The Challenges of Women (Not every woman okay!)

[Preety_India]

At the back of my mind, I've all these thoughts where I'm kinda confused and surprised reading all these dating threads and ideas that men have about dating and relationships in general. 

It's looked at  like a cakewalk. 

 I kinda feel odd about myself because I look at it completely different. I can never be in a casual relationship. To me relationships are about building something deep together. And my emotions in a relationship are really strong. I can't simply think to myself "I'm going to dump this guy and get a better one," because I would get so emotional even thinking about leaving the person I'm with. I don't know how to compute my environment as a woman. If I'm with a man, I'm devoted to him, thinking about the future, planning things like family, marriage and kids. Big dreams. Any signal from him that makes me feel vulnerable or insecure makes me feel very ominous about the whole situation. Being a woman is too complicated. Because I'm your mind, when you're deeply in love, you're already imagining having kids with that person, having a family and you need that ground to stand on, you need that shoulder to cry on, you need that arm to hold as you stroll on evenings. You need that emotional security because as a woman you want it all together. 

I cannot even imagine simply moving and hopping from one man to the next. Because being in a relationship without emotions would feel so awkward. 

And there is no emotional energy left once it's exhausted in a relationship. What I mean I can never imagine sleeping with different men, lots of them, because I cannot keep putting emotional energy into one man, afford to have my heart broken and have renewed emotional energy avaliable for the next man. If i did that, I would feel like a toy, and my body and hormones won't be able to handle that, my body would go crazy with emotional vulnerability. And I cannot switch off my emotions as I please. That's not how I feel as a woman. I don't think I can be so robotic with my emotions out in the world. I'd lose my sense of womanhood. So when I think about all these things, I'm so puzzled by the way men look at relationships as some kind of a short term transaction, I just cannot look at it that way, it would drive me nuts. I mean being a Woman is so complicated than most people understand, because the one thing that sets everything apart is knowing that one day you would be a mother, and that itself brings everything to a halt, you can't afford mind games, you can't afford simply doing whatever you want with your body, your body is for the child, you don't want to be messed up in your head, because you want your child in a healthy environment, so you want a man that will give you that sense of security, that foundation you can build your family on, not a player guy, not casual flings, your hustle as a woman is completely different, and even if you are not a mother, this drive is governing and influencing your thoughts subconsciously, deep down you're always looking for that man who will give you that place in life where you'll begin to dream of having children with him, a guy who is dependable and feminine and emotional just like you, a man who you could sit down and make plans with. 

So yeah, it's difficult and complicated. It's tough being a woman, knowing what challenges the dating world is throwing at you, subconsciously thinking if this will be healthy for your unborn future children, what sort of an uncertain world we're made to move towards, the challenges of being a young woman in 21st century dating era, where your vulnerability as a woman is at great risk, where every decision counts, where the constant thought in your mind is "I don't want to end up as a single mother" the haunting that past relationship failures created, knowing how you messed up your life being with the wrong man and navigating this labyrinth alone, how you made mistakes and ended up falling for the wrong guy, because you didn't know better, feeling bad for your naiveté, feeling bad for even falling for what you're attracted to, beating yourself up because you were attracted to someone that your mind or body can't control and ended up paying a huge emotional price, but this price only gets exponentially higher when motherhood is involved and knowing the price you paid for trusting a man, and then realizing how difficult it is for a woman to simply give into the next dude, once that innocent trust chord is broken, realizing that as a woman you would need to protect yourself every step of the way, not to give into your emotions even when there is temptation, not simply fool around, because you can't afford to, to constantly empower yourself constantly and being on guard because if not, someone could snuff your light so easily, at the same time not being bitter, not throwing your anger at the world, moving on with grace and realizing how one mistake could cost you and your children an entire life. Knowing that you don't want you to be held hostage to your emotions once again, having a sense of security and normalcy with a man and not having to constantly look over your shoulders, not wanting to think "what if this guy fucks me up?" yea that's a struggle that few people understand.. You feel like you are in a different world where your concerns as a woman are  never heard and nobody will really understand them unless they're in your shoes and facing the challenges and Insecurities that a young woman has to navigate through. 

 

Edited January 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[roopepa]

Very simple: focus on what you want, rather than what you don't want.

[Lieseluke]

@Preety_India I read your post, I am sorry that you feel so confused and not understood. Not sure whether you are familiar with David Deida's books or some of Carl Jung's work on marriage, anima and animus (can be applied to non-married couple relationships too) but I can definitely recommend these sources. 

Anyway, there are some things I would like to comment.

14 hours ago, Preety_India said:

deep down you're always looking for that man who will give you that place in life where you'll begin to dream of having children with him, a guy who is dependable and feminine and emotional just like you, a man who you could sit down and make plans with. 

Don't forget that this is your perspective. Not every woman necessarily feels like this. I am not trying to deny your preferences but there are enough women who will want a more masculine man to say that this is definitely not generally applicable to women. 

This reminds me a little bit about what Leo said in his video about male and female psychology: women want men who look masculine on the outside but think like their best female friend on the inside and men want women who look hot and sexy but think like their drink buddy on the inside. That is not how it works... Of course, this example is a little extreme and you can feel this attitude in various subdegrees but maybe you wanna think about it.

14 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Because I'm your mind, when you're deeply in love, you're already imagining having kids with that person, having a family and you need that ground to stand on, you need that shoulder to cry on, you need that arm to hold as you stroll on evenings. You need that emotional security because as a woman you want it all together. 

Just some undeveloped thought/suggestion: how about you contemplate your wants and needs? Why do you need emotional security only because you want it all? And why do you need that ground to stand on? 

14 hours ago, Preety_India said:

the haunting that past relationship failures created, knowing how you messed up your life being with the wrong man and navigating this labyrinth alone, how you made mistakes and ended up falling for the wrong guy, because you didn't know better, feeling bad for your naiveté, feeling bad for even falling for what you're attracted to, beating yourself up because you were attracted to someone that your mind or body can't control and ended up paying a huge emotional price

Maybe it feels like you have no control over who you are attracted to but I do think that as you grow mentally/mature/let go of old wounds, needs and get a more healthy self-image that you will not be attracted anymore to the same men than your younger/more inexperienced self was attracted to. 

Overall, please be kind and compassionate towards yourself. I can read from your post that you feel a lot of pain when it comes to relationship with men and I really hope that you can make happy and fulfilling experiences with men in the future. Also, I'm not where I want to be regarding my own mindset/attitude towards relationship so please just take this as some ideas/thought prompts instead of as some critique.

[Preety_India]

Here I'm trying the challenges of being a young woman to be understood and here we go with all the criticisms as if everything is my fault. 

I'm not looking for a solution. I don't want any. 

I'm just venting the challenges. The frustrations of being a Woman and being confused and lost in all this madness of dating where there is no emotional security and how it fucks you up so bad because you want to be able to build a life and that's not possible if the relationship is just going to be temporary and the emotional exhaustion that comes from a mentality where the culture doesn't stress enough to make relationships worthy and worth the effort to make it work but simply move on and find others and this exhausting cycle where you'll never be able to trust someone fully even if you sleep with them, where everything is survival agenda and true fulfillment or rest will never come. The insanity of being in all these peripatetic relationships. It's not about self image. It's about the struggles and challenges of being a young woman trying to figure out her way through this disturbing and distorted maze of human relationships and then readying herself for shouldering responsibilities like motherhood in an uncertain toxic world. Where you have to constantly have to be strong every moment and not make mistakes. That's not a healthy environment for a woman. A healthy environment is where she wouldn't need to struggle so hard to find a footing, where she wouldn't have to live in constant fear of her emotional health being put at risk in the name of relationships. Healthy environment is not so combative, rather its more conducive to growth. A healthy environment is more accommodating of the emotional needs of a woman.. 

I don't need any advice.

I was only pouring my heart out and all the frustrations.. 

 

[Preety_India]

I just want to be understood. I don't want this high consciousness advice. 

 

[flume]

26 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I just want to be understood.

Nobody can give you what you're only here to provide for yourself.

[Lieseluke]

@Preety_India Lol okay. My bad then. Sorry.

Not sure what you want with understanding then. Other people pouring out their hearts too? Telling you that they feel the same? Just saying that they get it? 

 

[Preety_India]

@Lieseluke yea, saying that they understand the struggles and challenges of being a woman in this pathetic world. 

 

[TheSource]

29 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I just want to be understood. I don't want this high consciousness advice. 

 

I understand you! I am male and I feel exactly like you in every point (well, except that I cannot give birth to a child).

What I've sensed in your post is that you care a lot and that you are very emphatic and sensitive which is beautiful, I can relate. Being so open and loving can be the best thing in relationships/live, yet at the same time when bad circumstances/people are there, it can burn you. Unfortunately, in this crazy society of tinder-swipes and pick-up-"artists" people like us get hurt way too often. Even more so, we sometimes feel misplaced and think "Am I crazy or those people around me?". 

Maybe it helps you when I say that I love your attitude towards relationships and wish that I someday will find a woman with the same openness and the same view on relationships like you.

[Preety_India]

@TheSource  thanks for understanding and I hope you don't get hurt or duped in relationships and find a good woman. 

 

 

[TheSource]

@Preety_India Thank you! And thank you for sharing this with us.

One addition: I just scrolled through the topics in this sub-forum. Please do not read those pick-up-topics and think this is in any way representative for all men.

[Preety_India]

@TheSource thank you for telling me that. It helps. Men like you are a gem. 

 

[Leo Gura]

Welcome to survival. All survival is hard.

[Megan Alecia]

@Leo Gura I remember your videos, you used to say that we actually have it much easier now. 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Welcome to survival. All survival is hard.

And.... M.......we don't have to make it harder than it already is!!! 

 

[Leo Gura]

22 minutes ago, Megan Alecia said:

@Leo Gura I remember your videos, you used to say that we actually have it much easier now. 

It's elastic. Notice that no matter how easy your life gets, it's still always a struggle and full of suffering.

Your mind creates as much suffering as is needed to fill itself.

[Preety_India]

Ahh there we go, everything is just mind itself. 

Baloney. 

[knakoo]

@Preety_India I understand you and I feel love for you. I hope you will feel this same beautiful and healing love for the part of you that fears and suffers.

[Preety_India]

No comment. 

 

[Lyubov]

Wish I had it easy like women do where they have every man interested in sex with them