I'm thinking about becoming a girl

[onacloudynight]

So for awhile now I've been having these gut feelings about something being off when I am talking with people. I noticed that every time I express myself in a more emotional and soft way that it doesn't get perceived well by the other person. Almost like I am limited in my emotional expression, like I am expected to be more reserved with my emotions because people see me as a guy.. I am wondering if other people see me as a girl, if my own authenticity will get accepted better by other people around me.

I am also noticing my mind to be drawn more to feminine things like wanting to paint my nails, tone up my butt, being more interested in bonding with others and being their support and just acting more feminine in general. I know you can do all these things without changing your hormones around, but I almost kind of want to be a girl. I think it would be fun, I'm just concerned that if I didn't pass, it wouldn't work well. I dont know.

Another thing that recently happened to me was on my meditation retreat, I kept having all these fantasies of me getting fucked in the ass and just surrendering to it and it felt really good to imagine those things like my heart was opening up. It felt like my heart chakra was opening up as I was gaining more clarity and acceptance around those things.

Edited January 24, 2021 by onacloudynight

[Hello from Russia]

Maybe you just need to join some gay community? (And probably move to a more progressive city/district)

[Preety_India]

A small butt is just fine. 

I think a girl is more than just butt and boobs. 

You gotta explore all the feminine aspects like feminine rage, anger, mood swings, weight battles, boyfriend issues, gossip issues, feminine maturity, female insecurities 

You can't be a full fledged female without exploring and embracing the downsides and miseries of being a female and only think of women based on the princess images fed by Disney. 

 

[onacloudynight]

6 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

Maybe you just need to join some gay community? (And probably move to a more progressive city/district)

Yes, I am planning on doing that.

[onacloudynight]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

A small butt is just fine. 

I think a girl is more than just butt and boobs. 

You gotta explore all the feminine aspects like feminine rage, anger, mood swings, weight battles, boyfriend issues, gossip issues, feminine maturity, female insecurities 

You can't be a full fledged female without exploring and embracing the downsides and miseries of being a female and only think of women based on the princess images fed by Disney. 

 

I agree. I think I have a lot of male conditioning still going on haha. I guess to be fair the only way I can explore those things is to actually be female, if I want to experience it in the 1st person at least.

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

I don't feel as though I am a human,

Then what do you think you're, a wolf or a bat? 

 

[onacloudynight]

12 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Give it a try, dress up and see how you feel.  You can practice beforehand and if it feels right then you'll know.

Do you feel body/gender dysphoria?
I get that because I don't feel as though I am a human, but I can't change that lol, I get it though.

I've already painted my nails. I enjoyed that ? I'll give dressing up a try.

I get what you mean about not feeling human! I feel the same way. I feel like an alien and outsider, but it's probably because we are living a lot differently than most people in our society. 

I am not sure about the dysphoria thing? I dont necessarily hate my male body, but I do think having breasts and having wider hips would make feel more sexy and good about myself.

Edited January 24, 2021 by onacloudynight

[Preety_India]

@Keyhole and what's the meaning of a key, I always see you writing that you found a key. What does that mean? 

[Megan Alecia]

@onacloudynight learn it through distinction, as Leo taught. 

Edited January 24, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[onacloudynight]

@Keyhole I'll try it out thanks 

[mandyjw]

2 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

So for awhile now I've been having these gut feelings about something being off when I am talking with people. I noticed that every time I express myself in a more emotional and soft way that it doesn't get perceived well by the other person. Almost like I am limited in my emotional expression, like I am expected to be more reserved with my emotions because people see me as a guy.. I am wondering if other people see me as a girl, if my own authenticity will get accepted better by other people around me.

People will see what they want to see. Drop the thoughts about what other people are thinking, do what makes you happy and the feeling of joy and okayness is the real authenticity you're looking for. It's way better than any thought of your own authenticity or the question of it being accepted or not. 

People often associate receptivity with being feminine and they often associate free creative expression with being feminine. I don't believe that they really are inherently feminine. I think our culture just arbitrarily assigned them to one gender, sort of like the color pink. Is it possible that that's what you really want, to drop thoughts of what people think, to be receptive and to express yourself freely? Is it possible that you assume that this will make you perceived more like a girl? Do we actually know if that's the case until you allow yourself more freedom? I'm just saying, put feeling, joy and desire over identity and thoughts of "what will that make me if I do x, etc"

[Vibroverse]

You're good the way you are. Don't let anyone tell you what is normal and what is not. They have no idea. 

[WonderSeeker]

10 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

So for awhile now I've been having these gut feelings about something being off

Gut feelings are the same as intuition. You're intuiting something about yourself that you previously weren't conscious of. This is good! Best of luck in creating the circumstances you want.