Why do women have to ruin everyone else's time when they aren't having a good time?

[Axiomatic]

I'm sure there are some guys who do this, but generally speaking, all of the parties/social events I have attended that just go 'shit's ass' is due to a woman who is upset or insecure about something; be it jealousy, not enough attention, or whatever. 

As a guy (and most guys I know), if I get dissed or feel like a loser or I am just having a bad time, I keep it to myself and go home or something. I lick my wounds and get back to it.

Most women who are upset at parties or social situations cannot do that. They simply must exhaust a chaotic energy and ruin everyone else's time. They try to get other ladies who are getting more attention to feel the same way. Telling them how this party sucks, or how they feel uncomfortable so other girls should too. Or they try to demonize whoever is there to turn the scene into a sour time.

My male roommate brought some lovely ladies over, and our female roommate got jealous and territorial and snapped on them for drinking wine that she bought for my male roommate. It made the situation tense and awkward and it ruined my chances with a woman who I was vibing with because she was freaked out. 

And the most annoying part is that none of them apologize after the fact. They have no remorse for their actions and how it affects others. They just feel a negative emotion, identify with it, and then hate it, so they must spread that energy to everyone because misery loves company.

I am a young man in my mid to late 20s. Maybe women in their 30s and 40s mature. But damn ladies, yall need to stop making a tornado of chaos everytime you feel badly about yourselves. Thats nobodies problem but your own. 

[aurum]

@Axiomatic

 Check your bro-bias homie.

I’m sure the experiences you’ve had are real. And it certainly sounds like unconscious behavior. But be careful about extrapolating those experiences and jumping to conclusions.

 

[Axiomatic]

2 minutes ago, aurum said:

@Axiomatic

 Check your bro-bias homie.

I’m sure the experiences you’ve had are real. And it certainly sounds like unconscious behavior. But be careful about extrapolating those experiences and jumping to conclusions.

 

I said before I am sure some men do this. But my friend's would frown upon me if I acted that way. "Hey man I am sorry you arent having a good time, but quit ruining mine". I don't see that same energy with women. Maybe it's a western thing idk 

 

everyone says things like check your bro-bias, but nobody provides actual receipts 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Axiomatic

[flowboy]

Why did you make this a 'men vs women' thing? There's no need for generalizations like that. There's plenty of women with great personalities who don't do this shit, but you don't notice them. Also there's plenty of men who start fights when they are not feeling good internally, so that's also not great.

Also your words exhibit a very poor understanding of women, so perhaps your goal should be to understand rather than to vent.

[Barbara]

Maybe gender is an easy label, but it's so deeper than it. 

Let's forget about gender for a while. Your friend got jealous and mad. Most people can't even identify the emotions they're dealing with. If they can't identify them, they'll just get drowned in them and simply act accordingly. The next level would maybe be able to identify them, but don't know how to deal with them. They would act upon it also. 

Both men and women can have low levels of consciousness. Your friend getting "jealous and territorial" it happens to both man and woman. It just manifests differently. And one is no better than the other.

[Axiomatic]

2 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Why did you make this a 'men vs women' thing? There's no need for generalizations like that. There's plenty of women with great personalities who don't do this shit, but you don't notice them. Also there's plenty of men who start fights when they are not feeling good internally, so that's also not great.

Also your words exhibit a very poor understanding of women, so perhaps your goal should be to understand rather than to vent.

I notice good women and genuinely show respect and appreciation for these women

I see men act fools and fight all the time, but not for the purpose of ruining everything for everyone else

[Axiomatic]

1 minute ago, neutralempty said:

Why don't you show compassion for them?

I don't demonize them, but it is not my place to show them the way. They most likely would not listen to me

[Barbara]

3 minutes ago, Axiomatic said:

but not for the purpose of ruining everything for everyone else

That's just so broad dude. How about men that start a fight in a club or that are violent with their partner for jealousy? It's a matter of consciousness. Not gender

[Axiomatic]

9 minutes ago, Barbara said:

That's just so broad dude. How about men that start a fight in a club or that are violent with their partner for jealousy? It's a matter of consciousness. Not gender

in my experience, those two men fight, and get kicked out. and the party goes on. because nobody has time for those assholes. *shrug* 

I didn't say men are higher in consciousness. Their energy is just easier to handle. 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Axiomatic

[Barbara]

3 minutes ago, Axiomatic said:

Their energy is just easier to handle

That's straight-up biased generalization. Just know that that's not an objective thing.

[Axiomatic]

3 minutes ago, Barbara said:

That's straight-up biased generalization. Just know that that's not an objective thing.

Take it how you want. But negative feminine energy is generally more manipulative (and either gender can have feminine energy). So while a more masculine energy is more straight up destructive, it is easier to identify and handle. 

Negative masculine energy will just try to fight somebody. Negative feminine energy will try to shut the whole party down and make everyone feel like shit 

 

people always try to counter this with concepts and paradigms. But this is how things happen. I don't know what to tell you. I am not just making these experiences up. 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Axiomatic

[Barbara]

1 minute ago, Axiomatic said:

But negative feminine energy is generally more manipulative (and either gender can have feminine energy). So while a more masculine energy is more straight up destructive

I agree with this. 

1 minute ago, Axiomatic said:

it is easier to identify and handle.

But this, I reiterate it's not an objective thing. It's maybe easier for you to handle, that you're a guy, but this actually just tells you, how is your understanding of women. 

[Axiomatic]

7 minutes ago, Barbara said:

I agree with this. 

But this, I reiterate it's not an objective thing. It's maybe easier for you to handle, that you're a guy, but this actually just tells you, how is your understanding of women. 

I am formally not making it my job to deal with that energy. I'll deal with it by making whoever posses it to see the door. And that usually is what works. Not tolerating it and not playing into it. 

[Barbara]

@Axiomatic Let me just ask you this if your roommate started fighting your date (being a fight a typical behaviour of negative masculine energy), would the night go on or would that make the situation tense and awkward, ruining your chances with a woman who you were vibing with?

[peanutspathtotruth]

@Axiomatic Women or men who lean more into their feminine energy are usually more in touch with their emotions, and at the same time embody their feelings more fully than those beings who lean more into their masculine energy. The result is: if he/she is angry, you will know. They don't hide it, which I personally find a nice thing. It is when this is combined with egoistic patterns that this turns into projection, which can lead to the "I'm gonna make you all drown with me - if I don't have fun, nobody should" attitude. 

But as other said - this can just as well happen with more masculine people, but there the emotion tends to be less embodied and more suppressed or rationalized. In the end, it's all just different patterns of the two different energies. There are tendencies, you have a point there. But the way you express it can quickly feel like pointing fingers and generalizing, so I can also see how this could feel offensive to others. 

[Axiomatic]

50 minutes ago, Barbara said:

@Axiomatic Let me just ask you this if your roommate started fighting your date (being a fight a typical behaviour of negative masculine energy), would the night go on or would that make the situation tense and awkward, ruining your chances with a woman who you were vibing with?

If that happened, I would not be living with her anymore. and of course it wouldnt go well. most women dont feel in the mood after that

If it was the other way around. Say I am at a woman's house and her male roommate tries to fight me, I would handle myself, and if she said "hey im sorry, lets go somewhere else, i enjoy your company", i could shrug off what happened and move on

Edited January 27, 2021 by Axiomatic

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Axiomatic said:

in my experience, those two men fight, and get kicked out. and the party goes on. because nobody has time for those assholes. *shrug* 

I didn't say men are higher in consciousness. Their energy is just easier to handle. 

This is the bro-bias that @aurum was talking about. 

Men who fight do ruin parties that way too by making others feel unsafe. As a woman, I can tell you from firsthand experience that it's genuinely scary to be in a place where men are fighting. But it doesn't perhaps bother you because of the way that they're ruining the party... as you as a guy can relate to it better. This is where the bias comes in.

But women complaining and being wet blankets gets under your skin because of the meaning you make of their brand of negativity. So, even if they are objectively causing less chaos than guys who get into fights at parties, it feels more chaotic to you because it is a feminine form of negativity. 

[Hardkill]

This is why I wish mainstream schools provided mandatory education on how to men and women can understand each other. That way a lot more people would have happier romantic relationships and be more at peace with each other.

 

 

 

 

[Origins]

@Axiomatic I can see how it can be frustrating and its good to vent when you're lacking understanding. Run through those experiences in your head and get it out for yourself, then practice re-appraising the situation from the lens of shifting from frustration due to lack of understanding to embracing what is and seeking to slowly understand the nuances of various situations like this. There's no need to condemn yourself, there's no need to condemn them or whoever, but I get it, its there and sometimes you just need to express it even if you don't directly say it. Following this course repeatedly will allow you to embrace whatever's happening across a range of scenarios, conditioning you to adapt towards a more solutions oriented mindset even if its not right for you to express those answers in the moment, maybe its just a change in your own actions. You can't change others, but you can learn to adapt better to what's happening. This is your wisdom to comprehend. The goal shouldn't be a lack of judgement, instead more along the lines of the avoidance of bad social judgement irrespective of the circumstances. You'll be invited to more parties, you'll be easier to trust (because you won't exude a judgemental energy either which is really important for the right people) and when the time is right and only then, you'll be able to express insight where its needed on a situation which can include strategically thinking better about social environments beforehand in a way that best serves everyone involved.

Edited January 27, 2021 by Origins

[Leo Gura]

@Axiomatic

Apparently you've never seen a drunken douche-bro ruin a party.