Feeling amazing and insignifant

[Adodd]

Fuck. I've been really busting my ass lately. I wake up earlier. I run 5 days a week(started maybe a month ago). I'm taking Leo's life purpose course finally after procrastinating about it so long(started maybe a month ago). I have been reading regularly. I have quit cigarettes (2 years) and alcohol (1 years). I have been more mindful. My love for life has skyrocketed.

But the last week ive been feeling like shit. I feel insignificant and stupid. Sometimes I even get the urge to hurt myself. I haven't felt like this since middle school. It feels like the more constructive I become and the more I accomplish the more confident I become while somehow simultaneously becoming more insecure. Should I push through this or do I need a break? I dont want a break. But I dont want to break either.

As cliche as it sounds its almost like I'm split into two identities or personas or something and theres no telling which one I'll identify with at any given point. I can simultaneously be the most confident ive ever been and be the most insecure ive ever been. 

Edited January 24, 2021 by Adodd

[allislove]

5 minutes ago, Adodd said:

Fuck. I've been really busting my ass lately. I wake up earlier. I run 5 days a week(started maybe a month ago). I'm taking Leo's life purpose course finally after procrastinating about it so long(started maybe a month ago). I have been reading regularly. I have quit cigarettes (2 years) and alcohol (1 years). I have been more mindful. My love for life has skyrocketed

Wow, cool.

 Can do it bro ?

[TheSource]

Hello Adodd,

you're describing a seemingly paradoxical situation here. At least from my point of view, what you are going through is perfectly normal. Letting go of old habits and an old style of living makes the ego frightened. Also opening up to life makes the ego frightened. The ego consciously and even more so subconsciously knows that going further that way finally means death. What other feelings do you expect to feel from a limited dying entity?

If you push through, the ego will become more and more of a servant for your life not an opponent. Honestly, I think a real break is not possible anymore. Once you get more awake, there is no going back (unless you choose unhappiness, but why would you?). You said your love of life skyrocketed. What do you expect going back? What do you expect from a break?

My advice is:

• try to get to the root cause and ask yourself why you're so anxious?
• try to answer yourself the question why do you have the urge to hurt yourself sometimes?
• why do you feel insignificant and stupid?
• If the tendencies of self-harm become too big, please seek professional advice