qormolq

Questions about self-doubt

4 posts in this topic

I'm going to go through my spiritual journey so far, it might be a lengthy read, but bear with me...

So I found Leo about 9 months ago but I didn't actually start implementing meditation and spirituality into my life until about 2.5 months ago, after an acid trip. On the come down I said to myself, alright no more bullshit, it's time to start meditating and changing my life for the better. So I started doing 5 minutes of meditation daily, then within a few days started doing 10-15 minutes daily. Then after a few weeks, I began watching Leo's guided exercise on realizing you're God. I got half-way through and I realized I had some weed leftover I could smoke. So I smoked it, meditated for about 10 minutes , then finished the video. By the end of the video, I probably sobbed like 3 times. I FELT being God. Then a few days later, I decided I was ready for DMT. So I got my hands on some, and since tripping, I've done 30+ minutes a day.  At this point, meditation comes so natural to me. I am almost always conscience of my breath, and I kind of just "go with the flow", no strict schedule for meditating. I try to get at least one 30+ minute sitting session everyday, and I'll throw in random 10-20 minute sessions if I have time. When I am doing closed-eyed meditating I really do feel auditorily connected to everything. My mood in general is substantially better than 2 months ago. I have a lot less negative emotions and when I do it is much easier to calm myself down. Also haven't smoked since watching the God video, and I feel much less foggy-minded. So I feel great and I feel like I'm doing everything right, but I just don't want to get too cocky or ahead of myself. I don't want to deceive myself. Like it feels like I've made tremendous progress, but Leo always reiterates in his videos that it can and usually does take years to be able to meditate with ease and reach higher states. So I'm sitting here doubting myself like there's no possible way I've made this much progress which in theory should take years, in what, 2 months? Not only that but I'm 16. If adults who do these practices take years for the amount of progress I've made, how could I have done it so quick? I've also shared a lot of this stuff with my peers which definitely contributes to my doubt. Saying things like, "does acid once and thinks he's enlightened". And even with the progress I've made, I of course know I'm nowhere near enlightenment. That's basically all I wanted to say, I'm not like concerned, I sort of just want reassurance I'm on the right path, and for people to point out if there's some way I could be tricking myself. One more thing: I obviously mentioned I've tripped and that I'm 16. Tripping has been nothing but good for me, but I also want to be conscience of if psychs can have any negative impact on my developing brain. I am taking a break from tripping for a few months anyway, but I want to know If I should just hold off for a few years.

That was a lot, thanks in advance for reading and for the help :)

TLDR: Could I be deceiving myself into the amount of progress I've made with spirituality, or is it possible I just caught on quick?

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You may be spiritually gifted with good focus abilities, but surely, it's easier to deprogram a younger mind than an older one.

And there's always more to learn and become conscious of, so stay humble.


If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

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@qormolq

Can there be the recognition that this is the activity of thoughts, a story about you progressing, reaching levels, etc? 

Can there be the recognition that that ‘self’ cannot be pointed to in feeling or perception, because it’s actually thoughts about a self, and not a self?

Can it be recognized that is a story about a yourself which is repeated, in a reactionary manor?

Can awareness be what a thought implies, when awareness is already the awareness of the very thought? 

Can there continue to be self doubt, without the repeating of the story about the ‘self’...a thought story which doesn’t resonate in feeling? 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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