Homophobia

[NutellaTC]

well , this issue started bc I would care too much about what ppl thought of me  , when I was entering into puberty my friends would mock me bc I didn't have a gf  (which I still don't bc I have super high standards and no game lol ,  by the way even now after writing that a thought about one of you thinking of me as gay popped up  ) they would say that I was gay and stuff  I'd try to do everything to prove them and prove to myself that I wasn't gay which created some type of spiral that it has been dragging me down since then so much that I even fell into depression this year ( that's when I found out about actualized ) I've been working myself out of all those negative filters trough which I was looking at the world but this homophobia is ridiculous and doesn't want to go away  . Btw I'm from an island full of womanizers and no being one is mocked for woman and man alike so you might imagine 4 to 5 years of this  . I still  get mocked but I've learned how not to give a shit about anyone's opinion .   

 

 

Any advice would be deeply appreciate .

ps. Sorry for the bad punctuation and organization  

[FindingPeace]

3 hours ago, NutellaTC said:

I still  get mocked but I've learned how not to give a shit about anyone's opinion .

Yet here you are asking for advice because people may or may not think things about you. If you truly don't value what anyone else says or thinks, then you don't have a problem anymore.

Incidentally, not having a girlfriend doesn't make you gay. It doesn't make you anything. In fact is has no inherent meaning or value at all. You don't have to have a relationship. Whether other people think differently is their business. Your business is your own life and your own authentic desires. Something I repeat quite a lot on this forum is: spend less time giving other people's thoughts, words or lives your attention, and more time giving your own life attention. You should be busy creating a life for yourself, so you don't have the time or inclination to care about other people's petty lives or opinions.

You don't need to 'please' others to get through life. Be your authentic self. Not everyone will like you, that's ok. Be ok with that. They aren't important people to have around you. But some people will like you. So have them around you instead. Or, better still, learn to be ok looking after yourself, that way you're not dependent at all on the people around you, or their world-views.

One other thing, having 'high standards' is an illusion. The qualilty of a potential relationship will have no bearing on your standards used in selecting said girl. Most 'standards' constist of fairly superficial criteria. The dynamics of a relationship are driven by far deeper and more complicated criteria than your standards. Including your own psychology. The quality of a relationship comes from the quality of the minds of the two people in that relationship. Including you.

 

[NutellaTC]

@FindingPeace thank you sir !!! ?

[Xpansion]

I'm a bit unclear. Your profile pic is a like a grinder profile pic. Unless this is a troll post I'm not sure why you would write a worried post about people thinking you're gay and then have a pic like that on a site like this. Something doesn't quite gel here.

[NutellaTC]

@Xpansion  I care too much about what ppl think of me and is not like I want to it is deeply embedded in my subconscious, I've been working my way out of it but still happens . About the pic that's me i workout a lot but is just that I I still care about ppl opinion

[YaNanNallari]

The way I'd do it is to just rise above your friends. It's not like being in a relationship is actually important. It's not like being gay is actually a bad thing or anything to be embarrassed of. They are picking on you most likely because they are insecure about themselves and want to seem better socially. It doesn't really matter what they pick on you about, it almost definitely just happens to be being gay. Once you realize that they picking on you doesn't really matter it will make you not have to care about it that much. You don't have to become someone who doesn't give a f*ck about anything.

If they're your ´friends´ right now I'd rather be without them and even alone than with them if they treat you badly. You can be prepared for them telling you that you're being such an emotional crybaby if you complain about them picking on you but you don't have to care about that either emotionally, just their random opinions. I'd rather be alone than in bad company. It's not like you lose much if you don't hang around with them. If however you can't be apart from them then not caring about what they say is the way to go. How you can not care is the issue here. I personally try to think that I don't have to be anything. If someone calls me stupid that's fine. If someone says that I'm ugly that's cool too. I have no pressure to be anything because I trust my intuition to guide me, especially since I ponder stuff. They want you to react to what they say and if you won't after a while they'll stop and this is how it works just so you know.

Lastly I'd recommend to watch Leo's video on comparing yourself to others. It will probably help you on top of this. Hope this helps, gl hf!

 

[Bob84]

@NutellaTC There is nothing wrong with being homo- or bisexual. Suppression will only lead to neurosis.