Road To Success & The Obstacles

[Striving for more]

No Fap, intense emotions & the Power of Letting go. 

• Was watching some Hilarious youtube videos of crazy people for about an hour, It's Friday evening whatever 
• But even as I laughed I noticed some intense loneliness & solemn sadness in the background.
• I know from experience ignoring this backfires & I decided to turn off the youtube video. I'm also tired & I want to wake up at 6am & work. 
• Normally the old me would keep watching youtube, especially when that channel had intensely funny videos. 
• But the habit is starting to form Just let it go, don't resist your body, don't resist your needs, don't distract feel in to waking up early & feeling fresh. 
• Last point : 21+ days of No fap now allows me to feel intense emotions. I feel intense loneliness & also some regret, it is painful but it is ultimately healthy, I know it is. It is almost impossible for me not to have drive right now because the pain is so strong, the pain of the void 
• And nature Abhors a vacuum, It's time to feel the void. It's time to..
• I want to keep writing but I have to also let this go too. Sleep 

.... Update 

Trying to sleep doesn't work. 

1.  cured my snoozing problem 
2. I have another basic problem : 

• I keep trying to sleep at 10PM ... But this is not possible for my body, not by choice. I am obviously a night owl. 
• I always do this > I force myself to lay in bed at 10PM, Then 1 or 2 hours later I am still awake lying there & wake up soo pissed off about the time I just lost & frustated because I did it to save time but it backfired. 
• I think god wanted me to be awake at night. 
• But I should not have had cacoa powder at 2PM - Terrible idea, its brain meth. 

Edited December 17, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

BRAIN FOG. BAD BAD FOOD. 

Yesterday my mum prepared this dairy heavy /wheat heavy meal & pudding & a sibling came round & as always I didn't want to offend her plus my mind rationalized it as "oh it's only 1 meal let's enjoy life!".

Before this meal I was on a roll, feeling good & able to focus,

Next day? .... Now i'm fucked, so much fucking brain fog & I this weird headache. It's that low quality dairy & wheat & whatever other preservatives. 

fucked how my mum meant well but shes litterally offered me poison, doesnt seem to affect everyone as intensely but I feel like i've been poisoned in the brain. I hope this goes away soon. 

Feel soo bad low vibration right now & that shitty meal even dampened my confidence, I feel "unluckly", everything I picture is me getting in trouble or betrayed or scammed or failing & being alone & miserable. 

Ah the power of 1 bad meal to fuck everything up. Have to just deal with what I got right now. 

Have to rebuild now & try & fight, try & still not fail my goals with the brain fog, time is running out.

I am off. 

Edited December 18, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

I am going out tonight. 

A part of me doesn't want to. Why? 

The travel is quite far & I will sleep later. 

I don't like this city & I plan to move soon, so anyone I meet it's only social experience. 

I I have short - medium term goals, and I don't want to fuck my chances. 

But, I feel very depleted of social contact & so I'm doing it. It may be a mistake, but fuck overthinking I can always go home early if it's boring or I don't feel like i'm going to pull. 

I just drunk some gin, not enough to become drunk (I hope), but my reasoning was it's cold & it will give me energy to not procrastinate & be all ADD 

But I can't wait to start microdosing! I'd much rather that than alcohol., fuck alcohol but I will drink a bit tonight. 

 

EDIT TLDR : Shouldn't have gone out, wasn't worth it boring venue boring city, was forcing it. 

 

Edited December 19, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Wow look at how much I love to neurotically rant. 

I need to meditate more .... I hope Microdosing will reduce this ranting & obsessiveness. 

"Hope", "I hope", I don't like that word. 

"I am going to see if microdosing helps, but I recognize that there are other options if no benefit is recieved". 

Yes I could have gotten my point across in like 1 or 2 sentences. 

Logistics is extremely important & good logistics allows pickup to fit seamlessly into your life without negatively impacting your time health & goals. 

Point made...

Another long term goal I think, is to move to the United states. 

It wasn't on my radar but I am just realizing again & again, there is just so much oppurtunity & crazy stuff going on there that I need to experience someday. 

I will need to become pretty rich to move there though. 

Nice, well maybe I'm playing very small with my 5-10K/Month goals. But I have to start somewhere,

the America thing is a very distant dream & for now it doesnt interest me, but there is obviously no better place for pick up & Meeting people. 

I dunno too much to think about maybe in 3 or 5 years. 

Edited December 19, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Quote

Specific goals with time limit & clear sub steps / milestones 

Pre mortem list 

Time block weekly scheduling 

Sunday. 

No more forum no more journallin on here even. 

I know what I need to do. 

No more of my dumb cyclical thoughts. 

Action. 

Ah fuck it's 12 right now. 

I wanted to wake up at 6am. Why did I go out yesterday. 

How do I stop being a fool, I knew it was a bad Idea & I chose to drink gin & caffiene for energy >> couldn't sleep till 3am. 

Arh, still a fool after all these years. 

Let it go. 

I hate being a fool. I hate losing fuck. 

Edited December 19, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

I was unintentionally fasting & I just ate lots of chicken. 

Now I feel lethargic. 

I wish I had cacoa powder & nuts instead. These give me energy. 

Foods like chicken best left to the evening. Sleepy chicken. 

Also noticing I am feeling increasingly guilty for eating chicken, I didn't anticipate this but I don't think I'll be able to eat meat for much longer in my life. It just makes me feel bad & something just doesn't feel right. 

It feels right when I eat nuts & cocoa powder. 

Edited December 19, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

I think I will stop focusing on martial arts now. 

I have a mediocre moderate level of martial arts skill. 

But why am I so obsessed? 

Because of fear, seeing the world as a threat. 

I am vulnerable no matter what, no amount of martial arts will make me invincible. 

Besides, I don't even like it that much! It's kinda enjoyable but I'd rather play soccer. 

And I actually prefer artistic stuff, creative stuff, film, music, and I love technology, business. 

Maybe I will come back to it as a hobby, but it's just a distraction from training my mind, and social skills, What's more powerful than that! 

Even with the gym, I go gym & I want to get in great shape for summer, high muscle mass and low body fat. 

But still .... All of this is secondary, it's not essential and if you're gym maxed but you struggle socially, or you have concentration problems or money probelms, you need to get your fucking prioritees straight. 

The gym is the least important thing to me, but it sure does make me more attractive, and I'll take that, but to a far far smalller extent that anything else mentioned would. 

Training the mind, detoxing the mind and body (of toxins that blockade the mind), this is is a priority. 

** OK Now I think I am getting enmeshed in my own thoughts, self deception mechanism, over conceptualizing or repeating what I already know is obvious. Time to let go of conceptual mind now & feel in to my emotions & intuition, listen to some music and stop distracting myself, from myself. 

[Striving for more]

I procrastinated a lot today & I started to hate and judge myself for it, but I realized I can't hate myself. 

I have low energy because I drank caffiene too late yesterday, I ate pretty bad food 2 days ago and I had an argument and poor lighting in room. 

All down to me to change all that very quickly. Tomorrow I will have better energy. 

I can't get myself to work right now it's pretty late, so I wont force it, but instead I will listen to actualized.org instead of stupid videos, I know it's all mental masturbation, but it's better than nothing or something harmful. 

Tomorrow I will take a lot of action, like I was doing 3 days ago & this week, rebuild the momentum. 

I fapped today but after a 23 day streak. I have no guilt & the energy will come back in a couple days I'm sure, 30 day streak next time.  

I know i'm 100% responsible, but its funny how anothers influence can push you off course so quickly, in this case it was family for me, but of course I am responsible to push my self to take control of and change my environment. 

Lets get back to where I was 3 days ago, working hard, focused, actually sorting the basics of my life & not stressed insecure & procrastinating. 

Edited December 19, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

So weird. So I started watching content vs structure (a.org) video 

10 minutes go by & my desire to/emotion of procrastinate just disappears. 

Why? 

I think because I got space from my thoughts & emotions, it's like I accidentally "let go" of the shame & tension & whatever else I was holding in my body/mind

Perhaps also because leos videos are slow & not ultra stimulating I don't know, like a twisted method of dopamine detox from quicker stimulating vids. 

I am going to do "structural" productive stuff right now. 

Rewatching this so far reminded me that I have a natural inclination towards systems & big picture thinking. 

Perhaps why business interests me and why at age 16 I had already figured out a long list of all the issues with the education system, & creative solutions.

I don't know what type of brain is good with systems or if it's just a personality thing or purely down to experiences but it resonates with me. 

Also why I always liked the idea of being a town planner, designing all the different content/structure & how they integrate together, like how placing a bench in 1 spot would encourage sociability in the work space or how open space offices can either hinder or encourage synchronicity & serendipity (the latter point not my own imagination but points from the book "where do good ideas come from")

Functionality, systems, connectivity, integration. 

Edited December 19, 2021 by Striving for more

[ValiantSalvatore]

Yo one scientific reason is that your insular cortex inside the brain stops producing a pain signal. When you sit down and do the thing/activity/task you want to do.

2 hours ago, Striving for more said:

So weird. So I started watching content vs structure (a.org) video 

10 minutes go by & my desire to/emotion of procrastinate just disappears. 

Why? 

I think because I got space from my thoughts & emotions, it's like I accidentally "let go" of the shame & tension & whatever else I was holding in my body/mind

Perhaps also because leos videos are slow & not ultra stimulating I don't know, like a twisted method of dopamine detox from quicker stimulating vids. 

I am going to do "structural" productive stuff right now. 

Rewatching this so far reminded me that I have a natural inclination towards systems & big picture thinking. 

Perhaps why business interests me and why at age 16 I had already figured out a long list of all the issues with the education system, & creative solutions.

I don't know what type of brain is good with systems or if it's just a personality thing or purely down to experiences but it resonates with me. 

Also why I always liked the idea of being a town planner, designing all the different content/structure & how they integrate together, like how placing a bench in 1 spot would encourage sociability in the work space or how open space offices can either hinder or encourage synchronicity & serendipity (the latter point not my own imagination but points from the book "where do good ideas come from")

Functionality, systems, connectivity, integration. 

 

[Striving for more]

I'm hurting inside with the alter ego like back & forth swing between mediocrity & productivity. 

I will do visualizations this evening. 

I have set my alarm for 6AM. 

I Will wake up whether I'm tired or not, and I'm willing to burn myself the fuck out this week until I have moved, to new lands. 

No visa, no right to work, no plan, no where to live. 

About 5K left in my bank account, 70% of it in fluctuating investments that could either fall to zero or go much higher. 

But what can I have? 

Faith & Courage & lots of bools. 

Fed up i've been in my mums basement for 2 months straight now. Arguments, bad energy & feeling guilty. 

I'm fed up but I feel that emotionality won't help me. 

Stern stoic seriousness, I won't repress my desire but I won't let exitement get in the way. I'll hold that extreme desire in & it will still be there but it will be kept in check like a nucleur atomic bomb waitin to explode in catharsis, like Bruced willis in the hostage. where he doesn't finally reveal a hint of emotion until his family are safe & mission's accomplished because he was dead eyed laser focused, I have to see myself as bruce willis right now, & avoid all the deulsion & over excitement, but also escape lethargy & comfort. Whilst also keeping everything dead simple & step by step. 

I won't disrespect the enemy, who is my own mind, my own weakness, fears, comfort mechanisms. 

Give me that posh exotic girl. Or give me that raw jungle Girl. Give me that dirty girl. Give me that classy girl. Give me that elegant french girl. Give me that wild Rock n roll girl. 

Give me motos, give me night light, give me morning life, give me snow & give me sunshine, give me money & give me fulfillment. GIve me life. 

No more fucking around, This life is so special. 

I can't just do this for myself now, I have to pay respects to all those guys who didn't make it, who didn't make it out the sperm bank or didn't make it out depression, didn't make it out the system (& now old) or couldn't escape the madness of their own mind. 

I have to pay respect. I have to be dead serious about my life, but dead serious is not a fixed stoic state, it is an attitude, dead serious includes fun & pleasure, but it must be High quality. Because I can gain pleasure watching youtube & eating food on my own in my mums basement, but that's a sad low quality form of pleasure. 

Real pleasure takes work & real fun & joy & letting go in my situation takes dead serious work & planning. And that's why I fucked up my entired winter this year, a lack of planning & getting lost in my own mind. I can't allow this again, I have to fight against my own mediorcity, but I keep getting cocky & underestimating the force of limiting beliefs & distraction & all this shit. 

10 year goals in 6 months. 

Give me everything, become god. 

 

Edited December 21, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Got nuked by brain fog this afternoon. 

Must remind myself that Mercury chelation & the removal of brain fog is the highest priority. 

Need to get serious about devising a plan for Mercury Detox. 

1. Gathering Intel/Knowledge (Get leos vid notes + organize andy cutlers notes + FB Group notes)
2. Gathering of Resources 
3. Structure & planning (Includes both structure/planning of chelation rounds with milestones & timeframes but also strcuturing all notes facts & tips about this topic using bookmarks folders & 1 Note) 

 

• I slept 6 hours last night. (I noticed Leo mention this in his mercury symptoms list) > Sleeping 6 hours makes me feel like I have lost 50 IQ points, my brain loses nearly all it's energy after about 2 hours of use. 

 

• "Just sleep 8 hours bro" > Is not realistic everyday. There will always be times where u need less sleep or no sleep, or u have no control over your sleep. This sensitivity is a weakness I refuse to accept is genetic and another reason to chelate.

 

• ** Edit : Need to consider if I have bad dust allergy too - could this casue me brain fog/fatigue? Dusty room today, consider this
• (allergies are mercury symptoms anyway so another reason to chelate)

Edited December 21, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

• It disgusts me everyday looking back at my journals.
• So many fucking excuses, attitude still sucks kinda
• I can still achieve no matter what state I'm in. 
• There's a lot to unwire, I just want it to HURRRY UPPP MAN FUCK!

I did a lot of focus this evening but couldn't carry on at 9PM. 

1 big limiting issue I have is : No matter what mood I'm in, say after 9PM, My brain automatically goes into stupid utube video mode. 

Solutions?? >> Perhaps more Anchoring Practice > can't wait to see if I can create an anchor that guarantees deep focus

• And at this stage of my life, I want to devote almost every second of my free time to Mastery. 
• If i'm not mastering money skills business then I am mastering pickup or relationships. 
• Watching dumb utube videos with other people is alright, that's part of the mastery of rest & relationships. 
• But when I'm alone & have no on to meet? I want every waking second alone to be devoted to mastery.

 

• Around others I can watch soccer & stupid films & talk stupid, but that's cool, but again EVERY SECOND SPENT ALONE DEVOTED TO MASTERY. 
• I've secretly wanted this shit since I was 14, but my mindset self esteem & encouragement was so bad that there was just no way it could happen. 
• But there would be glimpses of me sitting at the piano in music class, feeling inspired & interested in mastering it, or language class, I was even aware of pickup intuitively from 14 & I liked the idea of futuristic technology, but I never curated anything because I was discouraged form doing so

 

•  my point is that I believe I have a genetic passion for life that many lack, it's just obviously any hints of passion I had naturally were quickly dampened to extinction very quickly & I was just so foolish & clueless, funny how it was a fish in water problem, the biggest personal development step is to realize personal development exists, and that it's worth it, that mastery is possible, that results are possible and dont have to take 10 years but can come pretty quick if you do it properly. 

I'm exited for the mastery of life.

I'm becoming a master chess player & I'm thinking 9 moves ahead now, a storm is coming Mr wane. 

This evening I focused solely on structure, learning structure, books about structure, journal structure, going meta,  learning how to learn how to do stuff faster what I should stop doing what isn't worth it, meta productivity, how to communicate easier how to automate delegate how to save more time here & there & here. 

Structure, meta thinking, leveraging time,

 

Edited December 22, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Restructuring my one note is the most important thing I can do for my entire life. 

No amount of content (tabs book notes tricks to do lists articles art ect...) being placed on there will change my life. 

Because without a deeply intuitive, navigable & seamless structure, every bit of content will become losed in a cloud of mess, & I will lose interest & hope (again). 

I am creating a deeply powerful intuitive navigable 1 note system. Highly effective, the engine that drives every possible domain of my life. 

4 hours every evening devoted to creating this structure, I will not stop until I create one that works & sticks. If it takes me 1 whole month, fuck it. 

 

[Striving for more]

Been spending too much time on forum recently. 

My Initial intention is pure

• I come to pose a specific question, or look for certain answers 
• But then ... I get lost. 
• I get lost in mental masturbation, I get triggered by weird stupid snobby enlightenment people 
• I get triggered 
• I also get lost >> Novelty Bias & Dopamine 
• NONONO

I will directly pm anyone who is necessary for me. 

But I am taking some time away from this forum, from leo & all the people again. 

I must remind myself that joy & sucess is relative to me, my own intution & personality. 

I can't be triggered by people with different brains personalith values I cant become a sheep constantly just learning from others. 

And there's very few people I envy on here. Even if you're successful, like some guys here just talk like they're fucking boring ass old man professor, or some boring self help robot.

Like bro get a hot gf and go to a fucking mountain, smoke some weed & be silly, just for a change, be fucking human.

See what I mean, trigggered, annoyed at peoples differences

FOCUS ON MYSLEF, I LOVE ME & I LOVE MY GOALS. LETS PERSUE THAT. 

Time for visualizations, deep music & CONSTANT Action, 90%

I have been working hard this week, but theres a solid 30% of my time being lost to overusing forum & other distractions, & especially when that 30% is interuptting flow states, that's fucking deadly. 

Time to keep it simple & focus on my life : What do I want, what makes me happy & at peace? I already know

• More free time
• No more leos vids or forum - I've learnt enough myself & Direct exprience is king, anyway who cares about self help so much its gd but my goal is to fucking LIVE LIFE, not to watch videos 
• So focus on embodyment & living life, socialziing social spirituality, money. Keep it simple now. 
• Lots of juicy money & success
• relationships
• travel, quickly fucking move country, do it fast get away from this country I hate it So much FUCKKKK FUCK FUCK
• change envrionment
• Better health > murcury detox & refine my diet more 
• Positive atmosphere > Get away from toxic family 
• Aliveness > risks, meet lots of different people 
• Tons more socializing & pick up 
• Been so alone & introverted recently, not by choice but because I am sorting my digital & fincancial stuff. 
• But hurry up will you! fuck I take so long to do sutff
• Need to cut down the cottage cheese, eating it for cheap protien but probs giving me brain fog

 

Edited December 24, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Edit : 

Took my 1st ever microdose. 

Edit : delete my thoughts. 

"A wise man once never said nothing at all". 

Edited December 24, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Micro dose Report

1. initial reaction - Exceptional. 

• Increased focus mood enthusiasm

2. After Reaction - (after 1-2HR of taking pill) 

• Sweaty 
• not great for concentration, too sweaty 
• decent mood but just reaction feels a bit too physical, just too sweaty 

Possible Complications : Imperfect diet (dairy ect..) 

• ** Listened to a blackpill video > Dumb idea, probably dampened mood a bit, I normally lay off that shit
• Sweating might be due to allergic reaction to shaving cream > used a lot today & it's defo got tons of chemicals 

Possible chemical sensitivity to any additives or stablaising agents. Claims to be vegan & oragnic ect.., but theres some chemicals I dont know on the ingredients (reputable company tho)

• Going to do some squats in the rain, play some music, then have a shower 
• Will see If i'm able to focus after that 
• Perhaps microdosing is good social lubricant but not for productivity
• Or perhaps I should try halving my dose, because the initial reaction was perfect, when it had "sort of" kicked in. 

 

Edit : It's absolutely pouring in rain outside & I ran outside, took my shirt off & did like 100 squats. 

That felt so good. 

Just added a cup of rishi mushrooms to the mix. 

Evening & I'm super stimulated, gonna get straight back to work. Not sure if I'll sleep tonight 

(Yes it's christmas eve, yes I am all alone & sure i'd rather be getting my dick sucked & chilling out a little, but I don't have any social options right now so I might as well get to work). 

Edited December 24, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

What I expected before Microdose : Neurogenesis, good mood, mental stimulation, creativity, insights, work ethic. 

I had all of this for about 30 minutes, 

But once it properly kicked in, I just couldn't stop sweating. 

I'm still sweating now. 

So much face sweating. Must be toxin related. 

[Striving for more]

Tried to go to bed. Dumb Idea. 

My room is cold + lying down started watching dumb tik tok vids for an hour. Sucks. 

If i'm gonna be awake at night I better be watching something that sparks my mind, I don't enjoy silly shit (well I do a bit but) but I like mind electricity more. 

There's a lot of background anxiety. I can feel these thoughts a lot. It's more a feeling but I know it's founded upon these subconscious thoughts, like Will I always be stuck, what if I start backsliding again this week & the cycle just continues, that's happen before. What if I never attract the girls I want, what if I never get the life I want, what if I just fail miserably at everything & none of my true potential is realized, what If I never end up following my true strengths & passions, what if i get stuck in this orange grind watching candles forever, and what if I don't even make much money doing that, due to my personal weaknesses, so I never even make enough from that to quickly let some of that go & do what I might be called to do? 

What if I keep living a life untrue to myself, what if i never truly break free from the stubborn chains of my imagination of what others do, could or would think of me before unapologetically doing everything non private that I truly feel called to do or express about myself? 

What if this whole journal & all my posts & all the videos I watched & all the fucking thousands of hours I spent creating this online income stream all goes to waste & I never build the capital to catapult myself towards my dreams & this all becomes a big fucking joke & I'm the guy who just talked the talked & almost walked the walk but instead got stuck staring at the whiteboard with the chalk, no flower got stuck as a stalk LMAOO WTF Am I saying here jajajjajahaha. 

I have become increasingly uncomfortable about my appearance because I'm looking so tired & ill in the face these days it's not very appealing. 

I'm not sure what I think about this microdose. 

I think it's amazing & horrible at the same time. I'm not sure if I want to do it again. The mental stimulation is great though, I just should've taken it in the morning. But at one point it was too uneasy. I will have to try half dose next time. 

It's very refreshing & soothing to finally see a more organized ditial journal system. 

This year is the year of intention. I missed most of my goals this year. This time I approach my goals with the assumption that they're unlikely to occur, the odds are against me, and that I have to fight very hard to give them any chance of occurring, and that I must pre-emptively visualize, foresee &  plan through the entire process & leverage multiple tools & techniques to stand a chance. My failure to achieve desired goal/experience ect.. is like a force, or a monster that I am at war with, he normally wins, but this time that big old bully is finally gonna get a beating. I think. 

My next steps : 

• Improve sleep, Try start eating only organic non packaged foods & stomach the price & lack of convenience, Cut out dairy & find cleaner protien sources 
• Sell more stuff
• Most country ASAP 
• Study notes for next career call 
• Finish finalizing an intutive commonplacebooks structure that can work itself seamlessly & bring about success & tranquility 
• FInish browser set ups 
• FInish ebook & ebook editor set up 
• Finish other digital journal 
• Look into obsidian as extra creativity tool, not priority tho
• Stop getting lost in mind & Take consistent prrioritized action seriously every second.

Edited December 25, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Ah fuck. I should NOT have taken that microdose. 

Something is very off with my brain & vision right now (next day). 

Struglling to process information & reading a screen is very blury. 

I'm always highly sensitive to anything remotely psychedelic. I need to stay far away from it, the "just a bit of this just a tiny but doesn't hurt" doesnt apply to me some reason  Ithink, the smallest micro of anything psychoactive fucks me up, normally lasts a week at least. 

I need to stop being a fool, my intention was positive and it backfired, I have to stop trying to chase complex solutions & stick with basics I know work like  detox & just raw time management ect... 

my vision is blury, I have weird sensation in my face, I don't feel good right now. I have very cranky synthetic mood which reminds of me of smoking some weed even tiniest amount does this to me. 

Never again, I'm just going to drink to relax and then be mostly sober. 

Anyone who claims "Oh you're missing out u must take psychedelics" Like no you fucking retard it doesn't benefit a lot of people understand this, I reckon at least 30-50% are made worse from it, that's not a fucking "rare edge case" you fucking deluded retards. 

Edited December 25, 2021 by Striving for more