Dark life of the soul

[Nate0068]

Honestly i have alot on my mind that i would like to say but i never really know how to articulate it but at this point im being pushed to say it. So i was born inot this life and ive really noticed the fact that holy fuck my whole life ive always just assumed things and never actually looked life is not what it seems is what ive come to find out in my teenage years from being a different person from everyone and having a passion for TRUTH  really has me in a rough spot at 18 in the brink of being pushed out into the world has me overwhelmed this life really is a dream i don't want to work its absolutely grueling for the little time that i have been this type of culture has me extremely depressed and i really do believe in my gut that i will end up killing myself that feeling that holds you back from jumping off a cliff feels like its going to be overwhelmed by the feeling this culture gives it feels like im about to go insane and not care about anything i cant take the pain .its not even that i have a bad life externally i have a loving family ive just always had existential problems my whole life some a really really messed with my head in my opinion as a child seeing my parents i caught on to my dad bitching about work alot saying "rat race rat race" just so pissed off about the bs busy of life and work mostly i always put it off as a kid but being older and now seeing it and living it now in seeing it really is a rat race and its absolutely absurd to participate i really really just want to stop hallucinating this this reality and free myself i know its a thing that can be done 

[Breakingthewall]

Don't run in the rat race, but for that you must stop addiction to money. transcend the ego, live in the nature, have only to eat and not be cold and that life flows

[Aaron p]

Bro. Stop. Your not fucken alone. Your not the only one who struggles with the imense depths of psychotic pain. Your Gona have to get used to going through it. There is always hope. It won't last forever. You have to choose to beat it, it's possible. Your liky going through existential crisis, you could well be going through a prolonged psychotic period. Just choose the path of healing and decide that your going to be healed even if it costs everything. It *is* possible. Very much within your reach. But when I say choose with all your being, you must be prepared to put hard work in. Do the practices, obtain the psychedelics, use them *carefulyyyyyyyyy*. And even if it takes you multiple decades, you will be healed

[Megan Alecia]

@Nate0068 find what brings you joy. Get to know yourself- journal a lot, go outside, write down your thoughts. The Enneagram is a good resource- lots of self knowledge to be there found on that one. Something that gives you meaning. As for love, it's something that a lot of YouTube gurus and coaches talk about. 

Edited January 14, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Breakingthewall]

1 minute ago, Megan Alecia said:

Something that gives you meaning. 

There is no meaning, only being

[Megan Alecia]

@Breakingthewall There's meaning within our realm of understanding- meaning the two of is commnicating. Don't distract people with turquoise stuff this early.

[Breakingthewall]

4 minutes ago, Megan Alecia said:

Don't distract people with turquoise stuff this early.

Probably you are right

[Nahm]

@Nate0068

Sounds rough, sendin good vibes your way. If it’s helpful or useful information...too much focus on conceptual & existential thinking for too long without a foundation of some body / awareness grounding practice, and some emotional expression, can lead to skewing everything perspectively for the worse. I wish you well, and the difficulty of this will pass. Do your best not to ‘dig in’, keep letting go. Relax into the body as much as you can, let thinking & concerns go. Take the day off from any ‘figuring out’, or ‘future ruminating’. Maybe a few days. Take a day or so off of any screens etc. You’ll feel better naturally, by default. Amazing but true. You’ll have a lot of insights from this when this passes. Just keep letting any troublesome thoughts go, you’ll feel better soon. 

Take grounding, body awareness to be first, most paramount on the path & in life in general, and you’ll be feeling better, much better perspectives will return, and the path & your future will be of joy. If that sounds impossible at all, please take my word for it to whatever extent you can. It is not only possible, it is your future and this is a part of it. When people say ‘life is amazing’, etc, etc...be most careful not to deflect that onto them, like ‘they’re just like that and I’m just not like that’. Let that message in a bit. Those people made it through rough stuff too, and the miracle is how life is beyond these challenges. Here that message. 

Gotta let thoughts that don’t resonate go - swiftly. Gotta be grounded in feeling. Rough to learn this way so young but you gotta know this to recognize these things do work. It’s not as tall of an order as it might seem today either. A little bit each day, and you feel better each day. And you got all of us here to help. Express, let anything you want to out. ?

Also, on the dad / work front, I can really relate. My dad was very similar. What I learned in going through it was that the initial ‘sting’ I was feeling was the conditioning of this I unknowingly adapted, resonating when around him. Took a minute to humble down to recognizing that. I also was triggered by specific things he’d say in regard to work, stress, etc. In recognizing that, I was able to catch my reactions, and from conscious stomach breathing, slow down and take time to process the emotion. At first I’d not say anything, just basically looked at my ‘inner mess’ transpiring. Then it became less intense, and I could respond without it being influenced by the reaction. After a while it ‘flipped’, to where I recognized the trigger situation, and felt delight in noticing the emotional reaction was no longer there. Then I felt a lot of appreciation and compassion for him. Pain does reveal Beauty. In hindsight it was clear that’s how he interprets and experiences the world, and many insights as to how & why that is filled in.  

Here’s some meditations to consider if & when. Really, just reading them can bring about a pleasant change in mindset and outlook. 

[VeganAwake]

It's a completely normal response ❤

The Natives would grow up in tribes with all the adult interaction and teachings. Most would become well-rounded individuals and taught different methods by numerous adults. 

Things are different now and it's time to adapt.

It's time to ride the wave of change or find yourself underneath the water.

[James123]

@Nate0068 small appreciations can make this world beautiful for you. Appreciate every moment what you have (which can increase the love within you). Try to be away from toxic people, be with people who really makes you happy. Dont get lost within the mind and negative emotions. If you cant overcome, go to doctor.