Road To Success & The Obstacles

[Striving for more]

I was about to keep writing but I knew it was coming from an inability to let go, I'm resisting reality right now, I have to introspect & feel into my impatience but also my lack of self belief. 

I have a long history of not neutral but negative social interactions, social rejection being alone & verbal abuse ect...

Getting laid once doesn't solve the problem. 

But maybe meditation will, so I will try to meditate more. 

Overthinking again like im in a loop. 

Ok flow state music to drown out my thoughts & deep breathig now. 

Closing laptop. I have to get back to my work I obsess over social dynamics too much, Tho I kinda wish it was my job If i could just get paid to be obssessed, but I'm so deep in my career hustle now that If I don't start earning properly from it I'll feel like I wasted the last 15 months or so. Maybe I will transtion, maybe I will become the next owen cook, maybe that is my purpose, all that social isolation & pain, maybe my puspose is just to be a fucking social king, call it shallow if u want fuck u I don't care, I have to compensate for what I was denied. Get there quick. 

Too many thought loops, journalling isn't helping me right now, I ban myself from this forum & probably leave this account now. 

I am finished. 

Meditation. 

Music.

Heal.

Edited January 17, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

I went to the club yesterday but it was a painfully awkward experience. 

I went there alone & got there late, I hate to que for a whole hour, in the que I was thinking of escaping but then I figured I might as well see how the venue is, also get some exposure.

So I walk in & already my mind tells me to leave, I feel very self - conscious & it's fucked how I can't find a wingman yet, I go to a techno floor & at least I like this music. 

There are some hot girls there although it's about 3AM now & the rooms quite spaced out & open so I feel self conscious, 

I go to the bar & get my free drink > a double rum & lemonade (I rationalize to myself it's "only 1 drink") & I get it i'm new to this, but I have to try & do it fully sober, there's no half hearting this shit. 

So I just make a micro goal to try & get in to the moment, I think back to when leo had gone to a club on his own initially just to enjoy the music & not care, so I tried doing that & it sort of worked, I danced & closed my eyes a bit, although there was still background insecurity. 

Then about 30 minutes later I spotted this genuinely attracted woman - I had the impulse to be brave but I hesistated, I kept dancing & was waiting like 5 minutes to do it & funnily enough she just left at that point, so then I kept dancin gon my own but had lost the drive for it. 

So then I went into another club room & this one was even more light & spacious & awkard, I was awkwardly dancing there on my own to pop rnb music I don't really enjoy, then I made eye contact with this other dude & started doing the awkward acknolwedgement hey whatsupp thing & tried get a reaction from him by waving my arm a bit & he awkwardly looked at me & walked off. 

Then I saw this girl dancing opposite me & she was ok looking, I thought right gotta do something get some momentum .. .

So I just randomly sort of grab both her arms & waive them up & down to dance, she looks at me kinda pissed off & gives me a screw face, then some reason my instant reaction was I pinched her cheeks to form a smile & then she just frowned even harder. 

... Now that was very autistic & creepy, like wtfff haha. Am I the fucking the joker or something?  (lets put a smile on that face) Jesus ...

So then I leave in despair & go downstairs to the main room, all around me are poeple with their friends or guys with a girl, I am just there in the midlle, I also see some of the guys there looking at me a bit weirdly, judgmentally, I try to let this go & not care. 

I see a pleasant looking girl in a cool denim jacket so I go behind her, time to try my luck!,

so I just lightly put my hands on her shoulders & twist her a bit, she sorta half reacts with it but then I intentionally step back & watch her reaction, she is non responsive & moves forward so I take this as a no 

at this point it's almost 4AM & I see some girls with their friends looking bored but I feel quite disheartened & too late now, so I leave the club. 

Problems with this Night out 

• No wingman, No friends around me (Huge obstacle)
• I got there too late, less girls, vibe is more awkward & it makes u look more desparate like I'd been there the whole night hesitaing is what poeple may assume 
• I pussied out from approaching the genuinely attractive girl I saw - who actually looked bored 
• I had (1 drink)

What went well

• I made some attempt to not care what other people think about me 
• I Made an attempt to get in the moment & dance & get in to my body, & although still carried background anxiety & awkwardness, I sort of got in the moment & sort of let go 
• I was slightly/almost brave & in spite of getting some bad reactions I didn't completely let this to get to my head or defeat me (although of course it still affected me & still hurt)

To improve 

• Find a fucking wingman or 2, Jesus christ it's so hard no I must tell myself it isn't 
• Get to the club fresh & early - start approaching right away, in the que, by the coat rack, straight away, say silly shit bomb myself to death in the 1st 10 minutes & get in state, no hesistation 
• Expect to get many negative reactions but learn to embrace it, learn to become resilient to other people's energy (although in practice this feels extremely difficult to develop)
• Don't drink 

Edited January 18, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

It has occured to me recently that I need a conscious effort to be more authentic. 

I am probably a lot less authentic than I think, (self deception mechanisms again), & probably by crowning myself as being "this authentic guy" I miss out on the self honesty needed to realize my inauthenticity & correct that. 

I went for a drink with a "friend" (we've only hung out couple times nothing estbalished) the otherday, & I think i realized afterwards that how he had started to to become unnatracted to my persona as we were talking. 

I think he started to either sense inauthenticity or he just didn't respond well to my narcisism, which came out unsconiously, I was talking about power dynamics & getting power over women after sex. He soon left me after that & he had gone a bit more silent, something had changed in his demeanor I think. 

Back to authenticity > Julian's video on this helped remind me of the importance of this quality & I then connected it back to 1 of Leo's core princiniples for the good life. 

Edited January 18, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

In the bathroom I was contemplating why mainstream music so fucking low quality, mind numbing, repetitive & distracting. 

There's a mix of reaons but I considered the conspiratorial, that it's intentionally there to numb customers into making autopilot decisions or to overload their cognitive bandwidth.

Or maybe it's just capitalism, produce the worst quality mass appealing music that's easy, synthetic & simplest to produce. 

I always noticed how they have the most particularly bad & boring music in subway, even back when I was a subway eating normie. 

I remember this girl on this temp work job I did last christmas, she would always listen to the worst fucking pop rnb songs on repeat, she didn't change it once, same fucking mainstream songs over & over, & her personality was like that too, insecure about her looks & age, anxious to get a mortgage, no substance to her personlatiy, so shallow & boring, god I hated that girl, I wish I just told her THIS MUSIC FUCKING SUCKS I'M GONNA GO CRAZY. 

See authenticity mmm so sweet, always gotta be dead honest. 

Anyway, I recently watched the social matrix, it's an incredible video tbh. I intuited the social matrix at about age 19, but not to the exten leo articulates it, I was still deeply wrapped in it & unaware of most of it, but in some respects I observed & intuited it, it just helps alot to have things down as a concrete concept in your mind, & to have this multiplicity of examples across different domains. 

Anyway, I think I'm going off right now, I'm reading think & grow rich again & I don't want to lose sight of the spirit of this book. 

Faith, definiteness of desire, burning desire, persistence ect... 

This book is resonating with me more than previously some reason, but the problem is self deception & distraction, will I maintain & apply the spirit + methods of this book? Well I just gotta do it what fucking says consistently, ooop into the subconscious mind & there, it's over, there's no going back. 

Anyway, my other insight from this month 

Airport Insight : Everyone is fucking terrified 

• Like everyone is fucking terrified of missing their flight when they're already checked in pass the gates but they're fucking queing to get on the plane when they already their & have their preselected seats, fucking annoying normies. 

 

• The airport is an excellent lesson in mass psychology, just look at everyone's facial expressions, Fukin pussies!!

I've decided I'm gonna start fighting again recently. I won't make it my persona, I won't share it I don't want to intimidate & it's not really my highest value or passion. 

But at this club this fucking asshole parked up in his mini sports car & started blowing the exhaust fumes went right in my face, I chose to let it go but I regret it, that's my health & where's the fucking respect, all so he could show off fucking social matrix loser. 

There was 3 of them but I don't care, next time that kinda thing happens I'm kicking the car, I'll make em get out & deal with all 3 of them together, u can easily fight 3 opponents if ur skilled enough. Tough laugh no turning the cheek.

 

Edited January 18, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Tonight I have ploughed through think & grow rich whilst listening to instrunmental vibrational music, music that blends eerily as the partner in crime to the transformation of my internal vibration, transmuting god level sensation of desire into my mind. 

I have realized I always wanted to be a genuis, I wasn't born a genuis tho, I grew up handicapped & in many ways I still am. 

But I always loved leo davinci, & it's completely rediculous to aspire to reach his level, but I always loved his multidisciplinary cross sectional limitless curiousity & passion. 

I will not try to be leo davinci like an annoying fanboy & I accept my limitations & differences, but I will always hold him within the forefront of my mind, as a reminder to push it as far as possible, in fact no, to push myself as far as impossible, to push the limits, in everything I do. 

Martial arts? better learn how to beat up 4 opponents at once in less than a minute

Langugaes? Better learn it in under 3 months & become genuinely fluent & be able to maintain it with minimal effort 

Pickup? Better get to the point where all tehcniques tricks & crutches disolve completely & all limitations disolve, where I can take a girl home within minutes after meeting her on a rainy day on a monday afternoon or when she's at her religious mum's birthday party.  

Soccer? Better be scoring some crazy ass freekicks

Writing, explaining, articulation, persuasion : Become so fucking rediculously articulate consize & intelligent that I could break down the most compelx thing right to it's core & explain it to a child with ease. Become so charismatic that people vibrate with energy at my mere presence, that women pulsate & get wet within seconds, 

Energy : Develop so much energy & solve my health at the root & get so much energy that I permanently cut off 1 to 2 hours of sleep with zero side effects, whereby I can be sharp as a razor & glowing & vibrant after 5 or 6 hours sleep, perhaps a combination of spirituality & health. 

Power : Become so good at power & manipulation that I devleop a pablo escobar like presence if someone decides to try me, I will be like dumbledoor though & so my powers will be used for good, but I always put myself first as one of the ultimate divine masters of this era. 

Gotta really push the limits in this life. 

[Striving for more]

Wow, So I have to write right now, this is 1 of the most important things I'll ever write. 

It's 5:30 AM. 

I "should" go to bed, but fuck that I'm not letting these thoughts go. "just let it go bro" is usually true but sometimes no, don't let it go! don't let it slip capture the moment & express the truth. 

Big lessons today : Gotta Integrate 

Especially the 1st bar : tht bar was gr8 buy I made a major mistake, I rationalized my eay outa chatt8ng up those girls str8baway by getting in state by talking to 6/7s instead ... shoulda followed my intuition, not logic!!

What got to me the most was I was in a rlly good vibration at that point, i dunno why but it was the start of the night & these fucking 9's out of 10 & they were my exact type, they looked at me twice but at thisbpoint 2 guys were talking to them, probably 2 boring guys, I shoulda just let that be an excuse.

Even then I still coulda approahced, guy was talkin to them & she loked bored & her eyes fixated on me, something telepathic going on there. My dress sense was on point & I was in the zone very confident at this point. There was no one else in the room I wanted to talk to really, the 1st girls I noticed & after that moment my heart felt continually empty. 

So at this venue i had gr8 extraverted energy fresh high vibration every1 friendly ect... 

Then i couldnt get in to the after club because i fogort to get ticket 

... now from here it went downhill 

Me & my "wingman" (he sucks no charisma not serious) went all the way to some local area to go to this club but it was not in the centre I got rejected harshly like 20 times in a row by 6's & 7's, often getting judgmental looks 

I ended up drinking several drinks even tho i didnt want to but my younger wing man wpuld just stand around & offer me drinks 

Then we got a cab & went to this different club in centre but it bombed over & over & over

I approached this 6.5 & she said "no im alone" then see her dancing with a guy later, met tons of boring miserable people with bad energy , i drunk 1 more drink & then I walked home at 4:45am 

Then i get home & my ears are ringing from thw alchol & music & now as I write this my current "roommate" is snooring like a literal zombie.

LESSONS TODAY : 
- NEVER LISTEN TO LOGICAL BRAIN, DONT LISTEN TO IT, my logixal brain told me to start with 6.5s to get in state  before approaching the 9's because I "gotta build momentum & state" well guess fucking what, by the time I'd built that momentum they're gone.  

My intuition told me to go approach the 9's when they were alone, it was the perfect venue with gr8 energy & friendly ppl & I was already in state some reason 

Second lesson : CONCENTRATION OF FORCE 

If I haf just approached those 2 9s & then went staight home my night couldve litterally been 10x

10x better than the 30 + approaches I did & all the bullshit ...

Leo talks about doing pick up to become a "strong man" but to be honest im already a strong brave guy, but im also an overthinking overly rational self sabotaging guy with bad timing ...

Like fuck this! I Just want a girl like that, like the 9 I saw but also it was the look she gave me they had something in their eyes, that spark that raw attraction & that mysterious dark feminine energy. 

Is life really that counterintuitive? 

Like i get almost litteral disgust from 5 6's & 7's often but sometimesnI just get this crazy look from a 9, often I dont act on it. 

& trust me i know desire when I see it, its like how does this make sense? 30 + 6-7s im disgusting loser but a 9 looked at me like that 

Ok im spinning my wheels now but im being fucking authentic 

I know what I want, i really dont want to go out until 5am & drink & get blown out by 5 & 6s 

Im fucking worth more than this. 

I just want to go out like 9pm - 12/1 & seize the moment, only approach those girls i REALLY feel desire for & nothing else & no hesitation 

Its just crazy how beautiful a night can be & then hpw dark it can turn 

Listen god u fucking piece of shit deceptive bastard, im getting those 9s next tine & im saving my health & my dignity ok. 

& I don't mean "9's & 10's" like some fucking shallow she'll do look at that one no. There has to be that mutual look, there has to be that naive feminine look there, I dunno why but I feel that look tells 1000 words, so many 7's out there that are total garabge to me really, just bitches,

I neeed that specific 9 that gives me that specific look. That's what I want fucking nothing else, fuck this shit, I'm being authentic now ok.  Obviously some mainstream "9" who isn't attracted to me or looks masculine or whatever like no, I wouldn't get that but I don't fucking want that, in fact what i want i shouldn't articualte it's only an intuitive understnading now that can only really be explained by a certain look. 

Concentration of fucking force, fuck bad people, going out can be so beautiful or so u go the wrong path & spin ur wheels into decay, just wasting fucking time. 

Im done i cant be slightly attracted any more, its needs  to be my 9 & maybe my 9 is sb elses 7.5 but she gotta be raw attraction, fuck waiting fuck "leveling up" this life too short im goign straigjt to the suace.

... I'm honestly not satisfied with this post because it's not articulate nor is it emphasizing what I'm trying to say enough here, I'm not letting this fucking slip & the lesson needs to be learnt, I'm gonna rewrite this entire post tomorrow if needed & I'm going to make sure it conveys what I'm really trying to  say, to the fucking core. 

Like ... What is it that I really want? 

I don't want all those guys I shit talked with 

I don't want the all those bitchy 6 & 7's & or all the xenophobic people

I don't want that boring rational girl who's "got business school tomorrow & just here to drink & ah I don't wanna be 30 rn ok i give u my fake number" & like ... 

NO. Just those 2 9's > just approach them at 10 or 11pm & thats it, do my best, just that 1 look is enough.

I don't want anything else. 

LOOK I HOPE THIS MESSAGE GETS ARTICULATED LEAVING NO STONES UN TURNED. WHEN I FUCKING WAKE UP I CAN'T HAVE LOST THE MESSAGE COS I'M NOT LETTING IT GO UNTILL THERE'S DEEP CHANGE. 

FUCK RATINALITY FUCK LOGIC I WANT TO FEEL BUT IT'S HARD, I WANT TO CRY BUT IT'S HARD, WHAT COMES NATURALLY IS DISTRACTING THOUGHTS & BORING LOGIC & ALL THAT. 

Look I just want to feel. I want a feminine girl like that & look it's not about "the girlfriend" ok I get it it's about becoming the attractive man, the thing is though at least sometimes & in many ways I already am a strong attractive charismatic man, No amount of certificates or logic needs validate this I'm saying I feel this is true & I think the looks tells 1000 words, so in this moment I gotta seize on that desire. 

I gotta get this aspect handled & fuck leo's shit about how I need to do 1000 approaches or some shit, look approaching women isn't that scary really I've embraced way scarier & riskier things before, I've overcome 

I'm not seeing I'm quitting on pickup but I'm saying I want to meet a girl like that just one or 2 of those girls & pull it off I want that 10000X More than I just want to improve my game by talking to loads of random girls just to "develop my game". 

I just wanna grab a girl or 2 or 3 of that kind of quality & desire to me & then only be around the right energies, the right people & the best quality women I can find. 

I can't settle for less it's not worth it I can't have boring nights out i'd rather stay in & i'm approaching a thousand woman but i'd honestly rather approach 10 truly beautiful women who exchanged that kinda look & were my true 100% type then to approach 10000 generally attractive women & succeed in it. 

I was to post an entire post on think & grow rich & I still will, it's also a very important post &ry it explains the high vibration state I was in at the bar today, I read the entire book since last night & in to today. 

1. I must learn from the frustration & pain of today 

2. I must maintain the spirit of think & grow rich & this book HAS to resonate with me this time, not because logic says so X=Y causes Z >> But because I feel that I need this book, I need divine faith, I need divine persistence or nothing else will allow me to keep going, nothing else will enable me to even get close to fulfilling even some of my lofty goals. 

I have to seize the moment when I'm in extroverted zone because I can really get into it sometimes but it isn't my default, my default is big picture synthesis & analyzation & being lost in my head but ur default mode doesn't dictate ur capacity for other states, just like an INFJ type has a very strong capacity for logic but it's not his default & has a strong capacity for social skills to despire ones introversion (anyway fuck myers briggs this is a distraction & the map isn't the territory don't lose focus now).

6AM No regrets I have to learn the lesson. 

Get the 9 get those 9's I want both of them I hope I see them there again next week I can't get over those looks that dark look mm I want nothing else think & fucking grow rich.

A lot of sharks some guys just wanna play macho & wanna fight u, other guys are just miserable & they wanna shout at & scorn u, many woman are smug & they might make that awkward look & laugh at u make that mutually "Private" condescendingly awkward face as if i can't see lol, some guys envy u & others look down on u, some judge u for how u dress & some don't like ur accent some think ur try hard .. 

Some guys literally scam u & some women think ur a creep & others are just intolerantY TO W or xenophobic, many are fake & maintaining a front or stuck in some soical matrix 

Others love there rigitidy standards & think everything gotta abide to laws & rules & u must look X way & have Y background to get this girl or be this guy & they judge u like haha u cant be that, u should be this way. 

Theres many sharks in this life, but u know I'M FUCKING IMMUNE TO THEM. 

NOTHING IS STOPPING ME FROM GETTING WHAT I WANT. IM STEPPING UP MORE & MORE. BUT IM GOING DIRECTLY TO WHAT I WANT, INTENTIONAL CONCENTRATED DIRECTED EFFORT, STR8 FOR THE GOLD IN LIFE.

I dunno anymore I dunno if i want my brain thse days. 

Just approach the rare mutual desire  9 & get the 9, str8 for the gold what the fuck else is there to say

Edited January 20, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

My intuition / experience (Doesn't always apply depends on many factors**) :

Club = LOW QUALITY Women (especially attitude personality)

Bar or at the beginning of the night = HIGHEST QUALITY RARE WOMEN

This isn't a fact this is just a subjective hunch. 

Good if this is true because I don't want to to up super later just for sex, I know my fucking value. 

... Yesterday I learnt about Deliberate Practice 

I didn't just look the definition or at leos explanation, I read James clears articles on it & it clicked, boom.

Wow man, this is some serious hack, so simple but never in my life did I have it articulated to me like that, just like Learning how to learn/study, deliberate practice ability is a master key to life. 

 

THINK & GROW RICH : (WOW)

For a mix of reasons, my mind was unable to receive this book about 3 or 5 years ago when - too closed minded, skeptical doubtful to even finish it nor to receive the message or the energy, it's a shame coz I remember half doing it ; I was half motivated, inspired & charged up but the negative energies & forces within my mind were competing for the bandwidth, or like a battle of thousands of cells & the good lost that army, & then self deception mechanisms probably kicked in & I ironically went about my day & failed & struggled in every way due to all the causes of failure mentioned in the book.

Anyway, leo says "ohh man read 100 books but look, u don't need fucking 100 books, u just need a few that really do it for u, sure this book isn't perfect, but as a general overarching fuel for the mind it's powerful".

(Perhaps another self deception mechanism again) > I underestimated how important simple forces like optimism & high vibrational quotes & information are, my over-complicating over thinking mind would dismiss that as fools gold or flashy, or I just assumed :

"Hey I already KNOW this", I watched leos video on it, it's simple I can recall it factually in a sentence I know it logically"

Yh but do u really know it & do u feel it? because optimism isn't logical, (although the book sure also provides many compelling logical arguments to dispel fear & follow success principles) >> but the power of this book lies in the emotion behind it, & when I last read the book I got pissed of about how much he repeats stuff (and lets be real in many cases repeating things in a book is annoying & means u might need to consider dropping that book) > But I think in this book it's worth It, the repetition just drills it in ur subconscious & also the repetition isn't bland but the message is repeatedly sprinkled in a variety of anecdotes & examples to drive it in to ur subconscious

I may never read 100 or 200 books, but for the few worthwhile masterpieces that I do read like this one, I will forever cherish the privlidge of this information & this book's energy,

& more wise now I realize that optimism is like a muscle to train in the gym; it atrophies over time without reinforcement & like how constant beer & sugar would decay ur muscle growth - continual pessimism insidiously rots away at this optimism capacity, making it harder & harder to recover as u get more & more addicted & ur low vibration & self doubt increases & increases

I was foolish to assume I was optimistic, because I occasionally watch a motivational video or because I say optimistic things to myself, when in reality my body is not optimistic, my subconscious mind is not optimistic, I have thousands of negative thoughts & bodily sensations everyday …

As great as this book I'd also be foolish to leave it at that & assume this lvl of spirit will stick & not decay or that my natural homeostasis won't kick in again to make me doubt myself & care about others opinions & live in fear & worry because it will, & it probably will in like 10 minutes or some shit, (*…in fact my body is starting to shiver right now, maybe this is some mysterious homeostatic mechanism at play already) (although I do have some stress in my life atm - NOPE, alibi / excuse)

This book's optimism is brutal, unwavering & independent of circumstance/ of the present moment.

Foolishness Point No.2 :

I'd be foolish to think I've already won by just deeply reading this book, but I've won half the battle.

But what am I going to with this book?

I will summaries & write down, in my own consize words, the most powerful qoutes, advice or concepts & I will tailor this book to myself & make a pact & a plan to avoid all the major causes of failure & to improve my courage, self knowledge & this book links to leo's power of asking q's vid > There's some great specific questions in this book that fit me more than Leos ones, I will ask myself these questions, a minimum of 5 every week.

I will probably re read this book several times again, at least the juiciest bits.

I will also always return to these powerful quotes once again & again every time I feel down or discouraged or empty, or feel like giving up or become enmeshed in another person's negative energy or someone cheats me or I don't get the girl (only the right girls remember) or whatever, 

I will also combine this book with continual daily positive self talk, visualization & meditation, & I'll never stop listening to inspiring soundtrack music 

A goal without a plan is just a wish

It's not my forte but I'm going to start planning more every day & not b.s lists of busyness, I'm going to plan & priortize & be specific, like the last post I was tlaking about like what the fuk do I want I dont want all these other girls I want that fresh start of the night 9/10 & only find that worth it)

I'm gonna attempt at combining the inner & the outer > I will also visualize myself being a guy who's plans & sets specific targets & goals. 

So plans & to do lists but minimalistic, what I want but also forget all the minor details just drop em, fit them in if I've already done the major but just get the major

There's so much more I could say about this book, & as a book that's so fucking mainstream & cliché now it shocks me at how brilliant it actually is, I had this silly bias to expect that "mainstream = overacted", but this just simply isn't always the case, lol things often get recognized for a reason … 

** Although it's different these days with the force of marketing, but this book was prior to the marketing boom & it's timeless now.

Edited January 20, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

NO ALCOHOL NEVER AGAIN I DON'T WANT THIS. 

I'M GETTING THERE OVERALL THO. 

Bonding with a guy in the que, "want a cigarettes'" (yes) .... but "No thanks".

Yesterday I said I wouldn't drink but then he Offered it to me for free! 

Lol it's not free It's very expensive, offer me the most expensive quality champagne in the world for free & that is very expensive. 

The energy the sleep the testosterone, the next day stamina the sugar the depression. 

No fucking way. I don't need any fuckin alcohol to get in state, I just need beautiful women & "high energy people" (high energy can be an introvert , it's not about whter ur loud or quiet to me, it's ur state of mind, it's not being judgmental & moody & being authentic, passionate, u can have a chill vibe & still be passionate & upbeat, u don't need to be like tony robbins or russel brand lol). 

Edited January 20, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Sun Tzu, the legendary military strategist who wrote The Art of War, believed in only fighting battles where the odds were in his favor.

He wrote, “In war, the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won.”

This the extracted lesson from yesterday. 

I gotta go & stay where I already thrive, gotta avoid making it hard on myself, it's all about the structure. 

Wrong venue & context I could appraoch 50 women & no differene, even if I get 1 of them it might not be the right girl for me. 

Right venue the structure is there, the context is there, the artwork is there, open people are there, My fresh state is there, open available exited women who are new to the city are there. 

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE STRUCTRE, & IN WAR THE VICTORIOUS STATEGIST ONLH SEEKS BATTLE AFTER THE VICTORY IS WON. 

 

[Striving for more]

16 hours ago, Striving for more said:

Can't deal with the stress, about to drink some beer

I gotta tell myself I'm not doomed. 

still gonna drink, but I'ma be optimistic then i can get hot gf then no need to drink. 

Find a 6.5-7 woman 

NO! NO NO NO NONO NO NO NON O NON ONONO.

FUCK THAT. Too much weakness in my voice yesterday. I'm doubling down on strength. 

I embrace the pressure, dance with the stress. 

Meditation, working out & Visualization every day. 

Long nights ahead. 

I can't undo the book I read, that's rude to myself & to Napoleon hill, I have to embody that book, time to read some qoutes again. 

This is Gold.

Self help wizardry right here. 

Edited January 23, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Pick up & social skills : Basic concepts That I need to internalize & become second nature. 

• Validation (not giving it away too easily, not seeking it from others, Internal validation) 
• Post - social rejeciton dopamine defficiency > PSRDD > Become immune to this & see the interaction as a win by focusing on lessons learnt & not become upset after rejection
• Offering value vs taking value > being in a bad mood & wanting others to warm me up or support me or use others as a cushion so I can look not awkward ect... This is all leeching value
• Offering value : What can I offer? >> Humor? (strong form of value), positive energy, practical knowledge, access to cool events parties ect.. (Defo don't have any of this yet) 

Owen / Julian Notes : 

• "Who do I want to connect with?"
• "What do I value, what do I want?"
• "Im gonna talk to many people any screen thru to find those im meant to be with"****

BUYER (Not the seller)

• ur screening not a people pleaser
• SCREEN for compatibility u want compatible ppl but u dont just need anyone
• U validate urself
• Relates to pick up too > Have standards & test girls 

FUNDAMENTALS OF SOCIAL SKILLS >> Know who u are & what u value >> Screen thru to find only those who resonate with you & engage solely with those people. 

Know who u are & what u value in life : 

• Crystal clear on what I value, where I'm headed what my dreams are 
• Link to pick up Notes too *(Cold approach journal coming soon) >> 1 way girls will test u is to see if u know urself & what u want out of life, & even better if u can respond to this authentically & with passion. 

 

 

[Striving for more]

On 25/01/2022 at 5:55 PM, Striving for more said:

Know who u are & what u value in life : 

• Crystal clear on what I value, where I'm headed what my dreams are 
• Link to pick up Notes too *(Cold approach journal coming soon) >> 1 way girls will test u is to see if u know urself & what u want out of life, & even better if u can respond to this authentically & with passion. 

Reminder To Future me : 

• Clearly articulate what my top values, passions, interests are & what I ultimately want out of life ... 
• A girl asked me some of this as a shittest on recent day game approach, I hesitated & gave a vague answer = Fail. 
• But I need this for myself even if I was an asexual plant, I gotta know thyself

Edited January 29, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

... Day game Cafe Approach

Summary : 

This was the 1st 100% full hearted day game approach I have done in a long time, not just a mere "hello hi where u from number? bye!", but a longer face to face balls deep approach 

• I sit down in the cafe & a girl approaches me, she just askes me where to order a coffee & has a friendly demeaner & nice curly hair. 
• She then sits down on the table opposite. 
• Some minutes later - I go approach "Excuse me I wanted to tell you that I love your hair & I sit down opposite. 
• We start talking with basic questions & her reception is quite positive, she's clearly a student & studying for exams but at this stave she is energetically available & just drinking her coffee 
• We talk a fair bit & I try to infuse sillyness & humour & I definitely make her laugh a bit, not sure if she thinks I'm a bit weird but she was laughing

*** (I was  sleep quite deprived during/after the approach & this approach was 5 days ago so my exact memory has faded a bit) 

• It comes to the end of the convo & I give her some intentionally mysterious answers as to what I'm doing in the city & with my life in a humourous way, perhaps this is funny but perhaps overkill & slightly creepy 
• ...So we talk & the convo is fairly pleasant & positive but after several minutes she says "I have to study now" (Ouch) 
• (always hurts my validation when a girl does this > I think with practice I will get smother & faster at moving the convo such that I'll always be the one "ok nice talking to u look I gotta go now" > this defo sets a better non needy "I have a life" frame makes everything feel smoother, something that will come with practice

 

• So I go back to sit down but I didn't feel satisfied with that, she said she had to study but her body lingo was fairly receptive so I maintain inention to come back to her. I go do some work for a bit but then later on I realize I need the toilet & I have some valuables I can't just leave. 

 

• So I ask her if I can leave my valuables with her (then I realize how dumb this is) & make a joke out of her being this Italian girl I can't trust, not sure if she found this process funny or just wanted to be left alone at this point, anyway I realize shes very nerdy girl & she even shows me her ID so I leave it there, go toilet & shower because I forgot to do that that day then I come back take it sit down my table for a bit 

 

• Then a bit later I come back her table & just restart from where I had finished with the mysterious answers ... "so no real talk in truth I am doing this ... blah blah", she seems fairly receptive energetically so we start the convo going again & at this point I remember points about How u should test the girl, show u have standards, ur screening her

 

• So I decide to try this frame out & talk about how shes becoming a teacher & How In my experience teachers tend to be quite boring people but I'm open-minded so I ask her what drives her to be a teacher 

 

• ** I noticed she looked quite offended from this point so I'm not sure if my calibration was off or I was too blunt, hmm

 

• Her partial response  "to change the world" & I appreciated that but another partial response was "the comfort zone" & I told her "fuck the comfort zone" & I knew internally from this point she wasn't the right girl for me ... ("But I like her hair & accent right!!, so ....)

 

• (* Sidepoint : & PERHAPS this is where the frame lost its power : I was trying to screen her for personality compatiblity but ultimately I was willing to date no matter what because of her appearance, not sure how to reckoncile this paradox cos leo says to "stay in set & go for the close" & ultimately as a guy I'd take a fuck, then again her overall personality wasn't too bad, ok tangent where was I)

 

• So she starts to play into my frame & starts testing me : She notices my fidgeting & asks "are you nervous?"  ** This whole time I've been Twisting rubber bands round my finger tips (truth is I wasn't extremely nervous in this approach but I felt at the time that doing this would help me with a Focus rythym (\BIG MISTAKE) 
• Regardless of how nervous I was or not - fidgiting always makes u appear nervous so it's not worth it

 

• After testing her about teaching I mention passion & it's important then she catches me : "so what are you passionate about love to do?
• Fail : I hesitate on this one & give a vague answer & then I say "soccer" which is true but it's so cliche & was a safety response, after awkward hesitation I make up some shit about loving learning & ideas & while not false I felt how this was fabricated just to fit in with her teacher vibe & she probably sensed this, basically failed that one 

 

• Solution : thinking deeply & articulating in writing who the fuck I am, what I want what what I enjoy & what i'm passionate about, just need to write it down & know I can articulate it authentically & persuaively at will when needed. 
• FInale : I looked her in the eye & aksed her to tell me if she was free or not definitively (a clear date suggestion) & she said no shes studying. 

 

Post Mortem Analytical : 

1. The testing screening frame feels awkward & forced but I just need more practice 
2. Need to consider how to test screen without being offensive (or is this just ppl pleaser mindset?)
3. should probably leave out the "I'll leave my bags with you & come back (multiple times) thing, I intropsected that that felt quite needy like even tho I needed to leave my stuff with her it was just a bit awkward & forced)
4. I need to learn to be faster & smoother in my approach & LEAVE FIRST >> To remove the clingy vibe & show that I have my own life & that Me comes 1st (The church of me)
5. Never fidget - Makes u seem nervous 
6. Concentration of Force >  I kept coming back to her, some of interaction went well & she engaged but the frame was needy because I spoke to her like 3 times, need to improve my conversational escalation ability & aim to be done once we finish the first talk, fuck all this going back & forth shit > gotta ESCALATE & CLOSE > quickly get the rejection, move on & find another girl or do my work. 

 

Side Note (General life mastery /pickup & social skills) >> The beautiful dance of theory & practice : 

• Nowadays whenever I listen to owen cook or theory on social skills it just clicks more, even just hearing it passively, THAT'S BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY GETTING REFERENCE EXPERIENCE 

 

• Owen cooks advice IS VERY GOOD, but only if u getting ref experience, before I would not ever go out & listen to him & tbh a complete waste of time, it would go thru 1 ear & out the other like I was listening to chineese radio but not even remotely immersed or invested in the language in the real world. 

 

 

 

Edited January 29, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

LIFE IS SHORT & THE AGGREGATION OF MARGINAL TIME GAINS. 

• How can I save time here? 
• How can I do this faster? 
• How can I get to the point here? 
• What's the 80/20 rule here?
• How can I learn this faster?
• What should I stop doing? What's costing me time?
• WHat's inneficient? 
• WHere am I being busy but not productive? 
• In what ways am I sabotaging my self by "creating mess to then spend time working hard to clear up the mess just to go back to default position (STOP DOING THIS, MOVE FOWARD >> RUN DON'T TANGO DANCE, RUN RUN RUN TO MY GOALS)

Examples : Cooking & cleaning 

• Currently have this OCD habit of prepping & eating multiple consecutive portions of the same meal, over & over, sometimes cleaning the bowl then re loading & eating it again
• .... So what I do is this >> I make a bowl of oatmeal dark choco chia seeds banana soya milk, then a separate bowl of tomato avacado some protien food, that's 2 bowls & takes me like 5 minutes
• I go to my room eat it ... then 10 minutes later I'll go & do the same process again, then again 10 minutes later 
• Here I lost 5 - 20 minutes of my day 

 

• STOP - AWARENESS! 
• Make 1 BIGG Bowl of the food I want, 1 decisive satiating breakfast & then STOP, My breakfast is over & stop snacking, so distracting

 

** Side Thought (either deep insight or just me overthinking) >> Perhaps jounralling & "awareness alone is curative" for these micro time wasters works, BUT perhaps the problem is deeper, perhaps I'ts a deeper problem of mental distraction & there's some sort of root solution that will ultimately give me a more focused & centred mind, either way I haven't found that yet so I'll start with pure awareness & daily self analysis & time measuring & see if I can weed out all of these things so I ultimatley get my time & energy back & can tripple down on what matters to me (learning, growth, money, relationships, hobbies, life experience, success, education & skills)

Edited January 29, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

ALCOHOL : 

• Brutal Honesty here, every time I go out I am still drinking, at least 1 or 2 drinks, less than the others, but sometimes 3 or 4 drinks 

Problems : 

• I'm giving in to peer pressure, (everyones fucking drinking & making a culture around it, it's so embedded I haven't met many people who understand the social matrix yet or who realize that alcohol is usually just a clutch & not actually a worthy tool)
• I'm giving in to my own peer pressure - The more stressed tired or the more rejections I'm getting (Dopamine depletion & loser effect) >> then the more I seek alchol myself & my mind rationalizes it, even tho Deep down I don't want to, I can't afford to waste the money either & I want a more sustainable social life)

Optimistic side : Setting Intentions

• So I am still failing in this regard, I won't give up on going out though so this is an important intention of mine : to be able to go out sober & STAY SOBER 
• Even more challenging intention > To resist the peer pressure to drink when the entire fucking social group is doing it & making it seem like a cultural thing, INTERNAL BOUNDARIES, & to resist my own peer pressure when my guard is down & the dopamine is low, & embrace the low self esteem or bad mood. 

 

• ***  SIDE NOTE : (So another simpler solution would be to just find drop the social group stuff & find a wing man who doesn't drink) >> This would work  but : 1. I'm struggling to actually find a serious wingman. 2. This doesn't solve the root issue of giving in to peer pressure, I want to become so grounded in my boundaries that I can embrace being the only guy in the group who doesn't drink. Hmm a paradox of approaches here, Contemplate this later, * perhaps a combination of these 2 solutions is approriate, perhaps solution 1 should be the foucs but then I use no.2 to test myself on my internal groundeness

  Quote

  “In war, the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won.”

Optimistic? 

• I know it's possible because I've successfuly achieved this with smoking, I was a heavy smoker many times in my life & always a social smoker, but now it's a habit for me to say no when my friend or social group guy says "want a cigarette", so there's no reason I can't transfer this to alcohol, but it's a lot more difficult with alcohol.

 

• I failed so far, but Ill get there. The key motivating drive  to overcome alcohol & peer pressure is to actually discover how to have fun sober & authentic confidence, because rather than fighting against alcohol's force, this skill will take alcohol's power away, it will negate the mere desire to drink because I realize I don't need to, this is a powerful skill.

 

• So in this way becoming charasmatic is not an empty endavour (I never thought it was anyway & ur an autistic idiot if u didnt realize this) 
• Becoming charismatic won't only give u social benefits, it CAN SAVE UR HEALTH. 
• Think about it, people go through their entire 20's 30's & beyond drinking too much because they lack confidence or the ability to self amuse sober. 

Edited January 29, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

I have decided to revolutionize my life using Social Media 

Conceptual Links : 

• Social media can actually be a life enhancement - tool, use the tool skillfully 
• Creator (& connector) Not consumer 
• Scaling 
• digital marketing 
• Time efficiency & quick compatiblity screening 
• "Picture speaks 1000 words"
• "You are only as attractive as what you show" 
• Social Proof 
• Every fucking girl asks for the instagram these days (eww but gotta accept this era

 

• For a long time I have crowned myself as the anti social media guy, because I'm all about "real interactions & fuck social media"
• I realize this is holding me back, 
• I realize 1 reason I don't post on social media is actually Fear : I care about what others think, some of my followers also are people I don't even like but may know from old jobs or school 
• So I either delete those followers or stop caring what people think, perhaps both but 100% have to achieve the latter 
• Because sometimes I want to post to express myself & it's like a genuine passion post about look at this art or this natural sight I saw, But I don't because of fear of judgment which masks itself as "I'm too chill & cool to do that"
• TIme to start putting myself out there online & expressing myself authentically & i'm not gonna blabbermouth no more, just rewatch owens video for reminder explanation
• *Oouch, I'm feeling a lot of fear just writing this post, can feel it in my belly, the resistance to lifestyle & paradigm change - gonna be counterintuitive & go against the fear, also try & let it go meditatively

Edited January 29, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Pickup & social Dynamics > Reference Experiences & Complex Owen Cook Concepts 

Friday

Memory of this night is a bit of a blur tbh, I think I only had 1-3 drinks though?

Ok So I saw this girl that I'd met this week at other bar, I hesistated but then eventually grabbed but she politely said she has a boyfriend > Error

So I'd even wasted my mental bandwidth talking & thinking about her the nights before thinking she'd shown interest but hadn't even asked if she got BF right away

So the night was quite uneventful this girl showed clear interest in me but she was a 5.5 or maybe weak 6, nice personality but zero attraction there, I just couldn't do it & it's moments like these that help ground me somewhat & feel more empathy & less entitled & whiny (Not always lol, I still get this way u know the mind is a stubborn wild horse & likes to run off into bitter entitilement anyway)

I approached this other girl at second club & she was a 6.5 but she had nice curly hair, I approached her I asked her boring interview questions >> then I said (intentional experiment) "I'm going to go meet my friend but I'll see u again later" ** (specific q to ask is this a good trick, my thinking is that 1. it exudes detachment & 2. it allows me to find out if she's interested (by observing her facial response & maybe if she energetically acknoledges me later but also 3. it hints at my intentions to interact with her in this venue) >> I guess still this goes against leo's STAY IN SET rule (but I can't just always dogmatically follow his advice)

So anyway her response was very lukewarm & she seemed like a miserable girl, but look I'm seeing this repeatable pattern, isn't it just because SHE'S NOT PRETTY ENOUGH & SHE KNOWS IT, Like I showed interest but I doubt facially I was giving her a lustful vibe because it's fucking impossible, I dunno maybe wrong clubs, maybe wrong city because I don't see enough 8's or 9's anywhere, no excuse because the few that I am seeing I'm mostly bailing out but it's hard to develop abundance mindset given that when I miss my chance with that 9 that's like probably my shot missed for the entire night…

Saturday So I actually made myself late to go out because I was "Durping" & taking too long, also neurotically watching Owen Cook videos & this was bad (normally it's good but) I was doing this to neurotically "Be ready to go out quick get more owen cook theory in first" - This is neurotic & actually put me in state less & it made me late,

Because i was late I had to que outside on my own for a while & this put me really aout of state for a while

BUT .. I chose to start talking to girl in que & this was platonic & boring & logical but it gradually warmed me up & I started to become a bit silly, I think I actually hooked her, (she was my type ethnicity ect.. But probably a 6.5 maybe a 7 with the makeup though but nice receptive energy)

Probably biggest mistake : Leaving this girl in the que to go meet my "friends" who I've not known long, I spent the club night mostly alone anyway since the friends weren't wingmen ect... So it was pointless leaving that girl gotta learn to stay in set!

MESSY SMS PRE MORTEM SYNPOSIS :

^^

Getting there late

Reached hook point in the que?

But i left the girl to go in quicker with "X" - BAD CHOICE STAY IN SET

(mind told me "its due to abundance mindset man")

Eventfulish night Mostly very awkward momets but some decent moments too

Add sms journals

In the que at least I was sober approaching at tht point > started to warm up in que was funny ish but not tht sexual at all but perhaps I reached hook point

... Eventfulish night felt awkward & painful too but actually an odd moment of authentic charisma that perhaps hooked (fucking hard to tell I wish I had a coach like watching me on video lol). 

Felt out of place .. Went walk got 1 EUR beer water came back

Hating music only thing In my mind was "THIS PLACE SUCKS MUSIC SUCKS" (Other than that couldn't think of anything else to say or dance or nada) > I see women queing for toilet & just go up to them & say that : "THIS PLACE SUCKS" > They find this quite amusing & somehow this is what gets me into state, I chat to this small mexican girl & I think I reached hook point str8 away, she's receptive she asks me questions back & smiling > but as I'm chatting to her an american girl is in front & I quqickly divert into talking to her, slightly rude cos I basically cut off the mexican girl but I also had a rlly uniquely funny interaction with this american & I can't remember everything I said but I basically was embracing my masculine awkwardness & how this venue sucked & I was standing in the que for what I thought was the coat check in but then realized it's the ladies toilet > Then I was like ooh shitt & they laughed but I messed up energetically here, people pleasing energy came in as I started to blush & inmediately backed own & left the toilet que, I was trying to be socially aware & not look like a creep to the other girls in the que but looking back I probs shoulda held my frame & continued the convo & showed that I truly don't give a fuck,

So at this point my state had completely shifted to sth more full & positive, I walked into the side bar/club balcony & sorta standed around for a while, then I a while later I saw the American girl again & I acknolwedged her like "hey haha lol" but she gave me a lukewarm look & walked off & this knocked me off a bit,

So I walked around a long time & then noticed this girl from otro side of balcony, perhaps she saw me look > But then I eventually walked over to her, I said hi & where u from & all that shit, & I couldn't tell if she was receptive or not, if she was just out to be with her girl friend or if it's just that I was too boring hesistant unflirtatious or just not her type, I really hope I can learn to read this because looking back I still don't know, but we had a platonic discussion but then I intentionally complemented her,felt very forced, said she had piercing eyes but I also said she seemed crazy & not sure if this offended her, but then she respectfully shook my hand & walked off, this did hurt me I will admit & then I walked to the other side of the balcony & had lost my previous state I'd built up before, at this point I just stood around & did people watching for a while....

What I Noticed the most was this one particular awkard guy I was watching at the main bar at the bottom, he was just like, dancing half heartedly, body a bit tense & stiff looking, constantly looking around ("value scanning") & then 1 point I saw him sort of touch his nose or mustache & I knew this wasn't a genuine itch but micro-gesture to evade the present moment, It's hard to fully put into words because direct observation paints such a better picture in my mind but my RAS just had to zone in on this guy, he was the perfect example of who not to be, god wanted me to watch him for those 5 minutes.

... So after a while this super drunk girl starts sort of dancing & grinding on me a bit & touches me, gives me some of her drink, so not 100% realized how drunk she is yet I dance back & she's half receptive but then starts grinding on some other guy & eventually falls over > Pattern noticed - Completely Ignore these girls & try better quickly judge that they're really drunk

So then I'm sort of awkwardly standing around & I try take this girls hat as a joke to put in on myself but she doesn't let me, not sure if that would ever work, probably not good social calibration

So eventually It's after 4AM & I Should've left by now but I want to find this Mexican girl that I "reached hook point" with, I walk into the dance floor & Finally see her! (At this point the floor is quite empty & more lighting so more awkward self conscious vibe) > So I up to her & start trying to dance with her but she is half receptive, she then points out her friend & I fakely acknlowledge her "Had a gd night?" (couldn't care less ah lol), then she grabs her friend & walks away

At this point I leave the club

*^ Confusion : I expected better reception becuse of previous hook point, maybe I had falsely percieved an occurence of hook point, OR perhaps it's because I rudely interuppted the chat with the mexican girl & started a convo with the American previously, that seems probable, maybe a lesson lies in this thing, coz when I switched my convo in the que my mind thought "abundance mindset just talk to loads of girls!" but I think this is a bastardization of appropriate use of abundance mindset, yes anundance mindset but also I gotta learn to lock in to a girl & "stay in set" > this goes back to my mistake with leaving the 1st girl who I probs reached hook point with & we actually spoke stuff in common in the que, she wasn't more than 6.5 or 7 & I know I mentioned I only want the 9's & it's true, BUT, in a club scenario for now I must build up confidence & momentum & there literally was like only 1 9 at the club today, (oh yeh she was hottt, I actually approached her but she had like 3 friends around her & they left the club as soon as I started the convo, she was sooo hot I had to hug her up & kiss her on the cheek lol but it wasnt a 2 way thing, she found it funny but still in my mind getting a girl like that feels almost impossible at the club, maybe at a bar but at the club they always with several guy friends & they're always going home lol, well maybe a new insight there is the real hotties tend to be earlier in the night, I guess they got a lot of options & dashing looks to maintain so they need their beauty sleep or something lol anyway big tangent over)

Leaving club ... I walk home & I see a piza parlor & buy a slice & it tastes delicious, felt worth it but then I walk some more & (MY MIND WANTS MORE PIZZA), So now I start wasting time looking for more pizza, this is bad because my inmediate thought process should be RUN HOME & JOURNAL THIS NIGHT IN EVERY DETAIL (Which I'm doing right now but at the cost of needed sleep)

So anyway I'm feeling quite shit & stage red thoughts apearing thinking about how I hate women & they suck & they're ugly & stupid, anyway I let that go & I make a joke with the guy waiting for a kebab & we do akward high 5 & laugh about it & that felt quite good, felt like letting my ego down a bit.

Side Note : a huge limiting belief for me is the thought that I will NEVER find a wingman, It feels almost impossible I couldn't do it via the groups but I just need requisite variety & PERSISTANCE (Think & grow rich remember)

Even without a wingman I've gotten some good insight & experience

I didn't manage to do tonight completely sober, I drank about 1-2

BUT, I did do a couple approaches completley sober & out of state so that was good

I'm getting a bit burnt out right now & I Intuited that it's gonna come a bit demoralising if I overpush game right now so I am going to hibernate for a bit, not to quit but because I really need to sort out my finances & I can't afford my current lifestyle so I will come back to this pickup city soon in a few weeks but I will still do some day game for sure

U might assume that I'm "just an extroverted guy lucky u partying all week" but look it's not like this, this is the most painful thing I could be doing right now, it's not fun (although sometimes it becomes fun), but it's more science to me, painful science & emotional journey

& btw I'm extremely fucking logical I didn’t even realize until pickup, I thought I wasn't but I'm like a bordeline autistic algorithmic mind, & I am struggling to flirt with women a lot, what I have on my side tho is I quickly internalize & connect patterns so I'll do well in this, but the emotional flirting shit ah that's hard & small talk I fucking hate it really, & I hate pretending to be nice & making her friends feel comfortable I wish I could just tell the friends to fuck off lol

& trauma energy is repeatedly resurfaced especailly when the rejection is incessant & really bad I sometimes even start to become bordeline aggressive & screen for conflict & bad energy, but it's something that's brought up for a reason, by god to test my will & gain awareness of the dark shadows.

Are man most people are so dumb & shallow I'm such a deep analytical thinker & this doesn’t help me socially

So 1 limiting beliefs I currently have (although I interpret them as more like "feelings")

Theres few truly attractive women around

I'll never find a wing man

No.1 feels real & true because like I moved to a huge city with tons of people & clubs but rarely do I see a genuinely attractive woman, like I saw this sexy beautiful 9 yesterday about 3am at the club & she was like almost the only fucking attravtive woman in the entire club, she was actually quite nice funny energy too she didn't like show interest but it's always the 6's 6.5s & 7's that are often bitches probably hard to be miserable when you're that sexy haha.

Ere the fuck can I go where I often se an abundnace of these women because they just not around in europe,in the winter , theres an abuindance of 6's & 7's but I don't want htem. I often see 1 or 2 8#s & 9's in the club & often zero.theh eleh

Man I just love owen cook now because I'm starting to get a glimpse of what hes pointing to, thre's no one better that explains these different frames & distinctions & he lays out the fundamentals but also it gets complex too, it takes time & reference exeprience to understand, even more so to embody.

So I'm coming to except the fact that I think I'm bordeline autistic, certainly not black & white autistic I've met those guys & theres no hope for them.

So I'm accepting that pickup & socialising will be a painful process, as much about unwiring as about addition, unlearning as about learning.

I'm still often pretty creepy autisitic & uncalibrated, I'm still constanlty experimenting & getting bad reactions, trying jokes that freak people out, touching girls in the wrong way .

(*Messy Ordianl structure - Move this point around in paragraph)

So what do I need to Improve? :

Physical Openers & Physical escalation

Boring small talk, boring openers, Being an interviewer & banner blindness*(owen cook concept - great expression & relates to marketing & the RAS too)

The Social loser effect >> Being impacted by rejections even on micro level & letting put me into a > creepy competitive frame or just demoralised

Physical Opener (PO) : Common behaviroral pattern that ISN'T WORKING

(PO1)

• I'm dancing behind a girl & I have my eye on her, she's with 2 friends, I'm alone.
• I dance around for a while & eventually I just put my hands on her shoulders & twist them a couple times to the beat, then I stop & move back, the response is often just quick award acknolwedgement or a pretend lack of acknoldegement. 
• *** Tomorrow start researching how to do physical openers especially on dance floor, it feels impossible & there's that extra risk of looking like a predator, defo need to some gd theory on this

(PO2)

• So I'm dancing around with my friends or "friends" ((e.g friends of friends who theres no true connection with but we the acknlodgement & vibe of "it's sort of not awkward if we dance together"))
• I see this girl I like (very rarely is this an actual 8 or 9 btw, I'm talking a 6.5 or 7 & even if shes above 7 she got make up)
• But anyway I see a quite attractive girl & then I glance at her secretly a bit, then I think about what to do for like 2 minutes, then when she has he back turned I'll pinch her hair tap her on the shoulder, then she'll turn around & often just look at me weird
• I'm really defiicient in phyiscal openers on the dance floor & I'm wondering if this even works often for people with game, I dunno I'll need some theory on this

Leo said "ah man this is all the theory u need man don’t need to watch more theory than me" but tbh no Leo your videos gr8 but it's NOT enough, He didn't go into any detail on physical openers or escalation or dancing, anyway rant over …

Boring small talk

So I listened to Owen cook after the club on & it helped clarify a persistent bad habit I have, ((I can't remember if Leo mentioned this or because but he said ("keep talking keep ploughing stay in set" but that only works if there's engagement there to begin with, anyway …))

"Hello, where are u from, what do u do, how long have u been here …. "

& then if im brave I might half hearted touch her arm or lean in a bit as I say it, not but but it's a bit awkward given how platonic my frame is.

But no fuck that Owen cook expresses the video better when he conceptualizes BANNER BLINDNESS & He goes in this golumn voice (lol) "HOW ARE UUU, WHERE ARE U FROMMM, WHAT DO U DOOO"

So I need to get this str8 in my head because u gotta start the convo from somwhere, should I keep doing this & then try transition to more fun, sexual or engaging talk, OR should I just fucking cut all this completely, cos I'd love to do that.

Solutions? :

So a transition from questions > statements??

So instead of Approach > boring small talk > flirt

Observe > approach + statement > flirt ??

^^*This would contradict leos 1-3  second approach rule (unless I became so sharp that I make instant snapshot observations

2B. Transition : Boring small talk >> interesting small talk (about common topics) ??

Where u from >> "Venezeula", ect…

So I could get educated on venezeula more, I could learn it's problems & the beauty of venezeula, the landscape economy nature & try put myself in a venezuelans perspective

**I don't mean autistic hostiran type memorizing wikipedia facts but becoming genuinely curious about venezeula & feeling in to the heart of the people & their problems ect..

Learn about steroetypes of venezeulans

Ect.. & more

Then with this background knowledge I have more intel & cognitive fuel to make witty funny or flirtatious statements about venezuelan girls

Repeat & Apply this process to any other nationality

Another limiting belief/Insecurity (Or perhaps not a limiting belief but just a nother problem that I have to fucking solve that)

General lack of social status, friends, social proof

AND NO WING MAN

This lack makes this process more painful than it should be I guess, I also feel like part of girl's lack of attraction to me might simply come from the fact that I'm "that loner guy", this feels REALLY hard to solve cos u gotta understand I've got a DEEP sense of being a loner & it's not merely that I've never socialized before like Leo but actually worse, I have gone out many times or tried to socialize but either had fake friends been alone in a crowd, but often worse often just being left alone at a place & tbh mostly not even able to go out because no one wanted to meet me.

So pickup & socializing for me really is Dr. Faustus, this is really hard for me & I wouldn't say it's even easier for me than leo, I mean he's more introverted than me BUT, I think I have a lot more trauma than him, I have a toxic masculinity side & a hyper competitive side & it's hard to unwire, & I have conflicting apsects of myself to resolve & it can be complex at times, I'm not tryna overcomplicate or overthink because on the one hand it's like JUST HAVE A WINGMAN & FRIENDS & LEARN THE FUNDAMENTALS

^^So while yes that's true, my opinion is that also though the human mind is also complex as fuck with all these self deceptionmechanisms + marketing infouence + social matrix + subconscious mind vs conscious mind + it's not all about inner we also gotta navigate the outer & others who have completely different brains & problems & emotions & may not have ur best intentions in mind & we gotta learn to read that but also to read ourselves, aspects of ourselves don't have our intentions in mind, honestly I'm not too good at explaining this stuff, Owen & julian is all I need rn.

Mmmm I don't want these 6's & 7's man I want that cute sexxy venezeulan girl, she was CUTE & SEXY, Now that's a rare combo!

She was so hott I had to hug her up & kiss her on the cheek & I wasn't even doing good game I just wanted to eat her, now this wasn't socially calibrated but I was at least giving funny not boring energy so she didn't even give me a dodgy look, it's weird how the hottest girls tend to be nicer actually (obviously they can be psychotic) but I think it's especially super hot 3rd world country girls have more humility to them, & to be honest that's my ideal girl,

A BATTLE OF STATES, A BATTLE OF FORCES, DR FAUSTUS.

*** Forgot to add in Another Pattern : I'm dancing & this ENERGY VAMPIRE Girl grabs my attention & with a serious bitch faces imitates my dance & to make fun of me & says what is this haha (defo wasn't light hearted or a joke) ... lol So then I match her & say WELL LET'S SEE UR MOVES THEN? & the bitch does some equally bad shit so I make fun of her too

Anyway so I tried hard not to get affected by that bitch & let it go, I think I did quite well & I deliberately forced a smile & kept dancing & reminded myself it's just a pattern. 

This is why going out is so spiritutal to me & it's not easy, I'd like to make it easier on myself so I can start enjoying it like increase social circle & get wing man but, it's hard either way & there's all this tension & emotions, maybe not for everyone but in my case there's so much to battle against internally. 

Edited January 31, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

So as u can see I have written some long ass posts recently, highly detailed analysis of even just 1 approach & 1 night out. 

So this is the stage I am at, probably overthinking but I just want to absorb & synthesize everything, get every detail down, get tons of intel, notice loads of stuff within myself & general human psychology & social systems. 

Having said that I need to Ground myself in pragmatism >> This is why after I write my long posts, I go back & bold the most important stuff. 

Current Examples off my head : 

1. Physical Openers 
2. DANCING - learn how to dance to a basic level such that I don't feel & look awkward about it & don't even have bitchy girls making fun of me for it 
3. FIND A WING MAN .... 
4. Bar Game vs Club Game (I personally seem to prefer bars & it feels way easier to build a connection & still go home & sleep a bit earlier &  I do have work calls earlier sometimes so >> probs gonna spend a whole week just tyring out bar game & then a week of club game, or 1 day bar next day club & compare)

 I was listening to a video called "the gap method" By rsd Julian & I really appreciated his ideas

• : 80% + of people doing self help never change, they are theory junkies & addicted to the exitement & entertainment of self help videos like it's netflix series.  
• I like his view on how in a sense, self help was better 15+ years ago, coz  there was soo much less info & products out there, that YOU ACTUALLY VALUED IT, U DIDN'T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED, 
• So it's actually better to have very few info or products & spend a long time applying it, drilling it in on repeat over & over rather than 20% doing  more & content & products & this is also why self help fucked me the last few years, I got fucked by novelty bias but didn't even drilll anything in

**Most Important take : (from the GAP Method video)

• Most self help sucks because it's NOT TAILORED TO UR GOALS 
• Recently I have been going back to this trap pattern of listening to endless self help, NO.

 

1. What are my goals, what is a win for me, what's ideal lifestyle for me, what are the problems/onstacles to achieving my win? 
2. Now consume content from this frame 
3. 90% Action 
4. Don't neglect basics or everything in life will just fail (Better sleep, good nutrition, meditate more, walk in nature, plan my days & write priority to do list every morning after waking up

 

• Other notes : Important ways to motivate yourself & make you value something 

1. PAY LOTS OF MONEY 
2. ACCOUNTABILITY >> (U need to actually care about your partners opinion or it lacks power)

** Collaborative Vs competitive frame (owen cook)

• No time, come back to this note > perhaps advanced topic, very hard to unwire the compeititive

Pick up Night out (several posts ago) > Just Remembered >> LEAVE OUT TRY HARD STUNTS

• So I was dancing around this girl who I'd previously spoke to already & some reaoson I did this weird stunt
• I pulled out a 2 EUR coin & then placed it in front of my eye in front of her, she sort of ignored me or gave me a that's lame look 
• Doesn't really need much analysis & I'm not sure why I did that, was just try hard to get attention & not actually funny. 

 

Edited February 1, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Cringe Macdonalds Approach 

So I go into Macdonalds to work on my laptop, my primary intention, but I knew my ulterior desire was to see a nice girl. 

So I walk in & funnily enough, I see a 7 sitting down, she had some nice feminine energy too, something about how she was sat. 

I went to the corner to work on my laptop & I start this work, my intention to approach is still there, but I want to do some work first

However, even though my intention to approach was there, at this point I had zero belief that I would actually approach, I've bailed so many times before & there were other people in macdonalds too. 

I start my work sitting at a table adjacent to the 7 girl (she's with 1 other friend too), but I am clearly sitting facing the wall to the side so I  can focus on work. 

I am able to focus for about 10 minutes, but after that capacity diminishes & my mind is telling me "approach, approach", Strong nervousness arises in my body & I don't approach for at least another 20 minutes, this time I am "doing work" but failing to really focus. 

I look & make eye contact with the 7's friend a couple times during this process, I realize "wow she's kind of a 7 too". 

From here I make a mistake though, the inital girl I liked more but I got indecisive about it & from this point it was as if I was ready to approach both of them like I'm gonna somehow get a threesome or something. 

So I make eye contact with her as I turn my chair every few minutes, then I get back to failing to do my work. I want to approach but the resistance is so strong, then leo's voice saying "counterintutivie" & a snap image of his bold head appears & then I realize that not approaching is litterally freezing me & stopping my ability to work which I need to, so I then decide I will do it. 

I have now decided but still feeling super nervous, I slowly & jitterly pack my things & my laptop in my bag because I want to approach & then go home to work now. 

Unfortunately as I'm doing this the 2 girls start to pack themselves by coincidence & I don't think this helped. 

I turn round & in a meek stifled voice, "Hello", the 2 girls look at me very surprised & awkwardly, "I like your face", 1 of the girls who looks like she's cringing says "erh, who's?", I say " both.." 

I ask them their age ... Then I continue to talk to try & evade the awkwardness & say "I had the anxiety that you were 16, good thing that you're 20" ... they found that sort of funny but mostly looked awkward & then they left, laughing. 

Then a wave of cringe came into my body & I walked out, at first it was a good self amusement but then > then the cringe turned into a self hate form of cringe, shame. 

So then I started to walk home & instead My brain told me "no go to KFC, go to KFC & get a milkshake, something weird shifted in my energy body & it was like a demon was taking me to that KFC, then I walked all the way back there & went in & I even considered getting fries & chicken burger, I waited in que, then after a couple minutes ... I realized it was the dopamine, feeling low status & lacking basic social needs fucking with my dopamine, so I left (but as I left to go home it was like all my willpower was still fighting that urge & I was also walking with my head down a bit).

Fuck it though, I still think not approaching would've been far worse ... nothing worse than not approaching  

I am still desiring that KFC Milkshake. My dopamine is very low still.

Improvements : 

• Approach STRAIGHT AWAY > DON'T "Do work" first, (it was impossible to concentrate anyway because the desire to interact was impeding on my focus & willpower, so it's more effective to "eat the frog first")
• ^Also - because I left it so late, when I approached they were already packing their stuff, it would've been both more boolsy but also more likely they'd have given me a chance If I just went & sat next to them straight away 
• If there's 2 girls > I should probably decide straight away which 1 I want, & not go for both or change my mind ? (I'll post a forum question on this because it's a different dynamic to approaching 1 girl) 
• BETTER VOCAL PROJECTION & EYE CONTACT & MORE PAUSES 
• Because I was nervous & their reaction cought me off guard, my voice was weak, fragile, muffled, quiet 
• After saying hello I didn't pause long enough & I didn't hold eye contact long enough, it was like I was hiding my desire energetically even though I had the bools to approach 
• Verbal Game > Don't use words like "anxiety" in your sentences

 

• ** Nuanced & particularly mysterious - Gain more awareness of the dopamine deficiency & try to feel into the cringe & feel more self love after an awkward approach, because they may be plenty as I go through my newbie phase, brace myself. 

 

 

 

Edited February 1, 2022 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

03/02/2022 22:17

Just binged out on sugar for 2nd night in a row , this is a bad pattern starting to develop, & I'm making the conscious choise to fight against it, from now

• My mind pre rationalized eating Magnums because it's "Not so unhealthy".
• Last night & tonight I binged 4 Magnums before bed, totaling 8 magnums
• Worse, coz this pattern occurs at night, this is worsening my rem sleep. (NO, NO NO).
• I need "Internal Boundaries" with myself, I must make the counterintuitive move.

I wanted to go sit by the nearby fountain & meditate, then come back to bedroom & read & reflect, reread a think & grow rich chapter or some deep psychology article.

But the mind chose the chocolate ice cream & biscuits

Why did I do it?

1. Addiction loop (wired into my brain for nearly a decade, very easily reswitched on at a dime as soon as I decide to indulge once, & I indulged yesterday after a long sugar break and booom, the groove is already set in motion)
2. "To Rest"
3. My sleep has been chaotic this weak due to living logistics, so I forgive myself a bit
4. Perhaps Decision Fatigue must be a culprit, I have wasted too much energy today making needless micro decisions, minmalism, a better controlled environment, schedulling awareness & overall more life strategy should help this. 

• (Decision fatigue is 1 of best concepts I've ever gained from phsychology, but I musnt kid myself, it's one thing to know, another to Completely obliterate it in practice, more strategy ahead). 

I believe the real goal was to rest. Hence why I also had the desire to meditate by the fountain. But the mind doesn't like that some reason, the mind want's the juicy harmful shit & to ultimately cause stress,  bad food is just stress (of walking there, wasting money, & brushing my teeth again & unable to sleep for hours due to the sugar & chemicals).

But what did the soul want? The sould wanted to meditate & then visualize & read & go to bed & recuperate.

I am intentionally broadcasting my failure to this journal, because reader I want u to know that I messed up, but I am trying to fight against guilt & move forward.

I set the intention to end this pattern, NOW.

Optimistic Side Note : I had night eating urge 3 days ago & I managed to let it go! It was a strong urge at night but I meditated instead & eventually just went to sleep. I will visualize myself doing this from now on.

I've a duty to myself, to  solve my problems at the root, I don't wanna fight against self - sabotage any more, I just want to become the best me... it's time for deep change. many hours lost recently to needless cravings, distraction, indecisiveness, ultimately to bad choices.

I chose to love myself as I would love a dog of mine, a daughter of mine,

Would I ever want to harm my daughter? Would I feed my daughter chocolate before bed? Would I ruin her potential? Would I addict her to garbage? Would I encourage her to give in to satanic marketing, satanic entertainment system? ... No, so then I must apply the same love for my imaginary daughter to myself.

My mind is still a tug of war, some aspects of myself still need to change at the root.

* ... Edit it's nearly 2AM & I'm unable to sleep >> I know this is due to the aritficial sugar & chemical stimulation, I was natrually tired before. 

I hope I can maintain awareness right now & never do this again, since "awarness alone is curative".

 

 

 

Edited February 4, 2022 by Striving for more