The Challenges of Women (Not every woman okay!)

[Applegarden]

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Applegarden everything doesn't have a perfect solution. 

It's sometimes understanding and acceptance of a situation that is the only solution. 

Embrace life. Yes vent it out when you want. 

But understand the cruelties of life and those cruelties won't have a solution. 

 

So you ARE looking for solution!? Which is it.

What do you mean, embracing life and not looking for solution, it doesn't add up.

Nothing wrong with venting out when you are looking for how to create a situation, especially internally, to not need to vent even.

Why do you think you are helpless?

If you are not looking for a solution, how do you know there is not a solution?

If you don't seek solutions, the only and only thing that will happen is depression, desperation, hatred towards everything and suicide. You are really worth more than that.

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Equating me with your ex was a dirty move. I feel terrible.

Oh please that was a joke, you're so much better. 

1 minute ago, Applegarden said:

So you ARE looking for solution!? Which is it.

What do you mean, embracing life and not looking for solution, it doesn't add up.

Nothing wrong with venting out when you are looking for how to create a situation, especially internally, to not need to vent even.

Why do you think you are helpless?

If you are not looking for a solution, how do you know there is not a solution?

If you don't seek solutions, the only and only thing that will happen is depression, desperation, hatred towards everything and suicide. You are really worth more than that.

I'm trying to explain you a scenario here. Let's say I lost my business because of Covid. I lost income and I lost my place of business.. 

There's nothing I can do about it. I can't get it back. 

I will continue moving on with my life, continue doing things that I do, I might want to vent about it and venting might help me heal from the trauma of it, but I also have to learn that such things happen. 

There is poverty in the world. It feels unfair. I might feel unfair about how  I was treated in a relationship. 

You can't completely fix such things.. You can change some situations and make improvements to your life as you go along and learn more, but you cannot expect for everything to change radically. 

So there should be an acceptance that life is unfair, that things happen, even if we didn't anticipate them, that things are not perfect, of course venting helps with letting it out and feeling better, by all means do so, but do not be fixated on finding a solution for every thing in your life. 

You will need to embrace that doesn't change 

I can't change my environment. I can't change the men around me. 

Yes of course I can bring some awareness to my issues to the best of my ability, but even then a change is not guaranteed. 

Sometimes social changes happen with awareness 

For example, people in my neighborhood are more likely to treat their children better because of greater awareness of child psychology. 

So yes, changes can happen. But you can't be too fixated on it. Life has to move on. Change what you can change. But if something is creating a lot of problems and it doesn't change, like your job condition, just quit it, move somewhere else, try and get another job, maybe your boss was abusive and you can't change that, then switch to a different place. 

What I'm saying is don't always try to fix things. 

If my relationships are not working, and the situation is not changing, then maybe I should stay single. 

Because everything does not have a solution so you have to compromise. Learn to accept the nature of things that don't change.. 

[mandyjw]

@Preety_IndiaCan you get this book where you are? Honestly I haven't read this exact one, but the marriage version, but this author is really amazing. I had huge breakthroughs in all areas of my life after reading her book.    https://www.amazon.com/Surrendered-Single-Practical-Attracting-Marrying/dp/0743217896/ref=sr_1_7?dchild=1&keywords=laura+doyle&qid=1611662103&sr=8-7

[Preety_India]

@mandyjw I'll try. 

[_Archangel_]

On 24/1/2021 at 6:15 AM, Preety_India said:

So yeah, it's difficult and complicated. It's tough being a woman, knowing what challenges the dating world is throwing at you, subconsciously thinking if this will be healthy for your unborn future children, what sort of an uncertain world we're made to move towards, the challenges of being a young woman in 21st century dating era, where your vulnerability as a woman is at great risk, where every decision counts, where the constant thought in your mind is "I don't want to end up as a single mother"

@Preety_India
Paranoia. Search for The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon.
Most guys in their late 20's - early 30's try to settle and think to build a family. in a good social circle you can easely meet that decent, mild, pretty guy who wants to be loved and build a family, that can give you "emotional security". But probably that's not what you want.

What you probably want is that guy that  is dominant, leading, Alpha, high self-esteem and assertive and you are expecting him to make a family with you and never leave. Hard to happen, unless he finds you really valueble/extraordinary. 
I read many of your posts and i always noticed this contradiction in you thinking. That's the source of your confusion.

On 24/1/2021 at 6:15 AM, Preety_India said:

planning things like family, marriage and kids. Big dreams

On 24/1/2021 at 6:15 AM, Preety_India said:

you can't afford mind games

You are always playing mind games. Expectations are drafts of your realized agenda.  manipulation is your agenda at work.
if you knew this you wouldn't be so hard on PUA!

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, _Archangel_ said:

Most guys in their late 20's - early 30's try to settle and think to build a family. in a good social circle you can easely meet that decent, mild, pretty guy who wants to be loved and build a family, that can give you "emotional security". But probably that's not what you want.

I was with a guy who was the son of a famous musician and was in a very good social circle.. 

Part of the reason why I dated him is because I never thought he would turn out to be bad. But he lied so much and he was abusive 

So all that is just fluff to me. 

And currently I am dating a very good guy. No, I'm not looking for some abusive alpha asshole.. 

But my past relationship with that musician guy had a tremendous impact on me, it almost traumatized me. I couldn't believe he was like that. 

Abuse happens everywhere. I wasn't dating some alcoholic pig. 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Preety_India

[_Archangel_]

Good luck then! @Preety_India
To close, i would add that sometimes behind disappointment lays a lack of effective comunication, so bewere.

[Preety_India]

@_Archangel_ true. 

[ColeMC01]

@Preety_India Men these days are very very weak due to the high level of comfort and "embracing the feminine". Do not get me wrong i do think men should integrate both masculine and feminine, however most men these days embrace the feminine in a horrible way. Instead of making themselves more expressive, empathetic, caring and intuitive they just become over emotional cry babies that give up as soon as things get a bit hard.

It is part of cultural evolution, the high price of comfort and gender integration is a period of confused weak men. I am sure in the future this integration from ruthless masculinity to a more soft integrated masculinity will end positively but right now we are in the middle of it. It is like living in a house that is being renovated inside out, it is not that nice hehe. 

I guess self help is trying to make men stronger, with higher self esteem and more confident and responsible but yeah it takes time. Also you need to take into account that these days most men do not want to commit to a marriage or something before mid 30s. Men tend to have a longer shelf life and reach their sexual peak around 30-35 while females reach it around 25. Therefore this also creates conflicting agendas.

Men also tend to be more wired for sexual variety so they feel like they need to bang a lot of girls before settling down, and even then they will get bored after a while. This is the case especially for the most attractive men that females that want stability want to lock down the most. A shy nerd will probably be okay settling fast but girls dont want him. They want the strong guy that wants sexual variety . Wanting sexual variety has nothing to do with being immature or childlike. It is typical male behavior. Just like females want strong monogamy. There is no good or bad here. Responsible strong men will just break up or dump someone instead of cheating or lying, but they will leave the girl nonetheless. Just like the girl will leave the weak guy for someone stronger. It goes both ways. 

Both genders can be cruel, manipulative and ruthless. It is just done in different ways. I do not want to go into statistics about who cheats more but the genders have different agendas that conflict. That is all there is to it. No agenda is superior or better or more right. They just are. 

Edited January 26, 2021 by ColeMC01

[Preety_India]

35 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

Also you need to take into account that these days most men do not want to commit to a marriage or something before mid 30s. Men tend to have a longer shelf life and reach their sexual peak around 30-35 while females reach it around 25. Therefore this also creates conflicting agendas.

I don't have a problem if a man wants to sleep with a thousand girls and if he doesn't want to commit. 

The question is can he be sincere about it  during the relationship. 

I'm talking about sincerity of intent, because it saves a lot of time for both. 

For example if I went on a date and if a guy asked me if I wanted a family and marriage , I'd say yes, if I wanted kids, I would say yes. If he asked me whether I was the type to have casual relationships, I would say no 

I don't want to manipulate any man because it's against my conscience. 

I want to make things totally clear with him whether he likes me or not. 

Because a relationship should never be on a foundation of lies, manipulation and pretense. It should be based on truth. 

So if he pretends like he wants commitment with me but then in the end tells me that he is not the committed type, then that's called deception to get laid with me. 

He is creating a relationship with me based on lies and deceit. 

It causes a lot of disappointment. 

If a guy approached me, and began a relationship with me but somewhere he told me that he likes to be free, doesn't want commitment and wants to be with many women, I'd be more than happy to tell him that I'm leaving him, and thank him for saving my time 

The problem is a lot of guys get selfish in the relationship. They want to act like they care and love the girl and act like they are ready to marry her, but get out at the last minute when it's time to confront the truth and real intentions 

So when the girl keeps pressing for the truth, that's when he finally tells her if he really wants the relationship or if he was cheating on her. 

The girl in the mean time is completely oblivious to his future plans and intentions 

I think people, man or woman, who are genuine don't tend to do such things, they are upfront of what they want in a relationship. They don't create a relationship on the foundation of lies because they don't want to. 

Guys are more likely to do this because guys are the ones who do the approaching and have a high need to get laid. 

Girls can always be this way, but it will only hurt her own survival because she has to finally settle down and can't afford to waste too much time. Unless she wants a lifestyle of a golddigger where she wants to dupe several men.. 

Many men who are players usually act this way. But even men who are not players tend to hide intentions and aren't sincere in a relationship. 

My final advice for a guy is this. 

Whatever you want with a girl, please tell her that. 

If you don't like her, tell her that. Don't waste her time. 

If you are not going to be committed, again tell her that. 

If you like casual relationships, tell her that. 

Basically tell her whatever you want either in the dating phase or the relationship phase, the sooner you tell, the better for her to make decisions. 

Don't keep a person you're dating, in the dark. Don't deceive them. Don't cheat on them. Reveal your plan and be sincere with what you want in the relationship and what you don't want. 

Things become easier with less hurt and pain. 

Hurting someone is not the right thing to do. 

If you want more time for your decisions, take more time but try to reveal your plan to the woman early on. 

Don't make deception look cool. Because it's not. 

Deception in relationships leads to a lot of hurt. 

If you can't be truthful to a woman, then please don't be in a relationship because you will hurt her in the end. 

Even if you got laid, it's still bad, because eventually that person would be hurt because they weren't expecting what you had in mind. 

 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Preety_India

[ColeMC01]

@Preety_India Highly agree, people should be upfront with their intent. This takes a lot of balls that guys these days lack. That is why they are so obtuse about that they want. Also a lot of pure selfishness of course. 

The thing is that most guys just care about sex since that is their primal agenda, they are willing to do anything to fulfill their agenda. That is why i said that conflicting agendas create issues. Whenever a guy fulfills his agenda doing things our society calls unethical then yeah people will be hurt. More conscious people tend to get laid less for this good reason, because it is harder. Just like business, clean ethical business is less profitable and harder than selfish ruthless business. Most guys are starving businesses that are willing to do anything it takes to make some money, they are not developed enough to understand the issues. Or just bad character.

If a guy wants to be a developed conscious and "good" human being he will be laid less. The quality of the girl will also be lower. Quantity over quality here. That is the male agenda. The female agenda wants quality over quantity. So we are stuck in sex wars.

It fucking sucks for girls this part of dating  and i am very sorry. Personally i would never do that shit to a girl but i cannot expect most guys to be like me. Most guys laugh at you if you show them a basic self help book let alone doing deep conscious work. 

My advice for you is to try to find highly conscious people to date and try to see for red flags. On the positive side being highly conscious makes you less "traditionally attractive" to females since you will be less assertive, dominant and less of a dick in general which is what girls tend to like. So you will have less competition for these guys. The most "traditionally attractive guys" personality wise tend to be not conscious that much. Look at most of RSD and shit like that. Yeah some of them are both "traditionally attractive" and highly developed 'stage green or higher" but those guys are too few to even bother talking about. So in this way you will not have a lot of competition anyway, at least i think so.

 

Edited January 26, 2021 by ColeMC01

[Applegarden]

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I'm trying to explain you a scenario here. Let's say I lost my business because of Covid. I lost income and I lost my place of business.. 

There's nothing I can do about it. I can't get it back. 

I will continue moving on with my life, continue doing things that I do, I might want to vent about it and venting might help me heal from the trauma of it, but I also have to learn that such things happen. 

There is poverty in the world. It feels unfair. I might feel unfair about how  I was treated in a relationship. 

You can't completely fix such things.. You can change some situations and make improvements to your life as you go along and learn more, but you cannot expect for everything to change radically. 

So there should be an acceptance that life is unfair, that things happen, even if we didn't anticipate them, that things are not perfect, of course venting helps with letting it out and feeling better, by all means do so, but do not be fixated on finding a solution for every thing in your life. 

You will need to embrace that doesn't change 

I can't change my environment. I can't change the men around me. 

Yes of course I can bring some awareness to my issues to the best of my ability, but even then a change is not guaranteed. 

Sometimes social changes happen with awareness 

For example, people in my neighborhood are more likely to treat their children better because of greater awareness of child psychology. 

So yes, changes can happen. But you can't be too fixated on it. Life has to move on. Change what you can change. But if something is creating a lot of problems and it doesn't change, like your job condition, just quit it, move somewhere else, try and get another job, maybe your boss was abusive and you can't change that, then switch to a different place. 

What I'm saying is don't always try to fix things. 

If my relationships are not working, and the situation is not changing, then maybe I should stay single. 

Because everything does not have a solution so you have to compromise. Learn to accept the nature of things that don't change.. 

Don't you think you can change the way you feel? If is so, that is the only problem, regardless of the action, circumstance, losses. In that sense, yes, life is imperfect, like a battlefield. One time everthing is easy, common and boring and the next moment, the impossible is being asked from you, something taken away from you.

But let me tell you, if your focus is being happy, you WILL find it, regardless of the circumstances. That I can say, I have made some improvements in my own intrinsic happiness, and I know everyone can do it. This intrinsic happiness will relieve you of many issues you are facing and will motivate you to make suppose another business.

I want you to think that life is not unfair, but the reason why you have to discover.

[Preety_India]

@Applegarden yea I do try to be happy every day. 

Although I say that life is unfair, I don't let it down on me.

It actually gives me the motivation to work harder.. 

If it's unfair, It means I have to work harder to make it better. 

I like surviving.. 

[Preety_India]

29 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

My advice for you is to try to find highly conscious people to date and try to see for red flags.

Yea these days I'm working on that. I'm super careful because of my experiences 

No more fairy tale stories for me. 

I outgrew 

 

[Florian]

@Preety_India I read like the first 2 pages of this thread and my first reaction was like, hey, nice that a woman shows her side of the dating struggles so men can see how it is for a woman. 

Then I saw your responses to the man giving you advice or answers that you didn't want and saw your answers (they seemed kinda upset) and you saying that you just wanted compassion and I thought, fck this bitch she's super selfish and expects everyone to please her.

Then I tried to forgive you cause I watched Leo's video about forgiveness lately, and then I realized yea I'm the same and also super selfish and I could forgive you at least a bit, and thought maybe you just actually have it extra hard cause you are extremly feminine or it is actually this hard for a lot of woman and now I have more compassion for you and women I guess.

But still you are fcking selfish but I mean me judging you is fcking selfish as well.

Anyways I don't wish you anything bad.

I guess it is what is is.

[Preety_India]

@Florian you have a wrong idea of me, but that's okay, I forgive you. 

(but please mind your  language, no matter how much you hate me or judge me) 

Don't do verbal abuse. 

 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@Florian  no need to call me the B word. Please mind language. 

You don't have the right to hurt someone so directly 

 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Preety_India

[Florian]

@Preety_India No I don't think there was anything wrong with my message.

44 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

(but please mind your  language, no matter how much you hate me or judge me) 

 

Maybe there will be consequenses for me from the mods or Leo if they think it was, but still.

It wasn't really intended to hurt you, more like showing you what I really felt/thought so that would help you the same way this thread helped me understand the selfish woman perspective.

Maybe there was still a part of me wanting to hurt you with the message but even if 

IT IS WHAT IS IIIIS

 

[Florian]

@Preety_India Hey, no. I don't give a fack if you think/say that's hurting and abusing. 

I don't think it is and I'm telling you I don't intend to hurt you but I won't just be super nice to you either. Maybe I am deluding myself right now, maybe I'm deluding myself just to a certain degree, I am not sure.

Whether you mean the best for me or you are selfish and try manipulating me, I don't care, I wish you the best. But I don't want to keep writing with you right now.

[Florian]

@Preety_India If that's what you wish