What is the psychology behind being a modest person?

[SamC]

I'm in many ways the opposite of a modest person. I have always wanted to be a special snowflake until recently when I realized that trying to be special just cause suffering. ( yet I still want to be special in some way) fuck maybe I want to become modest to become special still.

Anyway, I want to become less special and more modest. How do I go about becoming extra - ORDINARY ?

Thanks

The pixture ilustrates a definition on Modesty for those who don't know.

 

Edited January 9, 2021 by SamC

[The_Alchemist]

Define modest, like many other modern words it has  come to mean nothing.

[SamC]

16 minutes ago, The_Alchemist said:

Define modest, like many other modern words it has  come to mean nothing.

Not being overly proud of oneself. How to be an ordinary person.

[Megan Alecia]

 

[The_Alchemist]

36 minutes ago, SamC said:

Not being overly proud of oneself. How to be an ordinary person.

I think it just boils down to not bragging about what you're doing, let the results speak for themselves.

Share what you're up to, but beyond a quick share, don't go too much into it, just state it and let it be.

Otherwise you start getting into all sorts of gotchas.

To me modesty is just how much learning does one do; books/lectures/mentors/paid courses. Nothing is more modest than that
 

https://www.discount-supplements.co.uk/resource/michael-jordan-teachable-person-reason-successful/

According to his book, Michael Jordan The Life, one of his main strengths was his unquenchable thirst for info, his desire to learn and improve, many believe it was his inherent ability to learn and be taught that made him the success he is today. It seemed to many that Jordan was the perfect pupil, he was arguably the most teachable player going, a strength that made him a sponge to new information and self-development. Add to this a drive and determination to be the best at whatever he did.

Although he was externally "immodest" he was internally modest in learning from everyone.

[Hulia]

@SamC The main question is not how do you become this or that. But: WHY?

Why did you want to be a special snow flake? (  I like this expression)

Why do you want to become more ordinary now?

You told something about suffering. What exactly caused this suffering? 

Probably you haven´t achieved the expected result and now you think, you´ll get it by being modest? 

[SamC]

19 minutes ago, The_Alchemist said:

I think it just boils down to not bragging about what you're doing, let the results speak for themselves.

Share what you're up to, but beyond a quick share, don't go too much into it, just state it and let it be.

Otherwise you start getting into all sorts of gotchas.

To me modesty is just how much learning does one do; books/lectures/mentors/paid courses. Nothing is more modest than that
 

https://www.discount-supplements.co.uk/resource/michael-jordan-teachable-person-reason-successful/

According to his book, Michael Jordan The Life, one of his main strengths was his unquenchable thirst for info, his desire to learn and improve, many believe it was his inherent ability to learn and be taught that made him the success he is today. It seemed to many that Jordan was the perfect pupil, he was arguably the most teachable player going, a strength that made him a sponge to new information and self-development. Add to this a drive and determination to be the best at whatever he did.

Although he was externally "immodest" he was internally modest in learning from everyone.

Ahhh now I got an insight, maybe it is just letting truth speak for itself with out the need to be something else.

Just being with the truth and not needing to do shit about it.

My problem is that I need everyone to love me, and that I therefor must manipulate to become special in order to be loved.

Im in other words not comfortable showing and expressing my truth.

In even more other words, I am kind of comfortable understanding the truth, but not being the truth. Hmmm what the fuck is this, this gets me even more confused. LOL

 

Edited January 9, 2021 by SamC

[SamC]

3 minutes ago, Hulia said:

@SamC The main question is not how do you become this or that. But: WHY?

Why did you want to be a special snow flake? (  I like this expression)

Why do you want to become more ordinary now?

You told something about suffering. What exactly caused this suffering? 

Probably you haven´t achieved the expected result and now you think, you´ll get it by being modest? 

Because I need to become something different in order to be loved. When I feel like I can fully express myself and be that, I will drop the need to become a special snowflake sex god

That's the paradox. I need to be okey with the truth, and when that happens - I won't need or desire to be something else.

 

[mandyjw]

2 hours ago, SamC said:

 just cause suffering.

So modesty can be an attempt to avoid the suffering inherent in pride, because pride is one side of a coin and the other side is guilt/shame/unworthiness (self judgement). So modesty can be an attempt to avoid suffering. However, you can be prideful in your modesty, if you judge OTHERS for being immodest, you just indulged in the thing that you tried to use thinking of yourself as modest to avoid. You fall into your own trap. 

True modesty is moderate and moderates so it doesn't judge self or others. The suffering is in the movement of identification and judgement, the two movements must also create the duality of self and other, right and wrong, wanted and unwanted.  

Edited January 9, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

27 minutes ago, SamC said:

That's the paradox. I need to be okey with the truth, and when that happens - I won't need or desire to be something else.

"When that happens", future and desire are co-created. Really, you're already okay with the truth right now. Look out the window, drop the thought. There you are. The paradox is that the more you do that, (drop the thought and there you are), the more it seems and feels that you're already really okay with the truth. 

[lmfao]

@SamC Part of arrogance is the desire or drive to prove yourself. This isn't a bad thing inherently. But what can get labelled as arrogance is simply knowing you're more advanced in something.  

Since modesty can have sexual connotations, I prefer to use the word "humble".

A lot of what gets swept under the rug "humble" are character and personality traits which are bad. 

"Being humble" is good when it means that you are observant and take in your surroundings, open to learning more from what's around you. But that doesn't mean you don't dismiss stupidity and play dumb.  


" I can't fake humble just 'cause your ass is insecure " - Kendrick Lamar 

Edited January 9, 2021 by lmfao

[SamC]

21 hours ago, mandyjw said:

So modesty can be an attempt to avoid the suffering inherent in pride, because pride is one side of a coin and the other side is guilt/shame/unworthiness (self judgement). So modesty can be an attempt to avoid suffering. However, you can be prideful in your modesty, if you judge OTHERS for being immodest, you just indulged in the thing that you tried to use thinking of yourself as modest to avoid. You fall into your own trap. 

True modesty is moderate and moderates so it doesn't judge self or others. The suffering is in the movement of identification and judgement, the two movements must also create the duality of self and other, right and wrong, wanted and unwanted.  

Wow, super well said! Thank you. 

So what to do? I get it I am already there but I'm not aware of it. So I should focus on continuing to raise my conciousess.

Something else?@mandyjw

 

21 hours ago, mandyjw said:

"When that happens", future and desire are co-created. Really, you're already okay with the truth right now. Look out the window, drop the thought. There you are. The paradox is that the more you do that, (drop the thought and there you are), the more it seems and feels that you're already really okay with the truth. 

Yeah, drop the thoughts about everything and step more into being. That's almost like a higher level KBT or ACT. Love it.

[SamC]

18 hours ago, lmfao said:

@SamC Part of arrogance is the desire or drive to prove yourself. This isn't a bad thing inherently. But what can get labelled as arrogance is simply knowing you're more advanced in something.  

Since modesty can have sexual connotations, I prefer to use the word "humble".

A lot of what gets swept under the rug "humble" are character and personality traits which are bad. 

"Being humble" is good when it means that you are observant and take in your surroundings, open to learning more from what's around you. But that doesn't mean you don't dismiss stupidity and play dumb.  


" I can't fake humble just 'cause your ass is insecure " - Kendrick Lamar 

Yeah of corse. Sadguhuru for example I would say Is modest/ humble, but he still is not playing dumb and is leading Isha.

It's a paradox. Thanks for your perspective!

 

[Farnaby]

@SamC IMO modesty has to happen spontaneously. 

If you force yourself to be modest it's like forcing yourself to be less selfish. You're doing it from a place of self rejection and selfishness (i.e to feel like a better person). 

By accepting yourself the way you are, these qualities like modesty, altruism, honesty, compassion, etc. tend to happen naturally. At least that's my experience.

[SamC]

55 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

@SamC IMO modesty has to happen spontaneously. 

If you force yourself to be modest it's like forcing yourself to be less selfish. You're doing it from a place of self rejection and selfishness (i.e to feel like a better person). 

By accepting yourself the way you are, these qualities like modesty, altruism, honesty, compassion, etc. tend to happen naturally. At least that's my experience.

Yeah but the same goes with forcing to accept myself in a sense. ( if I just push law of attraction I love and accept myself so much style). Sometimes I can't accept myself  - and when that happens I need to accept that + the resistance.

It's hard to accept yourself

[Farnaby]

@SamC yep, it's a paradox. 

If you can't accept yourself, accept that and you get unstuck and are actually accepting yourself ?

You can also use moments where you feel something you don't like, like jealousy or greed to practice compassion for other people who feel that way. By doing that you are also incressing your compassion for yourself. 

Not forcing is the key IMO.

[SamC]

2 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

@SamC yep, it's a paradox. 

If you can't accept yourself, accept that and you get unstuck and are actually accepting yourself ?

You can also use moments where you feel something you don't like, like jealousy or greed to practice compassion for other people who feel that way. By doing that you are also incressing your compassion for yourself. 

Not forcing is the key IMO.

Youre smart af

Thanks!

[Mu_]

On 1/9/2021 at 8:31 AM, SamC said:

I'm in many ways the opposite of a modest person. I have always wanted to be a special snowflake until recently when I realized that trying to be special just cause suffering. ( yet I still want to be special in some way) fuck maybe I want to become modest to become special still.

Anyway, I want to become less special and more modest. How do I go about becoming extra - ORDINARY ?

Thanks

The pixture ilustrates a definition on Modesty for those who don't know.

 

This is something that can come naturally from time, struggle and observation.  "Trying" to be modest can come off as insincere.  

Contemplating that we all come into this world the same (we own nothing), and leave the same (leave with nothing), can show and reveal a potential modesty.  Same with understanding we all share the same emotions, poop, pee, eat, experience family, work, struggle, laught.  Understanding nothing is promised or supposed to be ours in life, can help ground one in the joys of what we are given.  Laws are not promised, rights are not promised, fairness is not promised, food is not promised, good health is not promised.  I made a few video's on this that may better communicate this.

 

 

[Nahm]

22 hours ago, SamC said:

It's hard to accept yourself

It’s not possible since you are yourself. It’s a matter of thought attachment, and you can notice the specific theme which ‘feeds’ this is claiming things as yours. Awareness and non-reaction of these thoughts is the unwinding & surrendering of these thoughts. What remains is simply just Goodness, without qualifications, validations, or any details really. You can make self-love oriented Meditations your ‘go to’ (rather than thinking) which is most efficient.