The Challenges of Women (Not every woman okay!)

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, tsuki said:

If you present it this way, you will scare most men away. It takes a lot of contemplation for a man to see the value in being in a committed relationship.

I'm not talking about the dating phase in a relationship, it's not like I am going to straight up talk about marriage and children with every man I meet. 

I'm talking about relationships where it's time for the man to ask the question. And when the woman brings up the question, he tells her lies and continues the relationship even when he knows he doesn't want to be with her. 

A man can take his own time to decide things. But he doesn't need infinite time. At a certain point he needs to be clear about what he wants.. 

If he pretends like he wants marriage but acts deceptive when it comes to planning, that can be very deceptive of him. 

You don't need forever to decide what you want in a relationship. I know that such men are bogus and such excuses are bogus as well. 

 

[Preety_India]

@tsuki the question is how long can you be with a man who doesn't tell you what he wants out of the relationship. 

And why does he waste the time of a woman, when her clock is ticking? 

Also when a woman gets fed up with his indecisiveness, she leaves him, then why does he get angry and hold a grudge against her? 

Why does he play a victim when he is dumped for lack of commitment? 

Isn't her survival just as important? 

 

[tsuki]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I'm talking about relationships where it's time for the man to ask the question. And when the woman brings up the question, he tells her lies and continues the relationship even when he knows he doesn't want to be with her. 

It's "time for the man to ask the question" when you feel like it's the time to do so. Some men are too scarred by their own childhood to even ponder such things. It's your job to screen for them and pick the salvageable ones. Of course, you are not their mother and should not attempt to nurture them beyond your limits, but make no mistake - being with you is not a cakewalk either. Believe me, you are way more fucked up than you care to admit to yourself and he sees it. Some men will play off of it, some men will ignore it, and some men will try to nurture it. It's your job to screen for the right ones while you notice the blind spots the wrong ones try to use. Dating is brutal.

9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If he pretends like he wants marriage but acts deceptive when it comes to planning, that can be very deceptive of him. 

If he is saying that he wants marriage, but does not deliver, then it's time to dump him. It's your choice to stay with him so don't blame your emotions. Your anger is telling you that he's playing you. I agree that players exist and it sucks.

[Preety_India]

 

Lets admit it. There are a lot of fuck boys out there and these fuck boys are well trained in fooling women and lots of women get manipulated by such men only to discover the truth later that results in a lot of disappointment and hurt. Let's not make it a woman's fault when he is the one cheating. 

The biggest challenge to a woman's survival is that she is looked down upon if she is looking for a survival and trying to find a suitable man for herself. 

Most men do not like the idea of a woman approaching them no matter how sweet she might be. 

So if right now I see a good guy who can make a good partner, I will still be extremely resistant to approaching him, knowing that he wouldn't appreciate it, this is far worse than guys who have fear in approaching women, at least they are not considered wrong for approaching women. 

If a woman decides to try out multiple men, she is considered bossy but if a man did that, he is considered sharp. 

That's another challenge 

 

[tsuki]

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

And why does he waste the time of a woman, when her clock is ticking? 

Out of selfishness, obviously. He does not care about you clock, it's your job to see this.

8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Also when a woman gets fed up with his indecisiveness, she leaves him, then why does he get angry and hold a grudge against her? 

Because he has to protect his false sense of masculinity. To a player, scoring with a woman equals being a man. They have no idea what being a man means intrinsically, so they walk in the dark.

10 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Why does he play a victim when he is dumped for lack of commitment? 

Because he is actually a child pretending to be a man. 

[tsuki]

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Lets admit it. There are a lot of fuck boys out there and these fuck boys are well trained in fooling women and lots of women get manipulated by such men only to discover the truth later that results in a lot of disappointment and hurt. Let's not make it a woman's fault when he is the one cheating. 

You've grown bitter. Men are not evil.

9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

The biggest challenge to a woman's survival is that she is looked down upon if she is looking for a survival and trying to find a suitable man for herself. 

Most men do not like the idea of a woman approaching them no matter how sweet she might be. 

So if right now I see a good guy who can make a good partner, I will still be extremely resistant to approaching him, knowing that he wouldn't appreciate it, this is far worse than guys who have fear in approaching women, at least they are not considered wrong for approaching women. 

You're playing the victim here.

10 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If a woman decides to try out multiple men, she is considered bossy but if a man did that, he is considered sharp. 

That's another challenge 

The sexual game is asymmetrical and there are good reasons for it. Your resentment is clouding your vision. 

[Preety_India]

Also let's talk about general culture today. 

I want a feminine man, in a sense who understands a woman, who is not completely oblivious of what a female is. 

But if you look around, a lot of men act like boys. No offense please 

 

There seems to be horrible level of emasculation that has happened which makes men less responsibility oriented and encourages the whole "fuck boy" culture. 

 

 

It's very difficult to navigate around such men because you know they will always act like boys and never shoulder any responsibility. 

I don't want to sound harsh and say that men should always only be about responsibility, but when it comes to marriage, family etc, some degree of responsibility is expected out of him. 

A lot of my college guys were very girlish or feminine, I don't demonize how they are, and of course I expect some feminine sensitive behaviors in a man but I don't want him to act like my female buddy in male form. 

Such men bring drama and bitchy behavior into a relationship because of their lack of maturity but it seems more and more men are being encouraged to be this way and it's cheered on by other men. 

It definitely hurts your survivability as a woman when every man around you is acting like a man child. Your job is not to be their mommy. 

 

[Preety_India]

10 minutes ago, tsuki said:

You've grown bitter. Men are not evil.

You're playing the victim here.

The sexual game is asymmetrical and there are good reasons for it. Your resentment is clouding your vision. 

You are going into a territory where you're simply applying your assumptions where they are not valid. 

You're twisting things out of context. 

I said that manipulation in relationships can be a huge problem, however you are taking it to mean that I said all men are evil,when I didn't imply that at all 

I'm not playing victim when I say it's difficult for women to approach men because it's looked down upon. 

I'm simply presenting survival and dating challenges from a female perspective just like men do here from their perspective 

If men think that dating is challenging for them, it's challenging for women as well. 

Why is it that when a woman states her challenges, she is called a victim whereas men always have to be sympathized with? 

This is one more challenge for a woman right here 

That whenever she decides to speak up about whatever is difficult for her, she is called a victim player. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm not going to discuss with anyone who doesn't have an open mind to understand perspectives and challenges. 

If your argument is all about victim mindset and bitterness then no need to read this thread 

 

[tsuki]

@Preety_India When you present your statements as objective facts, you are not merely "stating your challenges".

There are a lot of generalizations in your posts and even though some of them are accurate, you are painting a picture that is heavily influenced by the painful experiences that you've shared here. You have every right to be angry and I understand that, but I don't think most men will be able to empathize with you when you blame them. Yes, the men you dated were players and they've hurt you, but you also entered these relationships out of your own free will. They played your blind spots and it's not okay, but you kept being attracted to them.

The existence of fuckboys is for the sole purpose of teaching women how to find men. They are not doing this deliberately, so they should not be thanked for it.

[Preety_India]

@tsuki  you just don't get it. A fuck boy doesn't come with a label on his forehead. 

It's difficult to screen men and that's a challenge because deception is very difficult to spot. 

If you are of the perspective that women don't have any challenges, then sit with it. 

 

[Leo Gura]

Do not turn these threads into blind justifications of your survival biases, or I will lock them down.

Ya'll really struggle to discuss gender dynamics without getting all personal and egotistical about it.

Self-reflect before you post your self-biased BS here. This goes for men and women here. You are both guilty of it in your own ways.

[Preety_India]

@Leo Gura I don't get what's going on. 

I'm not blaming men in any way or calling them evil or anything. Nor am I implying that men don't have struggles. 

I feel like nobody wants to accept that women have challenges in dating. 

 

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

I don't get what's going on. 

What's going on is unconsciousness and self-bias.

And I'm sick of moderating these pointless gender debates that lead to no raising of consciousness or deeper understanding.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

What's going on is unconsciousness and self-bias.

Look a little bit of bias will always exist.. 

Nobody can be completely free from bias because everyone wants to survive at the end of day. 

So If I presented my survival challenges as a woman, why is it so triggering to these men. 

I just don't get it. 

 

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

So If I presented my survival challenges as a woman, why is it so triggering to these men.

For the same reason that if I said I only want to fuck super-models, you would get triggered and a pointless debate would ensue.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

For the same reason that if I said I only want to fuck super-models, you would get triggered.

The problem is that I'm not triggered by that at all 

In fact I didn't even bring up something like that on this thread. 

I offered my perspectives of how dating is a difficult navigation for me and several women. 

And this simple thing is triggering so many guys on the forum, it's eccentric. 

Of course both men and women have challenges and frustrations in dating. 

I've never denied the male part. 

 

[Chew211]

13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Do not turn these threads into blind justifications of your survival biases, or I will lock them down.

Ya'll really struggle to discuss gender dynamics without getting all personal and egotistical about it.

Self-reflect before you post your self-biased BS here. This goes for men and women here. You are both guilty of it in your own ways.

But it is educational to watch all this banter. It sure made me self reflect on my biases. Good to know that it's not just one gender struggling. 

I'm starting to think that dating is the struggle that arises from the fundamental incompatibility of men and women. (Or masculine and feminine if you will). 

You spoke of transcending it, but most of us are far from that-- men and women. 

Perhaps before something as lofty as transcending masculinity and feminity, we'll have to first just make peace with the fundamental incompatibility of men and women-- it sure doesn't seem like we are each other's complements. 

[tsuki]

11 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If you are of the perspective that women don't have any challenges, then sit with it. 

@Preety_India Take a deep breath and tell me if you truly believe this, or were you simply being cheeky.

13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

you just don't get it. A fuck boy doesn't come with a label on his forehead. 

I am not denying that this is super difficult. I agree that this is super difficult and this is why I said that dating is brutal.
Dating is not concerned with you as a person. Spotting fuckboys is ultimately what you have to learn as a woman and you will keep being hurt until you learn how to do it. "Presenting your challenges" will not change a single thing.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, tsuki said:

Dating is not concerned with you as a person. Spotting fuckboys is ultimately what you have to learn as a woman and you will keep being hurt until you learn how to do it.

I'm not being cheeky at all 

Tell me if you really believe what I just quoted, that being hurt over and over can be massive challenge? 

Do you at least understand and accept it?

I'm not looking for a solution to the whole situation, I only want to know if you understand and accept it. 

Because the solution to it is very difficult and the only thing to know is that dating can be brutal for both men and women. 

So my question to you is simple and I want a simple answer 

Do you at least understand and accept that getting hurt can be brutal for a woman?