mental illness or awakening from the story of 'I'?

[Intraplanetary]

23 hours ago, Mightymule said:

@Intraplanetary I am exactly in the same place, brother/sister. I can't go back, so I'm going to keep going.

Have faith and do everything you can to love your experience. Approach it with compassion. ❤️

[Nahm]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KK4B9NylnM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLwE4b0-8jU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_C5Cua9VL8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0wagH2pRhY

 

[Intraplanetary]

8 minutes ago, Vibroverse said:

Don't fight your ego. Let it be your friend at a comfortable pace. 

It doesn't feel like a fight. It's more like coming closer to yourself. Not fighting not running not arguing just really coming to touch it. And ego knows that when you have courage and love to face it, it's the end of it.

 

Edited January 24, 2021 by Intraplanetary

[Vibroverse]

13 minutes ago, Intraplanetary said:

It doesn't feel like a fight. It's more like coming closer to yourself. Not fighting not running not arguing just really coming to touch it. And ego knows that when you have courage and love to face it, it's the end of it.

 

End of the negative self in that sense. 

[Intraplanetary]

10 minutes ago, Vibroverse said:

End of the negative self

Yes. the negative self must be loved not to fight against.

[Intraplanetary]

33 minutes ago, Nahm said:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KK4B9NylnM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLwE4b0-8jU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_C5Cua9VL8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0wagH2pRhY

 

Thank you! Never heard anyone explaining what is ego in such a simple and insightful way. Amazing ❤️

Leo goes very deep in explaining ego. He always talks about ego as the totality of who we're, and it's good. His work is based on the astonishing depth. However, I feel that Aaron explanation is more practical as he separates higher and lower selves.

 Thanks again for sharing, very useful.

[Nobody_Here]

@Intraplanetary

RE: the above post. Aaron Abke is great at explaining complex issues in a simple way but be forewarned that he's been spreading misinformation about COVID-19 on Instagram. If that doesn't disturb you, listen on and ignore what I just said as I don't want to get into an argument. I agree to disagree.  

As for what you are going through, check out Leo's video about stages 5/6 and 6 in the Cook-Greuter series. You're in stage 5/6 -- congratulations. It's very common to feel like you're mentally ill at this stage, but you're not. I'm going through similar things, so it's comforting to read a thread about people going through similar struggles.

Are you having issues with getting everything done? I do very little, but everything gets done anyway(?). I liked my checklists and structure back when I was in previous stages. Now everything is intuition-based (whether I like it or not) and there's no structure whatsoever. Do you have any insights into that? 

[Intraplanetary]

8 minutes ago, Nobody_Here said:

he's been spreading misinformation about COVID-19 on Instagram

What misinformation exactly he's been spreading? I don't have Instagram so I really don't have an access to check it. I don't really know about him much at all. Found him today when someone posted on this thread. I liked his way of explaining ego though. I'm sure there may be things he says that I wouldn't agree with but with all those spirituality teaching people I like to pick the best pieces of wisdom and leave the rest...

13 minutes ago, Nobody_Here said:

As for what you are going through, check out Leo's video about stages 5/6 and 6 in the Cook-Greuter series. You're in stage 5/6 -- congratulations.

I watched this video, thank you for reminding me. I should definitely watch it again. However, I don't think I'm in construct-aware stage, I feel that I've just had few glimpses into it and it's still a long way. 

17 minutes ago, Nobody_Here said:

Are you having issues with getting everything done? I do very little, but everything gets done anyway(?). I liked my checklists and structure back when I was in previous stages. Now everything is intuition-based (whether I like it or not) and there's no structure whatsoever. Do you have any insights into that? 

For the last two months, I've been feeling psychologically drained and physically fatigued. I lost interest in the realities of society and people. I couldn't focus on any activity that required mental focus. I couldn't even watch movies or anything like this. I've been in deep contemplation mode all the time. 

However, I'm trying to be productive and I make to-do list but very little gets accomplished. It's interesting you mentioned that you dropped structuring your day and started to follow intuition. Today, I've had thoughts about it. I was feeling like I restrict something in me by trying to structure my day and I'm just being too hard on myself in a way that I demand myself to do things in a specific manner. I feel I want freedom and that want comes from a deep place, hence I believe I can trust it. So I decided to stop planning completely. I just set the guidelines and objectives of what needs to be done this week and I'll allow myself flow through the day. 

My ego may take this and turn into justified laziness and procrastination  gotta watch myself 

 

[Nobody_Here]

1 hour ago, Intraplanetary said:

What misinformation exactly he's been spreading? I don't have Instagram so I really don't have an access to check it.

He posted another person's video that said a certain drug that treats parasites also cures COVID-19. I can't find the post anymore, so perhaps it was taken down. There's at least one other video that gave me alarm bells; however, I'm on a deadline and I can't find it right now. 

My point isn't to tell you to avoid Aaron's videos, only to be aware of his political side. I have personally found many of his videos quite helpful. 

1 hour ago, Intraplanetary said:

I watched this video, thank you for reminding me. I should definitely watch it again. However, I don't think I'm in construct-aware stage, I feel that I've just had few glimpses into it and it's still a long way. 

OK, well...you are in a transition stage of some point. Some of what you described definitely reminded me of the 5/6 phase. I imagine it could be a Dark Night of the Soul as someone else said. However, your story doesn't remind me of my Dark Night or other Dark Night stories I have read. Just my opinion. I'll have to go back when I have more time and read this thread again. However, you don't seem to be mentally ill. That said, I'm not diagnosing you, just speculating what could be happening in a situation like this

 

1 hour ago, Intraplanetary said:

 I just set the guidelines and objectives of what needs to be done this week and I'll allow myself flow through the day. 

That's actually quite helpful, thank you. I'll try that this week and see how it goes. 

Edited January 25, 2021 by Nobody_Here
minor edits for clarity

[cetus]

On 1/22/2021 at 7:21 AM, Intraplanetary said:

When I start thinking and drift away in another story about myself, I then I suddenly awake and come back into the present moment and see my myself being not here but in a story, pure imagination. It’s just imagination. There is nothing real about my life as an ego. I don’t really know who am I anymore.

You are in the midst's of discovering the nameless witness that is not dependent on the ego.

[Intraplanetary]

9 hours ago, cetus said:

You are in the midst's of discovering the nameless witness that is not dependent on the ego.

Thanks for saying this. I can now see that 5 years of inner work has finally started to produce real results... although I've never thought it's gonna be so difficult... but the enlightenment is not happiness.. right? I'm after the Truth. 

Edited January 25, 2021 by Intraplanetary

[cetus]

@Intraplanetary Exactly.  Adyashanti has a good saying "you start by pursuing truth and at some point the tables turn and Truth is pursuing you"