The Challenges of Women (Not every woman okay!)

[ConsciousOwl10]

Sorry but most pickup artists are completely incompetent. @TheSource They pose zero threat to anyone other than themselves, willing to put themselves in stupid situations that could potentially hurt them physically and mentally just to get some female attention, like getting beat up by someones boyfriend. The small number of 'pickup artists' that do get successful usually start their own thing, and get a following from a bunch of unsuccessful guys, or they leave entirely because they don't want to be around them any longer. It's just funny to me when society or you discusses the threat of them as if they are dangerous, when in reality they a bunch of socially awkward guys who were left to fend for themselves. To say that they are somehow an existential threat to you is kind of hilarious. Pickup is becoming more rare as more society becomes more insular and 'progressive' if that's how you want to interpret it, so I guess you should be happy that more men useless with women and harmless to anyone or anything 

Edited January 25, 2021 by ConsciousOwl10

[diamondpenguin]

21 hours ago, Preety_India said:

At the back of my mind, I've all these thoughts where I'm kinda confused and surprised reading all these dating threads and ideas that men have about dating and relationships in general. 

It's looked at  like a cakewalk. 

 I kinda feel odd about myself because I look at it completely different. I can never be in a casual relationship. To me relationships are about building something deep together. And my emotions in a relationship are really strong. I can't simply think to myself "I'm going to dump this guy and get a better one," because I would get so emotional even thinking about leaving the person I'm with. I don't know how to compute my environment as a woman. If I'm with a man, I'm devoted to him, thinking about the future, planning things like family, marriage and kids. Big dreams. Any signal from him that makes me feel vulnerable or insecure makes me feel very ominous about the whole situation. Being a woman is too complicated. Because I'm your mind, when you're deeply in love, you're already imagining having kids with that person, having a family and you need that ground to stand on, you need that shoulder to cry on, you need that arm to hold as you stroll on evenings. You need that emotional security because as a woman you want it all together. 

I cannot even imagine simply moving and hopping from one man to the next. Because being in a relationship without emotions would feel so awkward. 

And there is no emotional energy left once it's exhausted in a relationship. What I mean I can never imagine sleeping with different men, lots of them, because I cannot keep putting emotional energy into one man, afford to have my heart broken and have renewed emotional energy avaliable for the next man. If i did that, I would feel like a toy, and my body and hormones won't be able to handle that, my body would go crazy with emotional vulnerability. And I cannot switch off my emotions as I please. That's not how I feel as a woman. I don't think I can be so robotic with my emotions out in the world. I'd lose my sense of womanhood. So when I think about all these things, I'm so puzzled by the way men look at relationships as some kind of a short term transaction, I just cannot look at it that way, it would drive me nuts. I mean being a Woman is so complicated than most people understand, because the one thing that sets everything apart is knowing that one day you would be a mother, and that itself brings everything to a halt, you can't afford mind games, you can't afford simply doing whatever you want with your body, your body is for the child, you don't want to be messed up in your head, because you want your child in a healthy environment, so you want a man that will give you that sense of security, that foundation you can build your family on, not a player guy, not casual flings, your hustle as a woman is completely different, and even if you are not a mother, this drive is governing and influencing your thoughts subconsciously, deep down you're always looking for that man who will give you that place in life where you'll begin to dream of having children with him, a guy who is dependable and feminine and emotional just like you, a man who you could sit down and make plans with. 

So yeah, it's difficult and complicated. It's tough being a woman, knowing what challenges the dating world is throwing at you, subconsciously thinking if this will be healthy for your unborn future children, what sort of an uncertain world we're made to move towards, the challenges of being a young woman in 21st century dating era, where your vulnerability as a woman is at great risk, where every decision counts, where the constant thought in your mind is "I don't want to end up as a single mother" the haunting that past relationship failures created, knowing how you messed up your life being with the wrong man and navigating this labyrinth alone, how you made mistakes and ended up falling for the wrong guy, because you didn't know better, feeling bad for your naiveté, feeling bad for even falling for what you're attracted to, beating yourself up because you were attracted to someone that your mind or body can't control and ended up paying a huge emotional price, but this price only gets exponentially higher when motherhood is involved and knowing the price you paid for trusting a man, and then realizing how difficult it is for a woman to simply give into the next dude, once that innocent trust chord is broken, realizing that as a woman you would need to protect yourself every step of the way, not to give into your emotions even when there is temptation, not simply fool around, because you can't afford to, to constantly empower yourself constantly and being on guard because if not, someone could snuff your light so easily, at the same time not being bitter, not throwing your anger at the world, moving on with grace and realizing how one mistake could cost you and your children an entire life. Knowing that you don't want you to be held hostage to your emotions once again, having a sense of security and normalcy with a man and not having to constantly look over your shoulders, not wanting to think "what if this guy fucks me up?" yea that's a struggle that few people understand.. You feel like you are in a different world where your concerns as a woman are  never heard and nobody will really understand them unless they're in your shoes and facing the challenges and Insecurities that a young woman has to navigate through. 

 

Welcome to life. It's not a cakewalk where you walk into a building pickup a cake and walk out with the cake eat it and become a millionaire. Just joking that is how you do it. Life is easy. If it was hard we'd be extinct already. 

[Preety_India]

@diamondpenguin @diamondpenguin no need to tell me that. 

Is this how people respond when someone is trying to express their struggles and challenges?

Keep your "welcome to life" comments to yourself. I'm so disgusted. 

 

Why even bother to reply when you can't speak kindly, all I was asking for was understanding. 

I don't need rude comments. 

 

Edited January 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, diamondpenguin said:

Life is easy. If it was hard we'd be extinct already. 

We're alive because of our indomitable survival instinct and fighting spirit, not because life is easy.. I'm not bitching about life. I'm stating challenges that women face in this world.

Stating challenges is not bitching or victim playing. Understand the difference. 

 

[Lieseluke]

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Stating challenges is not bitching or victim playing. Understand the difference. 

Quote

yea, saying that they understand the struggles and challenges of being a woman in this pathetic world. 

Well, with language it's always a fine line in terms of whether you get across what you really mean. If I were you, it might be worthwile to look into your langauge. As in examining what words you use/what you use them for (did that with the words around feeling and thinking myself a couple of weeks ago since I used them quite unconsciously and still do sometimes).

Maybe it's just my opinion (or projection) but your use of language, i.g. "this pathetic world" does sound a little bit like bitching/complaining. Taking the risk for being labelled rude and unkind by you, I'd like to say that I hope you really know the difference yourself. I surely would be careful.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Lieseluke said:

Well, with language it's always a fine line in terms of whether you get across what you really mean. If I were you, it might be worthwile to look into your langauge. As in examining what words you use/what you use them for (did that with the words around feeling and thinking myself a couple of weeks ago since I used them quite unconsciously and still do sometimes).

Maybe it's just my opinion (or projection) but your use of language, i.g. "this pathetic world" does sound a little bit like bitching/complaining. Taking the risk for being labelled rude and unkind by you, I'd like to say that I hope you really know the difference yourself. I surely would be careful.

It's simply putting it out there. You're entitled to your interpretation though. 

[Leo Gura]

It is good for the utterly self-absorbed bros in this sub-forum to read and see the world through the survival challenges of a woman. Cause most of ya'll are clueless about such things.

It helps to cure some of that whiny victim mentality about not getting laid on a dime.

Too much bro-bias around here.

But ya'll ladies are biased as fuck too in your own unique way.

Hope you're noticing the meta pattern here.

[Barbara]

I don’t think the issue is being a woman. I’m a woman and I do not see myself in most of your words. What I see is a victim mindset. Take responsibility for a while..  Best of luck

Edited January 26, 2021 by Barbara

[Preety_India]

@Barbara  I don't see it as a victim mindset. 

I am expressing the vulnerabilities of women and I don't mean all women. 

And if you don't relate, that's completely fine, no need to shame. 

 

[Preety_India]

25 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It is good for the utterly self-absorbed bros in this sub-forum to read and see the world through the survival challenges of a woman. Cause most of ya'll are clueless about such things.

I'm not biased. I understand male challenges as well.

But in a sea of threads that only talk about how difficult everything is for men, I always wanted to present some issues that women(only those who relate to such experiences) face 

But you're right. Most of them are clueless about such things and that's exactly what I was drawing attention to. 

 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, datamonster said:

Yep, being a woman is difficult and being a man is so easy ofc.

Gender is what really matters here, not the type of person you are, your character, mindset or attitude.

Those things are completely irrelevant.

No being a man is not easy.

But when it comes to motherhood, things are obviously on the harder side for women. 

 

[StarStruck]

Women are the gate keepers. Most guys become fuckboys or dick heads because certain women are attracted to that. If you are a nice guy and don't have those traits you are just put aside.

I don't blame certain women. They have their own reasons for having those unconscious drivers but that doesn't change what I said. Women pick and that won't change anytime soon.

If you want to casually date, you better become what the market asks. Unfortunately that is how it works.

Edited January 25, 2021 by StarStruck

[Preety_India]

@StarStruck some women want a long term relationship and it's get difficult for them to be in an environment where majority are looking for casual hookups 

 

[TheAlchemist]

5 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Women are the gate keepers. Most guys become fuckboys or dick heads because women are attracted to that. If you are a nice guy and don't have those traits you are just put aside.

I don't blame women. They have their own reasons for having those unconscious drivers but that doesn't change what I said. Women pick and that won't change anytime soon.

If you want to casually date, you better become what the market asks. Unfortunately that is how it works.

Consider if it's useful to view it in such a black/white way. You seem to only see dickheads/fuckboys and nice guys. If you want to figure it out, you can look into the nuances more. 

Why do you think women are attracted to the dickhead? 

Maybe they are not attracted to being treated like shit and abused, maybe they are attracted to some small element of the dickheads personality, such as their confidence and assertiveness. And the spineless nice guy has none of that so of course there is no attraction. 

You can be confident and assertive while being a nice and kind person, that's just an incredibly rare combination to have because almost nobody is doing the work to become that. So it is not so black and white. 

A common progression:

Spineless niceguy --> manipulative pickup master --> authentic integrated man

The authentic integrated man integrates the assertiveness and confidence of the asshole with the tenderness of the nice guy and drops the mask, because that's what he is when he is authentic. And that authenticity is what attracts. 

 

[StarStruck]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@StarStruck some women want a long term relationship and it's get difficult for them to be in an environment where majority are looking for casual hookups 

 

I can imagine that is difficult. Finding a life partner is difficult for both sexes though. As a human you always want to up-trade yourself, not down-trade yourself. Finding a good match causes a lot of stress.

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I can imagine that is difficult. Finding a life partner is difficult for both sexes though. As a human you always want to up-trade yourself, not down-trade yourself. Finding a good match causes a lot of stress.

Even if you found a good match, if the general mentality is that loyalty is not important, it's a huge issue. 

 

[StarStruck]

7 minutes ago, TheAlchemist said:

Consider if it's useful to view it in such a black/white way. You seem to only see dickheads/fuckboys and nice guys. If you want to figure it out, you can look into the nuances more. 

Why do you think women are attracted to the dickhead? 

Maybe they are not attracted to being treated like shit and abused, maybe they are attracted to some small element of the dickheads personality, such as their confidence and assertiveness. And the spineless nice guy has none of that so of course there is no attraction. 

You can be confident and assertive while being a nice and kind person, that's just an incredibly rare combination to have because almost nobody is doing the work to become that. So it is not so black and white. 

A common progression:

Spineless niceguy --> manipulative pickup master --> authentic integrated man

The authentic integrated man integrates the assertiveness and confidence of the asshole with the tenderness of the nice guy and drops the mask, because that's what he is when he is authentic. And that authenticity is what attracts. 

 

I think you are right. I might overcompensate because I was the spineless nice guy but that just the process that I'm in.

You said it yourself, being assertive/confidence and being tender/moral, is a rare match. That is why women have to make a trade off.. They ask themselves: do I want a nice guy or do I want a dick head? They are repulsed by nice guys and I don't blame them. I  kind of get it.

 

[Preety_India]

13 minutes ago, TheAlchemist said:

Consider if it's useful to view it in such a black/white way. You seem to only see dickheads/fuckboys and nice guys. If you want to figure it out, you can look into the nuances more. 

Why do you think women are attracted to the dickhead? 

Maybe they are not attracted to being treated like shit and abused, maybe they are attracted to some small element of the dickheads personality, such as their confidence and assertiveness. And the spineless nice guy has none of that so of course there is no attraction. 

You can be confident and assertive while being a nice and kind person, that's just an incredibly rare combination to have because almost nobody is doing the work to become that. So it is not so black and white. 

A common progression:

Spineless niceguy --> manipulative pickup master --> authentic integrated man

The authentic integrated man integrates the assertiveness and confidence of the asshole with the tenderness of the nice guy and drops the mask, because that's what he is when he is authentic. And that authenticity is what attracts. 

 

I appreciate your wise and nuanced view on this topic. 

 

[Preety_India]

Changed the title of the thread. 

(relaxed) 

[Barbara]

@Preety_India Not shaming. I want you to thrive and realize your potential as creator. 

57 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I am expressing the vulnerabilities of women

This is the issue, because this is what you’re focused on. It’s important to acknowledge the challenges of you environment, but in a strategic way, always thinking ahead, not getting caught on your condition, being it bad or good. 

Mobilize yourself towards what you want to create and manifest in your life. Not backwards.