

@OBEler That's amazing pal. She might not be at the best place right now but if she keeps doing what she's been doing, I'm sure she'll overcome all the issues. Be aware that she dealt with a lot of trauma and stress in her life. She could spend all her waking hours meditating for a few days, it would not resolve it still. Time and consistency will be her best friend, since this will be a long healing journey. With time maybe she can go a little heavier on meditation. Maybe doing retreats and at least a 20 minutes routine. She can also read about the topic. I'm not really sure what books to recommend, but she might do a quick search on Goodreads and see which sparks a connection. One thing that I really recommend would be finding a good psychotherapist. Where would you be looking for? Maybe I can help you guys search online. And there's always the option of doing it virtually. Normally here there are coaches and alternative healers doing one-to-one sessions, not really sure if qualified psychotherapists do virtual appointments, but I can also help you look it up.
So the best for her is to stay consistent and strong on the path. Better days will come

Regarding the lack of motivation.. I'm sorry, but I don't really think that there's a quick fix here... What happens if she doesn't finish her studies? 

For me, the main difficulty to overcome is her feeding this idea, in the past, that trumpet was the sustain of her life. Because now, she can't play the trumpet and she naturally feels like there's nothing to live for. I totally get why she did it, with the awful things that happened to her. But now she has to completely rewire her brain and find internal means to continue and sustain her life in something that will never go away— Herself. She has to develop a stronger ego, that will help her rely on herself. Psychology these days is strong in dealing with this type of foundational stuff that she needs, so that's why I recommend finding professional help. I also recommend the series Rewired, and the book "Breaking the habit of being yourself". Honestly, all of Dr. Joe Dispenza's work would be amazing for helping her. So check that out.

Lastly, I make his words, mine.

15 hours ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

You probably know that already, and I mean that in the kindest way: please don't burden yourself with (too much) responsibility for someone else. You're doing your best - anything else is out of your control.

Warm regards, friend

[Nahm]

@OBEler

This is uncanny. I recall you mentioning this before, and since then I had a session with a female who was also a victim of rape, bullying, and who also lost her groove, her LP mojo, and was years into suffering. She awakened in one session. If she is interested in talking, the link is in all my posts. Respect the inner kyra, and leave it to her (don’t request the session for her, let her decide, and take the action or not).  Godspeed, take care of yourself. ?

[OBEler]

@Nahm Thanks for your offering of the session. She is from Japan and only can speak rudimentair english and very good german. I dont know if the language barriers are too high.

She is very in spirituality, but on her own. She can without practice go at will to a place where no time and room exist and where she is free like a bird (without skeleton).  Lately she calls it the universe (because she read in spiritual texts about it). However this state of consciousness is just a short time and if she is back in her body her problems are still there.

@BarbaraFinding professional help for psychological problems in germany is very difficult. we already tried. Most of psychologists we met are not very good. And solving problems through talking alone can take years. She needs something fast, which can cure something in weeks/months. Not years of talking

 

Edited January 27, 2021 by OBEler

[Nahm]

14 minutes ago, OBEler said:

She is very in spirituality, but on her own.

No worries. My bad man. I often honestly can’t tell when people are looking for help or not. I don’t mean that flippantly, I honestly (obviously here) can not know, and in hindsight it seems I misunderstood. Godspeed, wishing the best for you both! ?? 

[Barbara]

50 minutes ago, OBEler said:

She needs something fast, which can cure something in weeks/months.

Is that so she can finish her studies?

[OBEler]

@Barbara yes. Of course She has so many issues. But at lest give her the strength to finish her study

 

Anxiety and no Motivation are the biggest reason for her right now

[Barbara]

@OBEler Is not on the table that she doesn't finish her studies? 
I believe that the pressure of having to finish it is actually counterproductive for her healing process and right now her mental and physical health are in the first place. That's what she should be focusing on first, I think. 

[OBEler]

@Barbara You are right! No pressure at all. But it would be of course good if she still finish her study on time

[peanutspathtotruth]

@OBEler I agree, I tried finding good therapists here in Berlin as well, it's not easy. A friend of mine found somebody who teaches with the IFS system - are you familiar with it? From what I've understood so far I think it's amazing and peeks into the transcendental area of psychology. I could ask her who that person is, it's also a Krankenkassen-Therapeut. And / or take @neutralempty 's suggestion.

Edited January 27, 2021 by peanutspathtotruth

[OBEler]

@peanutspathtotruth we live near Hamburg. I never Heard of it, looks like years of therapy this ifs what I read so far. But if it will be paid we give it a try

[Nahm]

@OBEler

A hindsight thought...you might be assuming awakening is “spiritual stuff” (conceptual or something) and she’s all set on “spiritual stuff”. That is not awakening. Awakening is reality. It is the end of anxiety, stress, trauma, etc. It is understanding this and transcending oneself from it. 

10 hours ago, OBEler said:

However this state of consciousness is just a short time and if she is back in her body her problems are still there.

It is the end of that rollercoaster of misunderstanding and suffering. It is the end of “problems still being there”.  Also, there are translators, apps, and google for language barriers, I don’t see that as an issue at all. I talk with lots of people in lots of countries.  It dawned on me we are not at all talking about the same thing, and just thought I’d mention. I’m not “pitching” here, I’d happily talk with her for free. 

[OBEler]

@Nahm Ok that sounds too good to be true. She comes to germany at the beginning of march and wants to talk with you. Thank you for your offer!

[Nahm]

@OBEler

Truth is too Good to be true. Absolutely impossible. 

And ‘here we are’. 

?