Something casual

[Someone here]

8 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

It's only one life, and only one death. 

 

[Gesundheit]

@Someone here ?

[Gesundheit]

So, earlier today, I went and met up with the guy that gets paid in USD. He's one of the friends I made at college back when we were in the same class, very gentle and friendly dude. Now he's graduated and is getting a diploma in internal medicine. He's a very scientifically-mided person with a fairly open mind. He volunteered in a number of translation initiatives before, specifically in scientific research-oriented articles. And so, after years of working in this area, his resume became fairly strong regarding translation. However, when he applied for his current job, they made him wait for almost half a year to get accepted. And even then they don't pay him a lot; 5$ per 1000 words. And even then, it's not a regular job. It's more of a freelancing kind of job. So he might not have anything to work with for a month or so, and then he might suddenly get bombarded with work.

I didn't really get much new information from him regarding online jobs. Although, he gave me some very good/nuanced/sneaky tips for manoeuvring inside online markets, which I am not really interested in.

Life is designed to make the rich/strong richer/stronger, and the poor/weak poorer/weaker. That's the rule, but there are rare exceptions. And it requires extremely bad/good luck to be an exception. Investing is only good for the capitals. We're actually selling our time and energy at a very low cost. One of the sneaky tricks with the hierarchical design of corporations or anything of the sorts is that they don't pay you beforehand. Typically, you work for a month, and then you get paid. But that's putting the cart before the horse. Imagine a car running on low feul, when you need the feul to run in the first place. Well, they assume that you have enough feul to supply them first before they can refill you. What's happening in practice is that we're actually lending the capitals our time and energy, which is money, when in fact we need to be lent, not the other way around, considering that they're richer than us. Not to mention that we're not getting paid nearly enough for our efforts compared to people at higher ranks. The lower the rank, the lesser the income. It's a good demonstration of how humanity has lost touch with the body/being and now is living inside a giant made-up mind, which we're serving and fighting to preserve mindlessly. It's the ultimate BS. And the results are already terrible enough.

For me, I don't invest. I prefer poverty and death over making long-term investments with humans. And why should I invest in the first place when I'm going to die anyway? It doesn't make sense. I don't work to make a good resume or good money. That'd be the recipe for suffering. I work because I enjoy working; It feels good in the present moment, it takes my mind off of life, and it increases my confidence. I prefer physical work over mental because it's healthier. I'm very aware of my body, and I know for a fact that mentally-demanding jobs are bad for the body & the mind. It's just unnatural. We aren't designed to sit between four walls and exercise our minds in the most malignant ways possible for manipulating reality. I used to live like that, but I don't buy into that BS way of living anymore. We are designed to live, breathe, dance, move, run, hunt, chase, explore, play, etc... Living indoors for prolonged periods of time is unhealthy. I've tried it, and experienced its bad effects. I can't imagine living life that way. We need the sun and the trees. We need that natural sunlight and that natural air. We need fire and the earth.

Did you ever wonder why there is so much suffering in the world? Well, now you know why. When you're out of sync with your body, you will suffer. And then you will project your suffering onto others. And then others will spread the suffering onto the rest of humanity, and that pattern will keep repeating and going back and forth until it gets reflected onto the earth eventually. But when you die, you realize that nothing in life is worth suffering for. It makes no sense why you should suffer when you're already dead/eternal. Let alone the fact that you can never know what creates survival. No amounts of suffering or thinking or anything can ever guarantee survival. You can do whatever you want to increase your chances, but still die from a car accident or even a random heart attack. Really, suffering is the stupidest experience.

Live in alignment with life. Flow. Breathe. Listen to your body. Follow the path of least resistance. Let go of greed. Let go of control. Listen. Enjoy. Look & See.

Be.

Edited March 3, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Gesundheit]

I've got an insight, so I'll be offline for a couple of days.

Now that I have nothing to do, I will make it a habit to stay outdoors for 8 hours a day at least. A lot of walking and meditation, and maybe I'll start randomly cold-approaching girls. I've been observing the streets and parks lately, and I've noticed that the western version of pick-up is not a relevant thing here at all. Guys usually just follow girls and flirt until she is interested enough to talk. That's how pick-up is done here. I certainly won't be doing that. It's creepy as fuck. I may be bringing something new to my culture lol. Whatever. I've been watching some videos recently, and I will apply the following: I will only approach a girl that shows high initial interest. It will probably be pointless to approach every girl out there. But I might not approach at all, and I might approach randomly. We'll see.

[Gesundheit]

Human existence is nothing but a war between different ideologies. Everyone wants to control the narrative and make their own perception universal. What a silly dream we live in?!

[Gesundheit]

Damn! It feels reaaaallly good to finally confront your abusers.

I've finally got the chance to speak to my parents and tell them how they abused me when I was a child. It's such a release.

They had me start working at 10 years old thinking that they're doing the right thing to do, when in fact, it was the worst thing and I grew up miserable. I used to work for 10 hours a day. And when I get back home, I just wanted to play some video games until I fell asleep. But they wouldn't allow me even that. They would force me to go out with them late at night and they would expect me to enjoy it and have a good time. It was all hell to me. The job, the car rides, the picnics, and everything. I hated everything.

During work, I used to count every single second of my remaining time all the time. I don't know how they were able to make me go through such a torture. I would come back home every other night crying and begging to quit, and they would just ignore my feelings and push me to go back. My boss was a big jerk. He made me clean his toilet and wash his car, sometimes in the winter. My hands would be freezing, and he wouldn't care. Let alone the constant verbal abuse. I was his maid, alongside the original job. So basically, I was his bitch. My parents thought that would make me a man. That was their intention. And they thought that I should stay away from the computer cuz they thought it was hurting me. So they made me work instead of directing me towards more constructive ways of using it. The truth is that I had a genuine interest in technology. I loved everything about it. It was pure magic to me. One time, my dad brought me a book on maintenance, and I read it all and learned to fix the PC on my own. My aunt taught me how to install Windows, and she taught me Microsoft Word and PowerPoint, and some other apps at the time. I had a natural talent and skill, and an inclination towards technology. But instead of nurturing it, they killed it. They made me work something completely unrelated.

It was 10 hours every single fucking day (although during school time it was only 5 hours, Wow!). Well, except for Sundays, cuz he was Christian. Although, I remember a few Sundays at work, specifically I remember painting his pharmacy. During work, he would not let me talk or take rest. I naively worked at maximum efficiency, and, of course, he used me at my fullest potential. They thought it would make me stronger. And while it did, it also both burnt me out sooner and limited my growth in many ways.

When I told them all that earlier today, they tried to shift the blame on me, and I don't mean the now me, I mean the kid me, who was weak and ignorant; a 10-15 fucking years old kid. They said many different things, including; You're lying. It wasn't that hard. You're exaggerating. It has nothing to do with limiting your growth (I'm 3 years late at college and still struggling, and they think I'm being lazy and blame me for this "failure"). It was for your best interests. You were a bad boy and we wanted to keep you out of trouble. We were afraid of people's envy. You wouldn't have turned out this good without that experience. We wanted you to learn a profession next to school. You should thank us we didn't make you work something physically hard. Be grateful because other bosses could have be even physically abusive. You were very good at work and your boss couldn't let you go. You could have sought another job/a different boss if you wanted to (LMAO?), etc...

It was kinda hard to talk them out of their narrative, because they would always immediately blame someone. If not me, then they would blame themselves and then cry and suffer. I didn't want any of that. I just wanted to express something that was stuck inside of me for a few years now (silly me, I didn't even realize I was abused until 2-3 years ago. I used to think exactly like them). But anyway, I faced some troubles with navigating the confrontation, but eventually I got my point across. Then, they immediately shifted to problem-solving mode. "What can we do to make it up to you? How can we help you heal?" I told them there's no way to fix anything. The damage is done. There's nothing to do now except waiting for healing to come forth and pick me up. And the best thing they could do is to just listen to me while I express myself. They understood and obeyed. And now I feel a lot better.

Edited March 7, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Gesundheit]

I've never felt so complete. I don't need anyone or anything. I am everyone, and I am everything.

Humans are weak creatures. Stop being a human. Be free. Be strong.

Be God.

[Loba]

I have an idea, something that has been on my mind today.
I need to raise my energy up into my heart, I only want to spend about 3-4 months here, until I move and then forest k.o. after pets are situated in the home.  But I don't want my soul to end up somewhere disconnected, and connection via the heart might be the only way to keep this from happening.

I want to grow by making really beautiful things, and to me, beauty is darkness, it is savage, sometimes brutal and I think that you have a very deep understanding of what that actually is.  We get along well when we talk, both have an understanding of being wounded and do not have judgement towards this despite seeing it sometimes coming out.

I was thinking about how I have a good ability to see into people, in a subconscious sort of way and when I looked at what was underneath you it was not disgusting and distorted, or cruel or savage in the wrong way - but put together just right.  You don't hint at me with things that make me feel bad, and you are kind and supportive with your words and actions.

I also admire things in your culture, like how the image of God is taken out and the video you showed me where many people would move together as one to pray.  So my idea is this:  each day, to every other day, I will work on my artwork - with you in mind and I will keep my emotions calm, loving, inspired - with the hope of freedom from something in me that was put on me in childhood, just like you.  A curse.  It will be in the spirit of connection, and to send to you positive energy for what you have done and how you have treated me - with the intent to help your soul grow and energy sent with, in mind, wanting the best in your life.
And all that I ask is a prayer each day, oriented towards universal Love, from the soul - and I think this is how a social memory complex is created and maintained.  And we could learn this skill, because it will be very valuable for the next life, if you believe in that.  This is what I was initially shown when I was looking at the sky and the city lights and I was told I could keep my vibration in line with fixing childhood trauma, and while deviating from that to try to understand why I could not keep that state - I think that someone who has been through it and understands it, to send this energy to you would be moving in that direction.

I don't know what will come from this art, it might end up being quite strange - I don't know what is locked in my psyche.

But it will have this sort of quality to it:

You gave me a new name.

I will leave the idea open for a few days, don't feel pressured with yes or no, listen to your gut - what you wanna do.  It's an odd request, after all.  

Edited March 16, 2021 by Loba
Got the wrong song, this is the right one

[Gesundheit]

@Loba

Seems like an excellent idea! I wanna rebuild my discipline by reintegrating the stage Blue shadow that I've left when I moved past Islam. I want to create a routine and maintain it. I think this will help.

However, I think that holding your part of the deal will be harder. For this reason, I will ask you to tread lightly with your art, and only work on it when you feel inspired. Maybe some days you will find yourself creative. Follow that energy and see what comes up. Then maybe you will experience a week or more without much inspiration. That's fine, too. You don't have to be disciplined about it as long as you have the vision and intent. The healing process is flexible and self-explanatory. And discipline can hurt if it doesn't feel completely authentic, ime. We want the most Transformative & Truest Healing possible in the long run, not just the appearance of healing.

Feel free to communicate all your thoughts, filtered or unfiltered. We're together in this, and there will be no judgements.

For me, I guess it will be easy. I have a Quran at home. So, each morning, and right after I wake up, I will open the book randomly and see what verses give me the most positive vibes. Then, I will post a script or a screenshot (yes, there are Quran apps too). Once per day, probably. I may be creative about it if I feel inspired. I may use other resources than the Quran. Or I may even make it all intuitively. I don't know. I think the most important thing is to get started. The rest is details and it will sort itself out on its own.

My suggestion; Let's start a new journal dedicated specifically for this purpose. Go ahead, make the first step, and I will join in later.

[Loba]

2 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

@Loba

Seems like an excellent idea! I wanna rebuild my discipline by reintegrating the stage Blue shadow that I've left when I moved past Islam. I want to create a routine and maintain it. I think this will help.

Yay!  Ok.  I need to integrate red by maintaining a routine of some sort - blue is good for discipline.  

However, I think that holding your part of the deal will be harder. For this reason, I will ask you to tread lightly with your art, and only work on it when you feel inspired. Maybe some days you will find yourself creative. Follow that energy and see what comes up. Then maybe you will experience a week or more without much inspiration. That's fine, too. You don't have to be disciplined about it as long as you have the vision and intent. The healing process is flexible and self-explanatory. And discipline can hurt if it doesn't feel completely authentic, ime. We want the most Transformative & Truest Healing possible in the long run, not just the appearance of healing.

That is a good point, I don't to burn out too quickly.  I have some ideas in mind for the art, but I am just going to wing it and start with a blank page and sort of see what comes up.

Feel free to communicate all your thoughts, filtered or unfiltered. We're together in this, and there will be no judgements.

I appreciate that.  I'll do my best.  You had suggested that earlier last year but I wasn't sure quite what I was trying to do then.

For me, I guess it will be easy. I have a Quran at home. So, each morning, and right after I wake up, I will open the book randomly and see what verses give me the most positive vibes. Then, I will post a script or a screenshot (yes, there are Quran apps too). Once per day, probably. I may be creative about it if I feel inspired. I may use other resources than the Quran. Or I may even make it all intuitively. I don't know. I think the most important thing is to get started. The rest is details and it will sort itself out on its own.

Yay!  This will be fun, I can use some of what you find and add it to my own project and see what is created from it.

My suggestion; Let's start a new journal dedicated specifically for this purpose. Go ahead, make the first step, and I will join in later.

Okay, I will make one tomorrow afternoon PST.

 

[Gesundheit]

This is good. I'm moving forward. I am less concerned with others now. Compulsive behaviors are residing. Slowly, but steadily, still. I don't feel the urge to correct people or help them in any way anymore. Almost 24 hours without any urges. We'll see how it will go.

I don't give a fuck.

Edited March 20, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Najim]

@Gesundheit

8 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

This is good. I'm moving forward. I am less concerned with others now. Compulsive behaviors are residing. Slowly, but steadily, still. I don't feel the urge to correct people or help them in any way anymore. Almost 24 hours without any urges. We'll see how it will go.

 

You sure about this the past 24 hours? You were doing the very things you claim to not have had the urge to do. 

The urge to correct people is an outward appearance to wanting to be right in your case, according to me, from reading your posts on my topics and your replies.

You have to look where you dont want to, where it hurts you only then will you start to crack the nut of love. 
 

[Gesundheit]

On perfectionism:

“The best is the enemy of the good.” --Voltaire

“Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.” --Confucius

“Striving to better, oft we mar what's well.” --Shakespeare 

[Gesundheit]

Just like death, sudden and inevitable.

I always knew this day would come eventually.

R.I.P my phone.

https://forum.xda-developers.com/t/zenfone-2-wont-turn-on-or-charge-just-vibrates-every-few-minutes-pls-help.3623067/

In the link they say their phone came back to life after 30-40 days. Well, that's weird. I will wait 10 days and give it a try, then 20, then 30, etc... I wish I could fix it or buy a new one, but I can't. It's become impossible with this economy.

I think it'll be good, though. I will finally be able to end many of my phone-related addictions, including porn, music, internet, and forum. Two and a half years ago, I was in a similar situation. At that point, I only had the phone but didn't have an internet connection. I basically spent several months in a total media blackout. And it lead me to experiencing my deepest awakenings ever.

Right now, I'm using a low-end Android tablet. It's too slow for anything, and it doesn't have enough RAMs or storage. It's a temporary fix, and I won't be using it frequently, that's for sure. There's no way I'm downgrading to this BS. I prefer no phone over it. I'm just using it right now to let anyone who might be wondering why I disappeared know that I'm still alive.

[Gesundheit]

<html>
  <head>
    <title>Test<title/>
  <head/>
  <body>
    <h1>Header<h1/>
     <p>Test Paragraph<p/>
     <h2>Header lvl2<h2>
<html/>

 I recently discovered that the forum offers a code insertion feature so I wanted to try it out and see what happens. That's a very simple html code.

I've started learning web development one week ago. I have already finished html and css. Now moving to something more advanced like bootstrap, jquery, javascript. Finally something I'm good at. We'll see how it goes.

[Gesundheit]

Anyone who follows or is invested in politics is a deluded ideologue and understands nothing about society.
There's no such a thing as a genuine movement that the people create. There's only plays that leaders create and people execute. The leaders in our modern world are the capitols, which basically own the media. The media is the catalyst for all the main events that happen anywhere all around the globe. Nothing in reality is as advertised on the media. Not even close. Everything is distorted for evil purposes. War has basically become cyber/digital, but not all of it. However, people who are confused and naive fall for every other idea that the media owners imprint them with.

How did I arrive at this insight?
Well, considering that Leo and folks as such are deluded ideologues/control freaks, that's one good indicator. But mainly, it's the mess that I'm living in called The Middle-East, which only turned into hell right after the breakout of the so-called "The Arab Spring".
The Arab Spring is nothing but BS and western propaganda. Most of the people, at least in my country, were living very decent lives with very decent jobs before the "spring". It wasn't perfect, but nobody was complaining. I mean, of course, people always complain about everything all the time. But that's not the same thing. The reality of the arab spring was just a few folks working in proxy for certain external players, paying money and giving drugs to savages to go on protests and start riots. Those savages were a minority. My city used to have over 5 million people, but only a few hundreds were protesting against the government. The rest of us did not protest. Rather, we actually went on rallies to support the government. We would rally in tens and hundreds of thousands in each city alone. Why? Because life was good. I'm not going to lie. There are other inauthentic factors, but they can be easily dismissed because they're really not important. We, the majority, did not want anything to change. Change was forced upon us by those external players that I hinted at earlier. There was no such a thing as a genuine movement or an Arab Spring. The external players, then, started smuggling weapons and explosives in order to create chaos. And then terrorist groups started coming in too, probably motivated by the same external players.

This one example that I have lived through and suffered the consequences, I'm sure it applies to most other movements, if not even all of them. There can't be a movement without a leader. It just isn't humanly possible. Without a leader directing the whole thing, there won't even be a thing to being with. That's why the arab spring failed. Now, the country is hell. The economy is shit. 4000 local currency for each 1 USD. Before the arab spring it was only 50 for each 1 USD. Why aren't people protesting now? Where's the anger and frustration? Why aren't there any movements? Now is the time where everyone is suffering from poverty. Now it makes sense to protest and even make riots. It would simply be the right thing you do. But it's not happening, why? Obviously, because no one is fueling the fire. There's not even a spark or an indicator of one even in the far future. This people are incapable of change. They never wanted to change, and they never will. Nobody likes change, except the deluded ideologues. But even those don't like changing themselves, so they always seek to change others and the outside world.

The only good thing about all that is that it made me more awake than most people. Before the arab spring, I was extremely ignorant and deeply deluded, like most people. I used to buy into all sorts of BS, including conspiracy theories. Because I was living a comfortable life.

Suffering creates awareness. Suffering is the fastest way to God.

Edited March 29, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Gesundheit]

Recognizing the unrecognizable (non-spiritual entry)

Chaos is the problem. It cannot be recognized because it's always changing randomly by definition.
You can't create a routine or be disciplined in a highly unstable environment. Not only that, you will most likely find yourself addicted to all sorts of the stuff that are low on your priorities list, and you will find a hard time trying to get rid of them only to fall back into them time and time again. It's like gravity in this environment started increasing slowly right after the "Arab Spring", and it kept increasing over the past 10 years until it became x100 times stronger than it was before, and it's still increasing.
The reason why this is, is because you when have the intentionality of doing something, but then reality surprises you with a bunch of unexpected events, you will still have the intentionality of doing but then you won't be doing what you were supposed to be doing, simply because your environment doesn't allow you to do it. I need to learn how to shift between the two modes/moods (Doing vs. Being) quickly. If I master this, I will become invincible regardless of environment.
Imagine setting out to go camping, only to find out later when you arrive that you forgot to bring your tent. But you're already in the woods in the middle of the night, so what do you do? If you already knew that you wouldn't have a tent, you would have prepared differently. And that's basically my everyday life. When there's a task that requires co-operation from the external environment, it doesn't work out easily and I have to jump through hoops every single time in order to make it work, because the environment I'm living in is highly unstable. This creates frustration and dismantles focus very easily, sometimes it even gives me thoughts of hopelessness, but I pick myself up and keep going.
On the other hand, I mean with spiritual practice, when I decide to meditate for example, I can do it easily for very long hours because it's not dependent on the external environment as much as it is dependent on me. When I went on my 10-day retreat, I knew exactly what I was going to be doing, which was just being, and that's why it'd worked out very well, because I set out the intentionality not to be doing anything, and I successfully did it, or didn't do it (however you want ).

The internet is the only almost free and accessible resource that I currently have (2$ per month). If I decide to dedicate 2 hours everyday to attend an online course, I most certainly won't be able to make it through. Why? Because I don't have a stable internet connection, or even stable electrical supply. The electricity goes down every now and then (and with it goes down the internet), without a particular pattern, and sometimes without a reason. Within one hour, it might go down several times or it might not go down at all. In fact, it took me a couple of tries to post this, luckily the computer doesn't forget what I write. This limits my ability to do anything productive that requires a stable electrical supply/internet connection, which in the modern world is really a basic thing, but I don't have it because of the current situation of my country.
What makes the problem even more tricky is not-knowing whether or not the electricity will go down within the next hour, or even the next two or three hours. So, there's a perception of an unactualized potential that seems possible to actualize, but the problem is that there's a high risk of it not being actualized regardless of your efforts, so there's a high risk for wasting time and energy. When you are faced with this, you will naturally gravitate towards other unproductive behaviors which at least guarantee you the effort or somehow the reward, because you don't have to worry about actualizing them because you already know that you're wasting your time anyway. The mind is smart, so it will choose wasting time only instead of wasting both time and energy. It chooses the less of the two evils. The energy that would naturally be spent on maintaining a goal and following through with it until actualized would no longer be required, because a pointless behavior already has no point except itself. That's probably what makes my unwanted patterns so persistent. It's because there's little to no possibility for me to replace them with wanted patterns. Before the "Arab Spring", I rarely had any bad habits. All of them developed later after life became chaotic.

It's frustrating that there are no patterns or stability in my environment. That makes it extremely difficult to manage and navigate life. If there was a particular pattern, living here would still be limiting, but that would at least allow me to predict what I would be doing. It would give me clarity and allow me to construct my day however I want by creating a down-to-the-minute plan that I can stick to and follow regularly very easily. If there was a particular pattern.

Survival is easy, regardless of circumstances.
The real challenge is to thrive in this underprivileged position that I woke up someday and found myself in.
It won't be easy, but I vow to take this challenge and beat it like I've beaten all the other challenges that'd faced me. I swear nothing is going to stop me. Just sit back and watch. All the challenges and hardships that I have faced and overcome will only add to my strength and growth. I will not allow anyone or anything to hold me back. I will do everything to move out of this country, probably find some way to go to the US and meet many of the people that I know from this forum if they're interested. Mainly I wanna meet Leo, Nahm (must), Forest, Loba, and some others. My dream country is Australia. But I will swing by Europe and India to meet other forum members, like Someone here.
Or I will stay here, become rich, create stability for myself first and foremost, give back to my family, and then maybe I'll help others.
This is basically my dreamboard.

So, what am I doing now to move towards my dreams? Well, like I said in a recent entry, I'm learning web development. I've just gotten started and already finished both HTML and CSS. But I can't learn online, due to the situation I explained above. So, I download free courses and watch them on my Android tablet. There's this amazing Egyptian YouTuber who is doing a really fine job at this, even though I would have preferred courses by native English speakers, but I didn't bother to look and I already started with him. Maybe I will watch an English JavaScript course after this one? Maybe Indians are better in this area. We'll see. So, anyway, I am currently taking his course on JavaScript, and have already finished about 20% of it. But ironically, even something as simple as that is a struggle. We only get about half the day worth of electricity, the other half we live in almost total isolation from the world (sometimes 12 hours without separation, and sometimes even more than 12 hours). So, I can't watch the course anytime I want because the Android tablet can make it up to 4-5 hours max, and then I need to recharge it, which is really good compared to my phone which is now wrecked I almost forgot about it (crazy how I thought I couldn't live without it, turns out it's not bad at all, in fact I even feel freer). So anyway back to the topic, those 12 hours still cannot run all of the electrical devices that we have, so it's very limited. For example, I currently have a 2 amperes subscription. That means I can only run electrical devices as long as my consumption is below 2000 watts. If I exceed this limit, the electricity goes down. I can't afford more than that because it's very expensive. So, I can't run the PC besides anything else like a refrigerator or the washing machine. There's more painful details, but you get used to it that it stops being painful or maybe you become numb to it, or maybe both. I wouldn't know. But this electricity situation is only happening in my city. The whole country is nasty, but my city is on a different level of nasty. Corrupt leaders are exploiting us because they're from a different Islamic sect. The "president" and his people are Ali Shia, and my city is mostly Sunni, so they exploit us in specific because of this silly difference. It's not really because of the difference between belief systems, rather it's because of the political difference that is attached to each sect. In most other cities, electricity has a recognizable pattern, and it's extremely cheap. The city in which I did my retreat, the pattern was mostly 3 hours on 3 hours off. Sometimes 4 on, 2 off. They don't treat us like humans. No wonder why I don't feel like a human!

Anyway, so I want to become a web developer and designer because I find myself naturally inclined to these kinds of things. It's easy for me to learn anything about computers, and I already have some experience in this area. The problem, though, is that I don't have a laptop, only a desktop PC which is extremely dependent on electricity and also outdated. A laptop would not turn off if the electricity went down. A desktop PC is still workable as long as I don't have to deliver work on a minute-to-minute basis.

You think poverty is a mindset? Well, what about your arrogance and ignorance?
I'll see y'all soon on the other side.

Quote

Sean Paul - Everest

 

So I say I work hard
And I play hard. Dawg, so I never rest

Respect taller than Everest

God! I'm a lion heart, so I know I never stress
I'm conquering every test

Living up and up, just more, coulda never less

Live and livin', and thanks-giving
Tell you say I'm very blessed

Keep my mind on the goal, and the focus
Some are haters, but nevertheless

Push forward, no matter how hard
Great things are gonna manifest
Think we are gonna lose? Take another guess

Don’t get confused, I'm the very best. Doing it effortless
Tell you say I'm very blessed

 

Watch your talk when you make, cause we're talking facts

Life is a bitch, when she's barking
Better know we will bark back

(Dawgz barking)

Tell you say just so we stay
So we're keeping the standard hot
So we're living up a lot
Tell them no, we don't stray

Everything, we have it sealed and blocked
And we never look back. We're talking facts

 

Edited April 1, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Gesundheit2]

Funny how all the busy-ness came together at the same time;

• Starting from tomorrow, I will be training for a job inside of a pharmacy and then I will start running the whole pharmacy by myself as quickly as possible. The training shouldn't take more than a week, since I have prior experience. (7-8 hours per day).
• On the 11th, my exams schedule starts as well. (I suck at studying. Period).
• My web development learning is still in progress, but should be accelerated right after I take charge of the pharmacy, because of the inherited laptop that comes with it ? (Hard to progress quickly with all the electrical limitations, I need more practice that the laptop will provide).
• I have this new book project that I intend to work on seriously: Societal thoughts. Perhaps I will write one article per week. But I might quit this project if I find it too stressful.

Ideally, those things should take all my time, and then I would have no room for slacking and sliding back again and again into old patterns. I feel a little bit stressed already, though. I need to look into it.

[Gesundheit2]

 

 

[Gesundheit2]

How do people actually believe that they know anything at all?!

Even worse, how do they believe that they actually do anything at all?!