Let's Get Practical #3: Raising Self-Esteem

[Raphael]

Quote

Self-esteem, fully realized, is the experience that we are appropriate to life and to the requirements of life. More specifically, self-esteem is:

1. confidence in our ability to think, confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life; and
2. confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and wants, achieve our values, and enjoy the fruits of our efforts

Nathaniel Branden, The Sixth Pillars of Self-Esteem

 

I recently finished reading The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem for the second time. The first time that I read it (~2 years ago), I was too emotionally unstable to do anything with the knowledge and do the exercises properly. However, I grew a lot since then and I now feel mature enough to use the material properly.

About My Self-Esteem Issues

While growing up as a kid, then as a teenager, and now as a young adult, I suffered pretty huge self-esteem issues that impacted the quality of my life. Some of these issues included:

• A lot of depression
• Extreme shyness
• Inability to make friends / make social connections
• Discomfort with girls
• Neglecting my body. I wasn't doing any sport and was very skinny, some people even asked me if I was anorexic
• Laziness
• Fewer good results than I was capable of in school (I was a little better than average and sometimes even good, but it was still way below what I was capable of)
• Very low results in freelancing because I was afraid of charging clients

I solved some of these issues in the past, but some of them are still here. I'm still quite shy, still uncomfortable with women, still experience a little of depression from time to time. However, I now look good, I go to the gym regularly, I'm more hardworking, and recently started to have much better results in freelancing.

Why Self-Esteem

Healthy self-esteem is the foundation for proper functioning in life. So If can raise my self-esteem, I can improve everything:

• Relationships
• Communication
• Health
• Work ethic
• Business results
• Awareness
• Happiness
• And much more.

Why Will I Do

At the end of The Sixth Pillars of Self-Esteem, there is a program to progressively raise self-esteem. It is a 31 week program, I will do it at least one time, but if I see the necessity to do it more than once, I will do it. If taking other actions are necessary, I will take them.

What Inspired Me

I got inspired by a user on this forum who did the same thing two years ago:

 

[Raphael]

Previous Practical Journals

 

Edited January 24, 2021 by Raphael

[Raphael]

25/01/2021 (Week 1)

If I bring more awareness to my life today...

• I'll slow down my pace of life
• I'll avoid social media
• I'll concentrate more
• I'll complain less about avoidable situations
• I'll take more responsibilities
• I'll focus more on what I want

If I take more responsibility for my choices and actions today...

• I'll focus more on my work
• I'll be more respectful towards my mom
• I'll take care of my posture when I sit
• I'll avoid distractions
• I'll meditate more seriously
• I'll take actions to avoid outside noises
• I'll focus more on a single task at the time
• I'll work on my clearing my traumas

If I pay more attention to how I deal with people today...

• I'll be more respectful towards people
• I'll say hello to my grandma
• I'll complain less about them
• I'll handle them simpler and in a less neurotic way
• I'll listen more to people
• I'll be more assertive with them

If I boost my energy level by 5 percent today

• I'll focus more on healthy activities
• I'll take proper breaks
• I'll avoid working more than 1 hour 30 minutes time slots
• I'll be more productive
• I'll be more happy
• I'll move more towards my goals in life
• I'll be able to get more done, more easily, and more quickly

[Raphael]

26/01/2021 (Week 1)

If I bring more awareness to my life today...

• I'll relax more my body
• I'll take more time in doing my activities
• I'll create more positivity
• I'll concentrate more on what I need to do
• I'll use more positive thoughts
• I'll only do the needed activities

If I take more responsibility for my choices and actions today...

• I'll concentrate more on my work
• I'll reduce my number of activities
• I'll meditate more deeply
• I'll avoid social media
• I'll concentrate more on positive emotions
• I'll bring more awareness to my work
• I'll create more happiness

If I pay more attention to how I deal with people today...

• I'll be more respectful
• I'll be more polite
• I'll set proper boundaries with them
• I'll bring more honesty to my relationships
• I'll be more authentic in my relationships
• I'll communicate more clearly
• I'll be more assertive
• I'll be happier with other people

If I boost my energy level by 5 percent today

• I'll be more productive
• I'll be more focus
• I'll create a clearer state of mind
• I'll be more dynamic
• I'll be more able to produce quality work
• I'll felt more enthusiastic
• I'll have a more successful day

[Raphael]

27/01/2021 (Week 1)

If I bring more awareness to my life today...

• I'll relax more my body
• I'll breath more consciously
• I'll let go of unneeded thoughts
• I'll focus on one thing at the time
• I'll take more time to do things
• I'll sleep better at night

If I take more responsibility for my choices and actions today...

• I'll relax properly
• I'll use better my mind
• I'll concentrate more at the gym
• I'll go through my entire breathwork session
• I'll be more happy
• I'll focus on what's necessary

If I pay more attention to how I deal with people today...

• I'll be more respectful of people
• I'll speak more clearly with people
• I'll be more assertive
• I'll be more polite
• I'll be more assertive
• I'll appreciate more social relationships

If I boost my energy level by 5 percent today...

• I'll be more effective at the gym
• I'll enjoy my empty time
• I'll be more enthusiastic
• I'll use my energy properly
• I'll achieve more
• I'll be more happy

[Raphael]

28/01/2021 (Week 1)

If I bring more awareness to my life today...

• I'll keep my body as relaxed as possible
• I'll move slowly
• I'll only do what's necessary
• I'll focus more when doing my activities
• I'll be more positive
• I'll be more in the moment
• I'll avoid distractions

If I take more responsibility for my choices and actions today...

• I'll bring more focus in my work
• I'll avoid social medias
• I'll take care that my actions are aligned with my long term goals
• I'll take my of my posture
• I'll meditate more deeply
• I'll create more happiness
• I'll concentrate more while doing the sentence completion stem to raise my self-esteem
• I'll focus more on the quality of the work that my doing rather trying to do things quickly

If I pay more attention to how I deal with people today...

• I'll be more respectful with people
• I'll be more polite
• I'll be more assertive
• I'll be more honest
• I'll be more simple and direct in my communication
• I'll set proper boundaries with people

If I boost my energy level by 5 percent today...

• I'll be more enthusiastic
• I'll go through my day more easily
• I'll have more courage
• I'll produce better quality work
• I'll concentrate more
• I'll bring more satisfaction in my life

[Raphael]

29/01/2021 (Week 1)

If I bring more awareness to my life today...

• I'll focus more on what I'm doing
• I'll become more aware of my biases
• I'll become more aware of my neurosis
• I'll relax more my body
• I'll let go of necessary thoughts
• I'll be more in the moment
• I'll take more responsibility

If I take more responsibility for my choices and actions today...

• I'll go to sleep earlier
• I'll avoid distractions
• I'll avoid social medias
• I'll be more focused
• I'll move faster towards my goals
• I'll have better emotional mastery
• I'll create more positivity

If I pay more attention to how I deal with people today...

• I'll be more respectful
• I'll be more polite
• I'll acknowledge that people have their limitations and cannot be perfect
• I'll be more honest
• I'll be more assertive
• I'll set proper bounderies
• I'll be more genuine
• I'll keep my communications simple yet explanatory

If I boost my energy level by 5 percent today...

• I'll get more things done
• I'll be more enthusiastic
• I'll be more able to cope with the challenges of life
• I'll be more awake
• I'll be more dynamic
• I'll appreciate life more

[Raphael]

30/01/2021 (Week 1)

I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• only concentrate on what's necessary
• search for an isolated office
• bring consciousness to my relationships
• apply more efforts to what I'm doing
• take 100% responsibility for everything that I do in life
• create happiness and positivity everyday
• work with my heart
• stay genuine
• work hard
• appreciate life more
• accept myself completely

[Raphael]

31/01/2021 (Week 1)

I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• bring more awareness to what I'm doing
• sacrifice my need to go fast
• sacrifice my addiction to internet
• sacrifice my addiction to knowledge
• sacrifice my anxieties
• sacrifice my neediness
• focus more
• take responsibility to actualize my potential
• keep a good organization
• relax more
• let oxygen flows seamlessly throughout my body
• bring positivity everyday

[Raphael]

01/02/2021 (Week 2)

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my important relationships...

• I'll realize how important they are
• I'll bring more love to the people that I'm closer to
• I'll have more fun
• I'll be more honest with the people that I love
• I'll realized that I failed to create important relationship
• I'll try to find one or two more quality people in my life

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my insecurities...

• I'll be more honest with myself
• I'll accept my insecurities more
• I would not let the past define me
• I'll be more able to solve them
• I'll reveal myself more to people
• I'll have the courage to fix myself
• I'll feel better in the long term
• I'll be less reactive towards other people

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my deepest needs and wants...

• I'll admit that I want visibility
• I'll admit that I feel too much isolated
• I'll admit that I want more social interactions
• I'll admit that I want more high quality relationships
• I'll admit that I want to have more fun
• I'll recognize my authentic needs and desires and let go of insecurity based needs
• I'll try to create some relationships

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my emotions...

• I'll be more able to understand the emotions that serve me
• I'll accept to experience difficult emotions
• I'll be more conscious that my thought pattern is linked to my emotional state
• I'll recognize that I have some deep fear inside me
• I'll recognize that I feel shameful
• I'll be more able to understand how to solve my depressive states
• I'll gradually improve my emotional state
• I'll feel a little better everyday
• I'll breath and relax better

[Raphael]

02/02/2021 (Week 2)

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my important relationships...

• I'll treat them as sacred
• I'll more fun with the people that I like
• I'll bring more honesty to my relationships
• I'll be more happy
• I'll appreciate people that I like more
• I'll accept people's imperfections

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my insecurities...

• I'll be more honest with myself
• I'll stop defending myself
• I'll be more accepting of myself
• I'll try to solve my issues
• I'll admit that I'm needy
• I'll admit that I want visibility
• I'll admit that I want more relationships
• I'll admit that I'm afraid of people
• I'll admit that I'm stuck in a strange loop where I want more relationships, but I'm afraid of people which cause the neediness to want more relationships

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my deepest needs and wants...

• I'll discern between authentic needs and low conscious needs
• I'll let go of low conscious needs
• I'll focus to fulfilling my conscious needs and wants
• I'll be more conscious of what I really want in life
• I'll accept that I'm human and that I have needs and wants
• I'll work on fulfilling my needs and wants

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my emotions...

• I'll understand which emotions serve be best
• I'll let go of difficult emotions
• I'll have more emotional mastery
• I'll realize how connected my thoughts are to my emotions
• I'll know more myself and through that know more people
• I'll create the needed emotions for me to succeed in life

[Raphael]

03/02/2021 (Week 2)

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my important relationships...

• I'll be more conscious of how much quality relationships are important for life
• I'll nurture these relationships
• I'll be more in peace with the people that I appreciate
• I'll take more care of the people close to me
• I'll realize how much I'm selfish
• I'll realize that I need others to survive

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my insecurities...

• I'll be more honest with myself
• I'll have more humility
• I'll have the courage to see what's in myself
• I'll accept my insecurities
• I'll find action plans to fix my insecurities
• I'll have the face to face my insecurities
• I'll do more things that I'm afraid of
• I'll take more responsibilities to fix myself

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my deepest needs and wants...

• I'll stop being shameful of needing attention, social contacts, and sex
• I'll have more humility
• I'll recognize that having needs is natural
• I'll be more able to share about myself
• I'll recognize that I'll want a girlfriend
• I'll let go of my addictions caused by my lack of basic needs fulfillment by fulfilling my needs in a healthy way

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my emotions...

• I'll be more competent in distinguishing my emotions
• I'll be more intuitive
• I'll accept to experience emotions
• I'll express myself more
• I'll appreciate that I'm much more emotionally healthy than most people
• I'll have more emotional mastery
• I'll create more easily flow states
• I'll properly use emotions to achieve my goals
• I'll cry

[Raphael]

04/02/2021 (Week 2)

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my important relationships...

• I'll bring more fun to my relationships
• I'll nurture them more
• I'll understand how important they are
• I'll be more happy with the people that I'm closed to
• I'll take more care of the people that I like
• I'll seek to understand other

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my insecurities...

• I'll accept more my imperfections
• I'll reveal myself more
• I'll see that I'm insecure about being insecure
• I'll be more honest with myself
• I'll take more time doing this sentence completion exercise to dig deeper in myself
• I'll accept that I cannot be perfect

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my deepest needs and wants...

• I'll recognize that I have natural needs
• I'll do the distinction between natural needs and unconscious ones
• I'll try to fullfill my deepest needs in a healthy way
• I'll schedule properly my days to take care of these needs
• I'll not be ashamed of having needs
• I'll accept myself more

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my emotions...

• I'll work with the emotional scale
• I'll let go of difficult emotions
• I'll bring more positivity
• I'll use better emotions
• I'll feel more comfortable at experiencing emotions
• I'll developer more and more emotional mastery everyday
• I'll grow up psychologically faster

[Raphael]

05/02/2021 (Week 2)

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my important relationships...

• I'll choose better words when communicating
• I'll develop more empathy
• I'll realize that by caring about others I'm caring about me
• I'll realize how interconnected I am
• I'll improve my social skills
• I'll be more loving
• I'll do the best that I can to help the people that I love

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my insecurities...

• I would not hide myself
• I'll take time to inspect my insecurities
• I'm taking the first baby steps to fix myself
• I'll relax my body when confronted with difficulties
• I'll breathe deeply in challenging situations
• I'll realize that I'm afraid of being poor
• I'll realize that I'm afraid of being dependent of my parents until they die
• I'll realize that I'm afraid of myself

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my deepest needs and wants...

• I'll recognize my need for social connections
• I'll accept having needs
• I'll draw distinctions between healthy needs and neurosis
• I'll recognize that my need to go fast is a neurosis that backfires on me
• I'll let go of the need to go fast
• I'll recognize the need for the now
• I'll do everything to fulfill my need for the now

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my emotions...

• I'll recognize my emotions better
• I'll recognize more my emotional patterns
• I'll see how to break neurotic emotional patterns
• I'll let go of neurotic emotional patterns
• I'll develop a little more emotional mastery every day
• I'll do better every day
• I'll do better in life

[Raphael]

06/02/2021 (Week 2)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• bring more consciousness to the words that I use
• bring more consciousness to the emotions that I share
• carefully choose the words that I share
• carefully choose the emotions that I share
• bring radical honesty to my life
• accept not being perfect
• notice my emotional patterns
• accept having needs and wants
• work to fulfill authentic needs and wants
• let go of inauthentic needs
• take 100% responsibility for my emotions
• take 100% responsibility for my awareness
• take 100% responsibility for the quality of my life

[Raphael]

07/02/2021 (Week 2)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• try to fix my insecurities
• start to fix my traumas by using the trauma release exercise
• work with the emotional scale model
• show more respect to people
• accept to have more fun
• accept myself
• practice radical honesty in my life
• force myself a bit every day in order to achieve my goals

[Raphael]

08/02/2021 (Week 3)

If I treat listening as a creative act...

• I'll bring more focus when I'll have conversations
• I'll remember better what people says to me
• I'll be more open to different opinions
• I'll be non judgmental with listening to people
• I'll be more happy to hear people share
• I'll be more open to people

If I notice how people are affected by the quality of my listening...

• I'll realize that how I listen to them is part of the quality of my relationships
• I'll notice that people like attention and visibility
• I'll improve the quality of my listening
• I'll change how I listen to people
• I'll have a little more attention to people
• I'll have a little more attention to people's needs

If I bring more awareness to my dealings with people today...

• I'll be more happy to communicate with people
• I'll be more genuine with people
• I'll see people as innocent childs
• I'll create a proper balance between interacting and caring about people and my personal life
• I'll bring more consciousness to my interactions
• I'm bring more attention to my interactions

If I commit to dealing with people fairly and benevolently...

• I'll be more honest with people
• I'll accept people's imperfections
• I'll be more genuine with people
• I'll try to better understand people
• I'll try to better understand human emotions
• I'll enjoy human relationships more and more
• I'll be more authentic
• I'll bring more joy to my life

[Raphael]

09/02/2021 (Week 3)

If I treat listening as a creative act...

• I'll get more creative ideas
• I'll recognize that other people can have good ideas too
• I'll put more attention in listening to people
• I'll got ideas from sounds around me
• I'll be happy to listen
• I'll complain a little less about noises around me

If I notice how people are affected by the quality of my listening...

• I'll realize how much listening to people is important in relationships
• I'll make an effort to listen with more attention
• I'll see that people want to be heard just like me
• I'll notice that people are happy to speak about everything
• it means that I can improve my relationships by listening more to people
• I could help people by giving them feedback after listening to them
• I could help people by giving them emotional support after listening to them

If I bring more awareness to my dealings with people today...

• I'll accept that people aren't concerned by the things that I'm concerned
• I'll see that people suffer from unconsciousness
• I'll see that people cannot help themselves many times
• I'll see that I can help people every day by giving some love
• I'll see that I can help people every day by giving a few tips
• I'll open myself a little more to people
• I'll bring more happiness to my social interactions
• I'll be more enthusiastic around people

If I commit to dealing with people fairly and benevolently...

• I'll set a proper balance between personal interest and other people interest
• I'll be more genuine
• I'll see that everyone needs to be treated fairly and respectfully
• I'll try to find win-win solutions for everyone
• I'll stop looking down at people
• I'll stop seeing myself as a superior being

[Raphael]

10/02/2021 (Week 3)

If I treat listening as a creative act...

• I'll bring more consciousness to moments where I need to listen
• I'll choose moments where I consider worth to listen
• I'll develop more empathy
• I'll get more ideas from listening to people
• I'll open myself more to people
• I'll be happier to listen
• I'll be able to create flow states while listening

If I notice how people are affected by the quality of my listening...

• I'll see that people are needy
• I'll see that people want visibility
• I'll see that I can bring happiness by caring a little more about people
• I'll see that I can improve my relationships by listening to people
• I'll see that not listening to most people is causing me to be disconnected and alienated
• I'll see that I'm a selfish bastard who only cares about himself
• I'll see that to improve my relationships I need to let go of my selfishness and become a little more selfless by listening to people's needs and opinions

If I bring more awareness to my dealings with people today...

• I'll be more kind
• I'll be more attentive to my neurotic emotional reactions when listening to people
• I'll bring more compassion to my relationships
• I'll be more attentive to the words that come from my mouth
• I'll start to change the world by changing how I behave in my relationships
• I'll be fairer
• I'll let know in a polite way when someone's conversation doesn't interest me

If I commit to dealing with people fairly and benevolently...

• I'll take time to analyze how I treat people
• I'll create the proper balance between me and others
• I'll understand that people are where they are and that it's unfair to see them as inferior because of that
• I'll be more genuine
• I'll bring more responsibility to how I behave with people
• I'll be open to different opinions

[Raphael]

11/02/2021 (Week 3)

If I treat listening as a creative act...

• I'll be more attentive to people
• I'll be happier to have social interactions
• I'll get more ideas from listening
• I'll open myself more
• I'll stop resisting others opinion
• I'll accept divergent opinions

If I notice how people are affected by the quality of my listening...

• I'll recognize that listening is an important aspect of social interactions
• I'll care a little more about people
• I'll find a better balance between listening to people and not listening to unconscious critics
• I'll listen more
• I'll not respond aggressively when I'm not interested in what someone says
• I'll bring more love to listening

If I bring more awareness to my dealings with people today...

• I'll be calmer around people
• I'll change my attitude towards people
• I'll be more assertive
• I'll share a little more of my crazy ideas
• I'll evolve as a person
• I'll help my environment evolve

If I commit to dealing with people fairly and benevolently...

• I'll be respectful while still staying down to earth
• I'll recognize that I have a few racist thoughts every day
• I'll recognize that nobody chooses its environment
• I'll recognize that I cannot blame someone's behavior towards me because he/she didn't choose his/her environment
• I'll take into consideration the person's difficulties while interacting with him/her
• I'll communicate on what's possible to communicate
• I'll build interactions on what's possible
• I'll stop treating most people as inferior to me