Getting ghosted every time

[kras]

Hey guys,

Do you think that if i ask a certain  girl for a honest opinion why she cut contact with me after the first or second date, she will be honest(i just want feedback, not to get her back, i just want to get better for my further interaction). I want to figure out why that happens because, its like a pattern. In the most of my dates i have a feeling that we are vibing pretty well, and just having fun. Friend zone its not what happens in my oppinion because on almost all of my first date i makeout with girls.

 

[Ananta]

Depends on the girl if they will reply and be honest. Everyone is different, so maybe she will and maybe she won't. If it were me I would, but thats just me.

[aurum]

2 hours ago, kras said:

Hey guys,

Do you think that if i ask a certain  girl for a honest opinion why she cut contact with me after the first or second date, she will be honest(i just want feedback, not to get her back, i just want to get better for my further interaction). I want to figure out why that happens because, its like a pattern.

 

It's definitely okay to do that. Just be genuine about it.

She may not be willing to answer you though. Or she may simply lack the self-awareness to know why she really cut contact with you, beyond what she is telling herself.

[evgn]

3 hours ago, Ananta said:

Depends on the girl if they will reply and be honest. Everyone is different, so maybe she will and maybe she won't. If it were me I would, but thats just me.

Have you ever played hard to get after the first date, even though iyou are interested? Like slow and cold responding to text messages? 

[Ananta]

@evgn I'm married, but back in the day would I have played hard to get after a first date? No, not if I liked him.

[Consilience]

On 1/11/2021 at 1:16 PM, Ananta said:

@evgn I'm married, but back in the day would I have played hard to get after a first date? No, not if I liked him.

For females it's a different dynamic and polarity. Playing hard(ish) to get as a guy is typically an appropriate strategy. Girls have dude's throwing themselves at them left and right, especially on dating apps. If you're just another dude who's trying too hard, it immediately puts you in the friendzone. 

OP next time you go on a date, and have a successful kiss or makeout session at the end (always go for the kiss), wait 4 days before reaching back out. Make her wonder why she hasn't heard from you. If she reaches out first, cool, set a date up. Otherwise, just wait. Hell, you may even realize you don't want to see her again and friendzone her, not the other way around. 

Waiting like this, especially in the beginning, helps build the polarity. In a sense it is manipulative, but in another sense, it's just the art of charging the tension between the masculine and feminine energy. Plus, you should be so busy with your self actualization work (life purpose, finances, meditation, reading, exercise, nutrition, contemplation, journaling, taking courses, etc.) that your time is legitimately valuable and your legitimately unavailable to be always texting or trying to hangout. 

If you're noticing a repeated pattern, the issue is most certainly something you're doing. And just based on my own past experiences and from what I've started noticing with men, you're probably too eager, too ready, too needy. Neediness is the biggest attraction killer and women have a cunning intuition about picking it up. 

[Ananta]

13 minutes ago, Consilience said:

wait 4 days before reaching back out. Make her wonder why she hasn't heard from you.

She will probably just move on. Like you said, girls have guys hitting on them on dating apps all the time. 

I'm old school, if a guy likes you he should follow up that first date with interest, not ignoring you for 4 days. 

[Consilience]

47 minutes ago, Ananta said:

She will probably just move on. Like you said, girls have guys hitting on them on dating apps all the time. 

I'm old school, if a guy likes you he should follow up that first date with interest, not ignoring you for 4 days. 

So if he's not actually ignoring you, but has a legitimately busy schedule you'd just next him? You wouldn't take the initiative of engaging? Interesting. That seems a bit harsh. 

In this example, if the woman moved on then she wasn't attracted enough in the first place, so it actually works even better for the guy. A woman whose attraction was high enough from the first date, who had a great enough time wouldn't just forget about someone she was really into. So if you waited 4 days and were ghosted, you have your answer. If you waited 4 days and she's happy to hear from you, great! That's chemistry the guy can work with. If she reaches out first, even better! 

There's nothing specially about waiting until that 4th day to reach out, it's just that OP seems to be coming across as needy and needs to tone his enthusiasm down if he wants to keep women. 

Edited January 12, 2021 by Consilience

[Ananta]

@Consilience I haven't been single in a million years, so I answered how I think girls now a days would think with social media and dating apps....which didn't exist back when I was single. However, back in my day, no one ever made me wait even 2 days after a date before I got a call.?  Just sayin', but back then men were expected to act like men and make the first move before and after the first date, if they were interested. It was a women's job to make sure they chased them. ?

 

Edited January 13, 2021 by Ananta

[Roy]

Ghosting is an extremely common occurrence in the modern dating climate unfortunately, because the convenience of the technology people think they don't need to take responsibility for communicating maturely. You'd never "ghost" a co-worker or friend or anyone you see in real life. Unless you're a child of course, but I digress...

All I can say is don't take it too personally and don't do it to other people yourself. Most of the time they are simply too lazy or don't want to do the emotional labor of telling you they aren't interested.

Don't immediately jump the conclusion that YOU did something wrong because they cut contact. If it's not obvious to you that you fucked up and said something rude or whatever, then you're probably innocent so stop beating yourself up.

Even if you DO get an answer from her she might not even give you an honest answer. It's not worth the stress.

Just move onto the next girl.

 

[kag101]

Don't ask. Just move on!  

[integral]

It might be becaue you didnt make any moves on her. This is top priority. Show her that your going to fuck her brains out as soon as possible. Within reason, got to build up to it of course... 

Edited January 13, 2021 by integral

[Origins]

Yes just ask.

Otherwise for me honestly who gives a shit, you should be questioning what value you have as a man for yourself and what you're trying to accomplish and how women/woman fits into that picture more than worrying about women. Both men and women have have been brainwashed by such dysfunctional mindsets around dating, all programmed by certain societal breeding vs non-breeding agendas prepared to suit the cultural and in general economic agendas around status and bonding.

Side note: guys get played so easily by women so naive. 

In general I just say fuck off (figuratively, I literally don't even give it a second thought other than the learning) and move on. Do you know how many women there are in your average city? Perspective. So yes ask, seriously why are you worried at all about the outcome? How many women do you really line up with spiritually, hobbies wise, personality, and all other important indicators to seriously worry about one woman's opinion?

They're like 1 in a million/billion, so for everyone else, it's a mastered feedback loop of learning inside and outside of relationships, and its not to "get good with women", do you know how low of a mentality that is? Its about getting good with all of existence. Seriously, dominate the fuck out of that learning loop and you'll meet the right person for you, inside and outside the learning, outside is to spontaneity, your true essence, your authenticity, what you truly fucking want before existence blows you up outta here like all the rest of us, inside its like, "okay settle down, there's a balance between full expression and seeing the other person", but that's just really empathy and knowledge about existence of which the opposite sex form a very small part.

Treat every women at their true essence, in order to do that YOU must always be striving to be at your true essence. Trust me, that's how you build a relationship, that's how you stay in truth, honesty and your personal integrity allowing you to care much less about outcome while prioritising learning therein.

Edited January 13, 2021 by Origins

[kras]

6 hours ago, integral said:

It might be becaue you didnt make any moves on her. This is top priority. Show her that your going to fuck her brains out as soon as possible. Within reason, got to build up to it of course... 

I kissed the last girl that i was on a date, she was very reciprocative. We were in my car, chatted a little bit and i kissed her. 

I could fuck her, but i didnt because my car is very small and i am tall, she was also tall and it would have been very uncomfortable for both of us i guess. I took her home after the date and she said we will hang out again, i said sure. 

Next day i texted her and she was replying very slow and cold. 

So that pattern triggered me to wrote this thread, its not the first time that this happens. 

I havent tried invite her on a second date though, she might agree, she might not. 

 

[kras]

6 hours ago, kag101 said:

Don't ask. Just move on!  

Yeah man, but that happens every time. If its the fist or second time OK, but its not

[Consilience]

9 hours ago, kras said:

Next day i texted her and she was replying very slow and cold. 

So that pattern triggered me to wrote this thread, its not the first time that this happens. 

I havent tried invite her on a second date though, she might agree, she might not.

This is the mistake. Just let it go for a bit. In the future, rather than reaching out so quickly, give her time to sit and process the date. After 3 or 4 days if you haven't heard from her, reach out to setup a date, if she reaches out first, set up a date. 

One of my favorite dating coaches relates the after date time period like baking a cake. The cake needs time in the oven to bake; if we open up the oven too quickly to get the cake out,  it wasn't done baking and isn't ready, if we keep opening up the oven it lets all the heat out and disrupts the baking process. In this case, the cake is her interest, reaching out and texting is like opening up the oven. You have to make sure the timing is right. 

Also, phone is for logistics only! Attraction is built in person, not a phone. Don't fight against 2 billion years of evolution tbh. 

Edited January 13, 2021 by Consilience

[kag101]

18 hours ago, kras said:

Yeah man, but that happens every time. If its the fist or second time OK, but its not

are you able to let yourself go when you're with a girl? or do you get tensed & rigid? 

[kras]

6 hours ago, kag101 said:

are you able to let yourself go when you're with a girl? or do you get tensed & rigid? 

I think that i am pretty chill, but who knows. Sometimes we are very delousinal so idk.

[flowboy]

On 13-1-2021 at 8:59 AM, kras said:

I kissed the last girl that i was on a date, she was very reciprocative. We were in my car, chatted a little bit and i kissed her. 

I could fuck her, but i didnt because my car is very small and i am tall, she was also tall and it would have been very uncomfortable for both of us i guess. I took her home after the date and she said we will hang out again, i said sure. 

Next day i texted her and she was replying very slow and cold. 

So that pattern triggered me to wrote this thread, its not the first time that this happens. 

I havent tried invite her on a second date though, she might agree, she might not. 

 

why just drop her off instead of have sex with her at her home?

[kag101]

On 11/01/2021 at 0:52 PM, kras said:

I want to figure out why that happens because, its like a pattern.

how many times has this happened?