How to deal with a situation where nobody wants you anymore?

[Preety_India]

After thinking about for sometime, I have realized that my family doesn't want me anymore. 

This is a heartbreaking feeling for me. I get it that they are selfish. That they ignore me for extremely long periods of time. That they don't like me or want me and their actions reflect that. 

And no amount of me complaining and trying to fit in or impress them will work because they simply don't consider me a part of them. 

It feels brutal but I wish to move on and not remain stuck with it. 

I've forgiven them for their selfish acts and that part is not an issue. 

I want suggestions on how to not feel hurt or abandoned after realizing that nobody wants you? 

I want suggestions on how to get this thicker skin and simply move on. I want to know what mindset will make me feel stronger and less impacted by the situation? 

 

 

[SamC]

50 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

After thinking about for sometime, I have realized that my family doesn't want me anymore. 

This is a heartbreaking feeling for me. I get it that they are selfish. That they ignore me for extremely long periods of time. That they don't like me or want me and their actions reflect that. 

And no amount of me complaining and trying to fit in or impress them will work because they simply don't consider me a part of them. 

It feels brutal but I wish to move on and not remain stuck with it. 

I've forgiven them for their selfish acts and that part is not an issue. 

I want suggestions on how to not feel hurt or abandoned after realizing that nobody wants you? 

I want suggestions on how to get this thicker skin and simply move on. I want to know what mindset will make me feel stronger and less impacted by the situation? 

 

 

I understand it's super tough Preety. Neither I or anyone else can understand your pain and emotions but we can empathize, be there for you and understand that this situation is super painful for you.  Number 1 thing is that It's okey to feel like you feel. Let yourself feel your emotions, this including the emotions that you don't want to or " shouldn't" feel like this. I understand that it is though.. really tough and I cant say anything to make you feel better or change your situation. But we can listen.

You asked what you should do. I'm no expert by any means but what I've found has been helpful to me atleast is this self compassion meditation. In other words Practiceing and cultivating kindness and compassion to your self is in my humble opinion, one of the best ways to deal with suffering.

https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/LKM.self-compassion_cleaned_01-cleanedbydan.mp3 

Furthermore I'll link some Teal swan videos that I think might be helpful. Note I don't know you at all, but this is from what I belive would beneficial for you. Remember that only you can know and decide what's best for you and what you think is worth watching.

 

 

 

Again, this is suggestions to how you can go about dealing with this. You don't have to do anything - but I think these videos, feeling your emotions and the self compassion meditation would aid you greatly in this challenging time.

All love

 

Edited January 19, 2021 by SamC

[Preety_India]

@SamC  the problem is that people are constantly suggesting me to forgive. 

It's counter productive because I'm not holding any resentment towards my family. I forgive them. 

But I want to feel stronger and not feel weak or helpless or this sinking feeling of anxiousness realizing that I'm not wanted. 

I want to get over it. I mean nothing can fix how they behave and if they have chosen to be selfish then it's their karma. Not on me. 

But I just want to be in a positive space. I don't want to feel down. I want to feel a sense of support although I have no actual support.

Its tricky. 

[SamC]

39 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@SamC  the problem is that people are constantly suggesting me to forgive. 

It's counter productive because I'm not holding any resentment towards my family. I forgive them. 

But I want to feel stronger and not feel weak or helpless or this sinking feeling of anxiousness realizing that I'm not wanted. 

I want to get over it. I mean nothing can fix how they behave and if they have chosen to be selfish then it's their karma. Not on me. 

But I just want to be in a positive space. I don't want to feel down. I want to feel a sense of support although I have no actual support.

Its tricky. 

Are you angry at them or other people for not giving you the support and love you need?@Preety_India

 

Edited January 19, 2021 by SamC

[Potato People King]

@Preety_India Well, basically don't let external situations rule your inner life. Easier said than done, but definitely can be done. And there is really no way around it, I'm afraid. If you can't stand your surroundings and can change it, then change it.

Also, are you sure that really nobody wants you? It is unusual that your very own family does not want you. Why they act like that, do you have a clue?

[Leo Gura]

You can start by realizing that "nobody wants me" is a false gross generalization.

There are 8 billion people on Earth. If your family doesn't want you, that's nowhere close to nobody wants you. Millions of people still want you.

Also, escaping a toxic family is a great thing.

[Applegarden]

This... this is really important lesson in life. Probably the most important lesson I learned.

Behind loneliness, rejection there is pure bliss itself. You are always alone. Spirituality literally means all by yourself. You will die alone just lile each and every one of us. Meditation and all sorts of stuff is great for this. I feel so blessed to discover that when I felt frustrated and abandoned.

There are few ways to really approach this sincerely. If you are interestd what is it that I did and what helped me, I can pm you later.

But death is always lurking. It seems lile the darkest shadow but acctually it is the greatest friend to who you really are. Nothing will make you happy except renounciation. Doesn't mean you can't do stuff in the worldbut practice of renounciation even while doing and having is vital. Otherwise life really is nothing but sea of suffering no matter what you have and own. The moment it is taken away from you, there is sorrow and even when you have there is boredom e.c.t.

[Superfluo]

@Preety_India

After a blow, there is always a period where you may need to feel hurt, to lick your wounds, to feel your pain, to grieve, to surrender to harsh truths. Don't forget to honor those moments.

It's absolutely normal to feel like you feel given your circumstances. Wanting to escape from the feeling won't make you feel good. Feeling the feeling, letting it pass through you, willl make you feel good, because you are not opposing what is trying to be expressed.

After you do that, then, and only then you can move on without being dragged down by your own emotions.
The hard skin you want will grow by itself, just by the fact that you will go on.

[Username]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

This is a heartbreaking feeling for me. I get it that they are selfish. That they ignore me for extremely long periods of time. That they don't like me or want me and their actions reflect that.

And

Quote

And no amount of me complaining and trying to fit in or impress them will work because they simply don't consider me a part of them. 

Aren't you selfish too? I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with you. I think that [currently] you have a mindset in which you lack something and expect someone to fill that gap. Probably they have similar expectations, they might be even more "needy" than you.

Try to improve quality of their life without expecting anything in return.

 

E: take into account that I do not have any family problems. I feel that I got more than I deserve.

Edited January 20, 2021 by Username

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, Username said:

And

Aren't you selfish too? I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with you. I think that [currently] you have a mindset in which you lack something and expect someone to fill that gap. Probably they have similar expectations, they might be even more "needy" than you.

Try to improve quality of their life without expecting anything in return.

I've already tried that. I'm being very nice to them. I help them a lot. I still get ignored and only needed when they need me for something they need help with. 

It obviously is selfish on their end. Because I'm human too, I have needs as well. 

If they wish to vent about something they want to talk to me. But if I wanted to vent, they hang up. 

It reaches a point where my role is only to serve, but never to receive. Can you see the toxic dynamic? It leeches off me. 

Being constantly humiliated, ignored, shut down, distanced, used, turned from, all these signs don't indicate a good dynamic. It's a selfish Predatory dynamic. 

I forgive them for their selfishness but I'm exhausted feeling deprived because I have needs as a human. 

Needs that are never attended to.. 

 

Everyone loves to be cared for? 

 

Edited January 20, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You can start by realizing that "nobody wants me" is a false gross generalization.

There are 8 billion people on Earth. If your family doesn't want you, that's nowhere close to nobody wants you. Millions of people still want you.

Also, escaping a toxic family is a great thing.

Thank you for these words. It means a lot to me. 

I felt much better after reading this post. 

Thank you. 

[Chew211]

Everyone's giving compassion/healing/forgiveness/self-love advice here. Makes sense, because everyone wants to be "high consciousness", I say that you need to realize they don't realize your value nor do they deserve you. 

Work on logistics. Leave that environment. 

A lot of people like to discount the effect of environment and think that if you just do conscious stuff then you'll be fine no matter what. That's BS. You're not completely separate from your environment.  Don't be around people that treat you poorly. Psychically leave. 

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Chew211 said:

Everyone's giving compassion/healing/forgiveness/self-love advice here. Makes sense, because everyone wants to be "high consciousness", I say that you need to realize they don't realize your value nor do they deserve you. 

Work on logistics. Leave that environment. 

A lot of people like to discount the effect of environment and think that if you just do conscious stuff then you'll be fine no matter what. That's BS. You're not completely separate from your environment.  Don't be around people that treat you poorly. Psychically leave. 

You're right. 

[Chew211]

Had an auto correct error

*Physically leave