OMG what the fuck was that - Question about sleep

[electroBeam]

I just had the weirdest experience of my life. Which is never good to say, because consciousness will make sure you have something weirder in the future. I'm wondering if the sleep dream experts can say anything about it to help me get clarification of it.

 

For the past year (and more intensely past month) I've been having very strange nervous system issues. Very strong paralysis feelings, but according to doctors its all psychological. Sometimes I can't swallow when I want to. about 4 months ago (stopped 3 months ago) every night I woke up fearing that I had forgotten how to breath, and that I was about to suffocate. This fear stopped when it was realized that breathing is an illusion, the universe as a whole is actually cycling energy and that cycling of energy manifests as "breathing". Every lifeform breaths, trees <-> animals cycle is not unique to us, every lifeform does it in a certain way.

But then I started having the sensation and fear that I would forget how to move my body. Because I don't even know how I'm moving my body. If I don't know, then what if I forget?????

 

For the past 6 months, whenever I sleep, I feel massive vibrations of energy all throughout the body. And everything dissolves into white light. Then there will be some typical dreams (not lucid).

The dreams started to get less and less story like, and the feelings became more prevalent. It was like each dream was a collection of energy going through a purification process, and the story of the dream was just the "smoke" or "side effect" of that purification process. The mind and body just naturally focused on the purification and less of the story.

I went to bed last night, and when sleeping, I remember the energy of the body getting super duper intense. And something unusual happened that I can't remember. I palmed it off. I woke up at 5am, decided that wasn't enough sleep, so went back to bed at 7:30am.

Then I had a normal dream, but then I noticed that I was in a dream. Yet, this was not a normal lucid dream. The story dissolved and I was in this black "room" or space. Maybe a void. Then the body energy got very very intense and it was like I was falling/drowning into heaps and heaps of energy. A form of non duality that was never experienced before. Then I started to manifest objects in the dream. I manifested an apple, fries, and started eating them. My flatmate (in the waking state) had woken up in her room, and I knew she woke up. I called to her but couldn't because I was in this black room. Then I wanted to leave this black room, but couldn't figure out how to wake up. There was a bit of dysphoria there, because I wanted to wake up but didn't know how. I felt trapped and paralyzed a bit. It was not like I had a body and was freely moving around this room, it was like I was completely formless, had no body and all I could do was manifest objects. I had no idea on how to wake myself up. Then just by using concentration and consciousness, I woke up from the void and I saw a little bit of my pillow, then one of my friends walked into my room and gave me a cactus - and I knew straight away that this was another dream. Then I tried to wake myself up from that dream(just through concentration) and this was quite dysphoric because there was a bit of sleep paralysis now. I had totally forgotten how to move "my body". Or how to inhabit it, as this pure formlessness. And I was like damn I hope im not stuck like this forever, or the next 2 hours. Then I kept trying out different things (through concentration and pure consciousness) and then boom, I moved my arm, but it didn't move the way I liked, so i had to learn how to move it again. Then I started moving over parts of my body, and it was like jelly, I felt like I was moving my arm, but it wasn't my physical arm, it was a jelly soul form of my arm, and I moved it more and more and SNAP! I opened my eyes and shouted "WOO HOO! I FUCKEN MADE IT!" and that was like 5-10 minutes ago lol.

This fucken slammed on the head my fear of paralysis. I went full on paralysis and I had to learn how to unparalyze myself. This was the weirdest shit ever. When I was that formlessness, it was a depth of formlessness that I can't replicate on ayahuasca. It was so weird. So bizzare. Ayahuasca is super dualistic and formful compared to this level.

[Chris365]

Your cornflakes are spiked with 5MeO 

Seriously, most of those effects you mention happen on 5Meo... body vibrations, white light, sense of purification, worrying about breath.

Maybe you're producing more of it endogenously

...that's all I got 

[electroBeam]

@Keyhole excellent! That's excellent stuff for me to work through.

[Shunyata]

@electroBeam are you talking about depersonalization in which you feel like you are in a dark room somewhere far away?

[JosephKnecht]

11 hours ago, electroBeam said:

But then I started having the sensation and fear that I would forget how to move my body. Because I don't even know how I'm moving my body. If I don't know, then what if I forget?????

 

A similar thing happened to me on two occasions after waking from sleep. 

I was laying in bed, fully awake and conscious but although I could see, hear, I had no control over my body. 

I was trying to move my body, my legs, arms but nothing was happening.

As if my awareness was just aware of the body but had no motor control of the body. 

It felt like a complete body paralysis but only lasted maybe 10 - 20 seconds. After that, I was able to regain control of the body. I still can't make sense of the experience.

[Waken]

Oh I've had quite some moments where I would be in what felt like between sleep and waking up, and I had the sense that I was aware of the room I was in (from what we call the wakefull state) to some degree but couldn't move my body and sometimes entities would come and it would freak me out BIGTIME. Like suddenly feeling a pressure on your chest, and hearing your name wispered, and you can't do shit about it. Trying to move an arm with lots of effort, and to keep doing that until enough motion would be made with it until I would snap awake to a decent degree. Then feeling like being dragged back into that trance dreamy state and trying to fight that lol
Your story sounds weirder though