Being a Woman.

[Preety_India]

How I feel as a woman and how I want to feel. 

 

[Preety_India]

It's so difficult to be a woman. 

You're always taken so much granted. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

At the back of my mind, I've all these thoughts where I'm kinda confused and surprised reading all these dating threads and ideas that men have about dating and relationships in general. 

It's looked at  like a cakewalk. 

 I kinda feel odd about myself because I look at it completely different. I can never be in a casual relationship. To me relationships are about building something deep together. And my emotions in a relationship are really strong. I can't simply think to myself "I'm going to dump this guy and get a better one," because I would get so emotional even thinking about leaving the person I'm with. I don't know how to compute my environment as a woman. If I'm with a man, I'm devoted to him, thinking about the future, planning things like family, marriage and kids. Big dreams. Any signal from him that makes me feel vulnerable or insecure makes me feel very ominous about the whole situation. Being a woman is too complicated. Because I'm your mind, when you're deeply in love, you're already imagining having kids with that person, having a family and you need that ground to stand on, you need that shoulder to cry on, you need that arm to hold as you stroll on evenings. You need that emotional security because as a woman you want it all together. 

I cannot even imagine simply moving and hopping from one man to the next. Because being in a relationship without emotions would feel so awkward. 

And there is no emotional energy left once it's exhausted in a relationship. What I mean I can never imagine sleeping with different men, lots of them, because I cannot keep putting emotional energy into one man, afford to have my heart broken and have renewed emotional energy avaliable for the next man. If i did that, I would feel like a toy, and my body and hormones won't be able to handle that, my body would go crazy with emotional vulnerability. And I cannot switch off my emotions as I please. That's not how I feel as a woman. I don't think I can be so robotic with my emotions out in the world. I'd lose my sense of womanhood. So when I think about all these things, I'm so puzzled by the way men look at relationships as some kind of a short term transaction, I just cannot look at it that way, it would drive me nuts. I mean being a Woman is so complicated than most people understand, because the one thing that sets everything apart is knowing that one day you would be a mother, and that itself brings everything to a halt, you can't afford mind games, you can't afford simply doing whatever you want with your body, your body is for the child, you don't want to be messed up in your head, because you want your child in a healthy environment, so you want a man that will give you that sense of security, that foundation you can build your family on, not a player guy, not casual flings, your hustle as a woman is completely different, and even if you are not a mother, this drive is governing and influencing your thoughts subconsciously, deep down you're always looking for that man who will give you that place in life where you'll begin to dream of having children with him, a guy who is dependable and feminine and emotional just like you, a man who you could sit down and make plans with. 

So yeah, it's difficult and complicated. It's tough being a woman, knowing what challenges the dating world is throwing at you, subconsciously thinking if this will be healthy for your unborn future children, what sort of an uncertain world we're made to move towards, the challenges of being a young woman in 21st century dating era, where your vulnerability as a woman is at great risk, where every decision counts, where the constant thought in your mind is "I don't want to end up as a single mother" the haunting that past relationship failures created, knowing how you messed up your life being with the wrong man and navigating this labyrinth alone, how you made mistakes and ended up falling for the wrong guy, because you didn't know better, feeling bad for your naiveté, feeling bad for even falling for what you're attracted to, beating yourself up because you were attracted to someone that your mind or body can't control and ended up paying a huge emotional price, but this price only gets exponentially higher when motherhood is involved and knowing the price you paid for trusting a man, and then realizing how difficult it is for a woman to simply give into the next dude, once that innocent trust chord is broken, realizing that as a woman you would need to protect yourself every step of the way, not to give into your emotions even when there is temptation, not simply fool around, because you can't afford to, to constantly empower yourself constantly and being on guard because if not, someone could snuff your light so easily, at the same time not being bitter, not throwing your anger at the world, moving on with grace and realizing how one mistake could cost you and your children an entire life. Knowing that you don't want you to be held hostage to your emotions once again, having a sense of security and normalcy with a man and not having to constantly look over your shoulders, not wanting to think "what if this guy fucks me up?" yea that's a struggle that few people understand.. You feel like you are in a different world where your concerns as a woman are  never heard and nobody will really understand them unless they're in your shoes and facing the challenges and Insecurities that a young woman has to navigate through.