What are your favourite ways of giving in relationships?

[Lieseluke]

I am collecting lots of different material from different books, videos, podcasts etc. and contemplating about how to create fulfilling relationships because eventually I want to put it all together and create some sort of a workbook for people. Anyway, since at the moment I am diving into the topic of giving and receiving in relationships, I am interested in your main/favourite ways of giving.

I do not strictly mean material gifts (even though they can be a valid form of giving too) but more behaviour/thoughts/way of communication/etc.

Since balance is also very important, what are some of the signs that would tell you that you are either giving too little or too much? And why do you think so?

Let's brainstorm if you like

[peqkno]

Genuine curiosity

and deep listening 

[Barbara]

For me important things are trust, vulnerability and ability to change and develop together and BRUTAL honesty. I mean brutal brutal. It's hard, but worth it. 

[Recursoinominado]

GIVING DICK

lol joke

sort of 

But, seriously, my presence, positivity, deep insights, authenticity, giving without expectations, attention, empathy etc

[peanutspathtotruth]

I think the way of giving is not the issue most of the time - the action itself is not as important as where it comes from. Do you know that feeling of overflowing with love? Of being so complete, so connected to your heart, that there is an infinite fountain inside your chest? From that clarity that you are more than abundant, you give fully, in whatever way you can. Not because anything.. just for the sake of the love itself, and out a choice to shower your partner with that love instead of someone else in that instant.

[Lieseluke]

@Barbara thanks for reminding me that it does not have to be something that is usually considered comfortable in the moment. Like yea, I know brutal honesty is hard, it might sting for a moment/or a while but I have to consider the long-term effects too

[Barbara]

@Lieseluke Yea, exactly. Stings for a moment but it's the greatest feeling to pierce through your ego.

[Lieseluke]

@peanutspathtotruth I might have experienced fractions of that feeling though I am still far away from being connected to that source all the time. I think I know what you mean when you say that it is also important where it is coming from.

Kinda relates to authenticity and genuineness @Recursoinominado @peqkno

Edited January 20, 2021 by Lieseluke

[Lieseluke]

So seems like one important aspect is that true giving is not done because you want to get something in return/expect something or want a certain outcome but for the sake of love simply.

What do you think?

[Gesundheit]

Teal Swan defines a healthy relationship as one where both parties are constantly looking out for each other's best interests.

Edited January 20, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Roy]

Spontaneously doing little things that make their day brighter, or make a hard day a bit easier. I like communicating that they are special (to me), and that they are worthy of support and love.

Stuff like making breakfast for them even though they never asked. Or leaving a nice message (or sexual one) in their car or texted to them.

They can be really small gestures that cost little energy and can be completely free money wise, but go a long way on the impact they have on your partner.

Acts of service is my outwards love language I guess hah. My preferred one to receive is quality time.

Edited January 20, 2021 by Roy

[Barbara]

@Gesundheit Self best interest comes first I think. Then the middle ground

@Lieseluke

40 minutes ago, Lieseluke said:

for the sake of love simply

Expecting any type of outcome when giving, wouldn't be for the sake of love I think. Would be doing a good thing for bad reasons. Kinda self-centered and egotistical behavior.

[Gesundheit]

@Barbara You're right. Teal has a video on self-sacrifice being the most selfish thing to do 

[roopepa]

Listening music together. Just sharing our favourite songs together is one of the best things I know.

Edited January 21, 2021 by roopepa

[Lieseluke]

9 hours ago, Roy said:

Acts of service is my outwards love language I guess hah. My preferred one to receive is quality time.

Nice distinction! I did know about love languages and also put on my list that I wanna write about them and encourage people to find out theirs but I never thought about that the love language you like to give might be different from the one you like to receive the most.

Although when together with a partner, I think it is actually nice and caring if you try to give to them in their favourite (receiving) love language.

[Lieseluke]

@roopepa You mean kind of like sharing more of yourself by doing this?

Can imagine that this is really cool, especially when you also share the reasons why some songs are so special to you. Maybe when they have some sort of story or memories attached to them.

 

[Chew211]

Let her help with house chores. 

I know, I know, I'm a chauvinist pig xD.

But it makes her feel necessary.

And in the meanwhile I'm grinding us some coffee beans, and that takes time and arm strength, so it's a good division of labor. 

[Lieseluke]

@Chew211 Lol, you make it sound as if usually the men did all of the household chores which in my experience is not the case  But I have to admit that it also depends on the kind of chores. 

What about doing some of the chores that you know your partner hates when you see that they are really down or exhausted?

Anyway, I do think that everyone likes to feel needed to some extent as long as it's not mere exploitation which I believe is not what you suggested. So finding ways how you can give your partner the feeling that they are needed and appreciated and noticed is probably a good idea.

[roopepa]

4 hours ago, Lieseluke said:

@roopepa You mean kind of like sharing more of yourself by doing this?

Can imagine that this is really cool, especially when you also share the reasons why some songs are so special to you. Maybe when they have some sort of story or memories attached to them.

Yes, sharing what I love with others. And taking in what others want to share.

There is always a story why we love certain songs/artists. A love story. 

[ElenaO]

Listening

Rubbing the back

Giving complements

Smiling

Helping out with annoying things

Sharing high quality time