Porn, persistent problems & confusion

[Joshuas]

The story

I have been struggling with addictive porn behaviour for 6 years now. At times my mind is obsessed with it, but it has caused me a big pile of suffering and it affects my intimate relationship, overall mood and energy.

Two years ago I went to counseling for it, and some other issues. The other issues have been solved and although my porn usage is at a better place, it is still causes problems and suffering. There are times when I'm able to stay of it, times where I am able to manage it and times where it gets out of hand. So although at times it goes well, I feel that I'm not getting at the root of the problem. 

my mind is obsessed with it in a way, which brings me suffering — I haven't been successful in properly solving either side of that equation.

I had a meditation where sexual images came up in my mind, which I kept labelling. Eventually the images stoped and I was left with utter confusion, to the point where I was even confused with what I was confused about. It felt penetrating and persistent. Eventually that calmed down and I felt relieved.

Porn doesn't feel like a healthy form of entertainment to me, it feels like an unhealthy coping mechanism that I can't stop for coping with feelings that I don't know how to deal with. The tricky thing is that my mind is sometimes hijacked by an impulse to look up sexual things in a matter of seconds (sometimes even so suddenly that I surprise myself with it). 

How do you integrate deep feelings of confusion and struggle when those feelings so quickly trigger behaviour that numbs you from them? I feel like I can't get a proper hold of the behaviour nor the root of the issue. I'm trying, but I could use some advice. I'm not at the worst place in my life with this, but I just feel that I'm not solving the root of the issue here. 

Concrete questions

• How do you develop a healthy relationship with porn?
• How do you get a hold of behaviour that is very impulsive and hard to control?
• How to deal with persistent, penetrating feelings of confusion?
• Any advice on solving this problem?
• Is porn a problem for you? Or do you enjoy it without any issues (emotionally, sexually and in relationships)? 

[Eren Eeager]

27 minutes ago, Joshuas said:

How do you develop a healthy relationship with porn?

awareness alone is curative. watch that episode that Leo released a long time ago.

 

28 minutes ago, Joshuas said:

How to deal with persistent, penetrating feelings of confusion?

by ignoring them and working and doing what you believe it is right at least for now. Answers will come eventually you just take baby steps in the right direction.

 

[Joshuas]

@Husseinisdoingfine You're right, I moved it to the sexuality section just now. Will delete this one.