I dont know what to do anymore

[Yoshy]

My whole life i convinced myself that I wanted to get into dentistry school . 

So I graduated high school and got into pre dentistry school , its an exam and only the top 100 are allowed to pass . I failed my first try due to depression and got one extra try . 

So now im on my second try , I worked myself to death , and guess what ? I got tested positiv for COVID , so UNI won't allow me to pass the exam because of the pandemic . Students who can't pass the exam due to covid laws can have an extra year . 

So Im heading for my THIRD year trying to get into dentistry school and im so burnt out that I dont even know if this is my life purpose . I was a "smart" kid so I chose a job that gives a good amount money and some freedom . Honestly I dont have a passion for teeth lets be honest , I like the healthcare side of it but what I truly like is the  lifestyle this job provides . 

Because from a young age I had a fear of wage slavery and working for someone else . Expectations from my family also influenced me , my family always describe me as the smart kid of the family and everyone expects me to succeed and have a prestigious job . Most of my family didn't even finish highschool , but still managed to lift themselves to a good life . 

Im 21 and I dont know if i should spend one more year of my life trying to get into dentistry school , the work that you have to put in to pass is immense that it deprives you from doing anything enjoyable next to college ( friends , love , going out , workout , side passion , hobbies , self improvement , spirituality ect ...) . 

This year studying on zoom , my days went like this : wake up , open laptop , lectures , study , sleep . Every fucking day I feel like im an a prison I didn't leave my house for months expect for jogging . Met nobody , made no memory , I wasted one year of my life ....

Im 21 and I can't digest that Im falling at life , last week I did nothing but stay at home watching time pass by , because I have no exams to pass anyways ! 

If you gave me a good passive income , would I choose to stay in school ? No , but what would I do of my days ? I do not know ...

Im 21 and I feel like my years got robbed . 

Should I thrive one more year trying to get this prestigious career , maybe i will fail and be 22 with another wasted year , or should I move on and try to develop an online income  ? When will I start to live life ? 

 

I want your opinions guys , dont tell me to buy the life purpose course please .

[Yoshy]

maybe this should be moved to the Self actualization section . 

[Yoshy]

ANY comments will help please im on the verge of a mental breakdown dont ignore me 

[hyruga]

My whole life was also mainly spent in zoom last year. Relax. Don't overthink. 

Take this time to sell things online or find a job.

[Guest SirVladimir]

11 hours ago, Yoshy said:

ANY comments will help please im on the verge of a mental breakdown dont ignore me 

Please, don't let a bunch of online forum strangers decide about a breakdown. Truth be told, people have so many problems that genuine threads sometimes go unnoticed while totally bullshit ones stay up only to be locked later.

Look, the answer you seek from us cannot be given by us. Imagine I'm a part of you and that you are speaking to yourself; I'm not SirVladimir, I'm merely a text unraveling in your awareness as your inseparable part. Imagine it for the following message.

Whatever answer you seek is already buried within you. You said you don't have a passion for teeth. You like the lifestyle of it. Is becoming a dentist your purest aspiration, then? I wanted to be a programmer for the lifestyle it provided, the money, the obvious craving of the market. Oh, how quickly I burned out. But that was years ago.

See, you yourself must 'feel' the right decision. I do not know your circumstances. I do not know you as well as you do. I'm merely a continuous text appearing in front of your very eyes. Have you tried letting the body speak? Sit down, close your eyes or don't, and let go of the infinite mind-chatter that only ever seems to undermine itself. Listen to your body with passion and purpose. What does it have to say?

A life purpose is the most powerful building block for your life, as in the ideal case, everything falls under it, revolves around it. 

12 hours ago, Yoshy said:

Most of my family didn't even finish highschool , but still managed to lift themselves to a good life . 

Good life. Do you know what will be the biggest regret on your deathbed. Looking back and thinking, "I have lived a good life. Not magnificent, not terrible, a good life."

Good is the death of great. Look, I don't know what speaks to your soul, but you do. Exercises such as shamanic breathing can reveal the entire life purpose to you or what the correct step is. Psychedelic-induced-like revelations start at around 10 minutes for me. That's how I found my purpose.

[Rajneeshpuram]

2 hours ago, SirVladimir said:

Please, don't let a bunch of online forum strangers decide about a breakdown. Truth be told, people have so many problems that genuine threads sometimes go unnoticed while totally bullshit ones stay up only to be locked later.

Look, the answer you seek from us cannot be given by us. Imagine I'm a part of you and that you are speaking to yourself; I'm not SirVladimir, I'm merely a text unraveling in your awareness as your inseparable part. Imagine it for the following message.

Whatever answer you seek is already buried within you. You said you don't have a passion for teeth. You like the lifestyle of it. Is becoming a dentist your purest aspiration, then? I wanted to be a programmer for the lifestyle it provided, the money, the obvious craving of the market. Oh, how quickly I burned out. But that was years ago.

See, you yourself must 'feel' the right decision. I do not know your circumstances. I do not know you as well as you do. I'm merely a continuous text appearing in front of your very eyes. Have you tried letting the body speak? Sit down, close your eyes or don't, and let go of the infinite mind-chatter that only ever seems to undermine itself. Listen to your body with passion and purpose. What does it have to say?

A life purpose is the most powerful building block for your life, as in the ideal case, everything falls under it, revolves around it. 

Good life. Do you know what will be the biggest regret on your deathbed. Looking back and thinking, "I have lived a good life. Not magnificent, not terrible, a good life."

Good is the death of great. Look, I don't know what speaks to your soul, but you do. Exercises such as shamanic breathing can reveal the entire life purpose to you or what the correct step is. Psychedelic-induced-like revelations start at around 10 minutes for me. That's how I found my purpose.

Life hasnt to be great, successful, or meaningful, this is part of the bluepill indoctrination.

For me the best life is which has had absolute freedom.

Its curious how this society never promotes freedom, because this will stop the machine.

 

[Tuan]

hey bro, chill...I have been in your situation. i can almost feel what you saying. The only difference is i was not going to dentistry school, but rather Medical school...lol Graduated as if i had no other choice. So i went through similar experience almost like yours.

Anyways...what i would say for now is...just relax and take it easy on yourself. I hear what you say something around trying to build an income online? Listen to that voice that is within you. Probably it has a wisdom that you want to listen more of it.

Whatever you wanna do, start small and test things out in small ways. I guess the biggest mistake me and you did especially in academic world, we did not test small first before going big. So take your time, and test things out small steps first. And use your judgements to asses which tests are most successful and try to scale it up.

 

[Guest SirVladimir]

1 hour ago, Rajneeshpuram said:

Life hasnt to be great, successful, or meaningful, this is part of the bluepill indoctrination.

For me the best life is which has had absolute freedom.

Its curious how this society never promotes freedom, because this will stop the machine.

Absolute Freedom equals your death. I don't use this term willy-nilly. Absolute Freedom is the most breathtaking, rejuvenating, infinite realization. Absolute Freedom is Infinite Love itself. Absolute Freedom is an ever-present paradise. It is your one and only life purpose. 

Edited January 10, 2021 by SirVladimir

[Yoshy]

@SirVladimir @Tuan @Rajneeshpuram 

So , took some time off and I realized that I do not have much options on the table anyways. So lets stop crying and im just going to take this oppurtinity . 

But , It would be nice to have an online passive income next to college  , just so I dont have to wait 7 years before enjoying life  , Im looking into that possibility .

[Tuan]

nice to have stuff, don't work dude lol

Just commit to one thing and remember to test things small and track the progress. Sometimes it is better to feel bad in situations like what you are right now. Usually kids in university are in wonderland and dreamlands. When I say just chill for now, i did not mean to make you feel good about the situation. I think its better to be honest with your own self sometimes about the reality of the situation you are right now. So that you can keep improving even if it is taking baby steps.

[Yoshy]

@Tuan I honestly can get into dentistry school , I can even study during my summer vacations . But fuck I want to make money lol .

[Tuan]

hmmm

[flowboy]

I wouldn't want my teeth worked by a dentist who was only in it for the money. That's a scary thought. Just think if that were a surgeon! Teeth are still a very important and precarious part, that you only want handled by someone who gives a fuck.

However, it is possible to develop a passion, this can happen after you get the experience of helping people. That's the reward that keeps you in the game after your bills are paid.

So if your initial motivation was to make money, and then you do it and you start to like helping people by dentistry, then it's all good.

There is really no telling whether you would like it or not, until you try it.

That's one of the shitty aspects of today's school trajectory, they ask you to make a choice by overthinking instead of experiencing.

 

My recommendation: go through your personal network to get as much experience of actual dentist day-to-day as you can. Interview a couple of them. Why do they do what they do? There some amazingly passionate dentists. Do you resonate with them? If you find passionate dentists and you think they're great, but you still can't see yourself in that position, maybe it's not for you. If they manage to inspire you, and you would like to be like them, then maybe it is for you.

But really, in-person experience is king. Get creative and find an opportunity to 'shadow' a dentist while he's doing his work. Perhaps through your personal network. Perhaps your school can help you.

Without that, how do you really know what you are signing up for?

[Finax]

I've been in a med school orthodontist monthly for braces, so I would say get that experience.

The money will come, but you will be in school for 6-8 years. If you have to do an extra year, so be it, COVID has disrupted us all.

Making money on the side, such as, starting your own business is a good idea, working for yourself is its own reward, regardless of how much you make.