How to cope with loneliness when relationships are dysfunctional?

[Preety_India]

My family relationships are kinda dysfunctional. I don't wish to go into the details of that. 

Lately I've been feeling extremely lonely and it's really impacting me. I get depressed and moody. Then I fight with my boyfriend and just ignore him. 

Deep down I know it's the loneliness that's killing me. 

I tried to be strong mentally but the realization that relationships are fickle kills me inside. 

I always wanted a huge family where people loved each other but I never had that. 

I feel a sense of disconnection with my family. They rarely call me. 

They call me only if finances have to be discussed or some work that needs to be done.. 

I feel lost or abandoned or emotionally distant from everyone around me.. 

I just finished a call with my relatives and I told them how they ignore me. 

And they told me that they would be out for a trip and hung up. 

I felt very despondent after that. Like nobody wanted to even ask me how I was. 

It sucks that humanity is so selfish and nobody gives a damn about another unless they need the person for some reason. 

This has been weighing heavily on my mind. It feels like I'm swimming alone in a vast sea. 

How do you cope with being alone and lonely ?

To be honest it feels awful. 

And chatting and talking to people online satisfies the hunger for connection, but it's temporary. 

I wish I had a heart to heart family member but I know it will never happen.

What are some suggestions to deal with this sinking feeling and loss of connection? 

 

[Abdelghafar]

Life's hard @Preety_India. Accept it, move on towards your goals in life and don't give up on yourself. This is what I personally found effective.

Edited January 18, 2021 by Abdelghafar
Word Edit.

[Snader]

In the short term I guess trying to focus more on things you enjoy could keep your mind away from those negative thoughts till the dark cloud goes away.

In the long term I think clearing all the bad blood between you and your family is essential. 

What comes to family issues: I had quite hard youth too and I moved away from my family as soon as I could and I despised them for a long time. I kept arguing and having disagreements with them about everything for a long time and I avoided them as much as I could until I started to become conscious of how that affects me psychologically. Now we've talked stuff out a lot and understand our perspectives better. I still don't be in contact with them much (for a conscious reason) but when I do -- like in the Christmas and other occasions -- I really enjoy the time with them. That's only because we have really accepted the fact that I'm really not ''one of them'' and there is no resistance or ''bad blood'' around that fact. That gave me the emotional salvation from the family issues.

I would also suggest meeting new people or just talking to people irl, friends or strangers. I also have those moments when I feel down and I tend to withdraw deep into my own peace and silence but then a presence of a friend or whoever can turn it all the way around. Relationships can really be fickle but if you could add a pinch of optimism and positivity into the way you look at them, you can learn to get the most and best out of them even in the darkest times.

[caveman]

Yeah, families can suck. But they can also teach a lot about one's expectations in relation the world, thus going deeper into one's own self.

And ultimately it's never personal.

[Rilles]

Self-Love.

Feel your heart chakra and encourage yourself. 

[PepperBlossoms]

9 hours ago, Preety_India said:

My family relationships are kinda dysfunctional. I don't wish to go into the details of that.  Maybe try to see the dysfunction as an opportunity to experience a dysfunctional relationship and work from it and see what all the ways it embodies stuff other than dysfunction like love.

Lately I've been feeling extremely lonely and it's really impacting me. I get depressed and moody. Then I fight with my boyfriend and just ignore him.  Maybe try to stop fighting with your boyfriend and accept that there will be stuff where you are wrong and stuff where he is wrong and that you both need each other.

Deep down I know it's the loneliness that's killing me.  Maybe it's a lack of seeing love in all the places that love exists.

I tried to be strong mentally but the realization that relationships are fickle kills me inside.  Look to the heart.

I always wanted a huge family where people loved each other but I never had that.  Maybe there is love and you just don't see it.  Maybe the family extends beyond just the blood family and it is a huge family bigger than previously thought.

I feel a sense of disconnection with my family. They rarely call me.  How often do you call them or try to make the connection happen with them?

They call me only if finances have to be discussed or some work that needs to be done..  When they call, talk about what they want but you can also bring up the stuff that you want.  It is about you too.

I feel lost or abandoned or emotionally distant from everyone around me..  Try to look for ways to connect.

I just finished a call with my relatives and I told them how they ignore me.  Maybe there are better ways to talk with them.  But it is good that you were honest though.  I am so sorry that you are having the issues.

And they told me that they would be out for a trip and hung up.  Maybe they didn't react well.

I felt very despondent after that. Like nobody wanted to even ask me how I was.  Tell them what you need them to do for you.  Tell them what you need so they can better help you.

It sucks that humanity is so selfish and nobody gives a damn about another unless they need the person for some reason.  If we want to see humanity as selfish, we will see it as such.

This has been weighing heavily on my mind. It feels like I'm swimming alone in a vast sea.  We are both swimming alone and swimming together.

How do you cope with being alone and lonely ?  Learn how to be alone and learn how to cope with others and find the enjoyment in both to where being alone is just as awesome and stimulating as being with others.

To be honest it feels awful. I'm so sorry.

And chatting and talking to people online satisfies the hunger for connection, but it's temporary.  Strengthen the connections that you have or make more.  Take risks in the topics that you discuss and activities that you do with people as that can lead to increased connections.

I wish I had a heart to heart family member but I know it will never happen.  You can be the one to make it happen.  You don't have to wait for them to make it happen.

What are some suggestions to deal with this sinking feeling and loss of connection?  Speak your heart to those with you - don't hold anything back.

You can get through this.  This is a temporary thing.  Thing is a time to grow, explore, learn, create, cry, wonder, contemplate, appreciate.  You can be both strong and weak and that is okay.   Some connections don't go anywhere and others get much stronger - you'll be able to tell which ones are getting stronger and which ones are kinda staying the same or weakening.  You can do it.

 

[egoeimai]

@Preety_India it's unfortunate to not have family members that can satisfy your need for connection. But feeling alone is another type of feeling and I think it's not linked to these situations. It's a lack of connecting with yourself. Maybe I'm wrong or what. Think about it. Even people who connect daily with other people those feel lonely and alone too. And I don't mean random people, but significant ones. So that's why I'm saying this. Being okay with yourself is the most important thing. 

Also try to be okay with the idea that relationships are a type of exchange, it's sucks I know. But it's true. True love, unconditional can be very very rare but it's fine. You're going to give and receive and you're gonna have to get in their shoes to realize that you're doing the same as well. You also need something from others. And it's fine. I know it's not the best case, but it's fine. Esther Hicks says it right : nobody does anything other than for the reason of making themselves feel good. I paraphrased it lol but you get what I mean. 

[NatureB]

What you have written has a lot of beliefs in it. The good news is you can let go of these beliefs, and as you do you will progressively feel better and see the situation in a new light. 

On 1/18/2021 at 9:26 AM, Preety_India said:

the realization that relationships are fickle kills me inside. This is not absolutely true. This is a feeling that you carry around inside of you which can be let go of.

I feel a sense of disconnection with my family. They rarely call me. Sounds like you are hurt. Can you let go of that?

 

On 1/18/2021 at 9:26 AM, Preety_India said:

It sucks that humanity is so selfish and nobody gives a damn about another unless they need the person for some reason. 

Be careful with such a strong, negative belief. All belief systems work, you just want to find a belief system that feels good and let go of belief systems that feel bad.

On 1/18/2021 at 9:26 AM, Preety_India said:

What are some suggestions to deal with this sinking feeling and loss of connection? 

 

Forgive your family members one at a time. You can use Leo's method, or you can make a big, long list of all of the things that each family member has done to harm you, and then go down the list surrendering the feeling associated with each item on that list until you no longer feel hurt, pain or resentment. It takes time so take it easy on yourself

[Preety_India]

Just now, NatureB said:

What you have written has a lot of beliefs in it. The good news is you can let go of these beliefs, and as you do you will progressively feel better and see the situation in a new light. 

 

Be careful with such a strong, negative belief. All belief systems work, you just want to find a belief system that feels good and let go of belief systems that feel bad.

Forgive your family members one at a time. You can use Leo's method, or you can make a big, long list of all of the things that each family member has done to harm you, and then go down the list surrendering the feeling associated with each item on that list until you no longer feel hurt, pain or resentment. It takes time so take it easy on yourself

I don't feel resentment. 

I just feel abandoned and lonely because they don't give me any time at all. 

It's like for them I don't exist. I put up with it for the longest time. 

But it's slowly wearing me out. 

It's the absence of communication that's killing me. And when I call, everyone finds some reason to hang up. They only call if they have to get a job done. 

I feel shut out. And this happens even when I'm being nice and polite. 

It's like they don't want me anymore and that feeling hurts. 

 

[Chew211]

I mentioned the same solution in a different thread, but I'll repeat it here in a different way. 

Go elsewhere and build new connections. It's not easy and it'll take time, but there's just too many people out there for you not to find a few that you'll get along with so we'll that they practically become your family. 

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Chew211 said:

I mentioned the same solution in a different thread, but I'll repeat it here in a different way. 

Go elsewhere and build new connections. It's not easy and it'll take time, but there's just too many people out there for you not to find a few that you'll get along with so we'll that they practically become your family. 

Thank you. Your advice is super helpful.