Girls... who have you felt understands you the best?

[peqkno]

Title says it. Who have you felt understands you the best.

Also, if you know: Where can places/resources be found to understand you deeply?

Edited January 15, 2021 by peqkno

[Recursoinominado]

Don't ever ask a fish how to catch them. 

Ask the fishermen. 

[peqkno]

Heard it often. 

Didn’t ask how to catch em. (sounds like Pokémon)

[Gesundheit]

[Recursoinominado]

2 hours ago, peqkno said:

Heard it often. 

And you just ignored it.

2 hours ago, peqkno said:

Didn’t ask how to catch em. (sounds like Pokémon)

I was talking about fish ?

[Emerald]

15 hours ago, peqkno said:

Title says it. Who have you felt understands you the best.

Also, if you know: Where can places/resources be found to understand you deeply?

Understanding towards what end?

If you want understanding for pick-up purposes, ask a pick-up artist. You can find a sizable minority of the female population (probably 25%-30%) who are open to pick-ups using those methods. That's what all those fish/fisherman quotes are about. 

If you want understanding for the purpose of developing a strong relationship with a woman, ask her about herself. There is no guarantee that she will have the degree of self-knowledge to answer you accurately. But even still, this is the best bet for developing intimacy.

If you want understanding just to understand with no agenda other than to understand, then you can ask me. You can also listen to women speak about their experiences. Teal Swan also has some really accurate articulations of the female experience.

[flume]

David Deida! I sometimes think he understands women better than they understand themselves

[flowboy]

I second the David Deida recommendation. He has several good books which will help.

Doing a Tantra workshop really helped me, because it's a very open environment where spiritually integrated and self-aware women and men come together to help understand each other better and learn to interact and navigate the relationship dynamics in a better way. A lot of Deida's teachings were used there.

[peqkno]

9 hours ago, Emerald said:

Understanding towards what end?

Understanding for understanding’s sake, mostly. I wanna get what it’s like, how it differs from what I experience and is unique about it. And based on understanding treating them better.  

There’s some sexuality and relationship motivation in the motivation mix (Basically that question arose for me cause I have no f* clue how girl think about dating, life, their place in the universe, ... and I wondered...).

So would you want to answer some questions, or not? Cause you said:

9 hours ago, Emerald said:

If you want understanding just to understand with no agenda other than to understand

 

If yes, did you think about me just asking specific questions or anything else in mind?

 

If so, and you find it relevant, would you elaborate on why the other 70–75% of women aren’t open to some PUA-methods? (because they’re too selfish and it ends up hurting her?)

9 hours ago, Emerald said:

You can find a sizable minority of the female population (probably 25%-30%) who are open to pick-ups using those methods.

 

And yeah. Remember watching Teal’s vid on how women feel fear daily, and thus live with brevity. Was quite a shift compassion-wise. How true is it though?

[Emerald]

7 minutes ago, peqkno said:

Understanding for understanding’s sake, mostly. I wanna get what it’s like, how it differs from what I experience and is unique about it. And based on understanding treating them better.  

There’s some sexuality and relationship motivation in the motivation mix (Basically that question arose for me cause I have no f* clue how girl think about dating, life, their place in the universe, ... and I wondered...).

So would you want to answer some questions, or not? Cause you said:

 

If yes, did you think about me just asking specific questions or anything else in mind?

 

If so, and you find it relevant, would you elaborate on why the other 70–75% of women aren’t open to some PUA-methods? (because they’re too selfish and it ends up hurting her?)

 

And yeah. Remember watching Teal’s vid on how women feel fear daily, and thus live with brevity. Was quite a shift compassion-wise. How true is it though?

Sure. I'll answer some questions. It's a very broad topic, so you can ask specific ones.

The reason why 70%-75% of women aren't really open to PUA methods is because women get approached a lot. And 95%+ of those approaches come from guys who are just looking for sex or to puff up their self-esteem via sex.

So, there is an intuition based in a multitude of personal experiences from age 12 onward about when guys are simply running game to get laid... Pick-up has a very "used car salesman" vibe... or like the people in the mall that try to stop you and sell you something. You may fall for it at first. But usually by 15 or 16, you can sniff it out fairly easily.

This is ultimately why Leo talks about having such a low conversion rate when he does cold approach. Women are prone to experiences involving sexuality from a very young age. So, most women will see it coming from a mile away and will filter it out like your email provider filters out the majority of spam and phishing attempts. There are tell-tale signs.

That said, 25%+ of women don't have that filter for one reason or another. This can be due to more negative things like low standards, desperation, low self-esteem, poor boundaries, naïveté, or simply a confusion about what they want. Or they may simply be looking for NSA sex too... kind of like the female version of a PUA. So, both of these categories of women might be open to cold approach.

And I have found Teal Swan's insights into the female experience to be dead on the money. 

I feel that most men may have the impression that women have the upper hand in dating/relationships. That's true in the sense that you get a lot of male attention. But lots of male attention comes with A LOT of problems. Lots of men see you more as an idea and a drug than they see you as an actual human being.

So, there is a need to be on guard quite a bit. It's like if you were prone to attracting zombies (zombies being specifically men who are just looking for sex) and you just carry a big stick with you now everywhere you go to fight them off (the stick in the metaphor being the auto-reject response).

 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Emerald I second Teal Swan 

I have said this in other threads. Men don't understand on how terrifying dating can be from a woman. A man's worst date is a bizarre anecdote he can laugh at a couple weeks later. A woman's worst date looks like something out of a crime drama. Women have to be vigilant of their drinks, have pepper spray, and often are scared to go out in a walk when it's dark alone. Often times when we are meeting someone from tinder, we send a screenshot of the guy we are going on a date with to a friend and a picture of what we are wearing just in case things get weird.

Until you try to emotionally grasp those things, you will not understand how women work and you will have to approach 50-100 women to get anywhere. Would you rather play the numbers game for god knows how long, or unwind your subconscious threads of misogyny to connect with your feminine side and understand what women actually have to go through to empathize with them? 

Edited January 17, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

16 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

This is a lie that pits women against each other when that isn't true. Plus it paints women as drama queens as a way to not take women's issues and emotions seriously. Calling a woman dramatic/emotional/over the top is often a gaslighting tactic. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[Megan Alecia]

Read Anais Nin's quotes, she's got some good insights about how women are. you could also listen to female music. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by Megan Alecia
or just read some of the journals here.... maybe this is just me but I feel like femininity is expressed best when one is open... vulnerable even

[machinegun]

Damn, I always thought Leo's fanbase was misogynist, but not this bad. What is with the shitty memes

[Girzo]

We are people first, gender second. To understand women you first have to understand people in general.

[Emerald]

17 minutes ago, machinegun said:

Damn, I always thought Leo's fanbase was misogynist, but not this bad. What is with the shitty memes

What must be understood is that the audience that Leo attracts consists predominantly of young men who are trying to improve themselves. 

So, in examining the desire to improve one's self, we can understand it as coming from two different origin points. The first is the natural drive towards self-actualization. The second is a desire to compensate for what is perceived to be lacking. 

Thus, Leo's channel attracts many people who are trying really hard to make something of themselves in order to compensate for feelings of self-hatred, inferiority, worthlessness, and the like. 

And misogyny is a symptom of that underlying vulnerability and fear of inferiority.

This is especially true because men tend to project the determination of their worthiness (or lack-there-of) onto women who are seen in their eyes as the utmost judgers of male worth.

And this projection comes with anger and bitterness towards women, because of the powerlessness they feel and the power that they project onto women. 

So, underneath all that misogyny is really a fear of unworthiness and unlovability. And it is not so surprising that a channel about self-improvement attracts such people.

[Gesundheit]

@soos_mite_ah

Note to self: stop posting memes and joking around on the actualized forum. Many people on there take everything too seriously and feel endangered by words and images.

Girls, if you want a flower on Valentine's day, you should probably start planting it now.

Okay, maybe one last time.

Have a good day.

[Preety_India]

A guy who is very caring will understand a woman deeply. And I mean his woman. 

You don't have to understand every woman. Understanding your own woman is enough. 

If you want deep understanding of your woman there are a couple of pointers I'd like to suggest 

• Ask her directly. 
• Pay attention when your woman speaks. Listen to what she is saying 
• If she doesn't like something, don't repeat it 
• Learn to understand her trigger buttons 
• Don't compare one woman to another. This is just general good advice. 
• Understand her needs and try to align yourself to her needs 
• Don't try to resist what she says. Try to understand rather than contradict 
• Try to walk in her shoes and understand her POV. 
• Don't judge her when she is explaining or justifying her behavior 
• See if she is open to communication about problems. If she is not, then that's not the right woman for you because she has blocked the path to understanding her. 
• If she is open to communicating then have heart to heart face to face conversations with her and the more you communicate the more you will learn and understand her. 

Understanding a woman is not so much about who the woman is or what she wants, it's more about your willingness to align yourself with her mindset and embracing and accepting who she is without judgement and the capacity to give her space and the generosity to let her be herself. 

 

[peqkno]

10 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I have said this in other threads. Men don't understand on how terrifying dating can be from a woman.

Yes, saw your replies in the other thread. Will link it here in case someone in the future finds this thread via search function, etc. 

 

9 hours ago, Girzo said:

We are people first, gender second. To understand women you first have to understand people in general.

+1

 

14 hours ago, Emerald said:

So, there is a need to be on guard quite a bit. It's like if you were prone to attracting zombies (zombies being specifically men who are just looking for sex) and you just carry a big stick with you now everywhere you go to fight them off (the stick in the metaphor being the auto-reject response).

@Emerald That metaphor made a lot of sense to me. I find your advice/replies on any topics here thorough and thoughtful (from my perspective), so I don’t want to go through the same questions you answered in other threads.

Thus:

So regarding the female experience / life as a female: what’s something you haven’t / haven’t seen discussed on this forum? Maybe sth you feel strongly about and/or 

@everyone else  If you have sth like that, you can of course share as well.

 

If that’s too broad of a question for now, what advice would you give your 20 years old self regarding femininity/living as a woman in 21st century society? (Asking for my gf.) Maybe some things you found important learning about (feminism, divine feminine, ... idk). 

 

If even that’s too broad, I’ll try to come up with some good targeted questions later. Hard to ask about what idk idk.

 

@flume and @flowboy . Yess David Deida.  

@Megan Alecia Thanks for the idea with the journals. 

@Preety_India ?

 

Think I’m gonna gather some of the replies from this thread and others and put them in some journal in the journals section to have them all in one place.  

Mean I got some history regarding ehm insecurities, RedPill, Pick-Up, neediness, social awkwardness, loneliness, ... gains and losses, and warped perspectives.

@Recursoinominado “And you just ignored it.” — not really, I listened lots of them (Todd, Owen, Max, Julien, ... The Naturals, ... Roosh, Rollo, Goldmund, ..., David Tian, Tom Torero, Coach Corey Wayne). But I’m curious enough to listen to everyone. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by peqkno

[soos_mite_ah]

7 hours ago, peqkno said:

If that’s too broad of a question for now, what advice would you give your 20 years old self regarding femininity/living as a woman in 21st century society? (Asking for my gf.) Maybe some things you found important learning about (feminism, divine feminine, ... idk). 

I'm 21 rn so I'm not going to address my 20 year old self since in terms of femininity I don't think I changed all that much. I'll address my younger, 14 year old self though. I know this is long but I feel like I stepped into my femininity in recent years much more so a lot of this is fresh on my mind and its things that I have integrated pretty well. 

I would tell her that it isn't weak to be in touch with your emotions or to express vulnerability. The desire to function on cold hard rationality alone has it's roots in demonizing femininity and also has roots in racism. You don't have to "be like a man" to be equal to one because both femininity and masculinity are equal in terms of value even if they are not the same in terms of function. Lean into your emotions and that will help you be more empathetic, more self aware, and more open to connect with others. There is strength in vulnerability, much more so than being so closed off to where you are scared of truly experiencing reality. Life is an emotional experience and that is why you are put on this earth, to experience life. Also, you don't have to be strong all the time. It's ok to ask for help and be open when something is bothering you. Let other people help you whether it is a man offering to pay for dinner on a date or whether it is you reaching out to a friend when you are depressed. It isn't an attack on your competence or ability to do things yourself. It's an invitation for people to express their appreciation and desire to help out/ support towards you.

And most importantly, don't demonize other women for their more feminine interests whether it is makeup, chick flicks, etc. Hell, maybe if you have an open mind, you might find those interests to be somethings you also like and things that also have depth. That "I'm not like other girls" front reeks of internalized misogyny that looks down on anything associated with women because it sees anything feminine as shameful and frivolous. Also I would tell her to stop with this attitude of "girls are sooo dramatic and that's why I don't have female friends." This goes along with the "I'm not like other girls" front and the whole notion of women being dramatic is a way men use to gaslight women and their issues, whether it be their health concerns or when they stand up for their rights. It's also a way of pitting women against each other and having that attitude will make you lose out on a lot of quality female friendships. 

I would also tell her to find her own authentic expression of femininity. There are so many different archetypes of both femininity and masculinity that there is no way one person can embody it all all the time.  Femininity for you might not look like pink and a shit ton of makeup (or it might) and that's ok. You can still be in touch with you feminine side even if it isn't the stereotypical version of femininity that is pushed on us for society. In fact, don't try to box in notions of femininity and masculinity in a box, that doesn't do either of those polarities justice and can be incredibly limiting in finding your own authenticity. Everyone has their own personal blend of masculinity and femininity and it isn't up to you to suppress one or the other but to find what works for you and feels natural to you. Some men are naturally more feminine and some women are naturally more masculine and vice versa. Some people find themselves towards the middle and some find themselves closer to either end of the polarity. All of these are ok. There aren't any right way to be masculine or feminine. The following video is really good at helping one do that, regardless of gender. There is also a version of this same video for the divine masculine. 

 

Edited January 17, 2021 by soos_mite_ah