Question for guys - Have you ever wanted to be a girl just to be able to give birth?

[Preety_India]

5 hours ago, tsuki said:

You missed the rest of the paragraph that contained the point.

The distinction between wanting to have a baby (women) and wanting sex (men) is relatively recent. So saying that men don't want babies is inaccurate because men want sex.

Of course men want babies. What sort of a fucked up perception is that? We won't have a population of 8bn if men didn't want babies. 

 

[Leo Gura]

13 hours ago, tsuki said:

Wanting to have a baby .

It's worse than that. Most babies are just accidents of horny drunk people.

Without alcohol the world's population would be 10% of what it is today

[Preety_India]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

It's worse than that. Most babies are just accidents of horny drunk people.

How about millions of people who marry and plan to have kids? 

Are you completely blindsiding them? 

 

[tedens]

Haha maybe in eastern Rusia. Unless Adam and Eva ate a strong sour apple .

On the other hand, I can admit that when you are drunk you really want to ...

 

Edited January 28, 2021 by tedens

[Lyubov]

Nope

[Leo Gura]

21 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

How about millions of people who marry and plan to have kids?

How did those people meet? At a drunk party. Why did they meet? Cause they were horny. Why did they form a relationship? Because they were addicted to fucking each other.

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

How did those people meet? At a drunk party. Why did they meet? Cause they were horny.

They met because they fell in love. People meet in offices, at a friend's house, at a wedding. People set up dates. People meet online. People meet at a Cafe. 

People meet at a sports club. 

People meet at a tournament. 

People meet at a rehab. 

People meet in a class of foreign language. 

People meet at an airport. 

People at a friend's dinner. 

People meet on a movie set.

People meet at a rally.

People meet at tourist spots 

People meet at university. 

People freaking meet anywhere and out of all the places in the world, you only got a "drunk party"?? 

People don't have sex right away. 

They meet, they greet, fall in love, meet again, have sex, marry, plan to start family, have kids. 

Oh please, try to think about people who are Normal around. 

I met my boyfriend at a meditation retreat, not at a drunk party 

I don't even drink. I never had drunk sex. 

You pigeonhole too much. 

 

 

Edited January 28, 2021 by Preety_India

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

They met because they fell in love.

Lol

Cute

[Gesundheit]

6 hours ago, tsuki said:

The distinction between wanting to have a baby (women) and wanting sex (men) is relatively recent. So saying that men don't want babies is inaccurate because men want sex.

How is wanting to have babies similar to wanting to have sex? They're completely different experiences.

Most men don't daydream about having babies. But for women, it seems like an important part of their psyche. This thread is a perfect demonstration of that. Notice that most of us would not care to think seriously about having a baby, let alone going to the edges of the earth to have them (by exchanging genitalia). But most women would go through pregnancy and labor to have a baby, even though it is an unpleasant experience overall.

In other words, maternity desire is high even though the struggle is high, but paternity desire is low even though the struggle is low. Why is that? Are most humans masochists?

Edited January 28, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, tedens said:

@Leo Gura  Isn't every thing of Love?

Including turds, yes.

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

How is wanting to have babies similar to wanting to have sex? They're completely different experiences.

True. Agreed. Smh I don't get how people mix that. 

Them Thar Mix. 

 

[Hello from Russia]

@Preety_India

42 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

They met because they fell in love. People meet in offices, at a friend's house, at a wedding. People set up dates. People meet online. People meet at a Cafe. 

People meet at a sports club. 

People meet at a tournament. 

People meet at a rehab. 

People meet in a class of foreign language. 

People meet at an airport. 

People at a friend's dinner. 

People meet on a movie set.

People meet at a rally.

People meet at tourist spots 

People meet at university. 

People freaking meet anywhere and out of all the places in the world, you only got a "drunk party"?? 

People don't have sex right away. 

They meet, they greet, fall in love, meet again, have sex, marry, plan to start family, have kids. 

Oh please, try to think about people who are Normal around. 

I met my boyfriend at a meditation retreat, not at a drunk party 

I don't even drink. I never had drunk sex. 

You pigeonhole too much. 

 

 

@Preety_India

It only appears on a surface that these are different things, but if you look closer, you will find deep interconnections and how it all actually is directly related with parties

People go to sport clubs so they can look better at parties

When you go the park, you are usually just on your way to some party

Airport is how you go to a party in a different city

What is a university, really, if not a 4 years of non-stop drinking and partying, lol

Meditation retreat is when you get rid of hungover very effectively to go to the next party faster

Friend's dinner is basically partying as well

I don't know, Preety, seems like you're missing something here

Edited January 28, 2021 by Hello from Russia

[Preety_India]

@modmyth I think your mom put some sort of fear of child birth or some sort of shit like that pretty early on in your mind, which can be good as well as bad at the same time. A lot of mommies do that to protect their daughters, but sometimes it can create a lacuna and some sort of a predisposition against childbirth and having children in general which may or may not create a guilt-regret complex as you age and see others having babies, or a feeling of "missing out" when you become granny age and don't have small children to talk to. 

 

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

@Preety_India

@Preety_India

It only appears on a surface that these are different things, but if you look closer, you will find deep interconnections and how it all actually is directly related with parties

People go to sport clubs so they can look better at parties

When you go the park, you are usually just on your way to some party

Airport is how you go to a party in a different city

What is a university, really, if not a 4 years of non-stop drinking and partying, lol

Meditation retreat is when you get rid of hungover very effectively to go to the next party faster

Friend's dinner is basically partying as well

I don't know, Preety, seems like you're missing something here

It doesn't necessarily have alcohol in it though. 

People can have sex without alcohol. 

And sex always doesn't lead to a pregnancy because a lot of people practice safe sex. 

A lot of pregnancies are well planned by couples. 

 

[Preety_India]

10 minutes ago, modmyth said:

I feel like I understand and empathize with it more now, but what I don't understand is letting that drive/ desire override thinking about it logically. Like will you pass down lots of intergenerational trauma to your children? What about the future of the world and the environment at large; what kind of world are your kids and possibly your kids' kids going to grow up in? Stuff which I was preoccupied with as a teenager and I would bring up when this came up in conversations with either adults or people closer to my age range.

I kinda of get the idea that you probably wanted to have kids, even as a teenager, but somehow your logical mind got in the way of it and you began to question and that subconsciously buried that inner maternal desire in you and it never found an expression. 

Let's say, if these questions didn't matter, or stuff like that was never going to happen, if  everything was going to be fine and perfect, no trauma nothing, would you still not wanted to have children? 

I think your answer would be different. 

 

[MrBON]

@Leo Gura It is true though. Love is not just sex, it is also emotional connection, feeling understood and trusting someone else. Especially from females point of view. Not all relationships are needy neurotic fuck fest ones you know.

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, modmyth said:

@Preety_India  I think it might have been really honest overshare TBH. According to my mom, her mom was pretty similar in that way. My partner thinks it's messed up that she dumped that much information on me at a young age, but I have always preferred my parents' honesty to the point of insensitivity rather than their lying by omission; the latter has done much more damage to me in the long run.

I would tend to think, well what about that one mega taboo of motherhood, the one where you regret having your children but you can't talk about it in public because people will think you're an absolute monster? It worries me deeply when people when people won't at least think about all of those questions in an honest, exposed kind of way. It's the other side of regretting not having children at all, but at least you didn't bring someone into this world and are directly responsible for their suffering and what you molded them to be in a way that you could have prevented or done better with (should you chosen to have kids) with at least some effort. You can't prevent everything life throws your way obviously, and honestly, this is the wrong way to look at it too. 

My mom wanted me in the sense that both my brother and I were very much planned; my parents were much more prepared than a lot of people's parents that I knew of growing up. They had their finances, their ethics and values sorted out, and they were pretty much consolidated on all of those things. Emotionally, they're just not very warm or nurturing people. I felt like I wasn't really wanted growing up despite all of it, and I could tell by the way my mom talked about it that she resented me for what I did to her body. Or maybe just taking on that guilt was unavoidable regardless. But despite my case, it's true. Some women want kids or thought they wanted kids, or maybe they felt pressured by their spouse, extended family, or culture, and then they regret it. Or they wanted kids, and then the reality of it made them change their mind. Or they just don't like THEIR particular kid even though maternal instinct is supposed to make it so that you do (another taboo).

Maybe in a perfect, idyllic world I would want to have kids. I was even more against it as a teenager but it was a box that I hadn't yet unpacked.

Lots of women who have arguably had worse backgrounds than I have must have felt more of an urge to have kids though, and went through with it, despite their fears and trauma. Like it just overrode their initial worries, but it's something I wasn't able to do. Which is probably why it's personality thing in my case. I'm too unreasonably pefectionistic. I've probably ran through every possibility that I thought could go wrong and what I would do. I've had people tell me that I would make a really good mother for this reason, plus natural empathy.

Also, I was the youngest one in my extended family, so I never grew up around younger children, like kids and babies. It might have factored into why I couldn't really relate to them for most of my life. I never liked dolls or played house as a child; I was pretty tomboyish. Whenever we played games where it was like... how many kids are you gonna have when you grow up? I was like like... yea zero would be ideal every time. And this was before my mom had told me anything. I never seriously imagined what it would be like having children until I was an adult and I unpacked that box in attempts to resolve whatever I might find there.

It's hard to say with a hundred percent certainty other than that though.

And here I'm thinking your genes ought to be abso-fucking-lutely passed on.  

[mmKay]

God bless condoms 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_condoms

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, MrBON said:

Not all relationships are needy neurotic fuck fest ones you know.

And I never said all were.

[tsuki]

3 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

How is wanting to have babies similar to wanting to have sex? They're completely different experiences.

@Preety_India @Gesundheit You are not seeing forrest for the trees. 

These wants are similar in having the same effect. Babies. The fact that men stop one step short in their wanting, focusing on orgasm, is of little significance.

Unconscious, biological, drives run deep within us, and the fact that we do not consciously recognize their end-goal is by design. These matters are much more important than the whims of our intellect and ego. What we talk about these drives is complete garbage and fantasy for most part. Total delusion.

Sure, people fall in love, care for each other, etc. But these BIG processes have little to do with conscious choice. You gotta pay your dues to the body and it will collect them whether you like it or not. The intellect is a tiny speck on top of the biological momentum. It's not in the driver's seat. It is so delusional that it is not even able to see they it's bound in ropes, sitting in the trunk.