Being internally grounded is not easy for me. what should I do?

[yangmilun]

I could see external world is really powerful to feed my ego. 

I need friend, family, plus social media is controlling people's mind, therefore what news talks about becomes my first thing for my ego. 

To get authority is avoided lonely. My ego hides my hatefulness and try to get more authority and use authority to release hatefulness in external world. and I could see this is a disaster. Even now I don't really care I'm lonely, but external world is really important to my survival. 

My ego also tells me that use internal feeling to face external world is not working:

1. I need to have ability to kown what my feeling is in present moment;

2. I need brave to bring this feel to external world;

3. and I need to think that decision is not trigger my future ego's fear.

so these 123 are very hard to think in my mind in one second when Im talking with someone.

I feel Being internally grounded is not easy for me. what should I do?