Experiments With Consciousness

[Applegarden]

Based on my current situation, I decided that I will be playing, experimenting and writing my personal experience from experiments with various mediation techniques from Nithyananda. Here I am only focused on sharing the content and experience from the techniques that have been present for thousands and thousands of years rearranged to the language and lifestyle for a common man. The techniques Nithyananda is speaking about are already there in some part of the hindu tradition, wether Patanjali sutras, Shiva sutras, Siddha tradition e.c.t. - they are sentiment to the legacy and the versatiliy of Sanatana Hindu Dharma to show that there are in fact many paths to enlightenment and in fact always have been.

Why Nithyananda? Because he is the only guru I have seen giving such eloberate detail in his recitings of the various teachings of spirituality, with the content, you will see what I am talking about. I have been on and off benefiting from this guru particularly the most by far. Not only the practicality of the teachings, but also the radiance of his form is something I don't think I have witnessed as powerfully, another example I might think is Poonjaji (Papaji) and Ramana Maharishi or Osho who really reflected this sielence on me. 

Important notice, if you will post exposees of Nithyananda, this is not the place to do so, get your garbage elsewhere and go follow real gurus like Eckhart Tolle and Rupert Shpira e.c.t. who say and do what you want to hear, not really sure if you attain liberation that way, but I am hopeful that you will.

I feel like I will become more and more furious and ferocious once I integrate these techniques more and more and I will briefly explain that later.

If you want to try these techniques yourelf, please, go ahead, that is my aim also. To share the content and experiences and to make use of my bad situation of being repressed and penalized, because I play guitar by acctually unethical and somewhat illegal methods - disrupting my sleep constantly.

This brings me to the first chapter.

Sleep, rest and turiya state of consciousness

Because of constanty disrupted sleep and disrupted sleep and waking cycle because night shifts and it's negative side effects on health and my guitar playing being on the line - sleepiness reduces creativity and drive for activity on a free day and the constant shouting at me, either to insult me for something or to warcry after they succesfully disrupted my sleep, it just brings more anger, fear, depression and feeling of being deprived, repressed and feeling like an animal e.c.t. just for the simple fact of even playing tapping guitar and synth. Not only I want to improve my quality of slep but I don't want to become a part of the perpetual victim cycle - even when they succesfully did their violence of stopping me from playing guitar for some time, they are anyway angry and anyway their anger is there. I don't want to be like that so let me work on completely opposite direction of as much self-reflection as possible; even while I can't pursue my dreams - I will improve my health and quality of consciousness, which I am very fortunate enough to know where to look.

So what do I want in particular:

- I want to master the art of sleeping in turiya state to move towards enlightenment in my sleep, I know first hand this is possible to do;

- I don't want to dream ever again, because:

 -- Dreaming is distorting my life and making the lusts and delusions I carry stronger, it will rest my body/mind more and reduce the time of daydreaming and reduce the time of sleep needed;

 -- I personally find dreaming useless as I want to produce something in the outher world in waking and I don't do the psychic, occult stuff where you do stuff with dreams e.c.t., don't really care about it, my primary goals are restfulness and enlightenment;

 -- Dreams, wether good or bad feels existentially disconnecting (dark night of the soul effect after waking up) and you have to set yourself to move onwards;

- Want to make sleep efficient, minimum time for the maximum restfulness, minimum impact of sleep disruption;

- I want to learn how to fall asleep very fast in short amount of time even being disrupted again and again, and I want to fall asleep fast in places with noise;

- I would like to train myself to wake up before alarms also;

- I want to wake up blissfull;

- I want to share my findings;

- I want to prevent oversleeping, insomnia, nightmares, chronic fatigue, and sleep in the healthiest way possible, even when napping;

- I want to open other non-mechanical parts of my brain, besides enlightenment to experience life more intensly, regardless of the action.

Primary Objectives:

- Collect many meditation techniques, which directly interlink with sleep and helps one reach turiya state of consciousness;

- Explain, find a reference to the states of consciousness to explain what turiya is and what other states of consciosness are there;

- Keep doing the techniques and share my experiences from time to time;

- Enhance my life and start pushing back to the bullies by being alive as possible and keep playing the instruments, even if it means that I have to live 10 times more intensly and more healthy than them, so they have to come to me and start arguing, compromising with me, because of their violence becoming useless; (Until then, I will be patiently waiting, I have other solutions also, like getting a car and practicing other places, but this I can deal with too, as there is always more to do to solve your problems and increasing my quality of consciousness while doing nothing else is completely fine with me also);

- Being alive enough to start causing my reality and living in a way that would make me want to take another births as I would see more and more, I am acctually not a victim;

The meditation techniques (qouted from Living Enlightenment - Gospel of Paramahamsa Nithyananda http://lifeblissprograms.org/e-books/pdf/le_abridged.pdf)

"This technique has two parts: one that you do when you fall asleep, when you are lying in the bed and the second one that you do whenever you can remember during the whole day. The first one will create more energy to do the second part and vice versa. They are complementary to each other. First part: when you lie down, before falling asleep, just remember the area near the ajna chakra* or the third eye, the center of the forehead. Do not concentrate. If you force yourself, if you start concentrating, your sleep will be disturbed and you will have a headache. Just remember that area in a relaxed way, the way you look at a flower, just casually. Slowly, you will see that you are relaxing, you are slowly dropping into the deep sleep state. Just be aware of this movement into deep sleep, that is enough. First day, you may feel that you are not falling asleep at all and that your sleep is getting delayed by ten or fifteen minutes. Don’t bother about it. Just be aware of the prana movement in the ajna chakra* . You will be aware that you are dreaming. If you want to continue the dream, you will continue. If you don’t feel like it, you will come out. There will be no intensity to the dream. The next step, you will start having the dreamless sleep. That is the deeper level. Once you start having the dreamless sleep you will also start having the dreamless day. Dreamless day means that your energy will be conserved without day-dreaming. If you are aware of the prana, that is enough. It will automatically come back to the higher energy, and your body will heal itself as the flow of prana is directly related to all your diseases. Above all, when you are able to change your dream, when you are able to handle your dream, you will have the intense power and energy to handle the incidents of your life." p.174-175

States of consciousness explanations:

"When you have ‘I’ Consciousness and thoughts, you are in the waking state (jagat), the state in which you are right now. In this state, ‘I’ has more frequency than your thoughts. So you can control your thoughts. When you are without ‘I’ consciousness but having thoughts, you are in the dream state (swapna). In the dream state, your thoughts are at a higher frequency than your ‘I’ consciousness. That is why you have thoughts in your dreams but you are not able to control them. When you are without ‘I’ Consciousness and not having any thoughts, you are in the deep sleep state (sushupti). Normally, we are aware of only these three states – waking, dream and deep sleep. The fourth state is where you have I consciousness but no thoughts - turiya." p.219

 

[Applegarden]

Techniques to acess the turiya state of consciousness in sleep

Death process meditation - Nirbaya Dhyaana

In one of the akashik reading sessions trough Nithyananda, the Kalabhairava form of Shiva describes the Death process meditation process of Nirbaya Dhyana to help seekers and human beings move towards enlightenment. This technique is complimentary to the previous one I mentioned. So anything that intensifies/quickens the process, is fine by me.

Narration from the akashik readings:

"Every fear you accumulate, every fear makes you agitated, every fear which you do not want to think or remember, go trough. Go into all these fears consciously, neither deciding to save yourself from that fear nor having greed to achieve what you are afraid of. So without having the greed or fear, enter into the fear. Naturally the fear will lose it's quality of fear when you do not carry fear or greed for the fear. Greed has it's quality of greed and fear about the greed. Same way the fear has the quality of fear because your fear for the fear and indirect greed towards the fear. So when your fears are approached with fearlessness and greedlessness, the sttraightening out of  your consciousness everday happens. The change of consciousness from jagrat to swapna, swapna to sushupti, the waking state to dream state and dream state to the deep sleep state, happens because your awareness is not straightened out. Either the bumps of the fear or bumps of the greed responsible for your consciousness jumping from waking state to dream state or dream state to deep sleep state. If you remove all the bumps of the fear before falling asleep, you will not fall asleep, you will fall into something called restful awareness which is recorded by the word turiya by the earlier mantra drashtas. So the word turiya denotes the state of falling into restful awareness without the bumps of fear or greed. Every night remove all the bumps you created during your daytime trough fear or greed. Continious practice of removing all the bumps of fear and greed by facing them will help you to fall into state of turiya. This is what Mahadeva calls as death process - nirbaya dhyana."

So the next thing comes to mind? How to do it?

More details in this particular technique in Living Enlightenment - Gospel of Paramahamsa Nithyananda http://lifeblissprograms.org/e-books/pdf/le_abridged.pdf

"Witnessing and acceptance

When you are faced with fear, don’t try to resist it or suppress it. Just look at the fear, note the fear and accept it. Acceptance of the fear dissolves the fear. Allow the fear to shake you. If your body trembles, let it tremble. If your eyes water, let the tears come. Just be like a blade of grass in the wind - bending without resistance. A small story: On a dark night, a man was walking on a narrow path. Suddenly, his foot hit a rock and he stumbled and slipped down. He managed to catch hold of a branch hanging over the rock. It was completely dark. The man tightly held onto the branch. He shouted for help but the only response was his voice echoing back. Hearing the echo, the man was terrified that he might be at the mouth of a huge abyss. The night seemed endless and the man was desperately holding on, hoping he could get some help. Finally dawn arrived. The man looked down to see how deep the abyss was, but there was no abyss, just two feet down was a big rock! Your fears are exactly like his. You think it is an abyss but it is actually just a few feet. If you can face your fears, you see they have no depth. Because you magnify the fears, you imagine them to be an abyss. It is your choice, to let go of the branch, the fear, or to keep clinging onto it and torturing yourself. Acceptance is the only way to conquer inevitable things. When you accept, suddenly you see the fear disappear. The moment you accept, fear loses its power to frighten you. When you don’t fight with it, you will see fear as deep peace. When the fear stroke happens, just live it. That is the only way. When you have an object connected to fear, accept it. That acceptance transforms. The more you fight, the more you empower fear. Diverting your attention away from the fear is also not the way because then the fear still remains with you. It does not mean that you are out of fear. Allow the fear to take over itself. Go into the fear two to three times. Live the fear intensely without any reservations. Suddenly you will find that it doesn’t touch you anymore!" 45.p

"Visualization

A very powerful way of overcoming fear is to visualize going through that fear as clearly as you can. The beauty with this technique is that it can be used when you are not in the fear situation, when you are calm and able to handle yourself. You can sit by yourself and visualize the situation that causes fear. Feel clearly the fear coming up in you; face the fear with deep awareness. If you suffer, if your body feels uncomfortable, it is fine. Don’t suppress the fear, just allow it to happen. When you experience something completely, you drop it."

An important notice to see the connection that anger an expression of the root cause of fear.

"Anger – the active form of Fear

Fear is what leads to anger. Fear is the passive form of the energy while anger is the active expression. A small story: A man rushed into the post office very angrily with a bunch of papers in hand, saying, ‘How dare they send me threatening letters like this!’ The official at the post office said, ‘Yes, sending threatening letters is a legal offense. Do you know who has been sending you these letters?’ The man shouted back, ‘Of course, I do! It is the Income Tax people!’ When you are angry, just look into the anger. At the root of it, you will find a deep fear. Try this for yourself: if you are feeling fear, express anger at that time. Throw your hands, stamp your feet – express the energy. You will see the fear disappears. You will see for yourself how fear can simply transform to anger. Similarly, fear can also transform to hate. You just need to be aware of yourself and witness how the emotions subtly change from one form to another. When you understand this play, you can easily get out of the game." 43.p

It is also said that this meditation technique is applicable for any kind of greed, therefore lust, desire e.c.t. I will cover these in a similar meditation techniques like Nithyananda's completion process or also known as samskara dhyana kriya - at the end of the day these techniques can be used for any feeling except restful awareness. So any irritation, suffocation, powerlesness, delusion, lust, loneliness, depression, boredom, fear e.c.t.

Later I will be providing examples of me writing down my own fears in a detailed way (doesn't have to be fears of today) and writing in detailed way, how it makes me feel and what is my experience for continiously doing so.

 

On 2021.01.22. at 4:43 PM, Applegarden said:

The meditation techniques (qouted from Living Enlightenment - Gospel of Paramahamsa Nithyananda http://lifeblissprograms.org/e-books/pdf/le_abridged.pdf)

"This technique has two parts: one that you do when you fall asleep, when you are lying in the bed and the second one that you do whenever you can remember during the whole day. The first one will create more energy to do the second part and vice versa. They are complementary to each other. First part: when you lie down, before falling asleep, just remember the area near the ajna chakra* or the third eye, the center of the forehead. Do not concentrate. If you force yourself, if you start concentrating, your sleep will be disturbed and you will have a headache. Just remember that area in a relaxed way, the way you look at a flower, just casually. Slowly, you will see that you are relaxing, you are slowly dropping into the deep sleep state. Just be aware of this movement into deep sleep, that is enough. First day, you may feel that you are not falling asleep at all and that your sleep is getting delayed by ten or fifteen minutes. Don’t bother about it. Just be aware of the prana movement in the ajna chakra* . You will be aware that you are dreaming. If you want to continue the dream, you will continue. If you don’t feel like it, you will come out. There will be no intensity to the dream. The next step, you will start having the dreamless sleep. That is the deeper level. Once you start having the dreamless sleep you will also start having the dreamless day. Dreamless day means that your energy will be conserved without day-dreaming. If you are aware of the prana, that is enough. It will automatically come back to the higher energy, and your body will heal itself as the flow of prana is directly related to all your diseases. Above all, when you are able to change your dream, when you are able to handle your dream, you will have the intense power and energy to handle the incidents of your life." p.174-175

I practiced this technique going to sleep in few 30 minute breaks at work in my night shift and when I went asleep at home. Luckily I didn't get my sleep disrupted today, because I didn't play guitar yesterday. Anyhow I was gently aware of my third eye region, as I was looking panoramically, in a relaxed way at the darkness, as the focus of the third eye got stronger, I switched my attention to the breath so that I don't concentrate too much, and like that on and off I did it. At the breaks I didn't fall asleep but I was experiencing tremendous bliss in my pineal gland as I was doing some form of third eye meditations. Suddenly my problems and current situation felt less of an issue as I was able to continune my work, even while a bit sleep deprived. At one moment I remembered the bliss of being happy for no reason laying in the darkness with the gentle pressure of my third eye, I never tought you could go to sleep with awareness, altho I do not know how much deeper it goes. It feels somewhat weird as my sleep gets delayed, because I am not using any immaginations of sexual desire or any other pleasure to fall asleep and I am not so entirely focused on thinking, either negative or pleasant aspects of it. As I am more aware of my breath also I felt more prana being infused in my body and it feels blissfull and relaxing and there is less disturbance or chaotic, irritating energies in my manipuraka - as it would be if I knew somebody is trying to disrupt my sleep and then trying to go to sleep - that feels less influential. Another thing I can recall, the process of my awareness dissolving into sleep is slightly more lucid and progressive, however I could not concieve the point of me falling into deep sleep, and I don't remember what I dreamt also, but I don't think it was turiya. I have had nights in 2017 when I was playing with these techniques when I did fall to something unusual other than sleep - when I clearly knew I am sleeping and I was aware that I didn't choose to dream. So my goal now is to make it happen for a lifetime! (Altho I don't remember any particularly amazing experience or blissfulness, however I feel with continiuty it will deepen to extraordinary levels, as spiritual practices do).

Over all it feels like a cheat code to how blissfull your third eye region can be, when you are just merely going to sleep, but your sleep will be delayed - also it will be of a more quality, so less sleep is needed and it will not stress the body as much. I remember doing all these third eye meditation techniques and getting some small benefits here and there (also because of lack of the practice), but they clearly do their job in some aspects, some may be powerful than others and produce different results. Here are some of them if you like to try.

I am sure there are many many more advanced ones, I wish I was aware of them to really transform my life... I wish I knew some section of asanas for really transforming yoga sessions to alter some aspects of my very physiology.

Anyhow, I have more experiments coming with the Saraswati figurine and more techniques by Nithyananda.

[Applegarden]

1 hour ago, Applegarden said:

Later I will be providing examples of me writing down my own fears in a detailed way (doesn't have to be fears of today) and writing in detailed way, how it makes me feel and what is my experience for continiously doing so.

So here is my tonights death meditation - nirbaya dhyaan entry.

Troughout the week my sleep was constantly disrupted when I came from night shifts. My upper neighbours kept cracking the floor as they walked and banged occasionally, sometimes with a rythmic hits to it knowing full well that I am going to sleep, I don't know for how long, until I fall asleep, waking up to the same thing. Now, what do I fear about this, I fear about not getting enough sleep consequtively, day after day. I fear that I will have to endure this for a very long time and I see ot getting worse and worse as the time goes by. I fear my guitar playing being on the line and me being unable to practice. I fear losing my skills to play the instrument. I fear falling into depression from constantly facing this fact that somebody at my home will decide to disrupt my sleep. I fear that my lower and upper neighbour have conspired aginst me. I fear that my life purpose can be destroyed. I fear my passion being taken away from me, I feel like part of vital positivity has been continiously ripped apart from me. I feel like i am inferior than others, that I have lesser rights than the people who think it is ok to go as low as to disrupt othets sleep. I feel violated in some way and I fear constant violation and abuse every day. I feel like I will lose the possibility to express myself musically before I even started. I have this tremendous wave of fear, feeling like my life is in question as I am sitting with the idea and impressions recalled from the past of my guitar playing being taken away from me. The reason is simple as I am repeating it: I fear my guitar playing being taken away. I fear being denied my guitar playing. It created shock in me, a mental paralysis as i feel unable and powerless to do anything. Let me sit with it and let it undo itself as the technique functions. I close my eyes and sit with this fear, just sitting with it.

I fear my sleep being disrupted and I fear the unpleasantness I will continiously have to go trough. I fear of even making noise, just to not be disrupted sleep again. I feel like these people are controlling and directing my life in their comforts, having little regard/no respect for mine; not being treated fairly, as an equal.

I fear my guitar playing being taken away from me. I fear being denied, feared into not playing and then ridiculed, teased, irritated for wanting to play.

I fear my identity being tarnished, denied, ridiculed, abused, stalked, me being abused even, being annoyed, being called stupid, unmanly for not having the same values and not rushing after popping children. Fear of being constantly irritated.

That is it for today, let me sit with those fears to relieve.

 

[Applegarden]

Today I will be further dwelving into completion technique by Nithyananda, that is complimentary/similar to the nirbaya dhyana technique mentioned below. 

13 hours ago, Applegarden said:

"Every fear you accumulate, every fear makes you agitated, every fear which you do not want to think or remember, go trough. Go into all these fears consciously, neither deciding to save yourself from that fear nor having greed to achieve what you are afraid of. So without having the greed or fear, enter into the fear. Naturally the fear will lose it's quality of fear when you do not carry fear or greed for the fear. Greed has it's quality of greed and fear about the greed. Same way the fear has the quality of fear because your fear for the fear and indirect greed towards the fear. So when your fears are approached with fearlessness and greedlessness, the sttraightening out of  your consciousness everday happens. The change of consciousness from jagrat to swapna, swapna to sushupti, the waking state to dream state and dream state to the deep sleep state, happens because your awareness is not straightened out. Either the bumps of the fear or bumps of the greed responsible for your consciousness jumping from waking state to dream state or dream state to deep sleep state. If you remove all the bumps of the fear before falling asleep, you will not fall asleep, you will fall into something called restful awareness which is recorded by the word turiya by the earlier mantra drashtas. So the word turiya denotes the state of falling into restful awareness without the bumps of fear or greed. Every night remove all the bumps you created during your daytime trough fear or greed. Continious practice of removing all the bumps of fear and greed by facing them will help you to fall into state of turiya. This is what Mahadeva calls as death process - nirbaya dhyana."

So, let me narrate and accent what he is saying; how to do the technique.

"This one technique can give you whatever you want AND lead you to the space of not wanting anything - Enlightenment itself."

"This one technique can give you health, wealth, happy relationships, whatever miracles you want in your life and ultimately -Enlightenment itself."

"Shiva Himself gives this technique to Parvati in Shiva Agama." "This is from Shiva Agama, the protion called Shiva Jnana Upanishad, Vijnana Bhairava Tantra 94 verse, 22nd technique."

Explanation: "Just consciously feel within that the mind-stuff (citta) of past memories of incompletion, with it's activities as mind, intellect, and ego are not existing in me. By contemplating this way in your inner-space, dis-identify from the past impressions and memories of incompletion. Put your active attention at the space of the past happening, relive these imagined impressions and memories of incompletion then the mind-stuff, having fully ceased from it's present characteristics of forming tought-patterns and cognitions is complete. Thus, you become complete and achieve the original space of complete completion." 

Method: "I will give you example of incompletion." "One person, when he was a kid, seven or eight year old, was walking in the beach with the father, He saw few fishermen fighting with each other. The fight ended in murder; one fisherman got killed. One person was killed. Naturally the kid ran away from the scene. When he met Me, he was at least 40. He says, even now I can't go to beach. Even if I cross beach in the car, I will have that same palpitation, fear, same engrams coming up."

"The situation, the incident which happened; the child is walking and he is seeing three-four fishermen, few of them fighting with each other, one got murdered; that situation, that is the root incident. When he saw that, the powerlessness he experienced, that fear he experienced, the child was unable to handle that situation. So naturally he supresses and runs away. Whatever was happening in him, the fear of powerlessness, even that feeling, maybe this will be done to me also; all that feeling he just suppressed and ran away from the situation."

"Underestand, whenever powerlessness is suppressed, along with that suppression all the emotions associated in that situation; powerlesness - means pain, suffering, fear, so many things, guilt connected to it, that I am not able to do anything in this situation, so many things associated with it. All that also gets suppressed and as long as that suppression exists, this pattern will continiune. Whever he goes to the beach he will go trough the same moments, experience which he has suppressed the first time."

"For example, the suppressed powerlessness acts like a ground and the pattern is a tree. The suppresed emotions - powerlessness, fear, anger, inability to help, guilt, resentment, whatever the child would have gone trough at the situation at the age of seven, when the incident happened; all that suppression forms like a solid ground for this incompletion pattern, tree to stand. See, this is suppressed emotions, suppressed emotions and powerlessness. And this tree is the incompletion pattern; every time it repeats itself. Whenever you go to the beach, the experience repeating itself, the fear repeating itself, that attack, panic attack happening, that is the incompletion patterns. Listen, because of this ground, the tree is standing. If you re-live that incident; If you re-live that incident, not remember, there is a big difference between remembering and re-living. Remembering means now that man when I met he was 40; being a 40 year old person and thinking what happened at the age of seven is remembering. But forgetting you are 40, becoming that 7 year-old child, that same intelligence, same space, same mood, same identity, even the idea about me, "I" which you had at that same time; see that person to re-live, has to become that 7 year old identity and if he re-lives, if you re-live this suppressed emotions, powerlessness will break, it will open up, it will leave your system. Automatically this incompletion pattern tree will not have place for it's roots, it will fall off."

"All suppresed emotions, powerlessness, difficulties, guilt, resentment, during the root incident, keeps the incompletion pattern alive. If you relive that incident, not remember. I am not asking you to remember, remembering is superficial. Re-living - means forgetting your present age, everything, dump it, go back to that, age, when the incident happened - same mind, same energy, same consciousness, same intelligence, same identity, decide to become that, and start re-living the incident. Suddenly you will see all that pain, suffocation, you go trough everything once more, but this time, completely you will allow that to leave your nervous system. You will allow that to melt down in your nervous system."

"With this cleansing, with this releasing, the panic attacks regularly you go trough, incompletion pattern attack you go trough regularly, it will not be there; it will just collapse. The incompletion tree, incompletion patterns tree will just collapse, because the ground is gone. The tree is not able to have thr right ground. When the ground is taken away, naturally the tree collapses."

I will do this later in detail and expand on the method. 

 

 

 

[Applegarden]

On 2021.01.24. at 7:40 PM, Applegarden said:

I will do this later in detail and expand on the method. 

So, let me do 3 completion technique examples today by writing out 3 experiences leading to incompletion and my course of action.

Incompletion incident #1:

i was around 9 years of age, staying at grandparents house. One evening he requested that I go outside and wash by using a bowl. So I went and did that. So after that I did wash myself quickly, it was very cold washing outside with cold water and when I finished I came inside the house and told my grandfather that I have washed myself. He said he didn't believe me and I kept saying to him that I did. He kept insisting that he didn't see me washing and then pulled his belt and threatened to spank me, so I got extremely upset and washed myself again and then came to the house and went to sleep.

Now I am trying to remember how I was like when I was 9, what did I tought the world and life was e.c.t. for completion to work.

First of all, all of a sudden - being forced out as a child to wash with a cold water, being almost lile threatened to do it. I felt frustrated that I have to go and do this so unexpected and felt so powerless that I have to follow his obedience. Feeling exposed and vulnurable to so much anger. I felt like my whole life is threathened. When I came back and washed and he threatened me because he didn't believe me. I felt frustrated that I can't do anything, that I got nobody by my back. I felt so confused and frightened that he is going to spank me. I felt paralyzed in fear, and it was so unfair what he did.

Now I am going trough these visualisations of my memories as I am that 9 year old. Now only the feelings of powerlesness, fear, confusion remain as I am sitting with them, they slowly dissolve into bliss. Then there is a deep peace appearing and a wave of bliss troughout my whole being.

Incompletion incident #2:

My great grandmother died, my mom recieved a phone call, i was not very old also. I came and asked: "Whats the matter?" My mom was very shooked and she said that my great grandmother has died. I said that it is ok and tried to console her, as she gave me a slap in the face and I started crying and went away.

Again, me at 8 years old and recieving a slap in my face - I felt hurt, violated, shook and confused, frustrated. I felt so shook, conflicted, guilty even for getting slapped.

Inconpletion #3:

In my kindergarten, two people conspired aginst me to trap me in the toilet room. When they pushed aginst the door as I tried to open it, I started crying. I was about 7. I felt violated, I felt powerless aginst two people. I felt being treated so unfairly, I was affraid they are going to do something to me or they are not going to release the door. I felt very much powerless and unable to act, do anything. I felt like they are my enemies, they did harm to me. I felt so angry at them, very much irritated.

These 3 examples are from childhood, because they show a very clear contrast how to get to emotional layers of you. You need the same conditions as you remembered yourself, when you went trough the incident, only then deep untying happens, otherwise only defending intelectually happens, you have been doing that all your life with very little result, fears have not left you.

Earliest memories also are good for striking at the root of the incompletion patterns.

Going trough the same incompletions are very helpful as the purification gets deeper and every session will bring more and more depth and acctually more painful memories to work and expose/complete. Otherwise our whole lifes we are suffering something we have forgotten long time ago but the same emotional reactions are happening and getting stronger - then confusion gets stronger, parania gets stronger, guilt gets stronger, cunningness gets stronger and it destroyes your life.

If you like, you are welcome to participate and try this completion technique out or pm me or whatever works for you.

This is a further extension from samskara/samhara dahana kriya. Yes, this technique is a kriya. It will work with your energies as you do it. It is pretty unique than any other meditation techniques I have done.

IMPORTANT: If you do, write the incidents and how you felt as much in detail as possible, that will help you to remember you how you were and the intensity of the feelings created by those events.

Edited January 25, 2021 by Applegarden

[Applegarden]

I can't really post alot, because I have 60+ hour work week and I am trying to figure how to set up guitar playing in a different place and what to do when I am not playing guitar.

Besides that I am doing these completion techniques e.c.t. bu I have very limited time to share.

Let me write one more incompletion.

One time I was asked by my grandfather to straighten out bent nails. I was 9-10 or something. I did try to straighten them out, and when he came, he said: "I will mildly hit you with every nail that is poorly straightened out on your head." And he did it, like a few times. I felt abused, angry, powerless, frightened, I remember feeling of insecurity as he approached me. I remember so much termoil and not letting myself to cry.

And relive the previous ones.

On 2021.01.25. at 9:54 PM, Applegarden said:

Incompletion incident #1:

i was around 9 years of age, staying at grandparents house. One evening he requested that I go outside and wash by using a bowl. So I went and did that. So after that I did wash myself quickly, it was very cold washing outside with cold water and when I finished I came inside the house and told my grandfather that I have washed myself. He said he didn't believe me and I kept saying to him that I did. He kept insisting that he didn't see me washing and then pulled his belt and threatened to spank me, so I got extremely upset and washed myself again and then came to the house and went to sleep.

Now I am trying to remember how I was like when I was 9, what did I tought the world and life was e.c.t. for completion to work.

First of all, all of a sudden - being forced out as a child to wash with a cold water, being almost lile threatened to do it. I felt frustrated that I have to go and do this so unexpected and felt so powerless that I have to follow his obedience. Feeling exposed and vulnurable to so much anger. I felt like my whole life is threathened. When I came back and washed and he threatened me because he didn't believe me. I felt frustrated that I can't do anything, that I got nobody by my back. I felt so confused and frightened that he is going to spank me. I felt paralyzed in fear, and it was so unfair what he did.

Now I am going trough these visualisations of my memories as I am that 9 year old. Now only the feelings of powerlesness, fear, confusion remain as I am sitting with them, they slowly dissolve into bliss. Then there is a deep peace appearing and a wave of bliss troughout my whole being.

Incompletion incident #2:

My great grandmother died, my mom recieved a phone call, i was not very old also. I came and asked: "Whats the matter?" My mom was very shooked and she said that my great grandmother has died. I said that it is ok and tried to console her, as she gave me a slap in the face and I started crying and went away.

Again, me at 8 years old and recieving a slap in my face - I felt hurt, violated, shook and confused, frustrated. I felt so shook, conflicted, guilty even for getting slapped.

Inconpletion #3:

In my kindergarten, two people conspired aginst me to trap me in the toilet room. When they pushed aginst the door as I tried to open it, I started crying. I was about 7. I felt violated, I felt powerless aginst two people. I felt being treated so unfairly, I was affraid they are going to do something to me or they are not going to release the door. I felt very much powerless and unable to act, do anything. I felt like they are my enemies, they did harm to me. I felt so angry at them, very much irritated.

 

[Applegarden]

On 2021.01.24. at 7:40 PM, Applegarden said:

"Every fear you accumulate, every fear makes you agitated, every fear which you do not want to think or remember, go trough. Go into all these fears consciously, neither deciding to save yourself from that fear nor having greed to achieve what you are afraid of. So without having the greed or fear, enter into the fear. Naturally the fear will lose it's quality of fear when you do not carry fear or greed for the fear. Greed has it's quality of greed and fear about the greed. Same way the fear has the quality of fear because your fear for the fear and indirect greed towards the fear. So when your fears are approached with fearlessness and greedlessness, the sttraightening out of  your consciousness everday happens. The change of consciousness from jagrat to swapna, swapna to sushupti, the waking state to dream state and dream state to the deep sleep state, happens because your awareness is not straightened out. Either the bumps of the fear or bumps of the greed responsible for your consciousness jumping from waking state to dream state or dream state to deep sleep state. If you remove all the bumps of the fear before falling asleep, you will not fall asleep, you will fall into something called restful awareness which is recorded by the word turiya by the earlier mantra drashtas. So the word turiya denotes the state of falling into restful awareness without the bumps of fear or greed. Every night remove all the bumps you created during your daytime trough fear or greed. Continious practice of removing all the bumps of fear and greed by facing them will help you to fall into state of turiya. This is what Mahadeva calls as death process - nirbaya dhyana."

I think I will just keep this as a fear journal - description of fears in my life and the feeling it creates and that I use this technique to relieve myself of these fears. It will be very simple straightforwards in doing and sharing together if anyone is interested + you may benefit, be relieved to see that you and I and alot of other people share. It is also a concretized reference to bring up recent fears for more intense and productive practice of nirbhaya dhyaana. I will keep these frightening events short while being descriptive enough for my liking. I noticed in general that my perception of fear starts really changing, i feel more and more free, feeling ok as I am are. I wouldn't give up this feeling for any possesion, achievement. With thise whole effort I would really lile the change few or even just one aspects of my life completely. Either sleeping in turiya, having a siddhi (psychic power, intuition), being free from fear or/and lust, changing the quality of consciousness in some way, having more glimpses of enlightenment, feeling blissfull all the time, sleeping low amounts and having no craving for junk food/media. Having courage to act upon my authentic desires e.c.t.

So the list of fears today (could be earlier fears also):

- Deciding when to start chilling the batch of newly fermented beer, not really knowing the exact parameter (degree of fermentation) of when to do it creates fear in me, fear of doing something wrong, fear of inevitable bad outcome, because of the unpredictability of chilling, and speed of fermentation and lack of experience and fear of co-workers yelling, shaming me for being unable, discriminating, rejecting me in some way or giving some penalty for that, also the fear of asking or calling or even meeting that co-worker appears, because she has yelled at me for being an idiot, she clearly rejects me in some way, i am in fear to deal with this again and again, so i am letting these fears overwhelm me but I don'8t create the greed of overcoming the fear so it stays in the floating in the emotional layer, where it melts down in my nervous system in blissfullness.

- I am affraid to even go and perform some action just to check the temperature for one of the chilling beer tanks, because I feel I will be shamed or gaslit, feeling like I am doing something wrong again, or that I am doing her job while she is there and I am not supposed to do till she leaves, or that it get chilled too much and she will attack me for not watching it chill to the right temperature earlier;

- Fear of neighbours disrupting my sleep for playing guitar and sometimes even because I type on the keyboard and press synth keys (yeah, i even use phone to write and keypad to write, because it is quiet, so these stalkers are left with shouting - what are you doing all day? Just sitting on the net?), it is not even the fear itself of not falling asleep but the fear of side effects of not sleeping well enough and it affecting my working and creativity;

- irritation, anger (active form of fear) from the passive-agressive and sneaky abuse from multiple neighbours stalking what I do, shouting some insulting slurs at night "you are just a baby living with his mom", "you are conplete 0", "you are a manchild that only knows how to feed himself", "what are you doing/stop sitting in front of computer screen", "you can't play guitar for shit", "your music sounds shit", "you are not playing guitar, underestand!", "ohh, you can't play guitar now, will you start crying?", "why are you not playing guitar now, huh?", "Answer me!", "I will break your guitars", "I will beat you up", "I will fuck up your sleep the whole night", "You are fucked, i don't care", rythimc bangs on the celing, floor, walls when I am sleeping from my nightshift and at night also, constantly opening and closing doors of closets that ring from resistance. (Fyi, i have ignored all of this, and will do, because this is the best tactice I have ever applied, you can clearly see their corrouption and hyporcisy, e.c.t., but this is not about them, this js about me and my fears);

- The fear of my guitar playing, ability to practice and to release what I want to enrich to the world being taken away from me;

- The fear of my health deteriorating and stomach hurting, eyesight worsening, head hurting sometimes, fear of accidents, loosing limbs, ability to physically play the instrument or hear or work e.c.t.;

- Fear of losing my job and source of income as I did made one bad mistake in my workplace last summer

Here's few for now... Alot will come repetetive and it is fine. This is a good reference to get back to the feelings. I don't know where I would be without these techniques. I feel young, blissfull, far-sighted, like a human should feel. Ok as himself. Not as these frozen, rotten people who devote their life towards trying to ruin other people's lives, wasting literally quarter of their day if not more in front of their children, doing this abuse and then hiding behind labels as: "look at me, I am a father, i am so much better than you, let me give you advice you didn't even ask for what you should do with your life to end up just as miserable as me!"

Well to say what I think:

1) You make children for sense of comfort, company and that you will have a sense of accomplishment that you have what most people have and think is accepted in the society and that you will have something to do. Thinking this is selfless is delusion, you want children is just to have an asset. It might be the biggest sugar-coated delusion, but really people make children and then posses then with their values and and sometimes even make them as their screaming and sometimes even punching bags. If you really are selfless, you will do volunteering, charity e.c.t., altho it for alot of the time, it is calculated and therefore, not really selfless. There is nothing amazing in my worldview in any particular action. You can do everything I can do. I can do everything you can do. Ofc acknowledging the physiological imitation as in gender ofc. Obv, i can't give birth to children. A big accomplishment to me would look like this - you can sit in one place and be happy/blissfull for lets say 16 hours. You living without getting angry. You radiating bliss, you being extraordinarily healthy, emotionally intelligent, listening, tolerating those who are tolerant. Having a high tolerance or resistance aginst corrouption and exploitation. You being a hard worker for little regard for reward and you having a vision and being loving, accepting person. You actively enriching other people. All these qualities are really admirable;

2)If your life is a mess and you are acting violently, the content of what you are saying on the topic of life advice is not very usefull;

3) You can't accept as I am, why should I even listen to you?;

[Applegarden]

What an interesting perspective, if you think about it. Everyone is going mad, rushing after sex, romance, marriage, rushing to make babies in fear that the biological clocks will stop. In hurry to get the best mate. In hurry to have companionship. To get what everyone else seems to have. But I am really starting to "get it" about why celibacy could be the one of the best decisions. I just need a little work, I already do spirituality, family is what I am not after and I have seen too many examples of romantic relationships being a cheap bargaining and exploiting asset as even the most mundane things can become suffering. In that sense, I want to be free and I want to seek enlightenment. My life would be just so much better if I saw a peer woman's body as just another body and had no reaction or interest in it. I wouldn't need to go all this attention need e.c.t. And like, there really is little time. Third of the day sleeping, third to second part - working, some time, spending to improve my life or spiritual practice and then I would like to play some guitar... No time for relationship whatsoever...

 

[Applegarden]

You know, i think I reached the point of developing enough to stop watching actualized.org and it contains using the forum also. There is a difference between talking about taking actions and go into endless mental masturbation and asking pointless questions that you didn't even bother to find the answer to. I don't even need to journal, it takes time. My precious time where I can acctually do the practices and inquire for things that matter like taking notes on diet, like the numbers and short points why to eat that and this. This sharing is too expensive, i don't have time for this if I want to produce an album, for example or get enlightened. Be very careful.about the advices you recieve, it can either be harmful to you or strenghten your illusions about something. This is just another social media. If you acctually care to mold your life, you will just need to take action. There is too much of planning going on that goes on waste with people usually. So the whole thing becomes meaningless.

Pointlwss to describe my experiences in meditation e.c.t., first of all, who will listen and secondly, let me do the practice and see, there is no shortcut to experience, you can't really explain and there comes a point where you can't even ask a question, because you know, there is nothing really to ask at some point. Just do your practice and watch the unfoldment happen. Any people here will say that you already are what you are seeking, how many of them are enlightened? So you see, it is more like a disciple - disciple bargaining. If you really want to know, you will look at a master, just like you will look at somebody who has lost weight, if you want to lose weight and want to know how to lose weight. Yes and i am aginst psychedelics. Breaks your nervous system, before you can even build it to hold bliss, so it leaves you fatigued and miserable. And so many hallucinations, how do you know they are genuine!? Otherwise I would just watch a movie if I wanted to see illusion, because my nervous system doesn't get damaged from it.

I really have nothing to say. Yes I do the techniques mentioned above. They work. Very simple. Nothing to add. Let me live the benefits and manifest my dreams and die blissfully. Thanks Leo for being there 6 years back when nobody could satisfy my frustration.

For the users. For whatever reason you got here, at some point you have to get moving. Otherwise it is just a addiction. Entertainment. Sorry for being harsh. But it is true. If you don't like, don't read. Let you all live as jeevan mukthas. Let your death lead to enlightenment.

Peace!

Applegarden

[Applegarden]

Please gather around to listen to this relaxing bedtime story, don't be shy, it will be nice.

 

[Applegarden]

Anyway, besides the point I made few posts ago, I guess I can use some time to organize what I want to do. I had some experiences in a new angle, nothing profound. I want to go more towards exploring the third eye chakra related techniques, besides the obvious basic improvements in life.

Why third eye or ajna chakra?

Because it generates something called Ojas - one of it's benefits is basically that it resuces the impact of your emotions and toughts, so basicaly it reduces the life process influence on your being, another is that it brings bliss - obviously, if you are blissful, you feel life is not a curse and that this whole thing is not an accident! It also shows me that you are something far greater and older than the body and mind. To be truthful, you are far older than the sun and earth, and the creation itself. Any number of big bangs and repetitions of the implosions of the universe - you are older than that. after all, your energies establishing themselves in the third eye is better than staying in the manipuraka, swadishtana or muladara. Closer to sahasrara! As many kriya yogis say, don't bother about your enlightenment just yet, do your practice (sadhana) and psychic powers, glimpses will come to you. Enlightenment will be easier to get if you have built versatility for life - if you have built yourself away from your compulsions, have capacity to let go your identity and desires, if you are not taking loans and relying on physical identities, you simply won't be needing to pay them back and you can invest in what you want, to sit for 16 hours in one place or more, and take the straightest line towards the goal. Even if it doesn't work, because it requires maturity, the connection if the master assures your conscious evolution, which depends on the mastery of the master. This results in liberation or in more conscious bodies in the next births. If you are entangled with sadhguru for example, the last moment liberation is assured, if you keep yourself clean enough and are not conspiring and angry with the master.

 

I will just compile every Nithyananda video on third eye I have watched as you get subtle clues, for example what is kundalini shakti e.c.t.

Third eye meditation will also allow me to fall into the state of turiya when I fall asleep.

So I am also going to do this third eye meditation, I wish I knew sadhgurus shambhavi mahamudra since it is more agressive and faster way, because you are using mudras and your energies, not just letting the master "in" so" to say.

Anyway, for unusual results i need unusual methods, and it has helped me by far, more than any conversation, consolation, friendship e.c.t.