Feeling Jealous Over Nothing?

[Annie]

My hubby has this new colleague who's apparently quite interested in him. First they met privately to play guitar. I wasn't happy about it but didn't say anything. Then he invited her over so our kids (she's a single mom, 14 years younger than my hubby) could have a playdate and I could meet her. For different reasons I wasn't particularly fond of her (we simply have very different personalities and I have certain ways of thinking she doesn't share but that's fine, however doesn't make me want to hang out with her, plus I believe her child is - as stupid as this may sound - bad influence for my kids) but didn't say anything either. Then one day my littlest one handed me a piece of paper he pulled from his dad's work-bag. On it was a silly little drawing and a note which basically meant to say she has a crush on him. A couple of days later I found a picture of her as well. I asked him wtf and he tried to downplay it, knowing I'd be upset about this, saying she probably meant it as a "thank you" for some advice he'd given her. He kept on insisting he isn't interested in her at all, and I guess I believe him. I simply dislike the fact that she's trying to make a move on my hubby and the fact that I am so damn insecure about this because I gotta be honest here: my marriage isn't perfect. At all. So I don't have this secure feeling like "to hell with this bitches intentions, our marriage is great and nothing can even shake it". I really seriously don't think my hubby is interested in her but I don't like the fact that he's interested in spending time with her because she is his friend as he called it. He said I can't tell him who to hang out with and it's true but I can tell him who I don't want him to hang out with either and I also said if he ever visits her at her house ever again I'll file for divorce. I understand deep down that the problem here isn't her but my insecurities and I don't know how to handle this.

 

[kurt]

@Annie

Maybe the insecurities are there because you imagine this man to by "your" husband?  We come here, we're given everything freely and it can be taken away in an instant - all without our permission.  

Change your attitude to one of gratitude and stop being so egotistical

 

[Annie]

@kurt Your words sounded a bit harsh to me at first but I thank you for them in all seriousness wholeheartedly because on second thought perhaps you are right, at least partially.

[kurt]

@Annie

No problem, I was deliberately being harsh.

[davidpuralocura]

first i dont think the ultimatum you have you husband was a good idea because it shows you

isecurities that you have and proyects them to him feeling him insecure and thinking kinda trapes.

second you shoud tell your kids about this "bad influences" in a positive way(how?),well all influence is a good on in the core

if you look at that kid doing a bad thing you can learn about it and then not do it, in this sence your kid shoud know thet this bad influence shoud be not avoided but learned about and not always imitate, he shoud know what of this "bad influence"is good for hes own person and the ones that he dosent like, teach him to not follow blindly but to be aware of what is happenning and him decide if he wants to really be friends 

and numero 3 try to accept the personality of this person you hate and lose the sence of atachment to your owen ego and hate

 

hope everything goes well

LOVE from chile

[Annie]

@davidpuralocura I know the ultimatum sounds silly and maybe it is but I really meant it. He is anything but insecure, trust me on that one. He is probably the most confident person I have ever met.

About the bad influence, well, to some extent I agree with you but the kind of environment that other child comes from and the behavior it displays are nothing I want anywhere around. It's the kind of people I want to stay away from, not get even closer to. I know I can't avoid everything or everyone but if I am presented with the choice I will go for the one I deem as most positive for my children's "normal" development.

I understand and accept the personality, hell it would be awful if everybody would always like and agree about the same things. She can be however she wants to, as long as she stays away from my life in every way. But again, if I can chose to stay away from people who bring negativity (and this has nothing to do with her hitting on my husband) then that is what I will do. I mean why would I deliberately surround myself (and my children for this matter) with "toxic" people?! If I don't like someone, for whatever reason, I better stay away and that is also what I am asking from my partner: to keep this person out of private life 100%.

 

Edited September 29, 2016 by Annie

[davidpuralocura]

@Annie thank you for your responce

i agree to stay away from toxic people

i live with one but i try to get away as much posible