How to deal with prolonged stress

[soos_mite_ah]

I have some stressors that I'm normally ok at dealing with but because of my changed circumstances, I find myself having to deal with those stressors constantly for a prolonged period of time. Its chipping away at me and I know that I'm most definitely going to have to deal with trauma regarding my situation and the prolonged stress.

It's like that metaphor of holding a glass of water for a long time. Holding a glass of water is easy enough for a brief period of time. If you hold it for an hour, you'll have an ache in your arm. If you hold it for  a day, your arm will feel numb, it may feel paralyzed or it fall off (according to the metaphor). In each case, the weight of the water doesn't change, but the longer it's held, the heavier it feels. Stress and anxiety are like the glass of water.

My question is, how can I deal with prolonged stress better, given that you cant just get out of the situation? I want to minimize the repercussions of that stress so that I dont have go deal with residual future trauma responses if that makes sense.

Edited January 12, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

Bump!

[Ananta]

@soos_mite_ah Well, we had a MAJOR change at work that I find completely intolerable, so I gave notice at work that I was stepping down from my position as manager and honestly didn't think I could work more then a week or two in that job.. That was 4 weeks ago tomorrow. The new lady taking over my job doesn't start until next Monday, then I have to train her. Somedays, I don't know how I'm carrying on.

If your situation requires change,  then contemplate that. Otherwise, one day at a time...one hour at a time, one minute at a time!

❤

[Ananta]

2 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

my life has become unbearable I one day came to work, sat at my desk for 10 min observing things happening around, then packed my shit and walked out LOL

I've walked out on jobs before...good jobs. It feels amazing, but then you have to figure out what's next pretty fast. Anyways, this time, I could step down, the transition just isn't complete yet.

Funny thing is they should've offered me less money, but instead they kept me where I'm at (manager salary) and gave me a raise...lolol.?

I will say I probably had 10 mini nervous breakdowns before I made the clear cut decision to step down out of this role. 

 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

I guess I should give some more context to my situation: 

I have been trapped in a house with my parents since March and given the situation with COVID, I won't be returning to my college campus until late August. My parents, though they may be a bit annoying and toxic, are people I can for the most part deal with if I am in the position where I have to. But, because I have to be with them all the time, it started taking a toll on me. I'm trying to take it one day at a time but honestly, this feels like it's dragging on forever. I am coping by staying in my room most of the time so I can minimize the amount of time I spend with them, take the initiative to do most of the errands in the house so that I have an excuse to go out (and as a plus this looks good for me in their eyes), and increase the amount of healthy influences in my life even if it is just watching educational YouTube videos. I can't really go out much because my parents are super paranoid about COVID and they are at risk. Still, I find even with doing all of this to cope, I still feel that my sanity is being chipped away because I never had to deal with a situation like this for such a prolonged period of time. There is so much isolation I feel with the rest of the world and with my general circle and a computer screen only does so much. 

Additionally, speaking of the pandemic and the general trauma regarding 2020 (and i guess also moving into 2021 since the U.S. capitol basically came under attack), I feel like I'm in a chaotic place. All I see is bad news and the world going up in flames. I've never been the type of person that gets super phased by this type of stuff because I can often see how conflict can lead to growth on the collective. But I will be honest, I am finding myself getting exhausted and worn out because it is one disaster after another. I have stopped watching the news for the most part, I have decreased the amount of time I spend on social media so that I don't have to deal with the constant influx of doom and gloom from people talking about disaster 24/7, and I have limited the time I spend with my mom since she is always in a panicked state because she is glued to the computer checking the number of COVID cases. 

I'm not in the place financially or logistically where I can up and leave my parent's house. And I sure as hell don't have the power to calm down the chaos that is taking place in the world right now. If I could, I would escape to another dimension and come back once Earth is done throwing a tantrum. But I can't change or get out of my situation. I now need healthy ways to cope so that I can ride this thing out and come out not completely in pieces at the end of the tunnel once this is all over. 

Edited January 12, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, K Ghoul said:

@soos_mite_ah  capitol came under attack?? What am I missing again

What are you studying, and what are you planning on becoming in life? Do you have a dream that drives you? I remember when I was a teen I had this dream of becoming the world’s most famous super model (when I dream I dream big lol) - let’s not talk about the fact that things did not quite work out how I planned them too lol But it’s that passion, that drive that got me through things that I would just have collapsed under if I didn’t have that reason, that “why” I’m going through all of this for.

What is your light at the end of the tunnel? What is it that fascinates You?

I was talking about the whole thing with the Trump mob rushing into the capitol and causing mayhem. Apparently there were also explosive devices found near by, there were people who went in with the intent of taking hostages, and a bunch of people also wanted to assassinate Mike Pence as well as Nancy Pelosi. 

I'm currently studying management international relations and human rights. I'm not 100% sure what I want to be in life but I know that I want to do something that helps businesses operate more smoothly both for the sake of efficiency but also so that people are being treated fairly since work does impact quality of life. I really care about wealth inequality and worker's rights. My light at the end of the tunnel right now is moving out of my parent's house and regaining my sanity after all of this so that I can feel like myself again.  Working towards that type of authenticity so I can live my best life is super important to me. I'm also super interested in anything related to the social sciences and understanding how people work whether it is individually, collectively, or within systems. I'm trying to keep myself busy by finding things I think are interesting and nerding out about them. That's another way I have been coping with all of this. I look at the chaos in the world, analyze it, go all mad scientist on the topic since I'm already ruminating,  and try to find something to learn or nerd out about it. I also do this to a certain extent with my parents where I like to psycholanalyze them because it helps me understand where they are coming from meaning whatever they are doing doesn't feel super personal to me and therefore relieves the frustrations that comes with a gap in understanding. It also helps me to distance myself from the situation a little bit and take on a more observer role instead of being consumed in the chaos. 

Edited January 12, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[Nani]

 

Hey please listen to me.

I have seen Leo talking about FREE WILL VS DETERMINISM. 

I was so confused.

Iam a porn addict since 2016.

Ok ,If have no free will  ,will I ever be breaking my porn addiction?

I wanted it to be over now. Should I have to leave it to the nature until it acts?

I can't leave it.

Like I lost my life purpose . I feel like death is my only option.

 

I feel like I got nothing to do.

 

Please help me on this topic.

 

I want to directly talk to Leo and get my doubts clarified.

Man I can't bear this pain ? .

Edited January 13, 2021 by Nani
Nothin

[Nahm]

You are likely justifiably thinking in terms of coping as a reaction to the behaviors of other people. That is a totally valid experience, but it is not the only way of experiencing. You can’t really be expected to know this already, but it can be discovered that you’re coping with your own perspective which isn’t resonating with you. It’s a game of balancing one’s own unseen un-inspect counterbalancing, and unchecked that could go on for a while. This changes the game in that it repositions you in regard to what and how you’re focusing, as compared to what you’re thinking about and how you’re thinking. You might think in terms of emotional responsibility vs assigning causes of how you feel to other people. That is a certain handing over of your God given empowerment. As an example, there are millions of people experiencing just like you, and there are a handful that will consciously choose what they focus on, create companies online, talk with people & connect online, etc, and that creates the life worth living, the one you came here for, the one that makes sense of this whole place, the one which is the dream in your heart you brought with ya. In letting them be them, you’re giving yourself permission to be you, and if there’s one thing we could all use more of round here, it’s more of that authentic you. Got to be you. Get to be you. The present. The game is already afoot. This is it. Dial into yourself deeper. Let that surface stuff go. (And it’s all surface stuff). 

 

Know what motivates and inspires you. Get it in front of you. Paint your environment with that. 

Focus on that. 

Let everyone else be everyone else, by acknowledging the reality that they are. That’s precious focus you’re spending. It has an expiration date. 

Make a dreamboard. Know what you honestly, actually, want. Feel why you want it. (Way, way, way prior to what you’ve already mentioned here).  Imagine it is already effortlessly the actuality. Let go of all the conditioning that arises. Let it up and out.  

It’s a crazy twist which must be directly experienced...but you’re exactly like your parents, conditioning wise. The views you are bothered by in them, are actually yours. That’s what bothered you, not someone else. They’re just teaching you this by being them. Perspectives, beliefs, conditions, resonate like a guitar string in proximity to a struck tuning fork. You can inspect them and release them, and you’ll see for yourself that vibrational resonating doesn’t occur anymore. It is instead met with your being. With love, peace, compassion. 

A connotation of authenticity is not allowing myself to blame...and instead expressing evermore genuinely, until I strike the gold of the grail. 

If it’s helpful...stop accepting ruminating, stop accepting a lack of appreciation in your heart. Stop accepting waiting for understanding. 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Nani I'm so sorry that you're going through all that. I cant say that I have the answers to what you're dealing with as I dont have experience with porn addiction and I'm not the best at describing free will vs determinism. But I do recommend starting another topic expressing your concerns to increase your chance of visibility with this set of issues. I hate to say it, but I dont think it really fits with the contents of this thread or original post. 

[Nani]

@soos_mite_ah @Nahm ok ?  thanks.  

[Nahm]

@Nani In your corner man, you got this. ?? 

Free will and determinism are just thoughts btw. Try to feel em, try to point to them in perception. Just thoughts. Reality is made of spontaneity. Thoughts are made of reality. There is only this present appearance as it is. No past, no future, no time. It’s only the surface you see right now, and nothing more. 

[soos_mite_ah]

32 minutes ago, Nahm said:

You are likely justifiably thinking in terms of coping as a reaction to the behaviors of other people. That is a totally valid experience, but it is not the only way of experiencing. You can’t really be expected to know this already, but it can be discovered that you’re coping with your own perspective which isn’t resonating with you. It’s a game of balancing one’s own unseen un-inspect counterbalancing, and unchecked that could go on for a while. This changes the game in that it repositions you in regard to what and how you’re focusing, as compared to what you’re thinking about and how you’re thinking. You might think in terms of emotional responsibility vs assigning causes of how you feel to other people. That is a certain handing over of your God given empowerment. As an example, there are millions of people experiencing just like you, and there are a handful that will consciously choose what they focus on, create companies online, talk with people & connect online, etc, and that creates the life worth living, the one you came here for, the one that makes sense of this whole place, the one which is the dream in your heart you brought with ya. In letting them be them, you’re giving yourself permission to be you, and if there’s one thing we could all use more of round here, it’s more of that authentic you. Got to be you. Get to be you. The present. The game is already afoot. This is it. Dial into yourself deeper. Let that surface stuff go. (And it’s all surface stuff). 

 

Know what motivates and inspires you. Get it in front of you. Paint your environment with that. 

Focus on that. 

Let everyone else be everyone else, by acknowledging the reality that they are. That’s precious focus you’re spending. It has an expiration date. 

Make a dreamboard. Know what you honestly, actually, want. Feel why you want it. (Way, way, way prior to what you’ve already mentioned here).  Imagine it is already effortlessly the actuality. Let go of all the conditioning that arises. Let it up and out.  

It’s a crazy twist which must be directly experienced...but you’re exactly like your parents, conditioning wise. The views you are bothered by in them, are actually yours. That’s what bothered you, not someone else. They’re just teaching you this by being them. Perspectives, beliefs, conditions, resonate like a guitar string in proximity to a struck tuning fork. You can inspect them and release them, and you’ll see for yourself that vibrational resonating doesn’t occur anymore. It is instead met with your being. With love, peace, compassion. 

A connotation of authenticity is not allowing myself to blame...and instead expressing evermore genuinely, until I strike the gold of the grail. 

If it’s helpful...stop accepting ruminating, stop accepting a lack of appreciation in your heart. Stop accepting waiting for understanding. 

So, please correct me if I'm misunderstanding anything, what I'm getting is that I need to:

• find a silver lining in this situation and take advantage of it
• figure out a way that I can have my situation help my life purpose or simply ignore everything and focus on my purpose
• transcend what I find good and bad about reality and see it as neutral to the point the so called "bad stuff" doesn't get to me anymore because those labels (good and bad) are nothing more than a construction of my mind and the way the ego sees the world as things benefiting it and the stuff it relates to 
• release the resistance I have with my parents by realizing that the reason why it gets under my skin is because what they are saying is deep down inside resonating with something inside me that I have yet to address. 

[Nahm]

6 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

So, please correct me if I'm misunderstanding anything, what I'm getting is that I need to:

I”m gonna be a stickler and go a layer deeper cause I’m respecting the hell outta your intention and integrity in inspecting ...

You don’t need. Period. Recognize the true freedom in that, accept, feel, recognize  - you want. You have experienced, you have preferences. Let others have theirs so you may more clearly know yours. Desire is not a thought, and it is an infinite bottomless well of visceral inspiration. 

6 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

• find a silver lining in this situation and take advantage of it

Sure, that’s great. Truly, (down the road perhaps but hopefully some realization right now) there is no need for a silver lining. There is no problem. There is the experience of me saying there’s a problem, and me feeling the discord of my own assessment. It’s a real energy drainer because it ‘leaves’ truth, source, unconditional love, the creator of all you desire to create. Everything is only ever working out for you. Let judgments and expectations go for the real thing, for actuality, for what is now and right in front of you. Even death is a joke. Appreciate, contemplate, what an infinite sense of humor could be. Careful not to underestimate that, and how funny you are. It deflates tension, stress, blame, etc. Laugh at yourself on the daily. Be silly. Keep loose. Be mindful what that does for focus. 

6 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

• figure out a way that I can have my situation help my life purpose or simply ignore everything and focus on my purpose

Write down the smallest step and take it right now. Notice that feeling amazing is being on the path you desire, and is not a product of accomplishments. A single step is all it takes. Recognize so much ruminating, understand it is the cover story for avoiding feeling. Cry, and feel God’s presence. You let go, God fills in. God don’t care about your accomplishments, but God is loving you and supporting you no matter what. (Imo). You. Can’t. Lose. Proceed. 

6 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

• transcend what I find good and bad about reality and see it as neutral to the point the so called "bad stuff" doesn't get to me anymore because those labels (good and bad) are nothing more than a construction of my mind and the way the ego sees the world as things benefiting it and the stuff it relates to 

Too much conceptualizing. YOu get one thought at a time and you feel it’s alignment or discord. 

That’s it. 

Only surfaces. Nothing more. Allow this to point to the ineffable value of daily morning meditation. If you don’t have the time or patience to meditate once a day, meditate twice a day. 

6 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

• release the resistance I have with my parents by realizing that the reason why it gets under my skin is because what they are saying is deep down inside resonating with something inside me that I have yet to address. 

Nailed it. 

Release it. That is transcendence. 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Nahm Thank you so much, this clears somethings up. This was super helpful 

[Preety_India]

@soos_mite_ah  just to let you know that I'm always here if you need anything. 

You can always pm me about anything you want. Sometimes my replies could be late. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Preety_India I really appreciate it. Thank you so much 

[lmfao]

On 12/01/2021 at 4:47 AM, soos_mite_ah said:

I have been trapped in a house with my parents since March and given the situation with COVID, I won't be returning to my college campus until late August. My parents, though they may be a bit annoying and toxic

@soos_mite_ah I'm in a really similar situation lol. I've been with my family since March 2020 and it's my 3rd year of uni right now. 

I'm on track for a 4 year masters degree, but I hate what I'm studying. Even though I hate physics now, I decided to finish this 3rd year at least to get a degree, and try and enjoy the student/University life before it ends.

Well it's already ended, and I never took advantage of university or student life. 

 

I'm clueless about life purpose. The clock is ticking, the real world is about to break its way into my house of sheltered ignorance. 

---

About this whole dealing with toxic family thing. No answers here, I probably handle it worse than you. My bad habits being denial and conflict avoidance. Losing control of emotions easily

But. I'm working on the capacity for honesty with myself and others. And it makes me able to be very "matter of fact", but in an emotionally sensitive way. 

I have to make sure I don't fall into the trap of being a cold, calculating, walking corpse. Cauterising my own emotional nervous system. It's a bad pathology I'm susceptible to. 

Because there's a way to do it such that you don't become devoid of all inner spark and playfulness. Probably "role models" like Peter Ralston or David Hawkins. 

I don't know what I am or what my personality is anymore. 

Edited January 22, 2021 by lmfao

[Ananta]

On 1/11/2021 at 10:45 PM, Ananta said:

@soos_mite_ah Well, we had a MAJOR change at work that I find completely intolerable, so I gave notice at work that I was stepping down from my position as manager and honestly didn't think I could work more then a week or two in that job.. That was 4 weeks ago tomorrow. The new lady taking over my job doesn't start until next Monday, then I have to train her. Somedays, I don't know how I'm carrying on.

Today was my last day as clinical manager. I thought maybe it would be peaceful, even though I was still training my replacement. Nope.

People will just squeeze every bit of life out of you that they can get (not talking about the trainee), down to the last minute and they are unapologetic while doing it. It's unbelievable.

It completely convinced me you need to do what's right for you to have peace and if that's leaving a situation, then do that and don't feel bad about it.

 

Edited January 23, 2021 by Ananta

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Ananta said:

Today was my last day as clinical manager. I thought maybe it would be peaceful, even though I was still training my replacement. Nope.

People will just squeeze every bit of life out of you that they can get (not talking about the trainee), down to the last minute and they are unapologetic while doing it. It's unbelievable.

It completely convinced me you need to do what's right for you to have peace and if that's leaving a situation, then do that and don't feel bad about it.

 

You're an amazing woman. I'm sorry if someone gave you a hard time, they absolutely deserve not having an amazing person like you. 

You're better than those who try to drag you down. 

You are Empowered when you leave bad things, bad situations and bad people. 

I'm glad you're moving toward peace. 

[Ananta]

@Preety_India Well, aren't you a sweetie! Thank you for the kind words. You are amazing as well. ?❤