9-5 Misery and Drug Addiction

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

I abuse my body and mind with drugs. So off normal baseline and over workout to go to bed lol

(THC RSO/Edibles/Smoking/Pen , Coffee 1-2 cups, Adderall 5-10mg, Nicotine vaping like twice a week, sulbutiamine which made me angry/hypomanic/irritated 100%, drank 3 beers last week after a couple months/years sober - I dislike drinking/so low conscious) 

The problem: These drugs DO help. However, the makeshift chemistry will never work. I NEED a week to withdrawal from weed because I don't sleep without it and I have MAJOR mania issues with no sleeping without it, before even thc, so this is the heaviest and most rational addiction. I wake up tired all the time from the amount I need to go to bed from all the stimulants and overworking out to cope, never works. 

What’s the point of shit if nothing ever completes? 

Like I am struggling physically and emotionally and health wise, yet no one one thing is going to help or truly satisfy? What’s the point of eating healthy and psychedelics if it will never satisfy? 

Everyday is a brutal struggle to find what supplements or drugs will make me feel normal and able to not walk out of my job from exhaustion, stress, fatigue/lethargy, anger, and emotional beat down. 

And to start habits as working out is so hard. 

Then, every thing I hope will make things getter and it really doesn’t. I gave no consistency. 

2.5 before work, no matter what, I’m getting up and doing. A routine. 

And the sobriety path is so blue and dogmatic and unappealing yet I know it’s the move. Like I just want to be healthy. I really don’t care about sobriety. The orange capatalism taken to its max is miserable rat race

—

Alright so a rant about society and stage orange materialism

-I am so exhausted of this 40 hr 9-5 slave job with no compensation to live on my own

-massive drug addiction and don’t have more than 2 days to recover from drug wreckage

-I spend so much money on food and weed because I can never plan anything cause I am always depressed and tired or wired from Adderall 

——

Things I have found work: 

-20-1hr of working out : sauna, 4mins run, 5X5 lift

-Sobriety/Sleep/wake 2 hrs before work to workout

—

Things I think will work: 

Plan activities and chores for throughout the week with 20 min increments. 

Stop weed usage and workout nut instead. 

Homeworkout to wake up first thing or when gym closed. No excuses. 2mins of working out is an instant high and clarity

Look up supplements to increase oxygen to the brain. These work the best for my focus and mood and organization and comprehension! 

Post-Mortem on Health revolution 

Microdose / 2week routine of mushroom, however I am too unambitious to seek the resources as I live with parents who are very controlling 

I just want to take a week to get sober. Put in my vacation at work tomorrow for Thursday and Friday off. 

— 

Notes I observed:

after getting back from hospitals I am relatively happy and healed and calm and physically feel pretty good by resetting my nuerotransmitters and I learn and all that shit. 

 

But overall sobriety is only optimistic to me if I am able to find a passion, feel healthy when I wake up, not have to talk myself into every thing I have to do, I walk into work optimistic and looking forward rather than dreading being exhausted and stressed all day. 

ALL I want is CLARITY!

Life sucks if you dont have healthy routines to balance out work. Those hours after work are beyond crucial. 

Stimulants make you so hyper focused you actually get no shit done because you are obsessed with how happy you feel and you just do whatever brings YOU the most pleasure. 

Even if I get through the physical withdrawals, the emotional and mental obsession with :”will I be okay at work today. Will I want to binge on drugs when I get hoe because of how I underperformed today without drugs” << this drug addiction is so deep rooted I am SOOOO sick of this shit. Literal demons begging me for coffee everyday convincing me I will have a horrible sluggish day if I don’t, and usually do. So frustrating that the cures for addictions cost THOUSANDS and are ILLEGAL and the people who suffer the MOST from addictions HAVE NO MONEY!!!! I am so busy slaving at 9-5 I have no vacation, nor money to change < excuses, but is practical and true. 

 

I never knew how miserable adult life, everyone is, how difficult good health is, how COMPLICATED and hard even living a 9-5 is. However, my body CAN NOT take more than a 40hr week to build a biz. Until my health is better, there is no way. I am a veggie after work and weekends. I feel so stuck. And to be happy I hear from Leo you need EXCELLENCE, not mediocrity. However, I am convinced with my energy and lazy levels, I am not built for that passionate and stressful life. *If I overwork or stress myself, I go into mania and go to hospitals for weeks at a time, 40hr is my max. 

 

Suggestions/y’all relate? Wow life can beat you the fuck down.

[Preety_India]

Don't fall into the trap of overworking, and don't do it just because you see others doing it.i completely empathize  with your worldview but I don't think drugs are a good way to start a day, maybe take up some yoga practice, you might want to lay off the weed for a while, try to work around to get to sleep without drugs and that could be a game changer. 

 

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

ALL I want is CLARITY!

Appreciate the heck out of the work, every aspect possible, change your entire interpretation in that regard,  flip your own script. Discard your entire paradigm because it sucks (in feeling terms), and refresh in the recognition of this, and in starting the mind anew. With each day, put feeling first, and consciously choose perspectives which feel good. You’ll soon have the energy, insights, mindset and ideas, and you’ll change your life naturally. You’ll want different experiences naturally. You’ll feel so good & freed you’ll have twice the energy and half a mind for time at all. It’s incredibly humbling, liberating and empowering when you recognize no one else is suffering. 

The point of shit when nothing completes is the shit is you, and you are infinite being. The shit is the miracle. That’s where people got that term, “it’s the shit”. (Infinite Awesomeness) They’re talkin bout you. Empty the mind of the orange and capitalism etc views, and it will fill with awesomeness. 

The point of eating healthy is to realize the value of it, of living. Orange is the inspiration to eat well & take care. Love orange. Choose orange perspectives aligned with feeling, receive orange inspiration. The point of psychedelics is to realize you are “the shit” (as in the infinite shiznit) by flushing the flotsam & jetsam of perspectives which create discord. 

Sobriety, like clarity, is not at all dogmatic or blue. It is a heroic endeavor, the only ‘real’ path, the true aim, prior to the prism of sd’s. That has nothing to do with it. It is evoking the power of God into your life. Choose sobriety perspectives aligned with feeling, receive Goodness inspiration.

Use the emotional scale, it works. Meditation, letting thought activity go & the mind rest, works. For example, when experiencing a mix of boredom, frustration, and pessimism, in bringing the mind to rest, momentum of thought activity is slowed or stopped...and one can recognize one can be and is content with just this moment as it is. Feeling that just-right-now contentment...from there one can consider a hopeful perspective...which feels even better. There is intrinsic hope in feeling contentment with this moment...and the better one feels the more it is realized there is only ever this moment. One which realizes one can always feel their way to contentment with now, realizes it is always now...and one can always feel their way to contentment, and this is very hopeful feeling. From hopefulness...one can consider optimistic expectations much more readily. Momentum builds, effortlessly, and much more passion is felt. New never before experienced perspectives of appreciation explode like fireworks and feel a lot like joy & love, and are very empowering. At this point you literally can’t remembering the ‘old’ perspectives. It works.

Reality is an inside out job. Go to the flashlight, let go of all concerning perspectives about the light on the wall. It’ll change. Stop worrying about the whole world. It’s skewing all other perspectives. Give the world views thinking a break for a while and it’ll have an affect on the body mind like a week in nature would. 

Godspeed. Wishing you the best. 

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

@Preety_India I really appreciate your replies lately, Preety India, you have some really good wisdom and patience on this forum. I love it! 
 

good vibes. I completely agree. As soon as the weed is decreased and the exercise routine is everyday for a week or two, I should be good?

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

@Preety_India I really appreciate your replies lately, Preety India, you have some really good wisdom and patience on this forum. I love it! 
 

good vibes. I completely agree. As soon as the weed is decreased and the exercise routine is everyday for a week or two, I should be good?

You're welcome 

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

@Nahm I am so amazed you do this for free, LOL! Your advice is $250 a month gold. Definitely gonna check out your work! 
 

thank you so much for this feedback. Really best reply I’ve ever gotten on this forum. I guess my depth of description allowed you to be very accurate too. 
 

so spiritually inspiring. I need to stop judging spirituality so bad because I lost my focusing abilities and mental health so it’s REALLY hard to be content in any moment cause my mind is bat shit uncontrollable sometimes. 
 

When I’m having health issues, low sleep; manic, adrenaline, coming off caffeine/Adderall, the whole just be content in the moment is out the window! I’ve tried countless times and I’m quite the experienced meditator. 5+years and lots of study. Whenever my brain needs better chemicals or rest, THAT will help my joy, not meditating cause I’m doing that 247 as resting awareness through out my day. The hardest part of my day is just dealing with the physical health issues. Spiritually I’m connected. However, when those chemicals dip from stims and stuff, there’s no way I am going to find enjoyment, my mind is SO miserable and sidetracked it’s just not likely. 
 

what’s the link between neurotransmitters, focus, content awareness? Cause if you have clinical depression, say goodbye to enlightenment! For 90% people. 

[Preety_India]

@EntheogenTruthSeeker

I understand you because I'm going through similar struggles. 

Although I didn't take any psychedelics, my addiction was junk food. It ruined me. 

My gut will take weeks to heal. 

I feel very tired all the time. Because of which I couldn't exercise as I normally used to. 

The Covid got me depressed because before covid I used to go out and that used to make me so happy. But that was killed. Staying home, although I was working from home, but still, just the whole social isolation kinda started making me grumpy. 

And I'm such an emotional person that little things can make me feel grumpy for long periods. 

So overall the whole year of 2020 was pretty miserable. All my emotional issues were taking such a toll on me, 

(sorry if this appears like I'm whining about my life) 

Then I began to rely on coffee. I drank loads of coffee just to be able to work. 

The days I didnt drink coffee I felt very tired. I would try to get out of bed and simply slump into a chair or couch and wake up hours later. 

I started getting sleep deprivation 

I started eating junk food so eating too much so that it would put me to sleep.. 

All of these habits became addictive over time. 

I have made the new year resolution that I need to clean up my habits for good, I'm getting there, although I'm a bit slow in my progress.. 

I try to be positive no matter what. 

That's why I can relate to you. 

Thanks for hearing me out.. 

I feel like we can love each other and connect to each other because we are all part of the same universe, the same consciousness.. 

And the more we love and heal each other the more we get stronger in our collective consciousness on a united path to heal together, not alone. That's what I believe. 

[Preety_India]

I'm also planning to do something like Nahm where I can help people for free. 

So I try to do my bit on the forum by helping people every now and then. 

In the future I will feel much more confident in Going out and helping people 

 

 

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

what’s the link between neurotransmitters, focus, content awareness?

??  Interpretations & identification, self understanding & emotional equanimity, and a calm mind. This is all possible for you. Miracle happens everyday. 

1 hour ago, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

Cause if you have clinical depression, say goodbye to enlightenment! For 90% people. 

I was clinically diagnosed maniac depressive about twenty five years ago. Saw a few therapists, tried a few medications. None of it made sense. Meditation, well being, dreamboard, aligning thought with feeling, all make sense. I was full of shit too. I didn’t know heads from tails of any of it either though, and neither did anyone who treated me. Nice folks, just didn’t know they were full of shit. 

[Preety_India]

@Nahm Salute you Phil. You do a great job! 

[Nahm]

@Preety_India ?? You too! 

[Mannyb]

8 hours ago, Nahm said:

??  Interpretations & identification, self understanding & emotional equanimity, and a calm mind. This is all possible for you. Miracle happens everyday. 

I was clinically diagnosed maniac depressive about twenty five years ago. Saw a few therapists, tried a few medications. None of it made sense. Meditation, well being, dreamboard, aligning thought with feeling, all make sense. I was full of shit too. I didn’t know heads from tails of any of it either though, and neither did anyone who treated me. Nice folks, just didn’t know they were full of shit. 

Same here, I didn’t even try those meds. The journey was extremely though, yet it was love all along. 1 year after diagnosis,  I had my first awakening, the next year I found actualized.org, finally it all ‘clicked’ being awareness knowingly just last year thanks to inquiry, meditation, books and videos / podcasts from Nondual masters like Rupert, Adya, Mooji, & many more... It was actually I getting closer, & paying more attention to my Self all along. ?? Although this whole adventure seems to be about you being in a world with other people, it’s actually just you learning to admit that you already love your Self, all of existence. @EntheogenTruthSeeker ❤️ 

[UNZARI]

All of this is so relatable. My addictions are nicotine, kratom, and caffeine. Best of luck to you man!