Why Do We Create Rules For How Things Should Happen And For Our Response?

[PepperBlossoms]

We've tend to created rules - rules for how to interact with others, rules for who does what when, rules for how to respond.

If X happens, I respond with Y.  If Z happens, I respond with K.

Theoretical example: If person yells at me, I will respond with avoidance.  If person is kind to me, I will respond with kindness.  

What rules have you noticed that you have set?  Do you have rules for how others should treat you or you treat them?  Do you have expectations?  Why did you set those?  

Do you have rules for how you interact with person A and a different rule for how you interact with person B?

What have you noticed about your rules and when you noticed it, how did that observation change your likelihood of continuing to have a hard stance on following that rule no matter what or being more lenient with it or even changing it or dropping it completely?  Other than just people, what other rules to life have you set unconsciously and then noticed that you set them?  

Have you ever questioned your own rules (as well as the rules that other people create for themselves (and may expect them but yet you have no idea what they are so you may not be able to meet them yourself))?

[hyruga]

All these can be found in Leo's older videos. 

 

[PepperBlossoms]

@hyruga This one is perfect for what I was asking!  I remember this one from a ways back.  Thanks for sharing!

Edited January 6, 2021 by PepperBlossoms

[Farnaby]

@PepperBlossoms I think most of these rules are survival responses. 

If someone yells at us, he/she is a threat, so our nervous system can go into fight/flight (escaping or fighting back) or shut-down (avoidance, numbness) in order to protect ourselve. 

I don't think that's a conscious decision, it just happens automatically. Depending on previous experiences, we tend to go more into sympathetic arousal (fight/flight) or parasympathetic (shut-down).

I do think, however, that all this can be explored consciously and we can train ourselves to distinguish when the threat is real and when it's a projection from the past, in order to move through that energy and get back to safety and connection. 

Polyvagal Theory goes into this in great depth