Relationships built on connection

[Jacob Morres]

Can anyone say they've had relationships like this? What are your thoughts on it, if any? 

[Preety_India]

Yea that's a beautiful relationship. 

 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Human connection is built on nothing more than survival and manipulation

Can it be possible to move past this and what if we tried in a genuine way? 

 

[Leo Gura]

26 minutes ago, Jacob Morres said:

Can anyone say they've had relationships like this? What are your thoughts on it, if any? 

That would be the goal of consciousness relationship, but a lot of stuff will get in your way. Namely, your own selfishness.

You see, fundamentally what you want is selflessness, but you also refuse to surrender your self. Hence the struggle.

[Gesundheit]

I have had one relationship like that, but it ended for reasons much stronger than the both of us. It was the perfect relationship where even when we had differences, we were able to communicate & compromise, and therefore work them out together, probably because we had similar agendas/interests/problems.

My relationships with my family and friends are strong, because I can play the selfless role effortlessly and effectively. In real life, people like to be around me. I don't judge or suppress them, and I listen and give help. I don't have agendas, and so I just flow with life. Most importantly, I don't judge them for being selfish, because if I did, I would be the selfish one. There are toxic people that I deliberately avoid because it's impossible to have a good relationship between them. I try to surround myself with the people I like.

[flume]

12 hours ago, Jacob Morres said:

Can anyone say they've had relationships like this? What are your thoughts on it, if any? 

Yes, with a friend. The only way this works is if you're both willing to look inwards, are completely honest with each other and leave enough room in the relationship for this "energy" to grow. What helps are a high level of maturity, similar interests, a desire to make it work, facing your emotions (maybe even together) and a clear framework for what you want this relationship to be. It all comes down to being honest with each other. Which is old advice. But who is really doing it?

[Preety_India]

I really like this thread. 

Such relationships are rare. 

[soos_mite_ah]

Yes I have had relationships like this with people across different levels of development separate from my own. It's easier than what people think. Often times you just have to let yourself be and empathize with a person. Sure there can be a number a mechanisms involved that can be analyzed and dissected, but you need to get outside of your head, at least that's what I noticed with myself. In order to enjoy the beingness of life with another person, you don't have to reach a certain place in development or be fully enlightened. You can just make the choice to do so.

[Barbara]

On 24/01/2021 at 3:13 PM, Gesundheit said:

I can play the selfless role effortlessly and effectively

On 24/01/2021 at 3:13 PM, Gesundheit said:

I try to surround myself with the people I like

@Gesundheit This's really nice buddy. But how do you draw a line from being a people pleaser?

[Gesundheit]

4 hours ago, Barbara said:

@Gesundheit This's really nice buddy. But how do you draw a line from being a people pleaser?

It's not people-pleasing unless people are using me. I have developed the ability to sense when someone is trying to use me. And when that happens, I cut them off immediately.

For example, there was that girl who I found attractive. I approached, got her number, and we started talking. But all she was talking about was her ex and how much feelings she had for him. She would not meet me in person and only wanted to text and gain my support. At first, I didn't know that I was being used because I had low self-esteem. When I realized that, I insisted on meeting in person, but she would ignore my requests and circle back around to grieving her ex. At that point, I said enough is enough. And I just ghosted her. Nowadays, she still texts me, asking how I am doing, but I either reply with emojis or don't reply at all.

[tsuki]

On 24.01.2021 at 9:12 AM, Jacob Morres said:

Can anyone say they've had relationships like this?

Building one atm. Ups and downs aplenty.

I told her two days ago that she is the best and most valuable thing that has ever happened to me. 

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, tsuki said:

I told her two days ago that she is the best and most valuable thing that has ever happened to me. 

Laying that foundation of bullshit deep, eh? Jking 

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Building one atm. Ups and downs aplenty.

I told her two days ago that she is the best and most valuable thing that has ever happened to me. 

I thought you had a wife? No? 

[tsuki]

Just now, Preety_India said:

I thought you had a wife? No? 

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Laying that foundation of bullshit deep, eh? Jking 

I am perplexed by these responses 

Why would you joke about such matters, and why would I not tell my wife that she is the most valuable thing that has ever happened to me?

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, tsuki said:

I am perplexed by these responses 

Why would you joke about such matters, and why would I not tell my wife that she is the most valuable thing that has ever happened to me?

Oh no you misunderstood me. I thought you were talking about some other woman because you didn't say "my wife" you only said "she" so there was a bit of a misunderstanding. 

Just a misunderstanding, forgive me. 

Genuinely Sorry. 

Hope you and your wifey have a great marriage. 

 

[tsuki]

@Preety_India No worries. You're just acting weird because of the other thread. It'll pass 

[Barbara]

@Gesundheit lately I’m working on stop being a people pleaser, so that’s why I asked. Your answer is helpful. Thanks for sharing

Edited January 26, 2021 by Barbara

[Gesundheit]

18 minutes ago, Barbara said:

@Gesundheit lately I’m working on stop being a people pleaser, so that’s why I asked. You’re answer is helpful. Thanks for sharing

No problem. I'm not completely over it, so I'm still working on it too.

I think, generally, there is a confusion between being a people-pleaser and being a good person. I notice in myself that when I am concerned with what others think of me that I try to please them somehow. Now that I have identified certain goals that I want to achieve, it's getting easier to not care. Having & following a life purpose is perhaps one of the best remedies for self-image issues, probably because it grounds thinking and behavior in an ideal that one does not currently possess, and that ideal provides protection against the compromises that we make when dealing with others.

Edited January 26, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Barbara]

7 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

there is a confusion between being a people-pleaser and being a good person

At least in my head, there is. This goes way back to childhood perceptions that generate behavioral patterns. It's so unconscious that makes it kinda hard to access. But I would say you have to master not being a people pleaser first, and then go on to be confidently a good person. These days, making good deeds for others does not feel natural at all, since I measure practically all my interactions. Good thing there's covid and I do not interact with many people. 

6 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

it grounds thinking and behavior in an ideal that one does not currently possess

 Would you say that grounding yourself in higher values does it too?

[Gesundheit]

20 minutes ago, Barbara said:

Would you say that grounding yourself in higher values does it too?

I really don't know. Even life purpose, as great as it is, is not the ultimate answer. I mean these things help, that's for sure, but there isn't an objective thing out there called "people-pleasing" that we eliminate by doing certain things. Rather, it's something that you catch yourself doing and you feel bad for doing it.

I think the ultimate answer is in how you feel. If you have good relationships and you feel good about yourself, then what is there to improve?

Edited January 26, 2021 by Gesundheit