Relationships built on connection

[Barbara]

2 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

there isn't an objective thing out there called "people-pleasing" that we eliminate by doing certain things

3 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

the ultimate answer is in how you feel.

Yea, you're right.

[Origins]

@Jacob Morres 

On 24/01/2021 at 7:12 PM, Jacob Morres said:

Can anyone say they've had relationships like this? What are your thoughts on it, if any? 

 

I think you're looking at it incorrectly, a relationship is solely built on connection, the strength of a relationship is merely on the variability, degree and qualities of that connection.

So next time you analyse a relationship, think in terms of the things that makeup the connection and the things that don't, the things that don't explicitly subtract from it being a relationship and the things that do are the things that make it a relationship in the first place.

We are in relationship with all of reality, thus we have variability, degree and qualities of connection with everything, the essence of which describes the nature of the relationships that exist versus the relationships that don't.

Once you understand this, relationships and connection become very simple to conceptualise further and navigate more creatively.

[peanutspathtotruth]

39 minutes ago, Barbara said:

But I would say you have to master not being a people pleaser first, and then go on to be confidently a good person.

In a sense, yes, when one is too strongly wired to crave approval, it's hard to "confidently be a good person", which to me means nothing else but being oneself authentically. On the other hand, it's not always either-or, authenticity helps dissolving old patterns, and dissolving old patterns helps seeing the authenticity within.

7 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

Having & following a life purpose is perhaps one of the best remedies for self-image issues, probably because it grounds thinking and behavior in an ideal that one does not currently possess, and that ideal provides protection against the compromises that we make when dealing with others.

Very true ? Seeing the correlation in both directions.

Edited January 26, 2021 by peanutspathtotruth

[Barbara]

@peanutspathtotruth Now that I think about it, "confidently be(ing) a good person" is kinda nonsense, yea. It's

15 minutes ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

nothing else but being oneself authentically.

Thank you for pointing that out. It's kinda scary thinking back (and not so back ago), how many inauthentic relationships one ends up feeding. Being authentic is something I had to relearn I guess. It's really foundational for the spiritual path. 

[Barbara]

@peanutspathtotruth I sense a kindness from you and also from Nahm, that comes from a free, genuine, and higher place. It's really nice to be here on the forum and have you guys to look up to  But I guess it's a thin (red) line from people-pleasing since the major difference from an authentic person to a people pleaser is the place their actions come from. Would you say so?

[peanutspathtotruth]

18 minutes ago, Barbara said:

Being authentic is something I had to relearn I guess. It's really foundational for the spiritual path. 

If I had to summarize what this whole journey feels like to revolve around, that's exactly what I would say - authenticity, maturity, clarity (as in: seeing what is actual).

5 minutes ago, Barbara said:

It's really nice to be here on the forum and have you guys to look up to 

Haha don't forget that what you sense is your true Self, others just point it out to you. There is no up or down and you are exactly where you need to be right this moment! We all learn from each other and that's a beautiful thing  

10 minutes ago, Barbara said:

the major difference from an authentic person to a people pleaser is the place their actions come from. Would you say so?

Yes I feel this is what it all points back to - the source of actions. And even if it's ultimately the same place, on a human level there is a difference between a hurt, scared, conditioned mind and a clear, translucent, brilliant mind that is hardly filtering the light of what we are. The former may appear as behaviour such as people pleasing, isolation, addiction etc.