Seeking advice on creating a portfolio / getting my shit together

[Intraplanetary]

I'm so STUCK. I feel I'm extremely behind in life. I've been going through very negative thoughts about my age and not being able to get my basics together...

I'm almost 29. I've graduated in August with the highest achievement for Urban Planning. I don't really know how I got this award because inside I kinda feel I'm not worth it.. because I didn't study enough and didn't put enough effort. Sometimes, I feel I'm not knowledgable or skilful enough for such a career, or any career.

I've had only 2 interviews since graduation and I wasn't able to secure a job. I like to blame covid-19 for the overall employment issues, but I'm painfully aware of how little I've been actually trying to apply, etc. The lack of effort I put into a job search is largely attributed to my mental health issues. I struggle with an eating disorder for over 15 years which I used as a method to escape reality. I should also say that I always feel resistant to do stuff that benefits me.

However, I put quite a lot of effort into spiritual work. I meditate, read, contemplate, went to vipassana retreat and planning another one this year, and almost every month I solo trip on lsd. The spiritual work has been benefiting me in a way that I become more conscious of my emotions and thoughts and A LOT MORE creative. Increased creativity is directly linked to my lsd trips.

Despite my mental health, I'm a social person. I enjoy talking with people and can get along with people at all levels. I'm also grateful for what I have and try to see my struggles in a positive light. I practice self-acceptance and self-love. I know I'm smart and able and I want to believe that I still could achieve in life.

But I don't know how can I move forward. Should I persevere and look for a job only in planning and design? But I really need money hence I'm now looking for any office-based job and that makes me sad, disappointed and as a total failure. I'm afraid of not getting a job in my industry and having wasted 4 years of specialised education. 

I was thinking about creating my PORTFOLIO, I could spend around 6 months on it and then improve my job prospects, I thought it also would be a bonus if I decided to do a Master degree. 

I wanted to ask your opinion in general about my situation and also if you can give me some tips on the portfolio. How and Where to start? Any good resources out there? How realistic am I actually being about making it? 

 

Thank you ?

Edited January 20, 2021 by Intraplanetary

[Explore]

Hmmm, I can send mine to your inbox for inspiration. I still don't know if such things are confidential or not?

Edited January 26, 2021 by Explore

[Kalki Avatar]

@Intraplanetary Even if you get good advice here on what to do or any intellectual. You need to relax your psychology. Right now what you need most is clarity. Cuz even if you get good advice you will get trapped again into the same karma. Light meditation is not enough. If you want to be really well, look for hardcore Truth. Its the only solution after getting so mentally entangled. Even if you dont reach full enligthenment, take more time to make truth the main priority. All else wil follow accordingly. It is the answer. I have too stressed my self out cuz of age and not achieving more. But its just social conditioning. You can choose to leave that psychological reality (fantasy) whenever you want. Just because thats your mental reality you see it reflected outwards everywhere in others and it seems even more real, but it is not. Its not a big deal at all. You are good. Relax first. 

 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Kalki Avatar

[Intraplanetary]

9 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

@Intraplanetary Even if you get good advice here on what to do or any intellectual. You need to relax your psychology. Right now what you need most is clarity. Cuz even if you get good advice you will get trapped again into the same karma. Light meditation is not enough. If you want to be really well, look for hardcore Truth. Its the only solution after getting so mentally entangled. Even if you dont reach full enligthenment, take more time to make truth the main priority. All else wil follow accordingly. It is the answer. I have too stressed my self out cuz of age and not achieving more. But its just social conditioning. You can choose to leave that psychological reality (fantasy) whenever you want. Just because thats your mental reality you see it reflected outwards everywhere in others and it seems even more real, but it is not. Its not a big deal at all. You are good. Relax first. 

 

Thank you for your reply. What you said turned out to be the truth. Since I posted this thread, I've been going through some serious letting go process. It's like shedding my old skin and seeing through the illusion of my life story and the realities my ego constructed. 

I try to relax and be easy with myself and allow time to put things into perspective about what to do next.

 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Intraplanetary

[Intraplanetary]

9 hours ago, Explore said:

Hmmm, I can send mine to your inbox for inspiration. I still don't know if such things are confidential or not?

What's your portfolio about?

[abrakamowse]

Maybe looking at other projects may help...

https://www.behance.net/search/projects/?search=urban planning&sort=recommended&time=month